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This is the thread for the short stories of the people of dakka, previously in the 40k humour thread in the 40k gen forum

Original thread http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/1830/208316.page#904440

THE RULES:
1. Follow the standard dakkadakka rules
2. No going to a different time period, your post must be in the same timeframe as the last one or shortly after.
3. No more than 5 locations can be active at once, if there are 5 locations being used by posters already then your story must take place at one of them.
4. If your a new character then you may add a short backstory at the beginning of your first post before your addition to the story itself (try to keep your entrance to the story at an active location too)
5. have fun

If anyone finds their name in any stories and wishes it to be removed then just shoot a PM at the poster politely asking for the name to be changed and it shall

Cheese Elemental

Lord Cheese, Emperor of Chan IV, sat brooding in his throne, glaring at the World of Warcraft player kneeling before him, clad in ripped and ragged clothes. Cheese leaned fowards in his throne, lowering his face to within an inch of the pathetic creature's face. The WoWfan slowly raised his head, shivering with terror. The Mark of Blizzard on his forehead stood out on his pale, sunlight-fearing skin.

Cheese snorted derisively under his crowned helmet, leaning back in his throne. It was a marvelous creation, forged from pure nerdrage, the many carvings on it depicting scenes of Mechas being blasted to smithereens by Leman Russ Battle Tanks and Dakkaites being ripped to shreds by ravenous MTG players.

Cheese spoke, his smooth, slightly English voice breaking the silence of the throne chamber.
"Is this the best you could manage, Moot?" he asked his Administrator, not taking his gaze off the WoWfan.
"Indeed, my lord. The others either perished in the crash or were killed by the men before they recieved the order to bring some in alive."
Cheese tilted his head. "A pity," he murmured. "I would have liked to have met the scum who said the Imperium of Games Workshop was the greatest power in the galaxy. Ah, how their screams would have resounded around the fortress!"
"Indeed, my lord." said Moot, backing away into the shadows.

Cheese was completely still. Reaching down beside his throne, he drew his ornate Blade of Flame. It was this blade that had made the feared warrior-woman Lunahound upset and caused the man known as Frazzled to launch an invasion with the Great Army of Ban, which had been driven off after a long week of being unable to communicate with his allies (his transmission screens had simply displayed the message 'Banned until 14/7/999.M41). It was a gift to him from the neighbouring planet of Warseer, a world that Cheese had once found to be repulsive in the extreme.

He examined the carvings on the hilt of the power sword, enchanted by their beauty. Then, quick as a flash, he plunged the blade into the WoWfan's chest. His mouth opened in a silent scream as blood bubbled from his throat, and he collapsed fowards as Cheese ripped the blade free.
"No sport at all," he spat. "Dakkaites are so much more pleasureable to kill."
His two Troll bodyguards stepped fowards and picked up the body, hauling it away to the lair of the beast.

The door to the throne room suddenly swung open, and a tall, armoured figure strode forth. The faces of trolls and images of flames were carved into his plate armour and the hilt of his sword. Stopping in front of the throne, he removed his helmet, and Cheese jumped in shock.

It was the mighty warrior Gwar, the mighty half-troll who had once been Cheese's comrade-in-arms before he was defeated in a duel by the Dakkaite Emperor Yakface, before being cast into a dark portal by the Arch-Artificier Legoburner's Blue Screen Generator.

Cheese quickly composed himself. "Gwar," he began, "it is good to see you after these many long years. I was beginning to think that you would never be able to reformat yourself successfully."
"Indeed, Brother Cheese." said Gwar. "I beheld many terrible things in that realm, and experienced great frustration. Legoburner certainly knows how to program a virus."
"Things have not been so good recently, Brother. More and more Dakkaites have taken up arms against me, and some have even started Ignoring me. Even my comrades from Australianus have turned on me, even the wise and calm Sebster and the bitter old Chromedog."
"That is unfortunate to hear, Cheese." replied Gwar. "But fear not, for during my time in the Realm of Blue Screen, I managed to rally a large army of banned Trolls and convinced the defeated Arch-Powergamer Green Blow Fly and the Tactical Genius Stelek to join us in our glorious crusade.
Cheese's face lit up. "Excellent, Gwar! With the four of us leading the Trolls, Flamebaiters, Neckbeards and Powergamers, nothing shall stop us! I can already feel the universe tremble at our approach! Even the Mods know our names!

The door to the chamber swung open again, and two figures stepped in. One wore a Watchmen T-Shirt and had the look of a Powergamer around him, and the other was tall and mysterious, clad in a long black hooded robe that obscured his face. Not an inch of skin showed, and his glowing eyes betrayed no love for fluff.

