Basically just write a few sentences about things you do not want to hear during a 40k battle. Also write which army wouldnt want to hear it


IG: Fix Bayonets!!!
What do you mean the leman russ is out of gas?
C,mon you guys. Chaos isnt that evil
Why are the Space wolves pointng thier guns at us
We are out of ammo and have no rienforcements while 1000 orks are trynig to kill us. Lets charge them.

"Welcome to the black crusade!
Your new CO is an up and coming leader... Kharn. Just stay close to him and you should be fine"

Space Marine Squad: 20 Lasguns switching to Rapidfire

'Oh, sh*t. Was that your [insert model here] on the floor?'

"Footslogging Berzerker Horde is cheesy."

"Orks are overpowered."

"Don't you have Tau? Bring them next time so I can fight something that isn't broken or cheesy"

**Spoken by IG Sergent***
"Is that a guitar I hear? Is the an IGSO concert?!? I love music!"

**Bamph** his head explodes...

KMKhaine wrote:"Welcome to the black crusade!
Your new CO is an up and coming leader... Kharn. Just stay close to him and you should be fine"

Man that made me crack up.


Crimson fist Officer: Man oh man it suuuuuure is a beautiful day here on Rynns world........ hmmm it suuuuure is getting dark all a sudden....
good ol ORKS!!!! bwa hahahaha

KingCracker wrote:

KMKhaine wrote:"Welcome to the black crusade!
Your new CO is an up and coming leader... Kharn. Just stay close to him and you should be fine"

Man that made me crack up.

I'm glad someone got it...



[ent scene: siege at the imperial palace]
Lt commander of Luna Wolves "We have breached the Imperial palace!! Only faith blinded marines of the false emperor stand in our way now! Horus will win the day!!!"

Fulgrim, "Only marines? %^@#$ we left all the women and children in the city! Quick men all the fun is back there!!!"

Lt commander of Luna Wolves, "WHAT THE - *bamph* shot in head

Thousand Sons Marine: What a great day to be fighting in the name of Tzeentch! Gee, I sure am invincible! Oh look, I just took a bolt to the chest, nothing major. But what is this fading feeling?

*looks down*

I'M FALLING OUT OF ME! AAAARRRGH!

"it's not fair, IG have twice as many kill points as everybody else"

Friend (who's death company have felt flamestorm cannons): "du har, my death company have a 2+ save re-rollable, 4+ invol, 2+cover save and feel no pain"

Me:"sure they do"

Guardsman: Milord, on our left flank there is a moderate-sized swarm of Rippers, nothing we couldn't take on even if it reached our line.

Officer: Go on,

Guardsman: And on our RIGHT flank, there is a herd of Carnifexes that could very easily overwhelm us if we don't direct the artillery at them now. Your orders?

Officer: ...

Guardsman: ...?

Officer: ...!

Guardsman: Milord?

Officer: SHOOT THE RIPPERS!!!

(Spoken by a rookie guardsmen)

Look at the cute little rippers.Cute little rippers. Come were. Uhh they want a cuddle. We are they opening thier mouths? Wait, no nooooo.

Recruit Space Marine: Hey guys, look at my new girlfrien. Isnt she hot. I know she has claws for hands and is a little purplish but she good in bed.

*Inquisitor arrives after Sisters of Battle have successfully wiped out a Daemon infested city

Inq: Report, i see you have met a fierce resistance.

Celestian : We suffered no casualties, not even a wound , the emperor protects us.

Inq , then where are all the blood from?

Celestian : Its that time of the month, when we shall drown our enemies in crimson river of death!

Inq: ? what do you mean?



Image removed as it is inappropriate for a family-friendly forum

--yakface

"Congratulations!

You've been promoted to sergeant of our 5-man devastator squad."

IG Sergeant: "Well rookie welcome to the guard, you seem to be getting along with everyone so well that where gonna give you the privalege of letting you carry the squad's plasma gun!"

Rookie: " aW really, I won't let you down sarge!"

Sarge: "I know you won't rookie, I know you won't" ( to the other guardsmen.)

(Later during a Tyranid Invasion)

Sarge: "Rookie double shot that gaunt swarm!"

Rookie: "Yes sir!" (Miss hits 3 gardsmen, miss hits sentinel, and overheats, fails armour save.)

Sarge: "Crap not again!"

Commissar: "Sargeant, fix bayonets and charge that carnifex!"

Sarge: "Which one Commissar they're everywhere?!!!!"

Commissar: "That one over there next to the demolisher wreck and dead Terminator squad, the one with the claws and tusks that looks like my exwife!"

Sarge: "Yes sir!"

Gaurdsmen: "Sarge what's that rumbling?!" (Trygon explodes from the ground devouring the sarge and the rest of his squad before it dissapears)

Commissar: (standing on the edge of the blood soaked crater, draws his chain sword) "There's always a bigger fish, (turning to his aid), come Patsy where going down after it!"

Lol I was bored decided to write a short story of bad things to hear, hope everyone likes it.

Orkeosaurus wrote:"Congratulations!

You've been promoted to sergeant of our 5-man devastator squad."

Now that is good ^%$#

IG: We're going in.

