Mini-Movie Reviews- What You Are Watching.... in Miniature

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**Mad Doc Grotsnik**

Death Race

Not Death Race 2000. The remake.

Based on a Roger Corman movie! Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson! Starring Jason Statham!

It’s not big. It’s not clever. It’s not good. But it’s bloody good fun.

**BobtheInquisitor**

Does Stratham use any hand grenades?

**Sigur**

Geifer wrote:
Deathstalker! The bonanza continues!

Deathstalker II:

What's the mark of a great movie? The hero is portrayed by a different actor! And Deathstalker II delivers!

While the first movie is a serious entry in the barbarian genre, even if it's spiced up with a measure of humor and has to contend with, well, let's call it budget and talent restraints, in spirit it very much plays it straight. While not devoid of humor, the movie is serious about its story.

Deathstalker II, by contrast, is a straight up comedy. Perhaps it is not even worse for it. The movie's budget seems to be blown on pyrotechnics in a scene that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Costumes are cheap. And it does bear pointing out that this is very much an aberration for the series. Even with a few reasonable efforts, the costumes in Deathstalker II stand out for how lacking they are. Acting? Is there even such a thing? One might doubt it. Perhaps most striking, the original Deathstalker implies that the hero is a barbarian. It's not specifically concerned with categorization, but that is the undertone. Especially since the movie exists in the wake of Conan the Barbarian. In Deathstalker II, the eponymous hero reskilled to be a full blown rogue. Literally and explicitly the prince of thieves. The jokes aren't bad if you have no standards like me, and the comedy does work on the at least somewhat reasonable standard of situational comedy, so it does not stoop to terrible lows. But in light of the original and the successors, it needs to be noted that the movie stands out for the complete shift in tone and genre.

As far as stock footage goes, the movie does use scenes from the original. While not excessive, they stand out. To the movie's credit, it recreates the pig people costume from the first movie to establish continuity.

For a bit more credit. even if I'm not sure it fits the genre, the movie's musical theme isn't just lively but also very memorable.

In light of recent discussions we all know the question posed. The answer is that Deathstalker II has a moderate amount of nudity, limited as you would expect from an 80s movie to boobs, skimpy outfits and skirts that may be too far on the short side. It features a brief rape attempt by evil soldiers who get their comeuppance immediately, so aside from some torn clothes and the implication of what might have happened, it doesn't go anywhere.

Deathstalker III: The Return of Production Values!

What's the mark of a great movie? The hero is portrayed by yet another different actor! And Deathstalker III delivers!

As the most inoffensive part of the series, the lone rape attempt that is shown is very much implied for the most part before the evil soldier trying to have a little bit of fun meets his expected demise. There are of course a few nude scenes, but even compared to the previous movie, they are dialed back.

A positive look at the movie suggests that it's not as bad as its reputation would have you believe. Unlike its predecessor, it features competent action scenes, if tempered by what one assumes is a slim budget. It may not exhibit much professionalism, but you can see and appreciate the effort. At least for the first half of the movie you should not feel foolish for believing that it might have something going for it.

What lets the movie down is that characters show up as is convenient to the plot and its developments, regardless of how nonsensical those appearances are in context. Even for an 80s movie effort, it's kind of shoddy. By modern standards, it is very much farcical. If you add the overplayed main villain and a badly conceived final battle, it's not a movie that can flaunt its merits without having its downsides weigh heavily, and I'd argue too heavily against it.

On the bright side, it does not need to use footage from previous movies and works well creating scenes unique to it. As before, it stands out in the series because of it.

Unlike the previous movie, the sound design is unfortunately lacking and a letdown.

Bonus round:Deathstalker IV: Whatever did we do in the Meantime?

To start, the movie's opening narration acknowledges that women are prizes for the strong to take, so you know what you're in for. In spite of this, the movie isn't terribly rapey. There's a glimpse of an orgy, but mostly the nudity should be no more offensive than the average 80s movie. Even if Deathstalker IV is from the early 90s.