"Cheese, these men are Green Blow Fly" -he indicated the Powergamer- "and Stelek, the Tactical Genius." They will be our key to victory, for they have both had DCM status in the past and know all the secrets of the Dakka system."

"Excellent!" Cheese grinned broadly, a wide Troll-smile that showed all of his white teeth. "Prepare the fleets, for today, the Mods shall hear our voice! Not even the mighty Yakface shall ignore us! Frazzled's deck-chair will be shattered, Killkrazy shall experience the Blue Screen, Alpharius will have the special rules for his Legion taken away, and Waaagh of Gonads shall have his post count reset! None shall stop us! Together, we shall crush the weakling Dakka system, and turn it into a permanent outpost of 4chan! We already have a foothold on Off-Topic, and we are gaining ground on the Forge World of Articles!"

All around the fortress, the Troll bodyguards heard a rare sound; the harsh, insane laughter of Lord Cheese the Fallen.

Shadowice

meanwhile on the other side of the system a dark robed figure stood in silence infront of the computer screen, lost deep in thought after what he had just read.
on one level it was a masterful plan, but on another it seemed like an incredibly stupid idea to post all the details on a public forum, especially the verry forum that the plans involved. something just didn't sit right about the entire situation.
the robed figure switched off the computer screen and sat down in the dark, pondering what he had just read and looking for any possible alternatives.
hours later as the sun was rising footfalls could be heard down the hallway.
the dark figure stood with bow in hand and rushed to the door ready to face any threat that might have located him.
as the footfalls got louder he could soon hear the sound of someones heavy breathing, it sounded as if they had run halfway across the world.
suddenly the figure was upon him, the robed figure drew a bead on his target just as the man stopped and squeled.
"DONT SHOOT DUDE, IM ON UR TEAM!"
the figure looked at the mans face, thick of neck and with a mono-brow and half grown beard, then recognition came.
"nordadas, what are you doing here!"
"master... i-i came as quickly as i could, the outposts are gone, they are swarming us. they have the power of chuck norris we cant sto-"
"SILENCE! I TOLD YOU NEVER TO MENTION HIS NAME!"
"i-i'm sorry master, i didn't mean to..."
"shutup, what's happened."
"they've taken the outposts, they are too strong, there's to many of them, i was at the front when it started talking with some warriors and then the hounds started barking. we had no idea what it was but after the kennel master managed to silence them we heard it."
"heard what damn you!"
"it...it was a battle cry... at first we couldn't identify it, but then as it got closer it became clearer... it was the trolls. it was the dreaded 'OLOLOLOLOL'"
"...but HOW! we DESTROYED THEM YEARS AGO! that cry hasn't been heard here for years!"
"we don't know where they came from, but the warriors ordered the paraphets manned by mages and archers, but it was too late, before even a dozen bowmen were in place they were over the walls... they... THEY USED THERE OWN MEN TO BUILD A RAMP!"
"gak. where are they now! were there any survivors?"
"a few... not many, we got a bird from stone mountain, they had been taken, the castellan was the only man still alive, and only because he had burnt his own ladder sealing himself in the tower. we suspect that bird was the last thing he ever did. as for the others we found only ruins and corpses aplenty. ours and theres in equal number. there is barely a dozen of us, all warriors from my post."
the dark figure sat down again suddenly exausted. he could hardly comprehend what had just been told him. the trolls had returned, and with more men than ever seen before. he had to do something, but they had destroyed all the outposts in hours, it was unprecidented. he had only one course of action left. with the plans he had just seen and the attack he had just received word of there was no alternative.
"we leave now." he said snatching up his bow and spear.
"where are we going to go?" the pathetic wretch seemed to cower before him. it was pathetic, he might have killed him then but if they encountered the trolls every man was a distraction.
"gather your men, theres a ship waiting, you have 5minutes or the lot of you stay here."
the man scurryed off as fast as his legs could take him. meanwhile the robed man hurryed down to the yard when he heard it off in the distance. it was a high pitched whiny sound at first, completly un-intelligable... but it was aproaching at rapid speeds. then he could identify it. it was a warcry. the trolls had found them, the wretch and his men had been followed!
the wretch and his men were running towards the ship as he entered the yard at full speed, he jumped onto the wing and into the cockpit in 2 swift moves, and started the ship as he seen the first of them. he lifted off just as the first of them reached the ship and just made it out of there grasp. he heard a scream underneath him and spared a glance. the wretch was too slow, him and two of his warriors were being dragged under the tide... and beaten down. nevermind, he was useless anyway.
