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Good evening goulies and gentle-grots and welcome to the fourth and final heat of our Tonk-tastic tournament. It’s a beautiful moonlit night here at Death’s Door Stadium and the crowd have been dying to see these two terrifying Tonks battle it out for that semi-final slot.
Tonight is thriller night folks so if you’re brave enough to come out from hiding behind the sofa let’s meet the contenders.
Possessed of a malicious spirit with an abundance of flaming skulls and brought to you by Team Tzurk, it’s the Great Pumpkin. And, bred for battle and hungry for all that juicy pumpkin biomas, brought to you by Team Rabid Ferret, it’s The Gribbly Horror.
Officiating tonight from the vantage point of his high tower is Vampfred Von Reaper. Vampfred, what has the arena got in store for us tonight?
“Tonight, Motty, ve hev some goot surprises for ze contestants. Ze grave yard in the centre of ze arena, is a… an interesting place.
If ze Tonk disturb ze unquiet dead maybe something interesting happens…”
“Ok, Vampf. Stay off the graves to avoid…”
“But zat’s not all!”
“No?”
“Each team iz given four wandering booby traps. If a trap of ze opposing team makes contact you looze ze hull point.”
A real horror show out there by the sounds of it Vampfred. Now while the Tonks head out to the field it’s time to meet our sponsors.
Greetings biomass. The great devourer descends upon you to feast. But first, because terror tastes sweeter, we here at Hive Rabid Ferret have prepared for you all a feast for the eyes.
Behold the sleek and deadly bio/forms that lurk beneath your beds.
The face of hideous terror that awaits you in your nightmares.
And also what awaits you in the doggy park at playtime. Mmm dog food.
Hello frens, is me, Commander Boris Tzurkovich of Emperor's Finest Valhallan 134th.
I am here to say, all TONK is good TONK, but our TONK is best TONK.
If you like TONK, maybe you also like walking TONK, and over at the tzurkshop we have plenty those. See?
Also have shiny headache box galore if this is what you like.
And also we have Ashlander elf - and get this guy, he say to me, "under sun and sky, Mr Tzurkovich, I greet you warmly," but you know what? Is still cold!
And two hundred guardsmen of all regiments. And, and and and... ha! Stop talking now Boris, and more TONKing.
All of this is to say, good luck, and may best TONK win!
Fantastic stuff. I’m getting the green light here, the Tonks are in position, the zombies and spore-mines have been released. Let’s get this Tonk battle underway.
Both teams quick off the starting block and heading for a clash in the centre of the arena but it’s the Gribbler that has taken the initiative in these opening rounds.
Shots flying at range on both sides but neither team finding their mark with miss after miss as they both close the distance. No points on the board yet but the crowd here are on their feet.
Closer now and the dance of death has begun in earnest with the Gribbler manoeuvring to the side for what must be an easy shot. But No! Somehow the gobbet of pumpkin-melting acid goes wide of the mark! And the Tyranid Tonk reverses into the gap presenting only a strong frontal face to the enemy.
Team Tzurk not deterred are coming on with the attack delivering a decisive blow, a flaming skull hurled right in face of the Bio-Tonk for the first score on the board. The Gribbler appears to be vomiting pieces of ghostly skull here but the hive mind has cracked the synapse whip and the turret unleashing another close-range blast evens up the score.
And it looks like the Pumpkin is having some trouble turning to the left now. Sustaining damage like that this early in the matchup could prove decisive. But definitely not beaten yet, team Tzurk turn right and power forward with an aggressive ram, a vine whip that a Bulbasaur would be proud of.
Reversing out of contact again, the Tyranid bio-machine perhaps distracted, keeping an eye out for the wandering zombie just behind lets another shot from the turret mounted venom cannon go wide. But the return fire from the Pumpkin finds its mark claiming another point and extending the lead to 3 points to 1.
But Team Rabbid is still hungry for victory. Jaws wide they advance once again on the attack but all they get is a mouthful of flaming skull and another Miss from the big hose up top! It’s now 4-1 to Team Tzurk.
Motty the Goblin here with Match Official Vampfred Von Reaper as the Tonks below us at the base of the tower are clashing like sumo-the Great Pumpkin, still only able to turn to the right, has managed to bully into a side facing position, taking damage in the process! What do you make of it all Vampfred?
Ze Nid machine iz forced to make a difficult decision. Should it advance forward and present a rear target to ze enemy, reverse into closer proximity to ze zombie behind, or make a break for it zrough ze graveyard risking the wrath of ze unquiet dead?
It looks like we have our answer here folks and the Gribbler backs into the graveyard keeping a front face to the enemy but risking the very hand of death himself. This is about to get interesting.
[a 7 is rolled on the something Interesting happens chart- this is the only positive result on the table and the effect of this is to remove two hull damage points and give the player an instant free move.]