Ork Warboss:Noooo,there's nothing left ta kill!

Back when there were chapter traits my opponents used to love this one...

Now I'll just infiltrate in my devastators, and tactical squad 1, and tactical squad 2, and the veterans...

"o i am deploying my wolf scouts with a wolf guard behind you now, enjoy the plasma gun goodness to your rear armor" ^^

Guard:
"Oh, so we are fighting something other than Orks or traitor guard?"

"Hey you only have to hold off the chaos terminators for 3 hours"

"What do you mean it's my turn to carry the plasma gun?"

"What do you mean, charge the defiler? F that there is no way I am going to..... Oh hi Commisar.... BAMF!"

"It's okay, I've got glue"

(At Me, when playing Tau)
"..you are such a wimp, you wont even get into HtH. Stop being a baby and do real men things." [then i table them from shooting] and people ask what happened they say: " he won but is cheating scardycat that needs to play a proper army.."
And I just want to slugg the M****** F******!!!

"Hold on, my wife's calling me"

quartermaster: there ya go trooper.. theres yer brand new lasgun, NEVER been fired neither!!

trooper mumbling: ok, trigger, trigger guard... ok, just like the manual, so far so good... next, check the safety, lets see.. safe, flashlight, lho-stick lighter, eye-numbing irritant... HEY!!!! wheres the kill setting!?"

I'll just be one minute I need to find an offering to the dark gods,now wheres that shopkeeper go off to?

Tau: Hmm, they're impervious to our ranged weapons, sir.

Tyranids: Insert Pac-Man sound.

Fabius Bile "Here taste this..."

"Oh come on, that huge flaming dude with the sword can't be THAT good."

"If you're feeling sick you'll probably want to talk to Fabius about it, he's good with medicines and stuff. "

Eldar: "Us Aspect warriors get all the glory, I think we should leave this one to the guardians."

Space Marine (or MEQ equivalent):

"What's that round thing the looney guardsman is tossing at me?"

(demolition charges!)

"What the hell are you talking about - He's is like a brother to me. You are so very wrong about him you ignorant xenos"

---The Emperor spoken to Eldrad

From 'Nids to Gaurd: "Yes, in fact. I did give my Carnifex Bonded Exo-skeleton."
Anyone to Nids: "That hissing noise is the sound of your last Synapse creatures head melting."
"Despite the fact that you still have half your army and I only have one gaurdsman, I just shot your unit off your objective, its 5th turn, I have my objective, and I just rolled a 2 to see if we continue."
From a Commisar to an IG Gaurdsman: "Yes, there will be a fight."

You lose.

Scouts

Sarge: Here Rookie, put this camo on when the rippers come, and just stand there. we'll take care of the rest.

*rookie puts on shirt that says "1000% Beef!" and Holds a sign that says "EAT ME FIRST!"

....when you're playing Horde Orks that like Close Combat....

"TIME! Everyone put down your dice!"

"If you think that is the best course of action, Inquisitor Alpharius..."

"Here's my Bloodthirster."

GW Employee: "Dude, Kanz are BS2. Read your codex."

GW Employee: "Fail."

The last thing you want to hear no matter what faction you play: Jervis Johnson has been assigned to write the new codex.

Now thats scary, and deserves a screaming noise similar to what you get when a Genestealer assaults a gaurd squad.
"Honey, I cleaned house and threw out all those junky bits of plastic you left lying over your desk."

Orkeosaurus wrote:"Congratulations!

You've been promoted to sergeant of our 5-man devastator squad."

ROFL...

Along those same lines.

"Alright mates, you lot is wats been picked to be in me biker gang. I gotsa a difrun piece a gear for each uv use..."

"boss wut gear do i get?"

"ammo runt!"

Mattlov wrote:Tyranids: Insert Pac-Man sound.

Sir, I salute you.

also:

Tyranids: Insert French accented soldiers.

Oh damn. I forgot my lighter for my smokes. Corporal,pass me the flamer............

What do you mean your suppose to throw the grenade not the pin...........

"The chinese restaurant won't deliver."

Grey Knight: I have good news, we gave you a nice new Dreadnought body.

Dreadnought: YES!

Grey Knight: With a built in assault cannon.

Dreadnought: NOOOOO!

Lordhat wrote:The last thing you want to hear no matter what faction you play: Jervis Johnson has been assigned to write the new codex.

...and along those same lines....

"Hi, I'm your next opponent, and Gave Thorpe wrote my codex!"

in homage to a user's screen name:

"what snipe-----"

Terminator prior to deep striking "What could possibly go wrong?"

"Did you hear? C.S. Goto is writing a new Blood Ravens novel!"

IG on a Plasma cannon shot: "Hey sarge! whats that glowing blue ball coming at us?"

IG: "Hey, the commissar is looking for you."

Chimera driving along....

(It stops)

Commissar:Ok,who forgot to gas the vechile up?

"Sorry I dripped hot sauce on your Army Leader. Shouldn't hurt the paint, right?"

"It's ok if I haven't primered most of them yet, right? Oh, and hold on, I just gotta get these off the sprue, give 'em a few minutes for the glue to set and I'll be ready to start. Oh yeah, I gotta tighten up my army list. It's cool if my 3 year old watches, right? Oh, and..."