The good news? The original actor is back to play Deathstalker. The not entirely good news? While the opening narration focuses on the first movie, suggesting that this is a direct continuation of that, it also draws on the initial part of Deathstalker III for its story and reinterprets it to a degree to facilitate the fourth movie's story. Compared to previous parts it takes the cake in that it uses footage not just from two previous Deathstalker movies, but also one or possibly two more unaffiliated movies. It's not shy about creating its own scenes, and considering that it's essentially reusing the plot of the first movie it might not even need any of that. But it does rely on those imported scenes nonetheless. That makes it look kind of cheap

Action scenes are kind of competent if you keep the budget in mind, very much reminiscent of the first move.You wouldn't highlight it as the peak of the craft by far, but it's not hilariously bad either.

Compared to the previous entries you might consider that the movie shows a measure of representation you wouldn't expect from 80s or legacy 80s movies in that a side villain is a lesbian bimbo who's put in her place by a straight bimbo while participating in a tournament held by a sorceress bimbo. In spite of the mostly implied male dominance of male characters over female characters, the movie shows a measure of progressive spirit.

Thanks for the run-down. I really like how we're rating Deathstalker films soley on how 'rapey' they are.

Never seen much Deathstalker in general. I think I've maybe seen Deathstalker 2 once, and Deathstalker 3 about six times in the MST3k version. I can at any point recall the funny village fair music from my mind.

Automatically Appended Next Post:

BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Does Stratham use any hand grenades?

Nah, the new one lacks all the charm of the old film I think. The old one felt much more like the original rollerball to me (albeit cheesier and with less brains). Of the new one I've seen about 20 minutes, but it all felt rather cheap and boring I hate to say. Even though I like Statham as much as the next guy. He's one of the few action guys we have left.

Not seen any films lately (well, I've watched The Final Sacrifice, but I doubt that that counts), except for about 20 minutes of When Harry Met Sally. That was really good. I gotta watch more films in which a grown-up man talks to a grown-up woman as they walk through a fictionalized version of the real world.

**Geifer**

Sigur wrote:
Thanks for the run-down. I really like how we're rating Deathstalker films soley on how 'rapey' they are.

Wait, you're saying there are other criteria to judge a movie?

**Easy E**

Death Stalker 2

For some reason, when I watched this one something really stood out to me in the opening credits.

Jim Wynorski.

That colored my view of everything else I saw on screen and not in a good way.

**The_Real_Chris**

Want more swords and fantast? I present Ator the Invincible. Apparently their are other Ator films which explains the scenes from a far better movie. Truly one of the worse films I have seen, we called it Ator the unwatchable.

**Geifer**

Ator the Invincible is *checks notes* the second Ator movie and indeed, it's not good. Ator the Fighting Eagle is the first one and a passable barbarian movie. I'd consider it worth watching if you're interest in the barbarian movies of the 80s, but hardly a top pick.

I think I also saw The Invincible first and Fighting Eagle second, and wasn't impressed with The Invincible. I obviously felt it lacking in character introductions, but I think I had more to say about its issues. Been a long time, though.

There's another Ator movie from a few years later, Iron Warrior. As I recall it manages to be even worse.

**BobtheInquisitor**

The Garfield Movie

Did you like The Secret Life of Pets? Because this has the same quality.

If I had to describe it with a single word, that word would be “unnecessary”. It also feels like a generic pets movie with an edges-sanded-off Garfield thrown in for box office appeal. Jon isn’t even pathetic. It’s barely a Garfield movie.

Odie is, as always, the best part.

**Mad Doc Grotsnik**

The Fat Slags

A 2004 British independent “comedy” movie, based on the long running Viz comic strip of the same name.

Whereas the comic based misadventure of San and Tray are a decent (if typically immature) laugh? This movie somehow manages to avoid all laughs.

The jokes aren’t funny, and they’re not original. And the scenes play out as a series of barely connected sketches.

Two of the most iconic characters from Britain’s third (possibly fourth) most popular sweary grin mag deserved so much better.

**Easy E**

Dark City

The opening monologue takes a lot of the fun out of the movie. However, this is still a fun little trip with some great set-design and art design.