And it looks like the unquiet dead were more than happy to get in on the action and they’ve helped Team Rabid a good deal and given the Tyranid Tonk a boost coming out of the graveyard in better shape then they went in. Can you give us a score update Vamp, I’m struggling to follow this one.
I make it 2-2. Ze match is at a draw.
Right, now they’ve put a little distance between themselves and the Great Pumpkin appears to be spinning on the spot, turning to the right and heading in the opposite direction, as the Gribbler moves to skirt back around the graveyard.
Perhaps I see what’s happening here. Team Tzurk, still hampered with that limited mobility are taking refuge among the concentration of zombies that have gathered down in the lower quarter of the arena. Team Rabid will have a difficult approach whichever direction they attack from.
And here they come now emerging from around the side of the building with a long range shot, which again goes wide of the mark. You have to be seriously questioning the targeting systems of this Tonk at this stage.
And throwing caution to the wind, the undead veg rolls in on the attack but the Nid machine has gotten a taste for poltergeist pumpkin by now and takes another slice of pumpkin pie taking the lead for the first time in this match up. It’s 3-2 to Team Rabid!
But not to be outdone and with zombies closing in on the action the big Ghost takes aim with another flaming skull! It’s a skull-cracking shot to even the score once again. But what’s this?
[another roll of a 7 on the Something Interesting Happens chart for the Nid tonk] The Gribbler seems to have adapted its biome and is absorbing the shot, or maybe that slice of pumpkin pie was all the biomass it required to regenerate 2 hull points! Tell me the score Vampfred!
Ze score is 3-1 to Ze Team Rabid Ferret. Now get out of my booth Motty you’re prattling iz making ze head hurt.
Incredible action here folks as the Gribbly Horror absorbs all punishment and continues to circle the damaged Undead machine. But the Pumpkin now has seized the initiative and is powering forward once again playing 4D chess with the wandering zombies and trying to keep the action inside their range.
Undeterred and still in the lead the Gribbler advances for an easy close range shot to the exposed side of the… no I spoke too soon, the venom cannon is clearly cursed.
And what’s this! A wandering zombie from behind!
A clear impact on the rear of the Tyranid bio-Tonk as the pumpkin looks on with a grin.
But he laughed too soon, Folks! A wandering spore mine has been blowing down the field and falls against the Pumpkin right on cue. It’s now 4-2 to Team Rabid.
Back in the heart of the action now I’m on the ground for what must be the final throes of this epic battle. It’s been a pendulum of points swinging heavily in favour of one and then the other as these Tonks battle not only eachother but also the deadly environment of Death’s Door Stadium.
It looks like a gathering of supporters are on the field here trying to encourage one of our veteran Zombies to get into the action.
Both teams shaking off the impact of wandering hazards it’s Team Tzurk that’s first off the mark hammering the Tyranid hard with a double helping of flaming skull! And it looks like a devastating impact!
What is that smell? With bio-acid pouring onto the arena floor here the Gribbler looks to be in serious trouble and unable to move away from the encroaching zombies or indeed the enemy Tonk. Though the score is currently a drawn at 4 a-piece it’s not looking good for the great devourer.
A pitch invasion is well underway now with both Nids and the undead drawn into the spectacle, a phalanx of skeletons has formed on my flank here and the veteran Zombie appears to have seen enough; deaf to the cries of his fellow veterans he looks to be leaving this mortal realm.
No! Not that way! Don’t follow the light!
The pumpkin is on the move again but the Tyranid turret is still tracking and to the surprise of absolutely nobody the venom cannon has missed once again.
In position now to the rear of the Bio-tonk and under more threat from a wandering spore mine than the venom-cannon turret it has to be said, the Great Pumpkin delivers another flaming skull bomb bang on target.
A sniper Zombie shambles in at the last moment trying to steal the glory but finding only pre-chewed synapse-node where Braaaiiins should be it stops short scratching its flakey head. Unable to move out of the way the Tyranid Tonk responds in the only way it can with another gobsmackingly inaccurate shot at the Great Pumpkin. The zombie didn’t even duck.
Discretion being the better part of valour, Team Tzurk backs away from the potentially dangerous spore mine before laying the final punishment on the stricken Nid in flaming skull style.
Match Official Vampfred Von Reaper is on hand to count off the 6th and final Hull Point declaring it a conclusive 6-4 victory to Team Tzurk!
The rest of the Tyranid hive is gathering round now ready to reabsorb the biomass of their fallen hero but the shambling zombie has gotten their first.
Adding insult to injury he piles on for one last gratuitous assault causing the whole thing to go off with a tremendous boom. An altogether more satisfying conclusion to this epic battle.
So there you have it. Team Tzurk progresses to the semi finals where their Great Pumpkin will go head to head with Team Syro_’s Tekno-Rex.
