Euzebeau wrote:
Laser fire illuminated the dusty opening in a vengeful red as the defenders sought to retain their honour and fight their enemy. Alas each bolt did little more than scorch the ceramite plate of the Astartes. However, moments before they settled into covered, heavy artillery fire raked the ground around them lifting one battle brother in the air, a line of bullet holes scarring his carapace.
If they are under fire from heavy artillery, such as Basalisks or earth shakers, it's probably going to do more damage than "a line of bullet holes". Here you've down played the artillery, that is to say that you've made it sound pretty weak for heavy artillery. Instead of "raked the ground" try "shattered the earth around them". This sounds much more powerful, and worthy of a huge monster like an earth shaker. Also, if they really are getting pounded by the big guns, they going to at least get tossed around, so try saying something like "the marines were thrown to the ground. All but one got back up again, the seam at his throat pierced by shrapnel."
Euzebeau wrote:
“Duthir, heavy bolter fire on that building, now!” Anra ordered. Little than a second later the trained eye of the heavy weapons operator shattered apart the building where the artillery gun was situated,
this is really a mere specification problem. When you say "Shattered apart the building", i beleive you mean that the heavy bolter is tearing up the area of the building's wall and roof edge where this gun is situated, instead of completely destroying the building, which is what you make it sound like. As the Vindicator clearly destroys the building later, this is not the case. You might want to just say "tore apart the area beneath the gun."
Euzebeau wrote:
A thudding boom exploded the tower and Anra glanced back, wide eyed.
Vindicators! No less than six fully armoured Vindicators with dozer blades were sweeping the opening clean, squads of Astartes followed in file among the tanks.
This is a phrasing problem here. A better way to phrase this sentence would be:
"There was a sudden explosion at the base of the tower and it collapsed in a cloud of dust. Anra glanced back and saw no less than six fully armoured Vindicators..."
This sounds much better than before, and Anra, who seems to be a Sergeant and would therefore have a wealth of experience, would not be wide eyed over an unexpectedly exploding building.
Also, since the artillery piece seems to be firing quite rapidly and with light damage, it sounds more like a mortar more than a heavy gun, which would also be rather impractical to place on top of a tower. You may want to call it a mortar instead.
Otherwise, the story is very good. Your grammar is good, the story is quite nice, and i hope to see more.
These are, of course, all suggestions to improve your story, which i hope you'll take