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So just came across this and it made me chuckle...

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Sainsbury's
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
Sainsbury's...
Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband,
Mr. Harris, are listed below and are "documented by our video
surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
Maltesers.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the
fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.'
One of the Staff passed out


Can you guys come up with any other funny ways of getting out of this most dreary of tasks.....


P.S Keep them clean

Fortunately for me, my partner hates food shopping as much as I do so all I have to say is 'shall we do it another day' and shopping is postponed

Also, that is a fake, for a start Sainsbury's doesn't have a dedicated firearms departments (it's the UK, you cannot buy guns from any supermarkets here).

As for me, a favourite as a teen was performing stunts with trolleys, at 15 I could olley, front/back wheelie, grind and 360 a shopping trolley

That list has been around since I was in HS. I remember my girlfriend at the time wanted to try out some of he more harmless things on it.

I actually LIKE food shopping, but it's a reasonably quick process-I'm done in around 15 mins usually.

Easy way to get out of foodshopping?


Cannibalism!



...don't look at me like that. I know you've been tempted.

I like grocery shopping too... :\

My wife demonstrated for me long ago: If I don't help with the groceries, I get no input into what's being served. One week of tofu and other assorted 'foods' from the cardboard family made me VERY enthusiastic to help with menu planning and grocery shopping.

I used to work in a Co-op supermarket and you could always tell when a couple came in if one of them hated it or not, most of the time it was because some hilarity or event caused through boredom

I actually had a younger guy (mid 20's) come in with his girlfriiend one day, he came up to me while I was working in the fridge aisle near the entrance, and asked where a certain type of dog food was, knowing it was at the very back corner of the store few aisles back, I took him along and showed him where it was while his girlfriend carried on up the fridge aisle.

We got to the dog food and I handed him what he had asked for, he looked at me and said 'Cheers for that, It was just an excuse to get away from herself (his gf) really for a bit, I hate shopping with her, she takes ages and always argues with me about stuff we are buying or needing'.

I told him it was no problem and we started introducing ourselves and talking (mostly about video games and how he wished he hadn't been dragged away from them for this etc), next thing we know a substantial amount of time has past and his girlfriend appeared at the top of the aisle.

She approaches us quite madly and asks where the hell he had been for all this time, I replied to her 'Sorry about that, it was my fault, it was out of stock so I had to hunt around the stockroom in the back for some whilst helping some other customers. If there is anything else you need a hand with just let me know.'

They walk off suitably happy, while they are walking away I hear her apologize to him for getting so mad, she thought he had been avoiding her.

I saw him again in the store a few times after that and we always made a joke/talked about it.