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 Thargrim wrote:
@BobtheInquisitor

It reminded me of David Cronberg type stuff or The Substance, it is a weird sort of artsy movie for sure. The body horror is probably comparable to the Substance, I didn't find the sex to be all that gnarly, it is a bit of a disturbing film overall but I feel like every time I see a movie that is hyped up as disturbing I end up a bit underwhelmed. The movie has an excellent use of a Future Islands song though.

Maybe I’ll just sit a year or so until he does better with body horror then. Thanks!

I just marathoned all 3 The Hangover films... really enjoyed the stupid humor... the 2nd one was the best, and the third one kinda wasted John Goodman.

And now to bed.

It’s a bank holiday! It’s sunny! I’m a pasty Scot’s Git, so I’m hiding inside watching movies!

And what better flick to enjoy than The Seventh Voyage Of Sinbad.

A terrific slice of Harryhausen’s genius and a fun film even without the Master’s presence. Also a stalwart of BBC daytime gap filing, the sort of thing we’d watch at Granny’s.

 Lathe Biosas wrote:
I just marathoned all 3 The Hangover films... really enjoyed the stupid humor... the 2nd one was the best, and the third one kinda wasted John Goodman.

And now to bed.

My dramatically-raised eyebrow should suffice as all the response your Hangover ranking deserves.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
@MDG,

That’s my favorite Harryhausen film. Except on those days when Clash of the Titans is my favorite.

E.T. The Extraterrestrial

Another 80’s classic that I don’t think I’ve ever seen all the way through. Or if I have, it’s so long ago (40 or so years, easily) that I’ve no recollection. Yes, that does mean I’ve seen it’s woeful McDonald’s clone Man & Me more often. Yes that does make me a dirty boy.

The story remains really good, but the effects are kinda showing their age, especially the flying bikes thing and general effects compositing. But, hey. It’s 45 years old. Let’s not hold advancements in cinema against it. That would be silly.

And whilst I think it could go a spit and polish (I understand there was a 20th Anniversary tarted up edition which is no longer in print?), let’s be careful what we wish for.

Billie Eilish: Hit Me Hard And Soft Concert Tour The Movie 3D (2D Version)

*ephemeral cry-whispers*


Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour movie made $300 million and cemented her as the most popular artist alive. Billie Eilish’s Hit Me Hard And Soft tour movie was supposed to establish her bona fides as T-Swift’s younger, hungrier rival. Turns out Billie Eilish is no T-Swift.

We saw this for my son who is a Billie Eilish fan, and he enjoyed seeing it quite a bit. The movie was made for fans like him and not wizened old bastards like me, yet I’m reviewing it anyway.

As someone who listens to the radio, I was familiar with about 2/3s of the songs and knew the concert was either ending on Bad Guy (which I would have preferred) or Birds of a Feather (her current biggest hit and semi-successful yet blatant pivot to post-Chappell Roan pop). She had her most pumped up song midway through and ended on the anemic song. Which brings me to why I think this whole movie was ill-advised.

Billie Eilish is not a great live performer. I know she sells out (hockey) stadiums, but she just does not have that physical energy that elevates her music into an experience. She sounds like a thoughtful, nice enough person who isn’t quite as self important as she could be for how famous she is, and she gives her fans love and attention. But she isn’t magnetic to watch. She doesn’t have the dance moves or the crowd work skills or the showmanship. She says she was inspired by hip hop acts where one shirtless dude ruled the stage and made the audience shout and jump. She missed the energy that hip hop artist put in his songs and in his performance.

Billie makes sad, sweet introspective songs for the most part, which don’t lend themselves to crowd pumping. She spends about half the concert sitting behind a guitar or piano. I’m glad she’s successful as an artist, glad her music exists, but I am baffled by the people who told her she could pull off the next Eras Tour.

Which leads to James Cameron. He produced this film and he is constantly present during the inter-song behind-the-scenes bits, and he’s just not the James Cameron you’ve seen or heard about who made the biggest blockbusters. Ed Harris would never have punched this James Cameron—just asked if he was okay, needed some tea or a muffin or something. Our first sight of him in this movie is him walking into Eilish’s hotel room carrying a camera …and her not recognizing him. He goes to hug her and she pulls away for a second before saying “oh, it’s you” and leaning in. It does not get less humiliating for Cameron from there. “You’re a visionary.” “We’ve never seen anything like that before.” Those are his words to her while discussing the strobe light set up around the rising part of the stage. I’m not sure she’s seen any of his movies.

