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I must say I am rather suprised at the number of good short stories Dakka can turn out.Good work guys.

Shells rained down upon them, men of the Dakkaite 1337th Imperial Guard dove for cover as the first rounds impacted near their positions blowing some of those unlucky enough to be in the open to pieces. There he stood though, the venerable Commissar standing defiantly on the wreck of a Leman Russ, shotgun in one hand and Planetary Flag in the other. Quietly he stood there as death rained down all around, men and women who previously cowered in the bottom of hastily dug fox holes prepped themselves for the coming storm. As the artillery fire began to die down the troopers began to hear the thunderous marching of the Trolls, Orks and tainted men approaching, the Commissar just smiled as he clicked on his vox bead, "Artillery open fire." he breathed, his voice barely above a whisper.

His order was answered with the thunderous fire of Dakkaite Arty, his smile grew into a much larger grin as the shells slammed into the enemy lines blowing their poorly formed formations to bits. He charged forward, flag and shotgun still in hand to some sandbags at the front and struck a dramatic pose inspiring his soldiers with his calm presence.

"Enemy inside perimeter" crackled his vox, still his smile did not fade, this was expected. "Take them down Marines."

"Affirmative, Emperor protect you Commissar." responded the Marine.

"And you." he replied, looking around him at all the Guardsmen who were beginning to take aim. The enemy would be upon them soon, they wanted to be ready.

---

Inside Hive OT

The light reflected dimly off the Drab Green and Black power armour of the DCM Marines and they stalked their prey through the under belly of the hive. Brother Captain Malfred, commander of the Killteam, cursed under his breath as he tracked the lead Troll with his boltgun. "Brothers Jin, and Grizgrin are you in position?"

"Affirmative Captain." they responded. Good, thought Malf, the heavy bolter would prove invaluable from the position they had marked earlier. He looked to his right and left, next to him stood Brothers Combatmedic and Whitedragoon, their Combi-Plasma Guns ready, he nodded and the two crept closer to the ledge bringing their weapons up to a firing position. Malf had one last group to check in on, he looked down at a pool of sewage near the rear, were Brothers GMMStudios and Stynier lay in wait. "Brothers, in position?"

"Affirmative." the two responded in tandem. Malf smiled, of course it was hidden as the Dakka Marines had enough sense to wear their helmets, everything was ready the trolls had entered their trap.

"Strike Brothers." he commanded. Grizgrin was the first to fire, his heavy bolter coughing loudly in the small passage way raining death upon those bellow. Jin stood firing next to him, his hellfire bolts igniting the foul creatures and causing them to scream in pain. Mean while Studios and Stynier emerged from the sludge, Studios unleashing a stream of promethium at the foe, while Stynier put a burst of fire from his Combi-Melta into the closest target. Malf, Medic and Whitedragoon stood from their cover and added their bolter fire to the fray. The fire fight was short lived, the ambush succesfull, but something didn't sit well with the Marines as they gathered. The sound of claws on metal shrieked through the air and as one the killteam turned to face its source, another Troll party had emerged lead by one of Gwars! chosen. The creature let loose a foul howl and charged.

---

On the surface the enemy had finally gotten, close, too close for artillery and mortars to be effective. The Commissar continued to stand on the sandbags, though now barking out orders for squads to open fire. Enemies dropped like flies as they got closer and closer, he knew soon they would be in charge range. Looking at his shotgun, he forcefully shoved the flag pole into the earth and readied his weapon, at the same time barking orders for the troopers to fix bayonets.

The Troll rally master suddenly howled and motioned forward with the swipe of a claw the horde began its charge.

"MEN AND WOMEN OF DAKKA!" bellowed the Commissar, "STAND YOUR GROUND, FOR THIS IS OUR LAND AND WE SHALL NOT GIVE IN TO THE LIKES OF THESE FOUL CREATURES!"

