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This is where you post any suggestions for the fluff of the Lynx, a new race I made and have recently plucked up enough courage to post on these forums. This also has been made as a link from a previous discussion.
The basic fluff so far is:
Their origin is the Ghost Stars in the Ultima Segmentum. The Lynx used to be non-psykers, relying on their pure agility, intelligence and stealth to expand and survive. Their small scale empire was decimated by furious Warp Storms after a large crystal of unknown origin smashed into a nearby planet. When the Lynx went to investigate, they found a previously dead planet completely and utterly terraformed into a verdant paradise. What was even stranger is that the planet looked like it had been speared by a huge lance of florescent, turquoise crystal, (I'll try and get a picture of that), and it resonated with psychic energy. When a scout party was sent to investigate, they were captured by sheer awe, and (foolishly) tried to bring back some of the fabled crystal for use. This immediately caused an immense change in the Lynx's main DNA structure, giving them innate psychic talents rivalling that of the Eldar. Unfortunately, this psychic flare up tore open several portals to the Warp, resulting in a series of Warp storms (mentioned earlier) that cleansed almost all the planets the Lynx had inhabited of life, and cut off the planet the Lynx had just found from all external contact.
After the remaining Lynx living on the new planet overcame their shock, they began to experiment with their new found potential. Of course, the first demonstrations consisted of little more than psychic fireworks and simple levitation tricks. But these practices slowly escalated in frequency and power, until on one occasion a Lynx simply exploded whilst trying to twist a firestorm into rather interesting shapes. Nearby Lynx then collapsed into fits of agony, seemingly going insane from the death of a fellow psyker. This brought on a frantic search for a way for the Lynx to harness their amazing, but incredibly dangerous power.
The answer was found within the crystal that first altered the race. Some Lynx found that the power flow from this crystal wasn't just one way; they could return much of the power they absorbed straight back into the crystal, thereby limiting the power the Lynx could actually siphon off. Many of the Lynx began to wear pendants, earrings and all manner of psychic jewellery, all constructed with gold and the precious Animatrix Crystal that had brought their drastic change. The deaths from psychic misfires and accidents around the planet dropped dramatically. Soon after, more and more uses were found for the crystal, and the Lynx began their first tentative steps towards a bright future.
A few years after, Lynx miners dug their way into a catacomb of crystal, the same crystal that protruded from the poles of the planet. A few exploration parties were sent down, but hardly any returned. A few lone survivors stumbled out a few weeks after entering, half-starved and nearly mad. They ranted on about mist. Thick, grey, impenetrable mist, that lay deep within the planet's core. There, they said, a curiously shaped growth of crystal held the most insane and unbelievable thing they had ever seen. A portal, to another dimension, they said.
This generated an uproar in the Lynx society, every conversation held ended up discussing what this portal was, why it was there and if it was actually real. The Royal Family had a hard time trying to put the rumour to rest, before finally succumbing to civil pressure and allowing an expedition to go back down, find out why the portal was here, and to see if they could actually go through it. What the Lynx didn't know was that the portal was actually a Warp Portal connected to an Eldar Webway gate on an exodite world.
Not quite sure where to go from here, I do know that it ends up with the first contact wit the Eldar...
Give me some more time to think, still thinking up the fluff.

Erm.....Psychic powers come from the warp and soul, not DNA....That's why certain humans and all Eldar, along with other races can, not DNA.

What? No answer?

blood reaper wrote:Erm.....Psychic powers come from the warp and soul, not DNA....That's why certain humans and all Eldar, along with other races can, not DNA.

What? No answer?

Don't you need the genes to be a psyker? You need the correct DNA pattern to able to use the Warp, right? That's what I read on the wiki...

Mynameisalie wrote:

blood reaper wrote:Erm.....Psychic powers come from the warp and soul, not DNA....That's why certain humans and all Eldar, along with other races can, not DNA.

What? No answer?

Don't you need the genes to be a psyker? You need the correct DNA pattern to able to use the Warp, right? That's what I read.

That's the navigator gene, a human gene used to travel through the warp "safely".

Again, your fluff is full of holes.

It's a genetic mutation, like colour blindness.
The power itself is drawn from the warp however...

blood reaper wrote:

Mynameisalie wrote:

blood reaper wrote:Erm.....Psychic powers come from the warp and soul, not DNA....That's why certain humans and all Eldar, along with other races can, not DNA.

What? No answer?

Don't you need the genes to be a psyker? You need the correct DNA pattern to able to use the Warp, right? That's what I read.

That's the navigator gene, a human gene used to travel through the warp "safely".

Again, your fluff is full of holes.

I read that all living sentient beings make an impression on the Warp. But, that doesn't necessarily make you a psyker. You need the correct genes to be one. That's literally what I read and understood.

purplefood wrote:It's a genetic mutation, like colour blindness.
The power itself is drawn from the warp however...

That's exactly what I mean. The Lynx previously had very stable DNA and therefore had no psykers. When the crystal came along, it mutated the DNA into psyker DNA. See what I'm getting at?