Anyway, the best part of the movie is her rescue dog room, where she tries to adopt out rescue puppies. The best part, but not my favorite part.

My favorite part of the film is the shot during Wildflower when the camera pans past a dozen crying girls with full beatlemania and passes right in front of a boyfriend just standing there completely dead faced.

No one does James Cameron like James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron.


Why does your review read like it was written by AI until the last two sentences? It lacks "BobtheInquisitor" voice.

Devil Wears Prada 2
Wow, it has been 20 years! I am glad I re-watched the OG recently, because it does tie in pretty closely.

However, Miranda is not the Miranda she once was. In this one she seems tired of the same old BS, much less hungry. We also see that Andy Saks is a decorated journalist, but she is very naive about how the management class has to scheme. Odd.

In addition, the movie shifts their ire towards the Ownership class and Miranda is just the Management class. It does a good job making owners look like uncultured, inhuman idiots with no idea how the real world works and no appreciation for human creativity.

Stanley Tucci is still the highlight of the show, BUT this is a shadow of the first one. Not enough bite and takes the villain role away from Miranda.

 Ahtman wrote:
No one does James Cameron like James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron.


Why does your review read like it was written by AI until the last two sentences? It lacks "BobtheInquisitor" voice.

I have no idea. I never use AI or LLM’s. Even autocorrect pisses me off much of the time. What made it seem like AI writing?

I did what I usually do in my mini reviews: come up with my favorite line or fun barb about the movie, then hit enter a few strikes and start a ranting train of thought. Then go back and edit the worst typos or autocorrect feth-ups.

Sometimes I’ll have a gimmick in mind when I write. This time one paragraph’s ending fee into the next paragraph’s opening, so I ran with that a few times. Is that what made it seem like AI?



Wait. What is BobtheInquisitor voice? I suspect mockery.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Wait. What is BobtheInquisitor voice? I suspect mockery.

Not mockery, just a bit of japery.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:

Sometimes I’ll have a gimmick in mind when I write. This time one paragraph’s ending fee into the next paragraph’s opening, so I ran with that a few times. Is that what made it seem like AI?
Wait. What is BobtheInquisitor voice? I suspect mockery.

You have been used to train the machines. Now they all sound like you...

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
E.T. The Extraterrestrial

Another 80’s classic that I don’t think I’ve ever seen all the way through. Or if I have, it’s so long ago (40 or so years, easily) that I’ve no recollection. Yes, that does mean I’ve seen it’s woeful McDonald’s clone Man & Me more often. Yes that does make me a dirty boy.

The story remains really good, but the effects are kinda showing their age, especially the flying bikes thing and general effects compositing. But, hey. It’s 45 years old. Let’s not hold advancements in cinema against it. That would be silly.

And whilst I think it could go a spit and polish (I understand there was a 20th Anniversary tarted up edition which is no longer in print?), let’s be careful what we wish for.

I'd rather see any given film the way it was originally presented. All I want is nice clean restorations. No re-editing of content (Han shooting second, added effects, the guns being edited out of hands in E.T. etc.) save that stuff for Directors cuts & other money grab schemes, but leave the original versions available.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
E.T. The Extraterrestrial

Another 80’s classic that I don’t think I’ve ever seen all the way through. Or if I have, it’s so long ago (40 or so years, easily) that I’ve no recollection. Yes, that does mean I’ve seen it’s woeful McDonald’s clone Man & Me more often. Yes that does make me a dirty boy.

The story remains really good, but the effects are kinda showing their age, especially the flying bikes thing and general effects compositing. But, hey. It’s 45 years old. Let’s not hold advancements in cinema against it. That would be silly.

And whilst I think it could go a spit and polish (I understand there was a 20th Anniversary tarted up edition which is no longer in print?), let’s be careful what we wish for.

Yeah, but the creature effects still hold up great.

I was also struck by the BMX scene in general because it is just so 80's. I had the same thought when watching Rad. It is a core artifact from another time that represented so much more than the sum of its parts.

It’s like when you see the first Christopher Reeve Superman.

The effects are showing their age. But? They still represent groundbreaking work for their era.