A round him troopers yelled in response, yelled in the face of certain death firing their weapons as the enemy charged. They were close now, close enough to engage with blade and stock. The Commissar grinned a wide, horrifying grin, one that would have startled Gwar! himself and lept off of the sandbags towards the rally master, as he fired the weapon into the creature's head he yelled,

"GET OFF MY LAWN!"

Would anyone mind if i compiled these stories into a new thread?
it seems we have gone off the 40k humour topic and onto something more awesome

While I'm still here, I'ma post some stuff I found.

I'm just glad that most of them Paint me in such a Flattering Light

BTW, since only awesome people come to this thread:
What would you think if I Made a Skype Account people could ring for Rules Questions, as well as letting people PM Me?

Hey Im just running with a common theme.

This is like dakkas version of the Horus Heresy, different authors different perspective.

BrotherStynier wrote:Hey Im just running with a common theme.

This is like dakkas version of the Horus Heresy, different authors different perspective.

It's a very good theme, and its a perfect Hybrid between Dakka and 40k Humour

Death Cult Assassins are anime fan? Interesting...


[EDIT] Wait... why does what the Callidus called the Death Cult wordfilter?!

For all those interested in the Second Troll Wars saga her on 40k humour ive pm'd the writers, Gwar and frazzled about it and will either set up a new thread for them in 40k gen or dakka fiction
keep your eyes peeled for the new thread for the next few hours

EDIT: righty ho guys, frazz said dakka fiction
look for the Dakka Dakka: The Troll Wars Saga on there

On the Forge World of Pian Demblogs, the adepts were restless. Rumours of swiftly approaching war had reached their ears, and preparations for battle were being made. The forges pumped out ceaseless streams of guns, tanks and ammunition. And in the highest towers of the central forge complex, the priests of the Omnissiah awaited further news.

The menial, who the holy techpriests had blessed by replacing his legs with a unicycle, wheeled respectfully into the chamber where the rulers of Pian Demblogs sat deep in thought. A dozen pairs of mechanical eyes looked up at him, glinting in the low light.
"My Lords," he began, "another astropathic message has come through from Pian Dem!"
"Recite it, menial," instructed the closest techpriest. The menial's built-in recording system whirred into life, and a strange, distorted voice filled the room.
"hay you guys, were getting pwnt! HALP PLZ KTHX"
The techpriests were silent for a moment. Finally, one spoke up.
"Then it is time. Send in the legion."

Princeps Dreadnote had been waiting for the call all day, and when it finally came, he wasted no time. Hurrying to the Titan hangar, he raced to his machine, the route ingrained deep in his memory. Settling into the command throne and engaging the mind-link, he was filled once again with that familiar feeling - power, and contempt for the scurrying creatures below. He clenched his fists, flexing the ancient steel of his machine.
"Modarati, are we ready?"
"All systems green, princeps. Megabolter loaded, reactor online."
"Then take us out".

The Reaver Titan strode towards the waiting transport ship, powerfists clenched in anticipation of battle. The Face Puncher marched to war.

the lone grand master peered down through the haze and looked upon ruin. everywhere he looked there was war, he was too late. he had spent too much time with the angry marines and it had cost him.
the eldar were nowhere to be seen and the orks had turned sides to stand by the foul wretched creatures known as trolls and fanatics. he had no choice, yakface's position had been overwhelmed and the assault marine reserves deployed to buy time untill he arrived.
he just hoped what he brought could be enough to hold the swarm of foul beings overwhelming his brothers.
as his ships descended the trolls got into close combat with the main guard line, that's when shadow ice realised he had to get there faster.
"PROTOCOL 7113. NOW!"
all around him the ship burst into action as missiles were readyed. the servitors only just now finishing the heart warming messages painted on there tips.
"with love, from your mother."
marines poured out from there quarters. further down the corridor he could make out the shadow of a fallen brother, imprisoned in a dreadnaught to fight again.
it all came down to this, our time was now, if we failed then the end is upon us.
"missiles armed captain douche...SIR!" a lone scout called to him.
"FIRE! NOW!" shadow screamed as he jumped ontop of a missile. in the blink of an eye he was falling, then the thrusters kicked in, all around him thousands of marines voices rose in unison.
"ALWAYS ANGRY! ALL THE TIME!"