I’m here with the winning Tonk now as the celebrations begin, sure to be a party fit to wake the dead.
Can you tell me what this victory means to you?
Vengeance, against all living flesh!
Um… ok. And have you given much thought to the upcoming battle with the Tekno-Rex?
Its bones will adorn the throne room of my Lych Temple.
Do you mean the metal ones like in the Terminator or the bone ones like in the Natural History Museum?
Whichever are more evocative of the eternal ennui of un-death in pursuit of untold knowledge and the unnatural extension of my existence. And also those that do not diminish the grandeur of the grisly trophies already there assembled, and that don’t clash with the drapes. We shall see.
We shall see indeed! Join us again when we return for the first of our Semi-Final bouts. Team Meer_Cat Vs Team Olthannon. The Airship and the Organ Tonk. Sure to be a spectacle not to be missed.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2024/01/22 01:36:38
Congratulations to Team tzurk, and thanks to theCrowe for another fun battle report. Quite a few turn-arounds, and I feel sorry for the cursed rolls of the gribbler. I also enjoyed seeing some of the spooks from Hedgie's Heroes. Here's hoping that Tekno-Rex will succeed where the gribbler couldn't.
Cursed rolls is right! I think my gun hit the target just one time in the whole game! And almost every ram on both sides caused self Damage! Crazy long game too, had to play in two sessions.
Now that was a great battle! Those must be homing skulls and that biocannon was surely cursed by the Liche king?!? An annual dakka-tonk-tourney sounds amazing!
Goberts Gubbins - P&M Blog, started with Oldhammer, often Blackstone Fortress and Void Panther Marines, with side projects along the way
Another fantastic game! It took me a little while to catch up on my sportscaster but this one was fantastic. Love the various on field traps and I feel for the poor symbiote who couldn't land a shot with that cannon!
Captain Brown wrote:Great post the Crowe for the Tonk-tastic tournament...all I can say is Exalted.
Cheers,
CB
Cheers Cap. Always an honour to be considered exalt-worthy.
gobert wrote:Now that was a great battle! Those must be homing skulls and that biocannon was surely cursed by the Liche king?!? An annual dakka-tonk-tourney sounds amazing!
I’ve been reluctant to commit to an Annual tournament but more and more it’s beginning to sound like a possibility. Maybe not just Tonks. Maybe something else next time. We’ll see.
tzurk wrote:Great bat rep theCrowe. What a roller coaster (roll MORE 7s)!
Glad the good guys won in the end though
Vine whip worthy of bulbasaur...lol. Go tzurk pumpkin tonk - the TZONKIN
I wanna be the very best, like no Tonk ever was! To shoot them is my real test, to smash them is my cause. Tonkémon!
Olthannon wrote:Another fantastic game! It took me a little while to catch up on my sportscaster but this one was fantastic. Love the various on field traps and I feel for the poor symbiote who couldn't land a shot with that cannon!
Yes these games are getting more and more complex but as long as it enhances the action I’m just going for it. I do have a very enthusiastic production assistant so it’s sometime a balancing act between what will enhance and what will explode the game.
In other very exciting news, we played the first Semi-Final this afternoon between Olthannon’s Organ Tonk and Meer_Cat’s Baloon Tonk. You both have another opportunity for a Sponsirahip message if there’s anything in particular you’d like me to spotlight. In the meantime I’ll get on with the write-up. Lots of fun surprises in store, and more 7’s too!
Welcome once again one and all to our first Semi-Final match up where Two returning champions will battle it out for a conveted place in the Grand Final.
It’s going to be a real battle here at the Tonktopia Scraptacular Arena “where Tonks come to die” as Team Olathanon’s Organ Tonk squares off against Team Meer_Cat’s Death from Above!
As ever there may be some surprises in store for us so it’s over to Refferee Chatter Teeth to tell you all about what our challengers will be facing today.
Thanks Motty, that’s right, our scrap yard of death presents all kinds of dangers to the Tonks today
The central spot where I’m standing is rigged up with a heavy power generator which may zap any Tonk within 3” (on a D6 roll of a 6) making this whole central area a potential danger zone. But the outskirts are far from safe. On each side of the arena there is a ranged turret which once triggered (either by a ramming Tonk or a stray shot) will target the nearest Tonk with one shot every turn! (In the same way as a shot from another Tonk )
That’s sounds nasty enough Chatta! And what can you tell me about these big pink buttons Chatta?
Yes, that’s not all. Those two buttons are each placed atop a cage containing something we have been harbouring here in the scrapyard area, nurturing it’s rage and contempt. Contenders can access the big pink buttons from the ramps behind to release the beasts but they do so at their peril!
Yikes! That’s a lot to contend with, but luckily our Tonks, being semi-finalists and all, will have some upgrades (as generated from page 7 UPGRaDEs Table)
These have been heavily guarded secrets of both teams’ R&D departments which they can now reveal here the first time. As the Tonks take their positions we’ll hear first from Team Meer_Cat. What extra upgrade have your boffins come up with?