6 hours later

"Dude, dorry about your Wartrukk, I mean he's only 3 and it's a toy car, right? And I'm sorry you can't find half of your stormboyz and your Boss Snikrot model. If they show up I'll let you know. Oh and Ghazkull Thraka..."

On a nice 4th of July party...

"Hey, where is my (all plastic) army?"

"Don't worry it is in the back seat of my car"

"Oh, OK"

*** In Arizona ***

"Ok, the grots and lizzardmen are immortals. The kroot and chaos dwarves are pariahs. My 2 wounds lord is the woodelf with the green hood, my other lord is this base. They're both attached to this mix of space and chaos marines. And this rhino is a monolith."

Sir, I think we're surounded.

Its the General. He wants to know if we can hold on til after tea.

Welcome to the French Army..... Here's your white flag.

"What do you mean the points value for my nobz mob is 200 points low?"

"I get to re-roll attacks and wounds every round."
"I thought it was just the turn you charged."
"That's not how we've been playing it at my shop."

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggghhh!!!

Deadshane1 wrote:

Lordhat wrote:The last thing you want to hear no matter what faction you play: Jervis Johnson has been assigned to write the new codex.

...and along those same lines....

"Hi, I'm your next opponent, and Gave Thorpe wrote my codex!"

Please someone Explain.. I dnt understand..?

lifeafter wrote:"Ok, the grots and lizzardmen are immortals. The kroot and chaos dwarves are pariahs. My 2 wounds lord is the woodelf with the green hood, my other lord is this base. They're both attached to this mix of space and chaos marines. And this rhino is a monolith."

I've had way worse:
"this paper is scarabs...
Yay! My monolith comes on from reserve"..
He drops a bucket on the table;
"now, Gauss flux arc.."
A BUCKET for C.S.!

adielubbe wrote:

Deadshane1 wrote:

Lordhat wrote:The last thing you want to hear no matter what faction you play: Jervis Johnson has been assigned to write the new codex.

...and along those same lines....

"Hi, I'm your next opponent, and Gave Thorpe wrote my codex!"

Please someone Explain.. I dnt understand..?

Not sure why the Jervis comment (I always liked him) But Gav has a reputation for writing some pretty 'effed up rules.

SM with Rocket Launcher: Wait, there's multiple settings on this?

KMKhaine wrote:On a nice 4th of July party...

"Hey, where is my (all plastic) army?"

"Don't worry it is in the back seat of my car"

"Oh, OK"

*** In Arizona ***

Yeah ouch. That happened to a FNG here a while back.... he was from wisconsin I believe. Stopped into the store to see if there was the possibility of a game, didn't want to unload if not. Got into a discussion while waiting (as many of us do). Got taken up on his offer, went to get his army...... came back with a puddle. It wasn't even July yet, April or May I believe.

Lordhat wrote:

KMKhaine wrote:On a nice 4th of July party...

"Hey, where is my (all plastic) army?"

"Don't worry it is in the back seat of my car"

"Oh, OK"

*** In Arizona ***

Yeah ouch. That happened to a FNG here a while back.... he was from wisconsin I believe. Stopped into the store to see if there was the possibility of a game, didn't want to unload if not. Got into a discussion while waiting (as many of us do). Got taken up on his offer, went to get his army...... came back with a puddle. It wasn't even July yet, April or May I believe.

Yeah, I knew a guy who had a huge IG Army... way back in the day with the giant headed-super long barreled lasgun plastic guardsmen... they and all his tanks didn't melt all the way but they all warped - badly.

Painboy to Ork: "This might hurt."

warboss: we need big guns ta take down dat der tank dats about to run us ova!

Nob: dont worry boss, i've given our only rokit launcher to da der ork

Warboss: you mean the blind boy with no limbs ta fire the weapon with

(cue disgusting squishing sounds)

Spook! Spook!

Here's something you don't ever want to hear,

OMG!!! my ears are bleeding after hearing that... obviously he is a slaanesh follower....

Or maybe...

He IS Slaanesh...

scout sarge: ok, recruits. we have a very special geust to come on our infiltration mission today. please meet... brother mortis.(dreadnought walks in)

the 2 commisars that were behind you start saying: "And shepherds we shall be, for thee my lord for thee....."

an ork boy yell at you, "merely a flesh wound!!"

Ah, well. So much for the Tank company.

Space Marine SGT: Hold on men!! the Imperial Guard is on it's way!!

SM Commander during a fight against Slaanesh CSM: "OKAY! LETS GET TO KIL.... hey... lets go over there... boy she's pretty.. LETS GO MEN!"

here's a funny one:
a bunch of IG are in a bunker. The comissar forces them out and says: you can come back when you killed 50 small tyranids, or one big one.
Sarge: hey guys, lets start with that big one. It only has one eye!

Oooooooooooooooo...

"Just a minute, my girlfriend is calling my cell."

One evening on an IG Catachan patrol. "C'mon Landius, I bet Snikrot is on the other side of the planet. What do you think, Sarge? Sarge? Uh, Sarge?"

