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Ok, so this is part rant, part legitamate question. Recently my dads cancer came back with vengeance, it is killing him and nothing can stop it. We took him to the hospital to where he got worse and it was to the point he just didnt eat and lyed there, didn't eat and just wanted to die. My aunt decided to move him to a home where they take care of the ill. I went to visit him today, a day after he left the hospital. I saw him sitting upright, eating full meals and watching TV(The day before he just was staring at the ceiling asking to die). He looks better and happy. The cancer still cant be stopped sadly. Same happened to my grandpa. He was sick, got worse in the hospital then got better when we took him home. One of my friends got stranded with a gallstone bigger then his gallbladder in so much pain, but thee doctors refused painkillers.
IS it me or do hospitals just suck? It seems they dont want to fix you, just stop you from getting worse.

That's so crud, man. So crud.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Ok, so this is part rant, part legitamate question. Recently my dads cancer came back with vengeance, it is killing him and nothing can stop it. We took him to the hospital to where he got worse and it was to the point he just didnt eat and lyed there, didn't eat and just wanted to die. My aunt decided to move him to a home where they take care of the ill. I went to visit him today, a day after he left the hospital. I saw him sitting upright, eating full meals and watching TV(The day before he just was staring at the ceiling asking to die). He looks better and happy. The cancer still cant be stopped sadly. Same happened to my grandpa. He was sick, got worse in the hospital then got better when we took him home. One of my friends got stranded with a gallstone bigger then his gallbladder in so much pain, but thee doctors refused painkillers.
IS it me or do hospitals just suck? It seems they dont want to fix you, just stop you from getting worse.

Depends on the area/culture of those institution. If you want, call up the administration to complain and make them understand that you'll take it up to the media if you don't believe they'll change their culture.

Sorry about your pops man.

I can only say that where I live, the hospital's "patient care" has been fantastic for me and my family.

Not all hospitals are awful. But then again not all hospitals are affordable. Beyond that, just think about the concept -- a hospital is a big box full of sick people and the care-weary strangers that look after them. I feel stressed just walking into them, never mind trying to get healed in one with an injury or serious illness. Just ask yourself, where would you feel more comfortable 99% of the time -- your house or in a hospital?

Was he getting chemo in the hospital?

A few days after each chemo treatment most people want to die... its pretty harsh.

I also think that enviroment helps alot, hospitals are great but they're a strange enviroment that smells like antiseptic where dudes in white coats come and poke you with needles every morning (my job btw). Whereas a home enviroment where you're on familuar ground surrounded by loved ones is a much nicer place to be.

Edit: pretty much what manchu said

Sorry about your dad.

There are really so many variables that it is impossible to say why your dad might have gotten worse in the hospital or why your friend didn't get pain killers, so there is no point to even go into that.

All I can say is that I hope your dad gets better and as comfortable as he can be.

As the others said, it's not the hospital itself. It's the environment. Your father is going to feel most comfortable in his home, instead of a place where "people go to die".

Sorry to hear about your situation, as little consolation as it may be, I hope is passing is as peaceful as it can be.

Not related to cancer, but my dad had a big back surgery a few years ago, the doctors screwed up, nearly killed him, then fixed it, it got infected, nearly killed him,... he laid in bed for 6 weeks on morphine drip... doing exactly what you describe... no energy, laying there ready to die, staring at ceiling.. cant eat or do anything.. just wants to sleep.. my mom had to physically stop nurse from administering it and tell her to call the cops if she had to (they didn't)... 3 days after morphine stopped my dad was clearheaded again... 7 days after that he felt better enough to come home (was only in hospital for infection at this point but were administering morphine for ??? reason... )... I was a younger and dumber pup when this all happened so I didn't really know what was going on.... to me it honestly sounds like your pops may have had a similar experience with painkillers as mine did (not that I really have enough information, but based on what you said it was the way my pops was acting)... they just kept giving it to him to keep him doped up in the hospital, rackin up a bill... Really really sucks man I'm sorry for the adversity your father/family are facing. I'm very glad to hear your dad is in a different facility and things are looking up for the short term. I hope you all can find the best means of coping with it all and make the best of the time you still have together!!!

Much of it definitely is cultural, and that's usually a top-down process. If you treat your employees well and do your best to make their lives livable, then they'll work hard, treat your customers (patients and their families) well, and thank you for it, no matter how tough the job actually is.

Good luck to you and your family.

Everybody keeps talking like the OP's dad is at home.... Am I missing something? I thought his dad was in a "home" as in a nursing facility?

OP did say his grandpa previously had felt better when he had come home, not into a "home" so maybe that was the confusion? or maybe I'm just confused!

Well they both went to nursing homes and got better. Im just thinking there is something wrong with the culture of hospitals. The left him in a dark room with no natural light with no one to talk to him.