I think the Special Editions have undermined that era somewhat. The effects were tidied up digitally, and some shots replaced and replaced and replaced down the years.

I’m not gonna moan about that. It was Lucas’ baby, and he has the right to make it as pretty as he wants.

But, it can leave a younger person wondering why it looks so good still, when Superman and ET look fairly primitive, when they don’t realise just how much subtle work was done in the Special Editions.

On Bob;s recommendation, I went to see Obsession.

I have seen enough "Be careful what you wish for" movies, so the events and plot points of the movie were exactly what I though what would happen. However, this movies leads both do GREAT jobs.

The guy does a great jb protraying a disassociatiing, passive incel who is not assertive enough to manage his own life. The gal shifts from crazed, to sweet, to demonic like you and I would flip a switch. Amazing to see.

I saw it with many college age and younger folks, and they really reacted to this one. I think this one resonates really well with young folks, and seems more relatable to them. As an older viewer, I was able to see the foolishness of youth and just shake my head.

I finally got to see Deathstalker. - 2025.

It had a little of everything in it and was a fair bit more fun than I had expected. Lots of old fantasy movie "tropes" were sprinkled in. I thought that was entertaining and I don't usually go for that very much.

Lots of practical effects which , well, if you can watch it in less than HD it will look a lot better. You can see the rubber suits are rubber suites.

And the lead actor has a look reminiscent of Kevin Sorbo.

It was fun.

The Cave

Basically The Descent, but crap. Cave + Gribblies + Idiots x Early 2000’s = Cack.

Not even Lena Headey can elevate this one.

The Descent basically ruins any "trapped in a cave with gribblies" movie that came after, including The Descent 2, by being such a perfect execution of the premise.

The sets they built for it, the lighting they used, makes it all feel so real.

Seems this came out in the same year, so not a rip off.

But man, The Descent is genuinely terrifying. It really gets the claustrophobia, not to mention nails the troglodyte well adapted to living in complete darkness. Add in the obvious intelligence and well developed pack tactics? And it rivals Aliens for its effectiveness.

The Cave however is just boring. I’ve no real empathy for any of the characters, because they’re barely characters. It suffers greatly from shaky cam and the action being filmed up far too close.

The gribblies are an interesting design at least, but suffer from cheap cgi. On the upside, they have the sense not to show too much.

Might be worth watching just before you put on The Descent to contrast and compare.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
This Is Not A Test

2026 Young Adult Zombie Flick.

Like a tepid, second hand, watered down, Dawn of the Dead Remake.

I’m not even sure it serves as an introduction to the wider Zombie genre. The characters are weak, the plot is dull. It’s all been done so much better. And if you’re making a Zombie flick? Go the whole hog. Don’t pull your punches.

Hostel

In which the very worst kind of Yoof Tourists get a wee bit more than was coming to them, but only marginally so.

Best known for its shock value, which it still retains. But it’s ultimately only about an OK film.

The second one is for me more interesting as it dives into the Rules a bit more.

The third is just absurd and best avoided.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
The Cave

Basically The Descent, but crap. Cave + Gribblies + Idiots x Early 2000’s = Cack.

Not even Lena Headey can elevate this one.

Watch the Writers Commentary of the Cave. They hate the film.

The Backrooms

A very online horror meme is become a very A24 horror movie.


The Backrooms is a somewhat slower paced, elevated horror film that is all about claustrophobic liminal spaces, and how you need therapy. If you like A24 movies or online creepypasta like the SCP Foundation, you’ll probably enjoy this. If you want something more conventional, you probably won’t.

My son and I who love weird movies both really enjoyed this. My wife hated it, not because it was badly made but because of how disturbing she found it. The first thing she did when the credits started rolling was exit the theater building to somewhere she could see the sky.


I Love Boosters

More fashion and devil than The Devil Wears Prada.


low key - MAX LEVELS


This movie was freaking weird. It’s surreal and awkward and deliberately cringy in a college-student-lecturing-you kind of way. As a comedy it was mostly a “hunh” comedy, where instead of laughing you “hunh” in appreciation. There were a dozen laugh out loud moments that won me over, though, with the best being a surprise graphic horror scene and the best Family Guy cutaway joke since Everything Everywhere All At Once.

I recommend seeing it at home on streaming. Lots of dialogue was unintelligible in the film, like Nolan quality audio, and I wished I’d had subtitles.