Baby Cart at the River Styx

My first Lone Wolf and Cub movie, which is a bit surprising to me, since I love me some Samurai Movies. This one is definitely a more grindhouse take on the subject and very episodic in nature. Has some of the same issues as Deathstalked as rape is a key plotpoint in several points.

**BobtheInquisitor**

The Dark City director’s cut doesn’t have the opening voiceover. I think it might be on Tubi, or maybe Prime. We watched it fairly recently.

It still holds up as the best Sci Fi noir I’ve seen.

**Easy E**

BobtheInquisitor wrote:
The Dark City director’s cut doesn’t have the opening voiceover. I think it might be on Tubi, or maybe Prime. We watched it fairly recently.

It still holds up as the best Sci Fi noir I’ve seen.

The version I watched was on Tubi.

I immediately started thinking about how I could make this into something playable as an RPG.

**stonehorse**

Furiosa

Is most definitely a film, a film with a lotbof action and colour... also has Chris Hemsworth chewing on every set piece and having a good time.

Only 2 parts that snapped me out of the world.

1)

Spoiler:

2)

Spoiler:

Still, an excellent film, and one thatbis well worth the watch.

**BobtheInquisitor**

I’m in the mindset that the events are all told by the History Man (like the Feral Kid and the Plane Children in earlier films), so there is a bit of myth making going on. The films seem to be depicting a heightened version of reality, filled with monstrous people in monstrous vehicles. Of course, there’s no indication where the reality behind the myth ends and legend takes over…

**A Town Called Malus**

stonehorse wrote:
Furiosa

Is most definitely a film, a film with a lotbof action and colour... also has Chris Hemsworth chewing on every set piece and having a good time.

Only 2 parts that snapped me out of the world.

1)

Spoiler:

How Furiosa managed to tie up the chain, grab a motorbike, escape on said motorbike while bring surrounded by about 50 people, and having only just lost her arm. Sorry, but that is a bit too much to accept.

2)

Spoiler:

The fate of Dementus... yeah, again, suspension of disbelief can only go so far before it snaps. This was the second time that happened. Hope it was all in Furiosa's head, and he did die of the seizure, but the History man's account of what happened goes against this.

Still, an excellent film, and one thatbis well worth the watch.

Spoiler:

**stonehorse**

A Town Called Malus wrote:
stonehorse wrote:
Furiosa

Is most definitely a film, a film with a lotbof action and colour... also has Chris Hemsworth chewing on every set piece and having a good time.

Only 2 parts that snapped me out of the world.

1)

Spoiler:

How Furiosa managed to tie up the chain, grab a motorbike, escape on said motorbike while bring surrounded by about 50 people, and having only just lost her arm. Sorry, but that is a bit too much to accept.

2)

Spoiler:

The fate of Dementus... yeah, again, suspension of disbelief can only go so far before it snaps. This was the second time that happened. Hope it was all in Furiosa's head, and he did die of the seizure, but the History man's account of what happened goes against this.

Still, an excellent film, and one thatbis well worth the watch.

Spoiler:

Furiosa was set free by one of Dementus' gang. As Dementus comes around and sees her arm hanging there, you can see one of his gang putting away a machete in the background. Furiosa grabbed a bike and rode away with all of the others when Dementus told them all to go home and nobody could see who was who due to all the dust.

Spoiler:

Automatically Appended Next Post:

BobtheInquisitor wrote:
I’m in the mindset that the events are all told by the History Man (like the Feral Kid and the Plane Children in earlier films), so there is a bit of myth making going on. The films seem to be depicting a heightened version of reality, filled with monstrous people in monstrous vehicles. Of course, there’s no indication where the reality behind the myth ends and legend takes over…

Spoiler:

**StudentOfEtherium**

broke a long filmwatching draught to rewatch The Atomic Cafe with my girlfriend (her first time seeing it)

it's such a fascinating film for the way it portrays the social, economic, and military relationship with the atomic bomb and atomic energy in culture at the time. or in other words, it's a great example of how flying rodent gak insane the US is. highly recommend giving it a watch if you can

**stonehorse**

Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Nope

Jordan Peele knocks it out the park again.

I’m gonna spoiler the next bit despite this not being terribly new, because the plot is one best viewed with minimal knowledge.