But is it still decent?

Mynameisalie wrote:

blood reaper wrote:

Mynameisalie wrote:

blood reaper wrote:Erm.....Psychic powers come from the warp and soul, not DNA....That's why certain humans and all Eldar, along with other races can, not DNA.

What? No answer?

Don't you need the genes to be a psyker? You need the correct DNA pattern to able to use the Warp, right? That's what I read.

That's the navigator gene, a human gene used to travel through the warp "safely".

Again, your fluff is full of holes.

I read that all living sentient beings make an impression on the Warp. But, that doesn't necessarily make you a psyker. You need the correct genes to be one. That's literally what I read and understood.

You require the warp as well, being that the gene made them all psyker's, with a massive warp signature, they'd all ether explode or go mad in seconds.

Holey holey hole.

Mynameisalie wrote:But is it still decent?

Nope.

It really isn't, but it is cliched.

blood reaper wrote:

Mynameisalie wrote:

blood reaper wrote:

Mynameisalie wrote:

blood reaper wrote:Erm.....Psychic powers come from the warp and soul, not DNA....That's why certain humans and all Eldar, along with other races can, not DNA.

What? No answer?

Don't you need the genes to be a psyker? You need the correct DNA pattern to able to use the Warp, right? That's what I read.

That's the navigator gene, a human gene used to travel through the warp "safely".

Again, your fluff is full of holes.

I read that all living sentient beings make an impression on the Warp. But, that doesn't necessarily make you a psyker. You need the correct genes to be one. That's literally what I read and understood.

You require the warp as well, being that the gene made them all psyker's, with a massive warp signature, they'd all ether explode or go mad in seconds.

Holey holey hole.

There's one hole you've pointed out. They're not all insanely powerful, just a select few. Others are about the same as Eldar. Forget the alpha plus, alpha, beta thing I said earlier.

Yeah.

The Eldar are incredibly powerful.

Also, why isn't your entire race infected by the Enslavers?

blood reaper wrote:Yeah.

The Eldar are incredibly powerful.

Also, why isn't your entire race infected by the Enslavers?

Where should I add that in?
The part where the guy's head explodes?
And Enslavers... Do I have to out them in somewhere, or just make them as a short time plague until the Lynx learn how to bleed off the energy? I don't want them to be infected by enslavers permanently, but a short time plague will add a bit more flair to them...
And if you really do want to be helpful, could you please suggest where I go from the Eldar Webway bit? Don't be stupid or immature and just post something stupid. Try helping it flow.
And you have to admit, it's much better than my previous fluff.

(Faceplam)

What?

OK, I have no idea what your saying now.

Ok then, stop complaining ^_^.
Just read through the fluff again, and point out any holes you think are big enough to destabilize the entire fluff, suggest what to change it to, and I'll do it. Ok?
Oh and to prevent total psychic annihilation of all who stand in their way, most of their power is dedicated to their psychic shields. To prevent too much damage. So they only end up daring to use 25% of their potential. Like I said, they have to learn the hard way. To control their powers, I mean.

Mynameisalie wrote:Ok then, stop complaining ^_^.
Just read through the fluff again, and point out any holes you think are big enough to destabilize the entire fluff, suggest what to change it to, and I'll do it. Ok?

I have.

But your answer made no sense.

So again.

How does your race (with massive psychic potential on a grand scale) not succumb to

1: Pure insanity
2: Enslavers infestation
3: Corruption or attraction of Chaos
4: Possession by daemons
5: Exploding and starting a horrid warp storm
6: Creating another Chaos god

You forgot the suggest bit. ^_^.

Mynameisalie wrote:You forgot the suggest bit. ^_^.

This is why this project is such a failure.

You can't answer questions.

If you are going to write fiction, write it. It is ok to ask for insight and constructive criticism, which has been provided.

However, by asking for suggestions on how to fix your fiction, you are inviting people to add their interpretation and giving up your creative licensing to call it yours. It becomes a collaboration at that point.

From what I am seeing in the responses (both here and in your 40k posts) people are not interested in collaborating. While I commend you on attempting to cut a corner out of the 40k universe for yourself. I do not think you are going to be able to come up with something as substantial as you are intending.

My suggestion, think about the critiques mentioned. Take a day, week, or however long it takes to get YOUR creative juices flowing. Then, come back and fix/edit/rewrite your story in a way that corrects the errors, removes them, or explains them.

This way you maintain your creative license. I am not going to dash are scoff at your goal to get a new race sent to GW for approval. However, it is apparent you have a long way to go. Do not get discouraged, you have potential, but you have a lot of work to refine it.

blood reaper wrote:

Mynameisalie wrote:You forgot the suggest bit. ^_^.

This is why this project is such a failure.

You can't answer questions.