he threw back his hood and long dark hair reflected the moonlight like polished crystal. deep blue eyes so dark they seemed black in the dark gazed at the com screen in fornt of him. he knew what he had to do and fast. he opened a cumunication to the only one who would receive him 'welcomely'.
"WUT DA YEW WANT!" a gutteral voice growled through the speakers.
"the time has come my friend. i have decided to call in that favor you owe me."
"OOO DA 'ELL DA YA THINK TA ARE! GAZZGHULL THRAKA OWES NO MAN FAVA'S!"
as the com screen crackled into life he gazed into the ugly half mechanized face that was the orc warboss 'gazzghull thraka'. he enabled his own com-screen and the orc recoiled from the picture.
"why it's me old friend, the man who gave you all those nice powerclaws for your boyz, all them cybork bodies... remeber a little more now?"
"ARRGH, WUT U WANT, IT BETTA BE GOOD OTHA WIZE I SENDN DA BOYZ DOWN TA KRUMP YA!"
"i bring you war my good friend. the trolls are back. i don't know how but they are back, and they are stronger than ever. i don't know who done it but someone has broken the seal. the bastards are spilling out of there hole into our plane even as we speak... 4chan is opened, and it is here."
"WUT! OW DA ELL DID YA LET DAT APPEN YA STUPID UMIE...
BOYZ...BOYZ!! SOUND DA HORNS, WE'Z GOT WAR TA DO!"
"ahh, i knew you would see it that way. thank you. head to nagrand. it's where the last seal is kept. we MUST not let them break /b/ or all is lost."
as the comunication ended the man sighed. it had gone well, he had dreaded what would happen if his cybonic implants had stopped working. it had taken quite a lot of effort to remove half that orcs head, and even more to make sure the 'doc' chose the right parts to fix it. if he hadn't agree'd many lives would have been for naught. as he opened another com-link a larger fear gripped him. the people he was about to call were the greatest warriors in the universe. but this was a risk even they might not take.
"well hello there good chap, who might you be" a jolly sounding voice asked as the com screen crackled to life. before him a tall man sat with a cup of light brown liquid in his hands and a plate of crumpets before him.
"i'm a friend. and one in need of help. my name is not important now, not untill i know i can count on you."
"well then, that seems like an awfully queer reply, you may call me eldrad. now what could i do for you today old chap?"
"my planet has fallen. the outposts are gone, /tg/ is loose. we need help from all we can count on. the trolls are striking for the final seal. they will break /b/ before nightfall if you don't help us. please, i am but one man, and a few warriors, all wounded. i have called the warbosses to nagrand to defend it. but they are too far, you are the only ones who can help now."
"BLOODY HELL MAN! how did this happen. right o then. this is a grave situation. just let me get a look at you so i know who to speak to when we arrive."
eldrar grasped for something slightly off screen and raised a hand to his eye. as he lowered it there was a monacle covering it, a gasp escaped him.
"y-y-YOU!"
"yes. it's me. war has come and i intend to fight. we can talk more on nagrand. and maybe you can bring some of your nice young ladys with you. just tell them shadow ice is waiting."
as the com screen died before him and he entered orbit shadow glanced down onto the ruined planet beneath him, where once a barren planet had stood now there was nothing but flames. how the trolls managed to conjur flames from dirt he didn't know, but the message was clear. the final seal would be broken. and he had to stop it. as he programmed the nav system a curse escaped his lips.
"damn you cheese, and damn you twice gwar. may the others take you both. and pray that enough warriors will stand with us."

Emperors Faithfull

The ceiling shuddered in the throne room, dust sifting down to the floor with each mighty crash against the doors.
Emperors Faithful left his men to brace the gates, it was a vain effort he knew, only a matter of time before the army of Trollz broke in. He aproached the hooded figure at the foot of the throne.
"M'Lord Frazzled, we have failed you. YMTC keep has fallen, only Backround Hive remains."
The figure remained silent.
"M'Lord...What are we to do now? Is all lost?" asked EF.
The figure stirred. "All is not lost, faithful servant. We are divide, shattered, but I can gather our forces. Manchu of the Drunk-Wolf-People, the loyal Donald Trump dog, the kind and caring Moonhound (Luna) and many others who cannot abide the troll, the threadnecro or the heretic. We can make a stand against this evil....But I'll need time."
EF stood still, the realization of what was being asked of him sinking in. "We shall buy you that time, M'lord. Take the west gate, we still have some friends in the Off Topic region, perhaps you should start there?"
"The Emprah shall take note of your sacrifice EF, and you're ridiculously funny signatures." Said Frazzled, clasping his hand on EF's shoulder.
"Really?" replied EF "No else seems to notice..."
"We all notice EF, and loled much in private. Farewell EF, and may the mods be with you." And with that Frazzled took off down one of the hidden corridors.
"No Frazzled, may the mods be with you." Whispered EF.