Spoiler:

Starts out as a sci-fi UFO movie, with strange goings on going on over a Californian Ranch. Such as items falling from the sky, electrical blackouts and others.

The plot is carefully paced, as our protagonists slowly, carefully piece things together, and come up with a plan based on their observations

And along the way? It becomes a Creature Feature. A creature feature touching on one of my favourite tinfoil but not that crazy hypothesis, that unknown lifeforms may lurk in our upper atmosphere.

This is a very, very well made film. The case are superb, the pacing is excellent. The plot is novel, if an evolution of films that came before.

Long may Jordan Peele continue to thrill us with his movies.

I've waited a long time to watch this one, seeing as it is now on Netflix, I watched it last night.

Spoiler:

**BobtheInquisitor**

The Secret of NIMH

The disturbing children’s cartoon from the 80’s. No, the other one. The one with the rat experiments and the owl.

My son wanted to see this because my wife always brought it up as a cartoon too disturbing to show him when he was little. It didn’t bother him much as he’s a tween now.

Anyway, The Secret Of NIMH is a Don Bluth film about recently-widowed Mrs Brisby, and the constant danger and trauma she experiences moving her home. If you’ve never seen a Don Bluth film, it’s like Disney animation with a harder edge and more style—and, I can’t stress this enough, the characters are in a seemingly endless state of peril. Even the kind characters look warped and monstrous.

Besides some really creepy character design, the background art has the same color palette and texture as early Warhammer art. The various environments are evocative and richly detailed while the cel animation has this characteristic bounce and weave, and everything except for the mice and the crow has jagged edges or unsettling teeth.

If you like western animation at all, check this film out…or at least one of the big Don Bluth hits.

**Overread**

BobtheInquisitor wrote:
The Secret of NIMH

One of my favourite films! I heartily second a recommendation to watch it if you've not already!

**LordofHats**

Mario Movie

God damn them.

How is this movie actually good? Like, not blow your socks off Deadpool shocker good, but honestly better than it has any right to be and actually better than it probably needed to be?

It's actually good. What the hell. It's fun. It didn't go lazy with every reference. it played up characters with basically no personality in a way that gave them personality but mostly works.

I mean, Mario is kind of the weakest part of the film (also Toad) but Bowser, Peach, and Luigi and DK. Man.

It's almost annoying this movie is good but it is so there we are.

**Mad Doc Grotsnik**

Films with no right to be as good as they are are my secret sauce.

Mario Movie (charming, fun, pretty funny)

Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles (solid Kung Fu movie, surprisingly dark. We’d have bought an actual dog turd if you’d just slapped a Turtles label on it)

A Knight’s Tale (points deducted though for using a Robbie Williams cover version over the end credits)

Plus others I can’t think of right now because I really need to get up and get logged into work.

**warhead01**

Furiosa

I had the opportunity to see this the other day.
It's better than fury Road. And I agree smushing the two movies together would make for a really good movie. I'd trim out, from fury road, as much of Max as was possible to make that movie. If we only saw him when it was a Furiosa pov I think that would be how I would have done it.
Granted that's not very doable from Fury road.

Furiosa was again visually very nice but I enjoyed Immortan Joe and his "triumvirate" of warlords.

Dementor was a fun character. His warband of bikers reminded me of the Mongol Horde. I enjoyed that he was more or less a Rockstar as far as he had the cool and the showmanship all that flash.

One of the fun bits I liked was the people living in holes like trapdoor spiders in that ditch.

I wish this movie had come out before fury road and maybe we would have gotten something better than fury road. With only one viewing I don't quite get what Furiosa had against Immortan Joe. I'll watch this again in a few months or a year.

From a big picture stand point I would have liked to have seen Immortan Joe handing over his empire to one of his perfectly healthy grand kids in a generation or two if he was able to live that long, had his schemes come to fruition. I think it's a question of what's better rolling the dice on scavenger warbands or a despotic warlord who is providing a semblance of stability.

And I'll finish with, I'd like to know what ended the green place. I'd like to see that movie.

**The_Real_Chris**

Funny the widely differing views of Furiosa. Very much people watching same film and getting wildly different take away assessments.