The IG afterparty after fending off a massive Daemonic invasion:

LT: Man I’m glad that is over…

Grunt: Yeah, I’m going to have nightmares about all that &^%#$ up stuff for months.

LT: well, at least we lived, eh?

Grunt: Praise the Emperor! I wonder why all the Marines left so quick? Not that I’m complaining, they kinda give me the creeps…

LT: Guess they just aren’t up for a party, eh?... Hey, what are those lights in the sk….

Uh, yeah, about that...

guardsmen: ummm commisar, sir me and the guys have been talking and... well we kind of want a raise.

IG: "For cowardice in the face of the enemy..."

Sir Scanners show Blips everywhere..... But we dont see any bugs.

Crazy_Carnifex wrote:IG: "For cowardice in the face of the enemy..."

IG: Hey Sarge, whats that little red dot between your eyes for?

Just as you and your friend are stepping out the backdoor for a mid-game cigarette you hear your significant other yell from the front door, "Honey! I'm back from the groomers with the dogs!" *CRASH*

Grey Knight to the Justicar:

"Um, Sarge.....They brought armour...."

Archon to Incubus:

"Horde orks."

Rookie to general: Um, excuse me sir. I just got off the radio with an inquistor. He tell me to tell you they are going to do exterminatus on this planet. Is exterminatus some sort of band thats going to tour here or something........

Nofasse 'Eadhunta wrote:Here's something you don't ever want to hear,

Please kill me.

"Look! Blood!"

An actual true story that happened to my friend and Im pretty sure he didnt like it.

Kevin: Your army just went to save yarrick...he was surrounded by orks at the bottom of the stairs.

Chris: Where was my army?

Kevin: At the top of the stairs, they took the fastest route.

Chris: AAAAARRRRRRGHHH

Another game when we were using proxys (and unfair ones) in a mega battle of 8 people.

Mark: This elephant gun bullet is actually a nuclear missile...whatever it touches gets removed from the table.

Everyone: ok

(rolls the bullet over Chris's entire army)

Chris: Thats not fair

Everyone: Nah, we all agreed. You can play in the next game.

It was a long time ago when we did pretty nasty things to each others armies. Feel sorry for him now though.

IG Bob: Hey jones, Ive heard a rumour around the camp... apprently were getting some relief.. Somthing called an ex-termie-arty or somthing

IG Jones: Oh yeah... I hope it gets here soon.. these nids are eating us alive out here!

SM: May faith protect you & the emperour guide you...*leaves*

IG Bob:.. hey wait, where are the astartes boys going..what, why are the thunderhawks leaving?

something you dont want to hear in battle:

"So, there once was a black and white space marine on a black and white bike...."


or





yeah.. ya dont wanna hear that on the battlefield

That is classic! Made me laugh out loud!

You are so many times wittier than i am.

sadly, i cannot take the blame, or claim for that poster... i just saved it from another thread, either here or on B&C.


i actually thought id bring out the trolls and flame monsters over the "black/white marine on black/white bike" remark

"KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! Hey, they're retreating? Kharn? Kharn, what are you-

One IG to another "Hey did you hear? 2nd Platoon's giving us their Comissar! What nice guys!"

CHAOS LORD:Karn where are the recruits we left them with you for 2 minutes where are they?

Karn:Well,there's a leg and look its,raining fine mist and oh yeah,theres the rest of them there..

CHAOS LORD:Where?

Karn:Over there and there,and here!

Chaos lord to new recruit: and thats Kharne, he's a really nice guy, but my advice *switches to whispering* dont give him a flamer....

If I were a Dark Eldar Archon, these are some things I wouldn't want to hear.

Haemonculus: Lord, we have sent in the first wave of reinforcements. But there was a problem... it seems most of the Raiders have crashed.
Me: What?! Why's that?!
Haemonculus: The wind changed, my lord...

Me (to Dracon): Get into combat! What are you doing?!
Dracon: *mumbles* THE BEES. ALWAYS BUZZING! ha-HA! I'm out the window! *dives head-first off Raider*
Me: Damn combat drugs...

Ensis Ferrae wrote:"So, there once was a black and white space marine on a black and white bike...."

Seamus O'Shank wrote:THE BEES. ALWAYS BUZZING!

There's a spider on your ear!

*pin drop*

Noise Marine: WHAT!? WHAT WAS THAT!!!!

You wouldn't want this:

^

Also, as anything other than Orkz, you wouldn't want to hear "WWAAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!"

Tzeentch horrors: "Blood for the blood god!" (charge)

Grunt: "Well, sir, I have good news, and I have bad news"
Commiasar: "whats they good news?"
Grunt: The Traitor Scum have retreated."
Commisar: "What is the Bad news"
Grunt: "Well, a tyranid hive fleet is comeing from the Galactic East, an ork Waaaaaagh! from the west, the fleet just left, and your wife called. Seems she wants a divorce."

*During a battle with EC vs. IG*

Priest (to his Guardsman): I will WHIP the first of you that retreats!

Entire EC Company: "Ooooh" "Me next!" "No me!" "His robe turns me on even more" "I'm hungry" "Touch me" "Omg omg omg here it comes!" "Keep it in your pants!" "Gasp!" *Shoots previous Marine* "I love you" *pin drop* 'WHAT?! WHAT WAS THAT!!!" "Shh, it's okay, daddy's here" "Open up, baby, here it comes!" "Feels good!"