EF rallied the troops in the throne room, this was to be thier last stand.
"No matter what comes through that gate you WILL stand your ground!" Shouted EF.
With an almighty crash, the gates broke. The slavering army of trolls and RAW spawns rushed into the room, eager to kill, maim and slaughter. Despite thier savagrey, they could not stand before the righteous fury of EF. Despite thier numbers, despite thier fangs and stinging remarks, EF sensed that victory was near.

...But the power of the Troll Lord... could not be broken.
His men defeated, slain outright by the trolliness of Gwar! and the cheesyness of Cheese, EF sagged to his knees. His last living memory was the sight of the horde of trolls decending upon him, and the laughter of the thirsting gods...

...But all was not lost, for even now the forces of good gather. They are readying thier armies, steeling themselves for the inevitable end times, the prophesised NERDAGEDDON

Brother Stynier

The planet's surface was broken and tainted, burnt out forests and ruined city scapes dotted the horizon as far as the eye could see. Bodies and burning wrecks littered the area, where Lord Commissar General Frazzled's proud forces once stood in defiance of the hordes of Arc Heretic Cheese Elemental. "Is this what we left this world too?" crackled a hoarse voice through a helmet vox.

"So it would seem Lord Alpharius," replied GoFenris, sweeping his boltgun around in search of any threat. "But fear not, I hear tale that other MODs have made contact with the Lord Commissar, and that they have chosen to dispatch more of my brother Astartes of Dakka Contributus in attempt to aid the beleaguered forces there."

"It matters not GoFenris, the Heretic has managed even to gain hold on beloved Chapter." said the Giant in blue green power armour as he lifted what had formerly been a helmet in the service of the OT Guard Forces, he gazed at momentarily before casting it back to the ground. "What of the Church of the Turtle Pie?"

"You know what's become of them Brother." responded a voice from behind, Alpahrius turned to see his Brother Moderator Iorek stepping from a recently arrived Land Raider along with an escort of Astartes, who along with GoFenris' marines had begun to cleanse the field. "Ever since our wise and powerful Lord Yakface ordered their disbanding they have been a broken group, several of which have fallen under the sway of the Heretic."

"Our Lord was wise to disbanned them, their ways were to similar to the Arch Heretic for their own good. But this, this is a conversation for another time Brother Iorek, tell me why have you come here?" inquired, his arms raised in question.

"Frazzled's forces are once again under attack my friend, and the Troll Gwar! leads Cheese's forces." Alparius' eyes narrowed at the mention of the Troll King, had his banishment truly ended so soon, no it couldn't be possible. Iorek smiled sadly as he noticed the question in his old friend's eyes. "I'm afraid its true Brother, I've dispatched Malfred and two teams of Astartes to help hold him off."

Alpharius shook his head sadly and motioned to GoFenris to recall his Brothers, they would be needed to help with the siege, with any luck they wouldn't be too late. He shot one last glance at his brother, "I truly hope they are enough my friend."

"As do I..." responded Iorek as he watched his fellow mod and his marines board the Thunder Hawk. The craft lurched to life and lifted off into the bleak ash filled sky's of OT heading for the last remaining Dakka stronghold.
.

Deffdred

It had been many a years ago,Deff had once been a happy farmer.His wife Sophia and his children were his life.He had liked working with his hands.Toiling upon the fields in the hot sun had filled him with delight.He was but a simple farm lad with a beautiful wife and three healthy children,he had been happy.Until that terrible day,the first war of the trolls had begun on his home planet.This tiny farm world would now be host to death.Sending in their allie Arch lichlord Corpsesarefun,the man and his infernal horde of marching death had come.He was a mad man,ripping the planet apart in war as he had ordered his grand ship,"The spirit of Damnation"to rain death upon all.It's bombardments had killed Deff's family as they attempted escape to the back lines as Deff had held the front line with the rest of the men.The planet was held and finally the first war of the trolls had ended with their defeat at the battle of ban.The Mod lords of Terra had cast the darklord's back to the depths of the internet.It had been peaceful for a time but Deff could not shake the feeling that something,something greater more and more evil was coming.He had since inlisted in the guard,rising through the ranks he now commanded a regiment of the galaxies finest men.As the second war of the trolls begun,he was sent to the far reaching system of Nerdia.The populace helpless as the horde of trolls advanced.This is the tale of the events that unfoldeded upon the planet of Nerdia V.....