**warhead01**

The_Real_Chris wrote:
Funny the widely differing views of Furiosa. Very much people watching same film and getting wildly different take away assessments.

I would hope so.

Started the week enjoying the classics. The thing, Aliens, Mad Max beyond Thunderdome. Then Beowulf and Grendel. Finished the week with Deep Blue sea 2 and 3 last night.

All were a good time. In the thing we tried to follow all the clues as best we could as to who the thing was/were at any point and time in the movie and I always try to trach the Whisky bottle. And of course the Key situation as in who took the keys to access the blood they keep on hand. Being inebriated makes this a challenge.

Aliens, it jumped out at me that near the end of the movie when Burk's plot was revealed prior to the face hugger incident, Ripley could have played him good and gotten what she wanted. ruining Burk in the process. But she was pissed and all that. I imagined her just manipulating Burk to get them off LV426 back to the ship then revealing Burks plot and once again nuking the colony. He carried on about the price of the atmosphere processor. All she had to do was ask if the two specimens were more valuable and lead him on.

I'd remake the third movie. Ripley makes it home and gets a call about bugs but she says she's retired and go find someone else, We could film next week and it would be a clean hand off. If only.

Thunderdome. It's our favorite Mad Max move. I enjoy looking at barter town and all the people. There's a lot of flavor in this movie and it isn't just pork byproducts.

Beowulf and Grendel. another fun movie where being a hero isn't as straight forward as people think. Grendel throwing stones at Beowulf and shouting at him rather than fighting him is funny. I recall that movie was a disaster to film. I think I recall their boat sinking at one point. I could be misremembering.

Deep Blue sea(s). I like that they kept the story continuity from movie to movie and I kinda wish there were a few more of these cheesy movies.
The second one makes me laugh at the brilliance of the guy who owns the company and how he can't seem to be smart enough to spend more money on his research facility or do anything actually smart, prior to the events of the movie. Where's his big boat that one would imagine a person that rich would have to use as a floating research station. He doesn't want his work saved to the cloud so again why not have loads of had wired hard drives in a perfectly safe boat not under water in a rickety tin can.
He' taking all these brain power boosting drugs and every time he does all I can hear is 'If only I were smarter". sadly I can't recall which anime that was from. ( Was it Ranma? )

The third Deep blue sea is just comedy. One guy is going to make a big statement and a big show of changing sides. He dives into the sea and never makes it. He's taken by a jumping shark. There is a lot of shark jumping in this movie.

Best week in movies we've had in a while.

**Mad Doc Grotsnik**

Been a horror movie evening.

Pearl

Apparently a prequel to a film called X.

It was alright. Mia Goth plays a psychopath called Pearl, and she does psychotic things.

Little Bone Lodge

This is pretty superb. Joely Richardson leads in a pretty effective horror flick. One grump is its set in the Scottish Highlands, and there’s but a single Scottish accent.

Knock At The Cabin

M Night Shyamalan. Heard positive opinions of this, and Dave Bautista is of course superb. Oh and hey, there’s Rupert Grint! Nice to see him back on our screens.

**MarkNorfolk**

Been on a plane again, so watched:

Dune: Part 2

Pretty good, though the differences from the book were pronounced, but never mind. No stupid sonic weapons though, so even better.

The Beekeeper

Why did I do that? Statham is so awful his movies bring everyone down to his level. Jemma Redgrave, Jeremy Irons and Minnie Driver are in this (let's call it a) movie. They must have fancied buying a close relative a new car or something. I doubt either of them'll put this on their CV.

The Fellowship of the Ring

Ah! That's better. Never get's old. Pretty much a classic, now. Though I'd forgotten that Concerning Hobbits isn't in the 'regular' version.

**Ensis Ferrae**

MarkNorfolk wrote:

The Beekeeper

Why did I do that? Statham is so awful his movies bring everyone down to his level. Jemma Redgrave, Jeremy Irons and Minnie Driver are in this (let's call it a) movie. They must have fancied buying a close relative a new car or something. I doubt either of them'll put this on their CV.