Priest:.......I wish I wasn't Fearless....

IG commander to commisar: with the new Xenos threat we're fighting, I'm issuing you a new weapon, hand over your bolt pistol.

*hands over pistol*

"ok. AANNNND here's your new plasma pistol. ohh, and do be careful with it, it tends to overheat just abit, nothing to worry about."

IG Officer: Look out, Warp Spiders!

IG General to Command Staff: "We just received a message from Inquisitor Lord Smith stating that he will be arriving today with three regiments of Inquisitorial Storm Troopers and 5,000 SOB to reinforce us and take this planet from Chaos! Plus the Navy is getting a major task group of several Battleships and escorts to control the high orbits! "
Head Commissar to all: "Attack!"

"Okay boys I've got some good news and some bad news"

"Let's hear the good news first sarge"

"Well, that's the bad news, there isn't actually any good news... and we're all gonna die"

Ammo out!

*During a massive Ork incursion*

Guardsman: Sir! I've got some good news and some bad news.

Officer: What's the good news?

Guardsman: The Inquisition Flagships are coming!

Officer: And the bad?

Guardsman: The Inquisition Warships are coming...

Officer: What are you talking about? That can't possibly be good news AND bad news unless they were---oh no...

As a chaos space marine


"Wait... why is Kharn retreating?"

*On a planet where Traitor Guardsman are looking to go back to erving the Emperor*

Traitor Guardsman 1: Look! Up in the sky! An armada of Thunderhawks!

Traitor Guardsman 2: They heard our pleas for forgiveness! We can redeem ourselves!

Traitor Guardsman 1: And they're flying straight for us! They've seen us! We're saved!

Traitor Guardsman 2: Look at those Assault Cannons, there must be a Chaos incursion somewhere!

*The guns start spinning*

Traitor Guardsman 1: Wait, I think WE'RE that Chaos incursion!

<CRASH>

"I told you to support that plywood better."

IG: There is going to be a cold snap during tonights offensive.

Commisar

Pop quiz men! we're the only squad left, we have nothing but bayonets..... and we are being charged by a stompa WHAT DO WE DO?

KingCracker wrote:Commisar

Pop quiz men! we're the only squad left, we have nothing but bayonets..... and we are being charged by a stompa WHAT DO WE DO?

We take that Stompa, Sarge! Lead the way! <wink>

Warboss: Humph... im still 'ungry... Um... Hummmm... Ur Grotz i needs ya.

in my days of playing imperial guard in 4th ed me and a friend were playing a cityfight game and he took a stratagem that allows him to make a building become dangerous terrain, so i did not know this and i put ALL my units in one building, and that building just happened to be the one he blew up...

Vox Caster Bearer: "sir i think i hear a beeping noise"

Sargent: "SHUTTUP, YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT IS NO COMMISSAR I CAN REPORT YOU TOO!!!! "

Sniper: "main command i see a chaos sorcerer holding some sort of button, and he appears to be waving at us"

Senior Officer: "Get the Command squad out"

-KA-EXPLODE-

Vox Caster Bearer: sir we need to evacuate the building now!"

Sargent: "WE NEED TO EVAC THE BUILDING NOW"

and on their way out they were squished by falling rubble

needless to say, i lost only killing a khorne beserker, with an auto-cannon

we did not get to turn 3

"oh crap....where'd the eldar go?"

"dont worry, thats what bayonettes are for"

"here come the orks! quick, grab your stub pistol!"

SonsOfLoki wrote:in my days of playing imperial guard in 4th ed me and a friend were playing a cityfight game and he took a stratagem that allows him to make a building become dangerous terrain, so i did not know this and i put ALL my units in one building, and that building just happened to be the one he blew up...

Vox Caster Bearer: "sir i think i hear a beeping noise"

Sargent: "SHUTTUP, YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT IS NO COMMISSAR I CAN REPORT YOU TOO!!!! "

Sniper: "main command i see a chaos sorcerer holding some sort of button, and he appears to be waving at us"

Senior Officer: "Get the Command squad out"

-KA-EXPLODE-

Vox Caster Bearer: sir we need to evacuate the building now!"

Sargent: "WE NEED TO EVAC THE BUILDING NOW"

and on their way out they were squished by falling rubble

needless to say, i lost only killing a khorne beserker, with an auto-cannon

we did not get to turn 3

Ha, that's the reason it's against the rules to use that stratagem on a building in your opponent's deployment zone

Space Marines protects hobits from Lotr

Marine sargent to commander, "Sir its almost 2:00pm sould we ask the enemy to stop firing?"

Marine commander,"What why? Never mind go ahead."

Marine Sarge to enemy and units at 2pm,"k people 2'o clock time to put down your weapons, U KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!"

Marines cheering

Hobbits run out of house with Lot of food and start serving everyone with food.serves to commander, gets shot in the head

Marine to marine, "It's 'bout 3 o clock, want to start trying to kill each other again?"

other marine, " Sure"

Fight resumes with the end of dinner with explosive in the food, HOBBITS WIN Woot Woot

You're fighting Chaos Marines, (as either a Space Marine or a Guardsman, it doesn't matter), and suddenly you hear them shout: "For the Emperor!"