"Ready the gun batteries men!"Commanded Deff.The men hurried around him as he stood with his cloak flapping in the breeze,his ornate and gold armour polished as always.The trolls were coming and he would be damned if he would let the hive of WHFB discussion fall to the them."Batteries readied sir."Barked the officer in charge of the defence batteries."Good,we will need them."Said Deff.His men had dug in deep,within the town square as all the other sectors of the hive had already been taken by the trolls in thier sweeping advance.Luckily the populace had been evacuated a month before.It was a proper battle now,no innocent men or women would die.He knew that they had sent Corpses,the man had survived the great ban by hiding in the deepest corners of Dakka.He had sworn many a year ago that he would have his vengence."Ok men prepare to make final checks,we need all alert.When they come give em hell boys!!"Shouted Deff loudly.

Meanwhile in sector 11 Corpsesarefun readied for his attack...

"Bring all across the portal!"He yelled.
"Yes Master."Said his conven of necromancer.
The men chanted and the large portals brought down from his ship sprang into life.The dead poured through,this would be a battle of attrition.
The horde shambled foward but these were no mere zombies.They were the madmans pride and joy,his lifes crowning work.The Zorks were marching to war.

Augmented and part ork,part zombie and part machine the beasts were deadly.
"We are reaching power capacity master the gates cannot handle any more for now."Spoke the coven in unison.
"That will be all for now,my entire horde is almost gathered.We must not let our Troll masters down."Said Corpsesarefun.
And so the shambling horde advanced all sectors were almost full up with trolls and the living dead.They would take this hive,no matter the cost.Lord Gwar demanded it.

Nerida,town square,five hours into the attack....

"Hold fast brave men of the imperium,we must beat back these beasts!"Yelled Deff.
The causalties inflicted upon the Zorks and trolls had been heavy.Yet Deff's own men had paid a heavy toll if life and limb aswell.He could not hold the incoming horde,the defense batteries had stopped working long ago,over heating or running out of ammunition.The horde advanced still inwards.Deff was not looking at the horde,he wanted vengence he was looking for Corpses.Peering across the square he saw yet more zombies he had a back up plan in place,but this meant his death.They could not hold the horde anymore,and if he they could not hold the planet anymore it would be better to destroy it then to let the trolls have it.
Rushing to the Vox caster set on a table he frantically pushed and proded the dials and buttons trying to get hold of a ship.
"Hello this is the Pirax flame command bridge,why have you hailed this line?"Questioned a voice.
"I am commander Deff of the 310th Dakka guns,I must call exterminatus."Said Deff.
"You have no authority to give us such an order."Barked the voice.
"The planet,it is over run with trolls we need the bombardment and we need it now!!!"Yelled Deff.
"Good emperors hairy balls,trolls I thought we had seen the last of them!"Spat the voice.
"Yes,I thought so to now can you send the bombardment?"Questioned Deff.
"Sir I am sorry we have no clearance,you and your boys are on your own.May the Mods be with you."Said the voice and with that a click came.Deff and his men were alone holding off an alien menace.

10 hours into the battle...

Corpsesare fun walked among the shattered remains of the once great imperial square the battle had been a hard one.The men of the Imperium holding fast for longer then expected of them.
"Master this one still breaths"Said one of his coven.
Walking over Corpses saw the shattered remains of a barely alive Imperial commander.His dog tag read simply "Deff."
"Bring him up to ship,Master Gwar will be most pleased to have an Imperial official to torture for information."
"Yes sir."Said his coven

Cheese Elemental

“Press the attack!" roared Lord Cheese the Fallen, leaping over the ruins of the wall in his path. Dozens of his Chaos-worshipping servants rushed into the fray beyond, tearing into the Dakkaites with a berserk fury. At the centre of the action, a trio of lone DCMs, their names forgotten, fought bravely, cutting down the Traitor Marines who broke through the ranks of the Astartes. Their power swords crackled and flashed as they clove effortlessly through power armour, sending the traitors toppling to the cold rockcrete floor.

A loud boom echoed around the chamber as the shells of the renegade Basilisks blasted another hole in the bastion, allowing Gwar and a large group of his trolls to surge into the breach, where they started hacking apart the unfortunate Scout Marines who had been assigned meatshield duty.