Both the wife and I really enjoyed Beekeeper. The thing is, at some point you just have to give up and realize that anything that Jason Statham is in, is by default a Jason statham movie. It's just its own genre at this point. If you go in expecting Jason Statham doing Jason Statham things, you'll have a good time. If you're going in expecting deep plot and anything even remotely resembling higher level thought, yeah, you're probably not gonna think highly of the film.

**Mad Doc Grotsnik**

The Stath is a legend. Mostly because he just doesn’t age. I swear he was born looking like a late 30’s meathead, and a late 30’s meathead he has remained. Frozen in amber.

Also, Wikipedia reckons his films have brought in $1,500,000,000 at box office.

Automatically Appended Next Post:
Watching The Beekeeper now.

Kinda fun to watch crypto bro and scammers go squish.

Automatically Appended Next Post:
Blue Beetle

Kind of a mash up of Spider-Man and Iron Man.

It’s not without its own charm, and it’s at least a decent enough mash up and rehash. Certainly a stronger entry in the DCEU or whatever they don’t call it.

**Sigur**

Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
...
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Watching The Beekeeper now.

Kinda fun to watch crypto bro and scammers go squish.
....

That definately sounds like somehting I could get on board with.

I like Staham. He's a good action guy and juuuust good enough an actor for his films to work for what they are. And at this point I'm happy about any genre B-film guy that still exists. Didn't know this film starred Minnie Driver. Or Jeremy Irons for that matter, but I'm not suprised if he popped up in anything. Minnie Driver can make a big return though any time I think. She doesn't strike me as the sort that has to be young to make it big.

I watched a film last night. German 8-million Euros budget action film which spun off from a tv crime series which is running since 1970. It's Tschiller: Off Duty (2016) and it's starring Til Schweiger.

Action policeman NICK TSCHILLER and his goofy action policeman friend (Fahri Yardım, really good as always) go look for Tschiller's 17 year old daughter (played by Schweiger's actual daughter who since then appeared in pretty much all his films as far as I know) who went to Turkey to kill her mother's murderer or something. The plan goes belly-up, she is kidnapped by a very hammy and very villain.

It's a pretty swift, somewhat light-footed action film the like of which we don't see very often any more. Part revenge film, part dad-film, part buddy film, all action film across Germany, Turkey and Moskow. It's very funny how in terms of not-very-clever action films, Turkey is Germany's Mexico. This gets very appearant, since everything in Turkey is tinted yellow, and everything in Germany is tinted blue. Moskow looks pretty much like a regular film, or I was just too tired to notice what colour it was.

Schweiger co-produced the film (and got a ton of public funding too), and I assume that he had a lot of say in the whole thing. Sadly, him and his daughter (who is basically a drugged-up thing to be carried around for 90% of the times she's on screen anyway) probably are the weakest parts of the film. Schweiger is perfectly fine in action scenes, and the tiny little character bits work OK because he usually has Fahri Yardim opposite to him in those. The main bad guy (who as it turns out is only a sub-bad guy, but really he's the main bad guy of the piece) hams it up to huge degrees, but still I didn't enjoy seeing him. Not the least because he IS a bad guy with not a single redeeming quality. It's all an action cartoon thing really, with some rather harsh undertones. So not for all the family.

And it goes long. 140 bloody minutes! Halfway through I thought that this would be over soon, but it kept going. On the one hand, it's not too bad because there is plenty of action and scenery changes and so on. On the other hand, for a film like that, that's pretty long. But you get a bit of everything: exotic locations, lots of bad men, a small handful of good men (fun fact: the film was banned in Ukraine in 2016 because it depicted Russian secret service in a positive light), they even added two female roles (apart from the daughter, who IRL competes in showjumping, I learned) as well.

Overall though, it's not bad at all as a low(er) budget action flick. Don't watch any other Til Schweiger films (CERTAINLY not his comedies of the past 10 years), but to be honest, I thought that this was perfectly OK for what it wants to be. The action is good, there are even one or two inspired things in there. The supporting cast isn't bad, there's several different locations. You can Watch It, if you're in the mood for inexpensive action, can stand the sight of Schweiger and German genre films in general.