I can't! I have no idea how to solve those. I'm thinking as hard as I can. I understand that daemons and enslavers come from the psyker, I'm just not sure how to resolve them. I might include them. Do remember I have not finished the fluff. When I have finished the baseline, I will remove the problems you have presented. The baseline, currently, to me seems original and unflawed, but the overlying and detailed stuff needs work. Which I'm trying to fix.
Regarding the collaboration thing... It could become that. I don't know. I am trying to accept criticism here, but this blunt gak that comes along is really unhelpful.
I'll try to answer some for you.
1. Where did you get this. The Eldar are entirely psychic and they haven't gone insane. It's the same principle here.
2. Trying to work this one out
3. "
4. Thinking of some sort of barrier here... Maybe the crystal is a first resort? Not completely sure on how to resolve his.
5. Crystal jewellery absorbs most of their power. Did you read that? Or pretend to read it and ignore it completely? Probably the latter. Crystals absorb power and prevent them from using their full power. Ergo, not as many exploding heads and no Warp rifts ^_^.
6. ??? What? How would a chaos god actually be born in this case? I don't understand at all.

That "blunt gak" is what we call criticism.

Sometimes that is what criticism is, unhelpful. This is what you risk posting for the world to see. Some people will not like it no matter how you try to package it. That is the way of it.

Rivet wrote:Sometimes that is what criticism is, unhelpful. This is what you risk posting for the world to see. Some people will not like it no matter how you try to package it. That is the way of it.

Good point. List of people who will never like this idea no matter what I do to it:
blood reaper

Mynameisalie wrote:

Rivet wrote:Sometimes that is what criticism is, unhelpful. This is what you risk posting for the world to see. Some people will not like it no matter how you try to package it. That is the way of it.

Good point. List of people who will never like this idea no matter what I do to it:
blood reaper

Thanks, the fact I'm one of the few who's commented on this wouldn't effect your decision?

No, you won't and you know it.
You're a pain to please. You just hate my race. But haters gonna hate.

Now see, you are passive aggressively lashing out at someone for offering an opinion that is counter to your fiction. I would contend that blood reaper is very interested in seeing what you "could" do with your fiction if properly motivated. He is continuing to offer feedback and point out discrepancies. Which to be fair is what you asked for.
However, when he has offered it, you have reacted like a wounded animal instead of doing as I originally suggested and taking a step back and taking time to evaluate the issue.
Asking for his suggestions to fix the "holes" he pointed out is not the answer either in that it is not his job, nor does he want the job to fix it.
That is your job for originally starting the fiction in the first place.

I agree with rivet, YOU are the author and thus YOU should be writing this however so far you have done little but ask others to do it for you.

Mynameisalie wrote:

blood reaper wrote:

Mynameisalie wrote:You forgot the suggest bit. ^_^.

--->This is why this project is such a failure.<--- You call this criticism?

You can't answer questions.

I can't! I have no idea how to solve those. I'm thinking as hard as I can. I understand that daemons and enslavers come from the psyker, I'm just not sure how to resolve them. I might include them. Do remember I have not finished the fluff. When I have finished the baseline, I will remove the problems you have presented. The baseline, currently, to me seems original and unflawed, but the overlying and detailed stuff needs work. Which I'm trying to fix.
Regarding the collaboration thing... It could become that. I don't know. I am trying to accept criticism here, but this blunt gak that comes along is really unhelpful.
I'll try to answer some for you.
1. Where did you get this. The Eldar are entirely psychic and they haven't gone insane. It's the same principle here.
2. Trying to work this one out
3. "
4. Thinking of some sort of barrier here... Maybe the crystal is a first resort? Not completely sure on how to resolve his.
5. Crystal jewellery absorbs most of their power. Did you read that? Or pretend to read it and ignore it completely? Probably the latter. Crystals absorb power and prevent them from using their full power. Ergo, not as many exploding heads and no Warp rifts ^_^.
6. ??? What? How would a chaos god actually be born in this case? I don't understand at all.

Ok then. This is for blood reaper. Those 6 you have put forward I have done my best to answer. 2 and 3... I just don't know.

Mynameisalie wrote:No, you won't and you know it.
You're a pain to please. You just hate my race. But haters gonna hate.

"Haters gonna hate."



All credibility lost, kiddo.

Rivet wrote:Now see, you are passive aggressively lashing out at someone for offering an opinion that is counter to your fiction. I would contend that blood reaper is very interested in seeing what you "could" do with your fiction if properly motivated. He is continuing to offer feedback and point out discrepancies. Which to be fair is what you asked for.
However, when he has offered it, you have reacted like a wounded animal instead of doing as I originally suggested and taking a step back and taking time to evaluate the issue.
Asking for his suggestions to fix the "holes" he pointed out is not the answer either in that it is not his job, nor does he want the job to fix it.
That is your job for originally starting the fiction in the first place.

Why does he have to put a hole in everything I do though? I can't answer some of the holes he's putting forwards; I don't understand where he may have got them from and how to fix them. I have read the corresponding pages on the 40k wiki, like people have suggested previously, but I still don't get how some of those points work, or how to fix them.