The initial wave of Cultists had been worn away by the steadfast defences of the Astartes, and Cheese was about to signal the retreat. But then, a loud rumbling filled the air, and a crushing wave of zealots of the Turtle Pie swarmed around Cheese and smashed into the Dakkaitus Marines, bringing many of them down through superior numbers. Urging them on was the fanatical prophet Mekboy, screaming blasphemous litanies to his dark god.

Cheese raised his face to the heavens and laughed maniacally, then ran fowards into the battle. "YES! Kill them ALL!" he roared, swinging the Blade of Flaming in wide arcs that gutted Marines and sent waves of nerdrage pulsing through the zealots, driving their fluff-fanaticism to insane levels. More of the Astartes fell, crushed beneath the feet of the zealots or wounded through the gaps in their armour.
"Brothers!" yelled a DCM-sergeant. "Initiate a tactical withdrawal!"
The remaining Space Marines hurried to obey, falling back into their Land Raider Crusader, Blade of Yakface, all the while firing deadly bursts of bolter fire into the seething mass of zealots and traitors. But Cheese would not be denied a taste of glory. He rushed fowards, smashing aside the men who stood in his way, and charged into one of the DCMs. The Marine stumbled to the ground before clambering back to his feet in a flash, his thunderhammer at the ready.

Cheese and the DCM slowly paced in a circle, not taking their eyes off each other even as the Land Raider's ramp closed shut and it backed away through the rubble. The zealots cheered and screamed their victory to the skies, awaiting the sight of blood in the imminent duel.

Quick as a flash, Cheese leapt fowards with a roar of fury, swinging the Blade of Flaming in a downwards arc that would have cloven the DCM in two were it not for his thunderhammer intercepting the blow. He swung in return, the powerful weapon glancing Cheese's pauldron and sending him spinning to the ground. As he advanced fowards to try and smash Cheese while he was down, the Fallen One rolled aside, dodging the thunderhammer and sweeping his blade through the air. The DCM screamed and fell to his knees, his right arm lying convulsing on the ground, the hammer's crackling head sparking and trembling as its internal workings struggled to hold together after the hard landing.

Cheese got to his feet. Glaring down at the DCM with contempt, he spat on his faceplate.
"Is this truly the best you can muster, Yakface? Is this truly one of the great DCMs? Pathetic!"
As he finished talking, he swung his blade in a deadly horizontal slash that removed the Marine's head. It clattered to the ground, the lifeblood draining from the neck. Cheese held it aloft, and signalled to his followers to march forth! If this was the best Yakface had, then nobody could stop them!

As Gwar's trolls followed the zealots out of the breach in the ruins, a loud roaring filled the air as a trio of Thunderhawks soared overhead, disgorging dozens of Marines wearing jump-packs, their chainswords growling with righteous fury as they crashed into Cheese's surprised troops. Leading them was a tall Astartes wearing blue and green armour, his blade cutting down traitors and zealots like wheat.
"So," muttered Cheese. "The mighty Alpharius has taken to the field. Very well then, Moderator. Let us see if you are as weak as your foolish predecessor."
Cheese raised his blade and plasma pistol, roaring a challenge to the Moderator and rushing fowards into the thunderous melee.

Brother Stynier

Shells rained down upon them, men of the Dakkaite 1337th Imperial Guard dove for cover as the first rounds impacted near their positions blowing some of those unlucky enough to be in the open to pieces. There he stood though, the venerable Commissar standing defiantly on the wreck of a Leman Russ, shotgun in one hand and Planetary Flag in the other. Quietly he stood there as death rained down all around, men and women who previously cowered in the bottom of hastily dug fox holes prepped themselves for the coming storm. As the artillery fire began to die down the troopers began to hear the thunderous marching of the Trolls, Orks and tainted men approaching, the Commissar just smiled as he clicked on his vox bead, "Artillery open fire." he breathed, his voice barely above a whisper.

His order was answered with the thunderous fire of Dakkaite Arty, his smile grew into a much larger grin as the shells slammed into the enemy lines blowing their poorly formed formations to bits. He charged forward, flag and shotgun still in hand to some sandbags at the front and struck a dramatic pose inspiring his soldiers with his calm presence.

"Enemy inside perimeter" crackled his vox, still his smile did not fade, this was expected. "Take them down Marines."

"Affirmative, Emperor protect you Commissar." responded the Marine.

"And you." he replied, looking around him at all the Guardsmen who were beginning to take aim. The enemy would be upon them soon, they wanted to be ready.

---

Inside Hive OT

The light reflected dimly off the Gold and Black power armour of the DCM Marines and they stalked their prey through the under belly of the hive. Brother Captain Malfred, commander of the Killteam, cursed under his breath as he tracked the lead Troll with his boltgun. "Brothers Jin, and Grizgrin are you in position?"