moments before they made landfall in the center of the troll horde shadow glanced sidelong at commisar fuklaw. he held a particular affection for that angry old man, he was almost like a father to him.
as one the marines lept from there explosive one use transports and a wave of heat swept over them.
they had gone off course and landed closer to the front than they had intended and were completly surrounded by hostiles.
shadow lead the warcry this time with the marines taking it up in short order. a deafening shout went up from everyone.
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"
the marines unleashed a hellish storm of bolter fire in a ring as fuklaw cried out "FORM A DEFENSIVE RING BROTHERS!" all around them death rained. shadow took aim and unleashed a half dozen shots into a trolls face, he was taller than the others, most likely one of Gwar!s chosen.

"BROTHERS! CARVE A HOLE THROUGH THESE FOOLS WE MUST REACH OUR ASSAULT BROTHERS BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!" a voice cried out.
as they slowly started to move through the mass of trolls shadow heard the hideous sound of metal tearing ahead of him, as he glanced up he seen a dreadnaught rising from the ground, bright golden paint shining, shadow let out a low laugh as the dreadnaught grabbed a troll and started using it as a club. muttering to itself how he had finally found a use for them.

the fighting soon got too close to them and they abandoned there bolters and drew there melee weapons. all around him brother took up clubs wrapped in barbed wire, bricks and peices of wood with nails through them.shadow ripped a trolls arm off and started using it as a weapon for lack of a better choice.

the fighting lasted for what seemed like hours as thousands of trolls and hundreds of brothers died. shadow started the fight with a severed arm and left with someones intestines tied to the end of a pole, using it as a whip. shadow dimly remembered slaying a troll brandishing yakface's head as a weapon, but it was not the time to mourn the dead.

soon he was seperated, surrounded by trolls when a gutteral voice screamed something intelligable. then he was upon him, claws swiping for shadows face.
"GWAR!" shadow gasped.

New thread here guys
http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/252284.page

chaplaingrabthar wrote:

no thanks, ill stick with the elfdar girls.

WHY DO TAU GIRLS HAVE BEWBIES? D:

chaplaingrabthar wrote:

I am 12 years old what is this?

BE GONE FOUL CREATURES!
YOU MAY BE 12 BUT YOU KNOW FULL WELL WHAT THAT IS!

I have 17m can I Help?

Wait Wrong Forums

Someone Poast Moar Stoies about meeee!

shadowice killed the gwar and the all was as it should be.

the end.

shadowice558 wrote:BE GONE FOUL CREATURES!
YOU MAY BE 12 BUT YOU KNOW FULL WELL WHAT THAT IS!

im sory im no 12 only 4 yrs old

shadowice558 wrote:shadowice killed the gwar and the all was as it should be.

the end.

After 3 days Gwar! Arose from the dead and Drank lots of wine till he died of Liver Cirrhosis.

More stories about you Gwar? i could post a few, but i'd then be following your suit and getting suspended

So, there was a Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike. He wanted to marry the Chapter Master's Daughter...

Sorry Gwar! you are only mentioned in my first story arc, maybe when I finish the siege

Epaminondas wrote:

kirsanth wrote:Wed, Feb/27/2008 10:09:19 AM (!?!)

Something great was started.

Thank you, ZandrisIV. It still makes me laugh.

Did he die?

No, he started this thread a year and a half ago.

See: The first post.

This thread truly is epic.

Golden Eyed Scout wrote:I've been on the receiving end of a sound cannon a lot.

So your saying you got a wife, huh?

*rimshot*

halonachos wrote:Almost as amusing as the black and white space marine on the black and white bike who rode up black and white space corridors attached to black and white industrial walkways made by black and white Litko Aerosystems.

Hah!

WOW just wow ive been looking at this thread since the beginning it is awesome i wish i knew what side i would be on?