There isn't anything specifically wrong with Hospitals.

If someone has a preconceived notion that Hospitals are bad, IE: they think being in the hospital means they are dying and as such they give up hope. In a way they stop fighting. This makes them appear to be sicker than they actually are.

The Hospital shouldn't be responsible for bedside conversation. They are often understaffed and overworked, its far more important to have a Nurse be giving out medicine or helping with a procedure than talking with someone who is lonely. Being left in a dark room is of course unacceptable, but if your dad was lonely one of the family members or friends should have been there.

If I was in the Hospital I wouldn't really want to talk with some stranger anyway.

hotsauceman1 wrote:Ok, so this is part rant, part legitamate question. Recently my dads cancer came back with vengeance, it is killing him and nothing can stop it. We took him to the hospital to where he got worse and it was to the point he just didnt eat and lyed there, didn't eat and just wanted to die. My aunt decided to move him to a home where they take care of the ill. I went to visit him today, a day after he left the hospital. I saw him sitting upright, eating full meals and watching TV(The day before he just was staring at the ceiling asking to die). He looks better and happy. The cancer still cant be stopped sadly. Same happened to my grandpa. He was sick, got worse in the hospital then got better when we took him home. One of my friends got stranded with a gallstone bigger then his gallbladder in so much pain, but thee doctors refused painkillers.
IS it me or do hospitals just suck? It seems they dont want to fix you, just stop you from getting worse.

My issue with many hospitals is the nature of the inherent conflict between the for-profit treatment based system and the need to fix/cure customers. It is a direct conflict. However, that is at the most abstract sense, and I cannot comment of the specifics of your situation for reasons akin to what D-USA suggested.


I shall, however, offer my condolences: I have no idea just how brutal the ordeal must be for you right now and I wish you the strength to endure, and hope your father is somehow able to persevere.

I agree pretty much with what the others have said

Hospitals while they are the best place for urgent treatment are not a place I'd like to spend any more time than necessary no matter how kind or helpful the staff were

The ward system is one of the worst aspects of them (although there is good reason to use them), lots of other sick people, lots of night time disturbance, no privacy etc

A nursing home where you get your own room to sleep in would be a blessing after that, and would let you talk to other residents rather than thinking of them as 'that bloke who snores so load I can't sleep' etc

There are really so many variables that it is impossible to say why your dad might have gotten worse in the hospital or why your friend didn't get pain killers, so there is no point to even go into that.

All I can say is that I hope your dad gets better and as comfortable as he can be.

Fully concur ^^

Hope your dad is ok, cancer is horrific.

Man I'm with you guys I DESPISE most hospitals. 3 years ago my wife was pregnant and suffering from pre-eclampsia and the hospital where she was supposed to deliver sent us home 2 days straight. On the 3rd day we went to a different hospital because we knew something was very wrong. After about 20 minutes at the second hospital 3 doctors came in in a hurry and told us we were getting transferred to the best womens hospital in Boston. after we got there we were told if we had gone to the first hospital and gotten sent home AGAIN my wife and daughter would have died within hours.

And because of the first hospitals incompetence my daughter was born 2 months premature and spent 5 weeks in the nicu when we probably could have gone to full term if they knew how to do their job. And what's even worse the hospital we had originally gone to is supposed to be one of the best in our area. thankfully 3 years later we are all healthy and happy.

Might just be because I live in a fairly underpopulated county in the UK, but the care I've gotten in hospital has been brilliant. Admittedly, I haven't been in much (The longest was one week, when I was diagnosed with diabetes), but I feel it's a different situation to your dad's. My treatment wasn't particularly harsh, the condition quickly improved when I received treatment, etc.

As others have said, the point of a hospital is to be as efficient and capable as possible. Comfort isn't a high-up priority. Now, combine that with the incredibly intense treatment he has probably received, all the hysteria flying around him from doctors, and so on, and it is understandable to suffer.

sorry 'bout your dad man, like has been stated above I personaly don't think it is all hospitals, than again im used to it (ive spent half my life in hospital)

I work on an ambulance and I can tell you this. A lot of healthcare is situational, going off numbers and statistics. There are some patients that are not treated simply because the cost out weighs the chance of a successful turn around. Plus a lot of workers get burn out from the stress of the job. Also painkillers have side effects, things like morphine damage the liver over time, cause constipation and decrease respiratory drive. Depending on the type of cancer main stream pain meds don't do anything. If it relates to the liver or kidneys they typically go into renal failure which is considered one of the most difficult ways to go since the body can't utilize things like morphine to a great extent. If you have a problem with the health care be sure to complain. Just remember the majority of the staff do take their job very seriously and want to do the best for you. I'd say a lot of time in health care there are no easy answers and a lot of the time it is due to profit and funding.