"Affirmative Captain." they responded. Good, thought Malf, the heavy bolter would prove invaluable from the position they had marked earlier. He looked to his right and left, next to him stood Brothers Combatmedic and Whitedragoon, their Combi-Plasma Guns ready, he nodded and the two crept closer to the ledge bringing their weapons up to a firing position. Malf had one last group to check in on, he looked down at a pool of sewage near the rear, were Brothers GMMStudios and Stynier lay in wait. "Brothers, in position?"

"Affirmative." the two responded in tandem. Malf smiled, of course it was hidden as the Dakka Marines had enough sense to wear their helmets, everything was ready the trolls had entered their trap.

"Strike Brothers." he commanded. Grizgrin was the first to fire, his heavy bolter coughing loudly in the small passage way raining death upon those bellow. Jin stood firing next to him, his hellfire bolts igniting the foul creatures and causing them to scream in pain. Mean while Studios and Stynier emerged from the sludge, Studios unleashing a stream of promethium at the foe, while Stynier put a burst of fire from his Combi-Melta into the closest target. Malf, Medic and Whitedragoon stood from their cover and added their bolter fire to the fray. The fire fight was short lived, the ambush succesfull, but something didn't sit well with the Marines as they gathered. The sound of claws on metal shrieked through the air and as one the killteam turned to face its source, another Troll party had emerged lead by one of Gwars! chosen. The creature let loose a foul howl and charged.

---

On the surface the enemy had finally gotten, close, too close for artillery and mortars to be effective. The Commissar continued to stand on the sandbags, though now barking out orders for squads to open fire. Enemies dropped like flies as they got closer and closer, he knew soon they would be in charge range. Looking at his shotgun, he forcefully shoved the flag pole into the earth and readied his weapon, at the same time barking orders for the troopers to fix bayonets.

The Troll rally master suddenly howled and motioned forward with the swipe of a claw the horde began its charge.

"MEN AND WOMEN OF DAKKA!" bellowed the Commissar, "STAND YOUR GROUND, FOR THIS IS OUR LAND AND WE SHALL NOT GIVE IN TO THE LIKES OF THESE FOUL CREATURES!"

A round him troopers yelled in response, yelled in the face of certain death firing their weapons as the enemy charged. They were close now, close enough to engage with blade and stock. The Commissar grinned a wide, horrifying grin, one that would have startled Gwar! himself and lept off of the sandbags towards the rally master, as he fired the weapon into the creature's head he yelled,

"GET OFF MY LAWN!"

Drednote

On the Forge World of Pian Demblogs, the adepts were restless. Rumours of swiftly approaching war had reached their ears, and preparations for battle were being made. The forges pumped out ceaseless streams of guns, tanks and ammunition. And in the highest towers of the central forge complex, the priests of the Omnissiah awaited further news.

The menial, who the holy techpriests had blessed by replacing his legs with a unicycle, wheeled respectfully into the chamber where the rulers of Pian Demblogs sat deep in thought. A dozen pairs of mechanical eyes looked up at him, glinting in the low light.
"My Lords," he began, "another astropathic message has come through from Pian Dem!"
"Recite it, menial," instructed the closest techpriest. The menial's built-in recording system whirred into life, and a strange, distorted voice filled the room.
"hay you guys, were getting pwnt! HALP PLZ KTHX"
The techpriests were silent for a moment. Finally, one spoke up.
"Then it is time. Send in the legion."

Princeps Dreadnote had been waiting for the call all day, and when it finally came, he wasted no time. Hurrying to the Titan hangar, he raced to his machine, the route ingrained deep in his memory. Settling into the command throne and engaging the mind-link, he was filled once again with that familiar feeling - power, and contempt for the scurrying creatures below. He clenched his fists, flexing the ancient steel of his machine.
"Modarati, are we ready?"
"All systems green, princeps. Megabolter loaded, reactor online."
"Then take us out".