Thanks Motty, the Meer_Cat crew have been working tirelessly since our first big win to develop a system to give us the edge in this semi-final.
Our boffins have installed a Coaxial Machine Gun which, while it doesn’t have the same armour-penetrating power of our main gun it can still cause havoc with minor systems. There’s no telling what interesting advantages we could gain on the battlefield with this.
Ho ho ho! Fythuwald here!
We at the Cooperative have developed our upgrade on the understanding that you can’t hit what you can’t see. That’s why we have installed a custom Smoke Grenade Launcher. This arena more than any other seems to warrant this kind of extra defensive strategy.
You might also be interested to know our smoke-machine prototype was used as the hazer on tour with Hermanos Guiltieres live at Best Kept Secret 2023.
I encourage you to listen to the music of Hermanos Guiltieres because it is awesome.
Well, the crowd are pumped and I’m super excited to see these two teams in action once again. Both Tonks are in position and Referee Chatterteeth sounds the klaxon to start the matchup.
First off the blocks it’s the Balloon Tonk hovering up the outside while the Organ Tonk rumbled full speed ahead into the centre of the arena.
Still moving around the outside it looks like team Meer_Cat are actually heading for the ramp to release one of the beasts from its cage.
The organ Tonk with no target yet in sight has stopped short of the potential zap range of that central scrap pile and is lining up to unleash hell on the bottom of the ramp.
And the first shots of the match fail to open the scoring as the airship defies the barrage from the organ Tonk and powers up the ramp to release the beast! And not content with that team Meer_Cat shoots from atop the cage with a heavy hit, opening the scoring. Death From Above indeed!
And the Organ Tonk is reeling, reversing back toward the central danger zone only narrowly avoiding a jolt of electricity from the Junkyard-generator.
But now as the cage opens the crowd erupt into cheers as, YES! It’s the Resurrected Rocket Tonk of team Pyroalchi emerging from the cage!
Referee Chatterteeth, what’s going on here?
The mystery beast that has been released is a returning Tonk given a chance for vengeance against the Tonk that put it out of the tournament. My scrapyard minions have allowed this chance for revenge by returning the Tonk to operational status but with only one single Hull Point.
Excellent stuff, Ref. So a Tonk seeking revenge will have to do so fast.
But the Organ Tonk has other plans and faced with two opponents training their guns on their juicy yellow hull, team Olthannon’s Driver has elected to deploy that smoke and reverse out of there.
Speaking of reversing the Airship has to backtrack down the ramp, but the Rocket Tonk, seeing its old enemy obscured from its sights isn’t able to fire. So while the Organ Tonk continues beating a retreat, it looks like team Pyro is advancing down the other side of the Zzapp-Scrap to head them off in what looks like a second race for the second button!
Meanwhile the smoke cloud has floated over to Obscure one of the arena turrets. Poor Bazalcrunt over there hasn’t remembered to pack his gas mask.
Now the airship emerges from the back alleys of the arena and fires a huge long range shot impacting the rear of the Organ Tonk’s left track. That looks like it could be a challenge for team Olthannon if they can no longer turn left, but they are powering forward regardless, heading for the end of the ramp below me.
But look now!
The rocket Tonk emerges with a surprise move, getting up close and personal but failing to get a shot off in time as the Organ Tonk grabs the initiative and spins to the right to present the heavier frontal armour as well as its trio of guns. The shot is deafening as the side of the Rocket Tonk takes a devastating hit Putting an end to this Tonks attempted revenge.
But while the Organ Tonk proceeds to head up the ramp, Team_Meercat are up to no good in the centre of the arena. Are they deliberately hiding in the smoke cloud and activating the turret?
Dangerous tactics perhaps but they have time and space to do it while the opposition is busy over here reversing up the ramp…
To Release another Beast of War!
The crowd erupts once again as another returning Tonk emerges into the arena! None other than Gobert the Tonk-Engine! With a maddening roar! A beast has truly been unleashed, turning the tables on team Meet_Cat with a furious charge and a clear hit on-target against the Balloon Tonk.
Beset now under the sights of two Tonks, and with even old Bazalcrunt on the Squig cannon getting a shot in, taking another hit to their armoured hull, team Meer_Cat have really bitten off more than they can chew! It’s even Steven’s at 2 all.
But wait! Is that the waft of jam sandwiches in the Smokey air? Yes I believe Team Meet_Cat have broken out their lunchboxes early and are shrugging off their first two injuries with utter contempt. The score is back to 2:0 as the Airship turns to face their heavier frontal armour to the enemy and reverses away. It looks like they are attempting to leave the newly arrived Tonk-Engine to the mercy of Bazalcrunt’s Squig Cannon.