Great to see Naomi Ackie, Lakeith Stanfield and William Poulter with dynamite line deliveries.

Something a little different, a stage show.

Beetlejuice The Musical.

West End version. Bloody good fun, and a nice way to spend a birthday day out with friends. Not the same cast as when I saw it on Broadway about four years ago, but I think I preferred this lot.

I'll always remember there is a musical of Beetlejuice for the dumbest reason.

Netherworld

1992 not very good kinda Hellraiser sort of meets Porky’s drivel. Confusingly, it’s been remastered. Why? I dunno.

The acting is terrible. The plot is daft. But? Edgar Winters has a cameo, the lead lass is gorgeous in that uniquely Late 80’s Early 90’s Gothlite way.

So. Yeah. The plot. Such as it is. Tosser inherits Louisiana (well, part of it I think) from his late father. It includes a knocking shop. Only there’s like demons or some such. Oh and his Dad has arranged to sacrifice the son so he can live forever. Or something.

The main let down here is our male lead. He’s awful, and worse? Utterly uninteresting as a character, let alone the main character. I’m about halfway through its mercifully short 80 minute runtime, but thus far? I don’t care what happens to him.

I mean, the early 90’s produced many, many fine Douchebag Main Characters. The sort of heel you couldn’t wait to see get their comeuppance. But this guy? I just don’t care.

Oh, and it’s also lifting from Phantasm, except instead of the orbs it’s…erm…a flying hand made of plaster wot grabs your face then…well….does stuff wot kills you. Because, you see, reasons

If you fancy a laugh, this might be the flick for you.

It’s not So Bad It’s Good. But I wouldn’t say it’s Unwatchable. Just very, very dull.

Finished Star Trek Beyond.

It might be Fast and the Furious in Space, but there is no Kurtzman in sight to ruin it like all the recent Star Treks.

The best way to describe this film is if you gave tons of money to a bunch of Star Trek nerds and said, "go nuts."

And they did.

The Amazing Digital Circus: The Last Act (2026)

The conclusion to the hit Youtube series. Very quickly it recaps episodes 1-7, and while one only needs to have watched those it does reference something that happens in episode 8, of which this film presents both episode 8( you can watch this one right now on Youtube ) and the feature length episode 9. Having only watched the first 7 episodes I thought "what? When did that happen?", only to then see it in happen in the film...

That slight hiccup aside it was a treat to experience this in the cinema rather than just at home. I wouldn't want to over sell the show but beneath it's zany surface is a thoughtful story of AI and existence - all that jazz. I also suspect this one will turn in an impressive box office against it's tiny budget, with the show itself being all the marketing it needs. I couldn't help but notice some in the audience attending in mild cosplay and hugging official plushes of the show's characters...which was wholesome I must say!

Definitely not spoiling anything as there are fans in certain territories who won't be able to see the final ninth episode until a month after this short run at the cinema.

Im Westen Nichts Neues (All Quiet on the Western Front) (2022)

Something something trench warfare woes. But mostly random other stuff.

Been a good while since I read the book, but seems to me it's a pretty liberal adaptation. And not a very good one. It's long and meandering, there are unnecessary politics parts and not a whole lot of war, great or otherwise.

Masters of the Universe (2026)

That fething score!*


Masters of the Universe is the story of Daniel Pemberton rocking the feth out of a schlock classic. It has everything g that makes a fantasy story work, from the character arc of Brian May on the electric guitar to the penetrating thematic work by The Darkness. Whatever kind of movie you were hoping for, MOTU has a fething awesome score.

Also, the fight scenes really added a lot to the music, especially one fight about 2/3 through that was fantastic. That’s definitely going to be the clip everyone watches on YouTube. When not just playing the OST, that is.


Be sure to watch the end credits for that goddarn phenomenal score, except during the mid credits and post credits scenes.




*Yeah, I could have done my usual schtick using my favorite quote, like “God, I hate Darrell” or “Let’s fist some bad guys!”, but I didn’t because, my God, that fething score. Like, I want to buy the CD and I haven’t bought a soundtrack since Pacific Rim.

I genuinely think MotU is taking my movie top spot this year.

It's been a good year but I think literally everything about it was perfect.

Turns out all you need to make Jared Leto good is to just have his voice and make him the ultimate goofy 80s cartoon villain.