The hospital we took both of them too is considered the best known for patient care. Yet my dad sat in a dark room(they wouldn't even turn the lights on for him) wanting to die. when we where there there was a loud beeping in his room for ten minutes. The nurses shrugged it off because it wasn't important. so for ten minutes there was a loud beeping noise. It just upsets me on how they say they take patient care seriously yet my dad gets better the second we drag him out of there?

Things in hospital rooms tend to beep a lot, drives me freaking nuts. If it wasn't urgent then it doesn't surprise me that it took ten minutes for it to be turned off. There are more patients on a floor then there are nurses, so they have to prioritize. Old Mrs. Johnson might be throwing up while Mr. Adams needs help getting to the toilet and Ms. Goodnature is not in her right mind (being old and senile) and needs to be held down while the tech draws blood samples meanwhile Mr. Smith is in isolation so staff have to gown up before going in (which takes awhile).


As for the light, idk, at my last hospital they had an all in one combination lightswitch/TV remote/TV speaker/nurse caller/bed raiser thing that lay at the patient bedside.

If they truly left him in the dark with no way to turn the lights on for himself that is unconscionable.

I can't say a lot about Cancer care in hospitals, I've never worked in a ward. But I am starting 3 months of training in 'Palliative' care soon at Sobell House Hospice as part of my Nursing training course.
Sobell is a specialist Cancer and Palliative Care Home, Palliative being End Of Life Care, and it really is all about the patient. Their wants and needs and how best to care for the individual in question. As some others have stated it's purely situational. Hospitals are really not the best places to convalesce and make some form of recovery, they are mostly trauma centres and provide immediate care for emergency situations, shootings, stabbings, etc.

Although 99% of Hospitals will make you as comfortable as possible as quickly as possible, I would never want to stay in one for my recovery or end of life care. That is not why Hospitals are there. If the Cancer is terminal they would most likely suggest that you go to a specialist Hospice (Sobell House for instance), or they would have you come in a few times a month for Chemo or other treatments and spend the rest of your time at home or in a place that makes you feel comfortable. Your surroundings really make a huge difference to your recovery or final days. Having your loved ones around you throughout this process is so important I can't begin to explain.

Hospitals do have a bad reputation in this country, mostly unfounded. 90% of Hospital staff are there to make your visits less painful and really are there to help. What happened to your dad sucks though, I'd complain to the Hospital bosses as quickly as possible and try to find out why they would place him in a dark room without windows.

And good luck with all further treatments, whatever they may be...

Hospitals scare the hell out of me. I can't help but think of them as anything other than giant vats of contamination. My grandmother's been in and out of the hospital this past month and it's difficult to go visit her because the place makes my skin crawl (and it's just a normal hospital-- nothing overtly sinister about it).
So, my experience with hospitals is more phobia than discontent, but it's also quite limited. I've never personally been in a hospital room for longer than half a day (for wrist surgery).
The situation your father was in sounds pretty hellish. I would, however, note that not all staff are friendly (and some might just be tired or weary or simply jaded) and not all rooms can have windows. Statistically speaking, there's a good chance you'll hit that combination of bad lodgings and bad help eventually. The best thing to do in those types of situations is to do what you did and move him.
TL;DR, there are good hospitals and bad hospitals and plenty of combinations thereof.
Anyway, I hope your dad pulls through, and I wish you strength and courage.

The quality of hospital vary wildly. My father went through the same thing with prostate cancer, and my mom had many problems with heart disease and kidney cancer, so I've spent a lot of time dealing with the places. Mercy's here in St. Louis is an example of a pretty great hospital. 90% of the staff are very attentive, caring, and competent. The rooms are very comfortable with most being single patient rooms, and they have excellent support facilities. Pretty much the entire family has standing orders that if something happens, that's where we go. St. Luke's and St. Anthony's on the other hand feel like 1890's tuberculosis wards in comparison (and in the case of one of them, the care is about on the same level).

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Ok, so this is part rant, part legitamate question. Recently my dads cancer came back with vengeance, it is killing him and nothing can stop it. We took him to the hospital to where he got worse and it was to the point he just didnt eat and lyed there, didn't eat and just wanted to die. My aunt decided to move him to a home where they take care of the ill. I went to visit him today, a day after he left the hospital. I saw him sitting upright, eating full meals and watching TV(The day before he just was staring at the ceiling asking to die). He looks better and happy. The cancer still cant be stopped sadly. Same happened to my grandpa. He was sick, got worse in the hospital then got better when we took him home. One of my friends got stranded with a gallstone bigger then his gallbladder in so much pain, but thee doctors refused painkillers.
IS it me or do hospitals just suck? It seems they dont want to fix you, just stop you from getting worse.

For-Profit hospitals, there isn't much money in cured people, just good PR

I'm so sorry to read about this and wish there was something I could do to help. It's one of the worst things a person can go through.

In my life I've found once you go to a hospital, you're dead within two months.