But the wandering gas cloud is on the move again and once again it’s old Bazalcrunt that gets a face full of smoke leaving Gobert the Tonk-Engine unhindered in its pursuit of revenge. Meanwhile the somewhat hindered Organ Tonk is still manoeuvring down the ramp and returning to the battle.
Now in the centre of the arena, that palpable electric charge is humming in the air as the Match Official Referee Chatterteeth is once again firing up the generator. Two Tonks stand a very real chance of falling foul of the central arena hazard here! And Gobert, returning with only a single hull point to play with is risking it all.
But No! As both Tonks circle dangerously close it’s only the Airship that draws the lightning. And amazingly at this late stage in proceedings that’s still only a single point of hull damage on the scoreboard against team Meer_Cat.
Still pressing the attack and reckless as ever the Tonk-Engine comes in at Ramming speed! A sickening crunch felt across the whole arena there folks.
Even the Dog in the fog felt that one, though I doubt he has a clue what it was.
And the Tonk-Engine goes up in flames!
A catastrophic explosion that I believe has left the Airship down another Hull point! A last parting gift from its arch rival whose contribution to this match up has pulled back the 2 point lead for the Organ Tonk bringing the score even once again at 2 a piece!
And in position now, at range (and with no cause to turn left) the Organ Tonk is carrying on the initiative of this battle, the ballon weathering another salvo of incoming fire, but returning the same. These long range frontal attacks proving ineffective on both sides. But one of the Organ Tonk’s shots have gone wide and struck a barrel behind the target;
The Airship’s rear armour only barely fending off the explosive damage.
Seeing the even heavier storage tanks behind them it looks like the Airship isn’t hanging around to see if they might explode too. Team Meer_cat is taking cover behind some altogether less explosive terrain.
With little choice but to run the gauntlet now Team Olthannon is advancing past the generator
and Yes, reviving the requisite punishment for encroaching on Chatterteeth’s territory. They take position on the other side of the corner a hull point the worse for ware.
Now we come to it folks, something of a stalemate is developing here as both Tonks play peekaboo, firing point blank at each other round the corner of my perhaps I’ll chosen commentary box.
The frontal armour of each Tonk taking a hammering but not yielding to the punishment. But wait! The Airship’s coaxial machine gun is paying dividends now with a stray bullet ignites the magazine inside the Organ Tonk claiming another Hull point, putting Team Meer_Cat two points clear now.
And the punishment just keeps on pounding here but it’s The Balloon Tonk that makes the first move! Breaking from cover and advancing for a shot at the side, and at this close range the result is a resounding hit!
It’s 5-2 to Team Meer_Cat now but they’re in a dangerous position as Team Olthannon advances into position, turning to the right for an answering shot, clawing back the lead by one Hull point.
It’s a manoeuvring game now, the old dance of death is begun in earnest, with shot after shot, failing to find their mark as each Tonk keeps a heavily armoured front to the fore.
Both teams better keep an eye out on the wandering gas cloud, it’s crossed over Referee Chatterteeth’s electrically charged zone and has picked up a little lightning on the way!
And this time it’s The Organ Tonk the aggressor as they are going in for the Ram! A serious impact and a statement of intent. The lead is slipping away here as it’s now 5-4 with all to play for.
As the Balloon backs out of the tangled metal They slam on the breaks. Not a yard behind there looms a dangerous looking electrical storm. But the Airship has some lightening of its own and with a terrific zaaap it’s goodnight for the Organ Tonk taking that sixth and final… no wait! Is that Jam Sandwiches I can smell?
It is! In an incredible display of tenacity and determination Team Olthannon are cracking open their lunch boxes and claiming back an incredible two hull points! Unbelievably it’s now neck and neck with 4 points apiece!
But the coaxial machine gun has played its part again scoring a critical second track damage on the Organ Tonk, leaving Team Olthannon immobilised out there on the battlefield!
The Airship takes to flight now, moving fast and direct for cover as the turret of Organ Tonk traverses after it scoring an easy hit on the rear armour of the flying Tonk. Team Olthannon taking a slender lead for the first time in this matchup.
But the move was a calculated risk and we can see now the development of Team Meer_Cat’s strategy, as they disappear around the corner, safe from the immobilised Organ Tonk’s field of fire, and train their own guns to activate the arena turret cannon.
Well the writing seems to be on the wall folks, as the Very Hungry Caterpillar opens up on the nearest Tonk to him, it’s a resounding kersplat with the junk cannon on the rear of the Organ Tonk, but he’s still hungry! And as Team Meer_Cat look on, battered down to their final Hull point, nobody can say they haven’t battled hard for this inevitable victory.
And with another shot falling hard on the immobilised Organ Tonk, Referee Chatterteeth calls the score, a final 6-5 in favour of our first finalists, Team Meerr_Cat’s Death from Above!