Any member of any army:

"Oops."

nothing.

"...Teabag!!"

Tau things you don't wanna hear.....

"They can run at us now?"

"Woohoo, reinforcements...... err.... why does the crisis suit at front weild a blade?"

"Brace for the enemy assault!"

"Who loaded the pluse rifles with ping pong balls again?"

*a space marine reports to his local physician for his monthly physical*

doctor enters room with a worried look: well now...

Marine: what is it doc?

Doctor: something came up on your *cough* test...

Marine: is it bad??

doctor: well son... have you had... *cough* relations? recently??

marine: no sir...

Doctor: now you can tell me son... I know you're not telling the truth though... your CO told me about that incident with the daemonette...

Marine: alright doc... you caught me... whats wrong... did that slannesh she devil give me something?

Doctor: thats just it son... she wasn't slannesh... she wasnt slannesh at all... she was nurgle...


*end scene*


And remember kids...

always practice safe interaction with the diseased hordes...

Country Music.

Ignorant Hick Guardsman:
"Heh, Sarge said something called 'tirry-nids' was a-coming. That old fool, he must've taken a knock to the head..."

"Those eldar can't hit the broad side of a barn and they smell funny. We can take them."

"Sir, those are orks."

"Oh, so we can take them in close combat. Fix bayonets!"

LunaHound wrote:
*Inquisitor arrives after Sisters of Battle have successfully wiped out a Daemon infested city

Inq: Report, i see you have met a fierce resistance.

Celestian : We suffered no casualties, not even a wound , the emperor protects us.

Inq , then where are all the blood from?

Celestian : Its that time of the month, when we shall drown our enemies in crimson river of death!

Inq: ? what do you mean?



Image removed as it is inappropriate for a family-friendly forum

--yakface

hahahahaha

Exarch_Nektel wrote:Country Music.

I laughed so hard at this!

Some annoying little stood by your table telling you what they would have done better everytime one of your units is killed.

Wannabe Writer wrote:Some annoying little stood by your table telling you what they would have done better everytime one of your units is killed.

An annoying little crying his eyes out and wailing on the top of his lungs after you punch him for said comments

hellsguardian316 wrote:

Wannabe Writer wrote:Some annoying little stood by your table telling you what they would have done better everytime one of your units is killed.

An annoying little crying his eyes out and wailing on the top of his lungs after you punch him for said comments

An annoying little s mother complaining to you after you punched the little in the face.


"CRACK SUICIDE SQUAD ADVANCE!!!"

Totally ripping off TSOALR, but it has to be said....

Unsupervised kid in the store: "Nice toy soldiers, can I look at them. Ooops...."

"You need to roll anything but a 1....."

Inquisitor: Don't worry lads, I wont be long, Just have to shuttle up to the fleet in orbit to coordinate our forces. Back in a Bit. The Emperor Protects.

A few hours later, the penny drops... along with a bright lance of light from the sky

IG commander: Oh look, an enemy.

Marneus Calgar : Son of Guilliman, if I was to tell you that you are going to be the next Chapter Master of the ultramarines what would you say?

Space Marine Captain: I'd say screw this, I'm going over to Khorne.

Don't worry, here come the Lamentors!

"I hate this game."

"Your army is cheesy go screw a goat."

"Ok, I am gonna Lash that unit over here, and that other unit right next to them...Now I am gonna have my 9 Oblits fire Plasma cannons..."

Hey, nine 1's.

"They can't hit us from all the way over there"
Abaddon to Chaos Marine "You found my My Little Pony collection!!!

Sargent: Squad ATTENTION!!!

Sargent: I would now like to introduce to you your new Commisar, Michale Jackson..... Other wise known as Commisar JacKo...

Commisar JacKo: At ease boy's; I mean Men. I want you all to know that I'm not taken NO mess from you or you all can"Just Beat It" right now.

Crazy_Carnifex wrote:Hey, nine 1's.

Oh look, another 9 ones!

Whats our orders sir ?

aparnetley we have to identify if there realy is a hieophnat in sector 5 and if there is we are to engage, does any one know what a hieophnat is anyway?

no... well we will give it our best shot anyway

"Nooo,the candy is finished!!!"

Deff Dread red Edition: I like it....

Ork Lootas: Armor 14 what the

I have WoN.

Ha, would you believe it? They only have a single wound not three, sorry about that. Ah well better luck next time mate, we can't backtrack it now at this stage of the game.

"Hey guys, Private Jones is acting strangely..."

What do you mean i have no name..?

dammit that means iam a nameless henchman,

iam so screw*d

As an Eldar facing Tau.

Hearing the Kroot yell "TASTE THE RAINBOW!!!"

awww look that bio-titan wants to play with us.
*squish*

Private: sergeant can this desert get any hotter

Sergeant: Well young man the Good News is, "Yes" it's gonna get alot hotter the Bad News is where all out of water, and the ony thing to eat is these two large bags of Saltine Crackers.

Well, looks like no enemies in sight.

Skreeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

foil7102 wrote:Guard:
"Oh, so we are fighting something other than Orks or traitor guard?"

"Hey you only have to hold off the chaos terminators for 3 hours"

"What do you mean it's my turn to carry the plasma gun?"

"What do you mean, charge the defiler? F that there is no way I am going to..... Oh hi Commisar.... BAMF!"

Now that was funny!!!

Sergeant: Ok men issued to some of you is the new type M-4 Plasma Gun, which is a little on stable, but we need to brekem in so rapid fire with them all the time...

An Eldar D-cannon squad is taking shots at my Shadowsword (1 structure point down) and a squad of Chaos Chosen with marks of Kharne is about 6" from it fighting my Sternguard. (35 freaking attacks from that one squad in CC?!) The table is loud as all get out from the many players on it. Then a short, stout kid walks up to me and sets an apocalypse template on top of my Shadowsword.

"Does that Shadowsord belong to you? Because I'm shooting it!"

That would be the "thing you don't want to hear" quote but the story goes downhill from there.

Me: From where? With what?

He points to somewhere distant on the table, there's about eight armies so I'm having a hard time seeing it.

"I'm behind the rock. My Gorgon battery. I'm dropping it on you."

One of those turns...

Next turn. Still in CC with Chaos, ugly but I'm starting to win. The Eldar got lucky and I can't use the volcano cannon. Then the kid returns, template in hand. He yells, "I'm shooting you with my doomsday device now!"

Anyway, I discovered a short, stout kid coming out of nowhere with an Apocalypse template is the last thing you want to hear on a battlefield, no matter what his reason to keep dropping templates on you.

That Carnifex looks like aChristmas tree with all those lights on it...

Guardsman: "Lt, Ive got some good news and some bad news from command."

Butter Bar: "Give it to me private."

Guardsman: "Well sir, the good news is that we have been authorized to launch tactical nukes from the deathstrike ICBMS....."

Butter Bar: "Well what the hell are you waiting for!?!? Launch already!"

Guardsman: "And thats the bad news Sir. Ive already punched the launch button but all I got was a ticking sound from the control system."

Butter Bar: "Oh for fracks sake..............."

*Kharn and Abbadon roll up to the position in a Land Raider filled with Khorn Beserkers and kill everyone*

Kharn: "All hail codex playbalance!"

Abbadon: "Mmmmhmmmmm"

Guardsman 1: "My lasgun hs stopped firing!"
Guardsman 2: "Take the clip out and roll the battries!"

Vox troopers - Sir, we have just had report from company command that the new commisar is arriving shortly.

Lietenant - Following on from the other 17 who met with unfortune accidents this week?

VT - Yes sir, but this one demands to use his own plasma weapons and...

Lt - What?

VT - And refuses to join the lead another Ogryn squad sir...

Lt -

"Alright guys, we need to advance to the middle of the battlefield as this is the last part of the battle. It's a thankless job and we will almost certainly be killed, but someone has to be slightly closer to the objective!"

"They couldn't hit a squigoth at this range-"

From a sanctioned psycher: "Dude, do you have some advil?"

whocares wrote:From a sanctioned psycher: "Dude, do you have some advil?"

Guy being asked for advil: "Uhhh....what's Advil?"

Commisar to men: "Die, my dear chaps? That is the last thing you shall do."

Guardsmen to his buddies: "Hey what's a Genestealer cult?"

Dark Angels: "Congratulations, you have been promoted to deathwing seargeant."
Sergeant: "Excellent!"
"Now hand over your power fist..."

It's actually really easy to get a guardsman to shoot a plasma gun. A carnifex shows up, they shoot their lasguns. Then you tell them, "Hey, wanta hurt that carnifex? This is an awesome gun powerful enough to do that!"

scuddman wrote:Dark Angels: "Congratulations, you have been promoted to deathwing seargeant."
Sergeant: "Excellent!"
"Now hand over your power fist..."

It's actually really easy to get a guardsman to shoot a plasma gun. A carnifex shows up, they shoot their lasguns. Then you tell them, "Hey, wanta hurt that carnifex? This is an awesome gun powerful enough to do that!"

But only 2/3rd of the time. Half if you're unlucky.

IG Commander: There is a Reason why we but the tanks BEHIND you....

Hehe, thats some funny stuff.....

1:break time
2:lunch break

Sir, the enemy has taken the rum!

Cheese Elemental wrote:Sir, the enemy has taken the rum!

This seemed apt...


On Topic
Parent talking to her 4yr old Son in a GW Store :
"Yes I'm sure if you ask him nicely he'll let you play with his plastic thingies"

The last thing an Eldar Farseer would want to hear would be

'BANG'

F*CKIN 'ELL WAS THAT A TITAN?

'BANG'

<WARLOCK>

WHERE'S THE F*CKIN FARSEER GONE

hellsguardian316 wrote:
Parent talking to her 4yr old Son in a GW Store :
"Yes I'm sure if you ask him nicely he'll let you play with his plastic thingies"

This actually made me cringe

you only Cringed?

I sure some pedophile could dirty that remark.

PK nob hears the words 'Im casting mind-war'

PK nob then says "Damn Gitz" before suffering 'splody head

Tau against 'Nids.