The Reaver Titan strode towards the waiting transport ship, powerfists clenched in anticipation of battle. The Face Puncher marched to war

Shadowice

the lone grand master peered down through the haze and looked upon ruin. everywhere he looked there was war, he was too late. he had spent too much time with the angry marines and it had cost him.
the eldar were nowhere to be seen and the orks had turned sides to stand by the foul wretched creatures known as trolls and fanatics. he had no choice, yakface's position had been overwhelmed and the assault marine reserves deployed to buy time untill he arrived.
he just hoped what he brought could be enough to hold the swarm of foul beings overwhelming his brothers.
as his ships descended the trolls got into close combat with the main guard line, that's when shadow ice realised he had to get there faster.
"PROTOCOL 7113. NOW!"
all around him the ship burst into action as missiles were readyed. the servitors only just now finishing the heart warming messages painted on there tips.
"with love, from your mother."
marines poured out from there quarters. further down the corridor he could make out the shadow of a fallen brother, imprisoned in a dreadnaught to fight again.
it all came down to this, our time was now, if we failed then the end is upon us.
"missiles armed captain douche...SIR!" a lone scout called to him.
"FIRE! NOW!" shadow screamed as he jumped ontop of a missile. in the blink of an eye he was falling, then the thrusters kicked in, all around him thousands of marines voices rose in unison.
"ALWAYS ANGRY! ALL THE TIME!"

moments before they made landfall in the center of the troll horde shadow glanced sidelong at commisar fuklaw. he held a particular affection for that angry old man, he was almost like a father to him.
as one the marines lept from there explosive one use transports and a wave of heat swept over them.
they had gone off course and landed closer to the front than they had intended and were completly surrounded by hostiles.
shadow lead the warcry this time with the marines taking it up in short order. a deafening shout went up from everyone.
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"
the marines unleashed a hellish storm of bolter fire in a ring as fuklaw cried out "FORM A DEFENSIVE RING BROTHERS!" all around them death rained. shadow took aim and unleashed a half dozen shots into a trolls face, he was taller than the others, most likely one of Gwar!s chosen.

"BROTHERS! CARVE A HOLE THROUGH THESE FOOLS WE MUST REACH OUR ASSAULT BROTHERS BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!" a voice cried out.
as they slowly started to move through the mass of trolls shadow heard the hideous sound of metal tearing ahead of him, as he glanced up he seen a dreadnaught rising from the ground, bright golden paint shining, shadow let out a low laugh as the dreadnaught grabbed a troll and started using it as a club. muttering to itself how he had finally found a use for them.

the fighting soon got too close to them and they abandoned there bolters and drew there melee weapons. all around him brother took up clubs wrapped in barbed wire, bricks and peices of wood with nails through them.shadow ripped a trolls arm off and started using it as a weapon for lack of a better choice.

the fighting lasted for what seemed like hours as thousands of trolls and hundreds of brothers died. shadow started the fight with a severed arm and left with someones intestines tied to the end of a pole, using it as a whip. shadow dimly remembered slaying a troll brandishing yakface's head as a weapon, but it was not the time to mourn the dead.

soon he was seperated, surrounded by trolls when a gutteral voice screamed something intelligable. then he was upon him, claws swiping for shadows face.
"GWAR!" shadow gasped.

good stuff mate. but you should try seperating everyones posts.

one post, one story.

(Mine might tell the story of the defense of the Hive and then a couple others later.)

Now guys, you think it would be better if t WASN'T in a horrendous mind melting mishmash?

hey, i can't write them all man.
it's not my fault i had to delegate some of the responsibility...

shadowice558 wrote:good stuff mate. but you should try seperating everyones posts.

one post, one story.

Its kind of a little late for that now
but in most cases i have tried to keep it to a post a story.

put your back into it man!

if we take the time to write these things surely you could have taken the time to organise them.

shadowice558 wrote:put your back into it man!

if we take the time to write these things surely you could have taken the time to organise them.

You write them because I am t3h awesome

THATS IT! we have to set up somewhere private to chat about this.

in the last 5 minutes ive posted/responded to a dozen posts.

i'm typing more here than i do on msn.

that and my inbox keeps getting 100+ messages overnight from machinegod XD

Aim or msn?

OH COME ON!
that was just too quick.

i vote msn, cause i dont like or use aim.
skype is also good (if my 4 year old version still works.)

steam is an option for me as well.

Steam works, or MSN.

What the feth is Skype?

its a way to use voice chat and msn at the same time...sort of.

a mate got me to download it years ago, but i only ever used it for about half an hour once.

add me on steam: shadowice558

Computer phone.

Silly really.

Oh snap, ninja'd.

Hmm.

My steam should be: brotherstynier

Steam is full of more Spyware than Sony's CD's D:

ill add you guys on msn
im corpsesarefun@hotmail.co.uk

mines on my profile.
same as my email really.

Mkay, I haz made a new MSN account, just click the button you lazy people

So for the purposes of designing a more unified story would it be ok if I added you guys to my MSN?

Apparently I cant find any of you on msn

yeah, feel free to add me to msn or steam as you see fit.