What a Semi-Final and what a result for Death From Above, the airship rising above the rest, battling through to finally come out on top! They’ve shown skill, engineering and strategy and they’re going to need all three again when they face off against the winner of next semi final bout.
Will it be the winning spirit of the Great Pumpkin or the advanced technology of the Tekno-Rex?
Join me again next time for a monster of a match up!
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2024/03/18 00:43:26
Cheers guys. Glad I haven’t lost your enthusiasm in the long wait to put this one out.
We’ve played the second Semi-Final too so I’ll be writing it up. In the meantime, Tzurk and Syro_ if you have anything by way of a sponsorship message, anything you’d like me to point to or invite everyone to go check out just let me know and it’ll go into the write up for your big Semi Final coming up next, when The Tekno-Rex takes on The Great Pumpkin.
It’s going to be a monster of a match up!
Another great batrep theCrowe full of unpredictable action. Congratulations Meer_Cat! And good game Olthannon, it wasa close one.
@theCrowe: Beyond the picture I sent you a while back, I'm not sure of anything else to add. You're much better with these sponsorship messages than I am, so just follow your muse.
As preparations for the second Semifinal of the TONKS! tournament were close to complete it appears that there has been an accident. Two accidents perhaps, as both of the contenders in the upcoming semi-final have been struck by the controversial Hyper-Imbiggenator Ray under development at Helix Labs. We’re hearing that some sort of a short-circuit caused by a stray baseball has resulted in a supercharged blast which caused both TONKS! Contenders to grow to enormous proportions.
Our roving reporter Motty the Gobblin has been dispatched to the scene. Motty what can you tell us?
Motty the goblin here reporting from a helicopter somewhere over the outskirts of Tonktopolis where pandemonium is breaking loose!
As you’ve just heard our two semi-finalists have just been Imbiggenated, meaning, they’re both stupendously huge! An extreme threat warning has been issued by city officials and all the armed forces have been put into full alert.
I’ve just taken off from TonkaTonka airfield where an absolutely preposterously huge Tekno-Rex is stalking around.
Reports are also coming in from the Naval Forces out in Galvestonk Bay that the Great Pumpkin, now a considerably greater haunted vegetable, is quite literally “At Large” in the waters just offshore from the city of Tonktopolis.
Port Athorities have deployed Referee Atlas, I mean Colonel Atlas to try to take command of the situation on the ground.
Boss AllDaGubbinz, you created the Tekno-Rex, what kind of armaments do our armed forces have to deal with today?
Our Tekno-Rex is tooled up to da teef wif All Da Gubbinz! But most impressive is da Brandest-Newest most teknikalest dakka wot goes on fire!
You mean you equipped that monster with Incendiary Rounds?
Wot? No! Itz Dakka wot makes Fire! We iz dead excited to see dis, and if you give us a chance to fetch me ladz we’ll join it on da battlefield in our new and improved Tekno-Squiggoth!
Commander, what do you plan to do about your massive runaway Pumpkin Tonk.
I will say, all TONK is good TONK, but BIG TONK is best TONK.
But it’s threatening downtown Tonktopolis! Every available resource the armed forces have to muster has been called out to defend the populace!
Is not problem. Team Tzurk has equipped Tonk with stolen technology. Same coaxial machine gun will make for interesting battle, yes?
I’m not sure that was what I meant but… ok, now we’re going live again to Motty our eye in the sky, what’s going on Motty?
The Tekno-Rex is on the move and it’s just stomped right over the Tonka-Tonka airbase.
My pilot is using our brightly coloured helicopter to distract the beast. Apparently it’s vision is based on movement.
Be careful Motty! You’re our only reporter on the scene!
He seems to have moved on now, giving the airbase a chance to scramble fighters.
Thankfully the emergency field hospital being set up out here has avoided a stomping but no doubt they’ll be inundated soon enough as the Tekno-Rex is heading over the river and into the city district.
We’ve got another camera-grot scrambling a float-plane, I can only hope he makes it into the air in time.
We’re hearing on official channels that the Lord Admiral has authorised all ships to engage the Tonks. There are torpedoes in the water!
But the overgrown veggie had side-stepped it and it looks like the Great Pumpkin is giving back plenty of punishment. HMS Jam Sandwich is in the air now, held aloft like a football. We can only hope our camera grot in the floatplane isn’t the target.
No! It’s Helix Labs!
They take a two thousand tonne destroyer right in the face! Oh the humanity!
Good to see some survivors in the water there, Motty.
No time for survivors, Lairdy! We’re going live now to Dr James in Helix Labs. Dr James is everything alright over there?
Well the visitor centre has taken a hammering but we’re confident we can transition the facility into a Museum-Ship by the tourist season so I think we’ll be alright, yes.
But what about the Rampaging Tonks?!
Oh yes well, funny you should ask… we have in fact been working on a countermeasure of our own, it still needs some some work on its targeting but…
Dr James! You’re breaking up! Dr James.
We’ve lost the signal from the labs and I think I know why as the Tekno-Rex is coming in from behind! It’s peeling the lid off the lab like a tin of tuna! And emerging from the flames… Yes! It’s a resurrected and embiggenated Gribbly Horror!
I know, and the Gribbler has notoriously poor aim.
They’re trading shots now, the Tekno-Rex offloading a volley of incendiary rounds, missing the target but thankfully discharging harmlessly into the sea.
The ghostly flaming skulls of the pumpkin however are raining horror down on the citizens of Tonktopolis as the Rex takes shelter among the city skyline.
The Pumpkin is on the move coming into port as the Gribbler belches supersized venom from its cannon, but sadly the environmental impact is the only disaster we’re going to see from that shot.
The Gribbler looks to be heading out to sea now, with HMS Jam Sandwich fused to the cannon. We can only hope the superior navy gunnery will help its aim.
As the fighters now begin their sweep in over the shore line it’s the Tekno-Tex in their sights still rampaging through the city. But no heed it pays as another incendiary round flies at the pumpkin.
And shells are coming in from the ships standing offshore too, and more from HMS Jam Sandwich directed by the Gribbler. But the Great Pumpkin seems all but invulnerable as an incredible five shots ping off it’s haunted-hide.
And it’s the Gribbler drawing the heat now as the Pumpkin retaliates with a sure shot, holing the swimming monstrosity below the waterline and sending it to the bottom of the briny deep.
So with that important message out of the way, and HMS Jam Sandwich once again afloat in Galvistonk Bay it’s hard to believe that both Tonks in this semi final match up are still at full capacity as the score remains 0-0
As Referee Atlas finally steps up to officiate this match we get a sense of just how colossal these Tonks are! That’s a hundred ton battlemech being dwarfed by these two mighty contenders.
Tekno-Rex is advancing on the attack now, but if you want those incendiary rounds to really count you gotta hit the target first.
And the Pumpkin, still cool under fire here has its tendrils around a huge Red Cross foreign aid package that was due to be loaded down there at the docks.
No I think they’re perfectly within their legal rights as the Pumpkin is clearly intending to use it as a weapon!
But the Tekno-Rex must be frustrated with his poor shooting so far. He charges in on the attack for the first big ram of the match-up, crossing the narrow bridge as he does so.
But it’s a big slip-up for the technological tyrant as he misses his footing and comes crashing down, bringing the referee down with him!
And the Great Pumpkin now is dropping the Foreign Aid harder than a politician in an election year, the Tekno-Rex taking a hefty impact to the head there but it appears to be eating the aid packages… and yes, we’re hearing from official channels those were military grade jam sandwiches and Referee Atlas is back on his feet and counting back the scoring, it’s back to 0 a-piece.
Both Tonks have cleared the city now and are heading into the countryside where Garrison Alpha is on high alert.
HMS Jam Sandwich is firing her guns now, apparently somewhat annoyed at her earlier treatment, a Heavy Cruiser and an aircraft carrier moving in to support. The Great Pumpkin appears to have taken some damage from the naval barrage but at this stage the Tonks only have eyes for eachother. Trading shots, the Pumpkin again hits home dispelling the Rex’s slender lead to even up the score.
Back on its feet and firing on the run the Rex’s shot has gone wide, though and it’s hit the Heavy Cruiser; incendiary rounds doing their worst aboard the naval vessel now in flames, As the Tonks race to the button, at Garrison Alpha HQ.
Commandant Krank of Garrison Alpha is joining us live from Thalassia military base in the outskirts of Tonkopolis.
Commandant, you’ve seen what these Tonks are capable of in the City, you’ve seen them shrug off the worst the navy can throw at them. Is it time to panic? Surely a full evacuation is our only hope?
Nonsense Motty, we’ve got them right where we want them. The boffins at Helix Labs aren’t the only ones with secret weapons you know! Garrison Alpha, operation Mega-Mighty-Mini deploy!
There it is!
Emerging from the trees, an enormous sized Mighty-Mini-Russ is now turning the tide on the Tekno-Rex with a shot right out of the gate, stating it’s intentions emphatically and putting a 2nd point of damage on the digital Dino.
That’s 2-1 in favour of teas Tzurk’s Great Pumpkin, as the Tekno-Rex reverses out of the fight keeping its front armour to both enemy Tonks. It’s heading back over the river and Garrisson Alpha are advancing in hot pursuit.
But the fighters are sweeping in from behind with a neat bit of vengeance on the Rex for its earlier trampling of their airfield. Making that a third strike in quick succession agains the Tekno-Rex and….
Sorry folks, we’re showing pictures now from our live eye in the sky, and it looks like Motty’s helicopter has gone down. It must’ve gotten too close to the action!
But it looks like the Pumpkin is heading back over the bridge to bracket the downed Tekno-Rex between them.
Is there any sign of Motty?
I’m ok Lairdy! I got thrown out of the chopper but I can still see the action from up in this tree. And I can tell you it’s carnage out here! It was a flaming skull that took out the chopper before it slammed into the Rex. We all went down but the fight continues. As the embattled Rex attempts to claw back some hope, but it’s 4 to 1 down and in a very dangerous position.
It’s Dino-in-the-middle here and the Pumpkin has the initiative. Together with the Russ they’re firing from both sides now, and it’s not clear which one has scored a hit but Referee Atlas is chalking a 5th hull point on the board against the Rex. It’s a mountain to climb for Team Syro_ as they face enemies on two fronts. With the turret to the rear and a forward charge toward the Russ, Tekno-Rex is giving it all its got on both fronts.
The Ref scores that as one more desperate hit on the Pumpkin, but the incendiary rounds fail to light it up. With only two Hull Points down on the undead produce, it might be too little too late.
They’ve been up for a while now, they might be bingo fuel. It looks like they’re returning to base…as the Rex plows into the Russ. Both Tonks with a single Hull Point to their name. It’s all or nothing for the Rex now.
but it hasn’t seen those fighters coming in and it’s stumbled right into their flight path.
With a resounding crash the titans collide and one of the fighters goes in hard! The mighty Tekno-Rex has fallen at last!
Referee Atlas declares this one a victory for the Great Pumpkin, who despite weathering a hell of a hail storm throughout this bout is still only down 2 points.
The Ref is directing traffic now as they corral the Pumpkin into a cordon. A flurry of Medics are on hand too and the downed airman appears to have emerged alive!
The Pumpkin, victorious is laying down its flaming skulls rather than be annihilated by the combined firepower of the armed forces. I think perhaps it’s safe to call this emergency over. Now if only I can get out of this tree… back to you in the studio Lairdy.
Join us again soon when the Tonks return for the Tournament Grand Final featuring Team Meer-Cat’s high flying Death From Above and Team Tzurk’s ghastly Great Pumpkin, in the battle to be crowned King of Tonks!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Thanks everyone for joining us again for another fun matchup. One of my favourite games to date. Big thanks to KidCthulhu for help providing our news anchor and the pics for going live to Helix Labs and Garrison Alpha. It was really fun to get you in on the story there. Sorry for the long wait getting this one written up. The boy and I are still brainstorming ideas for the big final but he has some school end of year exams coming up so we’ll have to wait into the end of May before we’ll get a chance to play but trust me. The final promises to be a real epic battle and hopefully will be well worth the wait.
Nice win team Tzurk And poor Tekno Rex It's still a winner in my book.
That was a really in depth and action packed battle report, theCrowe. It looks like a lot of work. How do you come up with these chaotic and amazing scenarios?
Wow, that was insane! I loved it all! Also glad you were able to make so much use of Miss Easton; she rarely gets to do anything outside of 28mm stories
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2024/05/01 00:31:44
Syro_ wrote: Nice win team Tzurk And poor Tekno Rex It's still a winner in my book.
That was a really in depth and action packed battle report, theCrowe. It looks like a lot of work. How do you come up with these chaotic and amazing scenarios?
Cheers Syro_. I have a vast and varied collection from nearly 30 years of gaming and a 12 year old gaming buddy with a wild and creative imagination. Combine these with a very basic and forgiving rule set and the stories unfold in their own weird ways. I wish they'd write up their own battle reports too.
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KidCthulhu wrote: Wow, that was insane! I loved it all! Also glad you were able to make so much use of Miss Easton; she rarely gets to do anything outside of 28mm stories
I’m always glad for an opportunity to collaborate a bit. The whole point of this sponsorship thing, just to bring everybody in on the action. Thanks for being part of the party.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2024/05/01 22:24:59
What a terrific concept for staging the battle! Another wonderful story and so much fun to read through (and a tremendous lot of work for you- thank you very much for all the effort!)
I think at the end, Tekno Rex was contemplating the ephemeral nature of life- when one's brief span on this mundane plane is measured in fleeting half-lives of Strontium-90, it really makes you appreciate being in the moment....
Well done!
"He fears his fate too much, or his desserts are small, who will not put it to a single touch; to win- or lose- it all."
Finished Forge World Elysian Army 
Finished Tau Sept Cadre 
Finished Ork Waaagh | 
Alaitoc Eldar Warhost 
Finished Order of Our Martyred Lady - Sisters of Battle 
Finished Necromundian Imperial Guard Regiment 
full of unpredictable action. Congratulations Meer_Cat! And good game Olthannon, it wasa close one.
It's still a winner in my book.