Nice. i move in to *just* under 12 inches to rapid fire into your (melee)gaunts. darn. alot of 1's and 2's. that's ok. I'll get you next turn. *jumps back 6 inches.

why are you moving them towards me... oh you have fleet... oh look, a 6...

(VARIANT)

Tau ends his turn... OH CRAP I FORGOT TO ASSAULT MOVE

spartanghost wrote:Tau against 'Nids.

Nice. i move in to *just* under 12 inches to rapid fire into your (melee)gaunts. darn. alot of 1's and 2's. that's ok. I'll get you next turn. *jumps back 6 inches.

why are you moving them towards me... oh you have fleet... oh look, a 6...

(VARIANT)

Tau ends his turn... OH CRAP I FORGOT TO ASSAULT MOVE

guilty ): Always mess up the "just under 12" thingies

Even funnier is when the Tau Player tries this against Hormagaunts, who not only assault 12" but have fleet too.

To be fair it IS a surprise most the time because no one uses hormagaunts anyway.

"So I'm trying this all grot army, with a KFF in the middle..."

read my signature that truely what you dont what to hear if you IG

Traitor Guard:

"Sir, the Space Wolves have made planetfall!"

*A stick bounces off the commissar's breastplate*

--From somewhere outside the Guardsmen's lines..."FETCH!"

Darkreaver55 wrote:Traitor Guard:

"Sir, the Space Wolves have made planetfall!"

*A stick bounces off the commissar's breastplate*

--From somewhere outside the Guardsmen's lines..."FETCH!"

yip yip yip yip gotta get it!

More things you don't want to hear from the tau

- Our railguns can't stop that AV 12 tank...
- Errr.... our markerslights are facing backwards.... oh who ordered seeker miss*BANG*

Darkreaver55 wrote:Traitor Guard:

"Sir, the Space Wolves have made planetfall!"

*A stick bounces off the commissar's breastplate*

--From somewhere outside the Guardsmen's lines..."FETCH!"

The traitor guard has a commissar?

Well yes, but they might be "Traitor" Guard

When facing Tyranids...

...waka waka waka waka waka waka...

1st post, for me at least.

...and someone has to bag the 200th post on this thread at one point...

Don't most IG who turn to chaos kill their commissar first. That's like the first sign that they are turning to chaos.


OT: When facing tyranids



When facing Slaanesh..
Get on your knees.

Your company Commissar weeping during battle.

IG: Death and glory! For the emperor!

Commissar:*to sergeant* Ey up, hes a bit eager isn't he?

ig:its big like a baneblade loud like a baneblade and scary like a baneblade but that is defently not our baneblade new recrut: um thats a bio titian sargent: ummm in that case.....RUN!!!!!!

IG

Sgt: Alright, we're getting artillery support.
Men:Awesome!
Sgt: INCOMING!!

worst nightmare of space wolves

thousand sons armed with mace and a newspaper

a few things i hate hearing ...

Did you have fun playing soldiers with your friends ?
Gamesworksho products are going to suffer a 25% price raise !
I decalre mind war... on your master of ordanence !

or the horrible joke ...
Other player :What do you call a lasgun with laser soighting ?
IG player : heu...
Other : twin linked kukukuku...
that makes me want to make him eat my codex

or otherwise
I cleaned your room !
( looks for his warhammer ) Mum ?


Something taht realy happened
ok i move his squad ... ( falls)
MY army ! !!!!!!!!!
I lost 2 platoons that way.... of 30 men each

or worse ... fo necron plazers ``
oh look ! zour monolth is off the edge and rolled a one ! Tuf for zour reservers in it ?

all the lasguns have jammed
or
space pirates

"Sir, we've nearly reached the truly immovable rod! Just hope that the enemy doesn't activa-

CLANG

"WHAT THE feth WAS THAT?"

What do you mean the Stormblade's cannon overheated?

Commissar:'Aww my bolt pistol is out of ammo'

Hearing a comissar yell "blood for the blood god!", because he's really Kharn.

IG -- Guard Number 1"hey what does that cloud look like to you?"
Guard Number 2 "Like a Tyranid Bio Shi......Goddamit...... were screwed"

Imperial Recruiter-- " Hey boy your an Imperial Guardsmen now"
Recruited Person--"*sigh* I guess it could be worse"
Imperial Recruiter--"Take pride boy you drop into the Demons and heretics Lines at Dawn, For the Emperor!!"
Recruited Person--"Son of a B**ch"
Commisar--*looks menacingly at person, and slides hand for holster*
Recruited Person--"For the Emperor!!"

Arthas367 wrote:IG -- Guard Number 1"hey what does that cloud look like to you?"
Guard Number 2 "Like a Tyranid Bio Shi......Goddamit...... were screwed"

Imperial Recruiter-- " Hey boy your an Imperial Guardsmen now"
Recruited Person--"*sigh* I guess it could be worse"
Imperial Recruiter--"Take pride boy you drop into the Demons and heretics Lines at Dawn, For the Emperor!!"
Recruited Person--"Son of a B**ch"
Commisar--*looks menacingly at person, and slides hand for holster*
Recruited Person--"For the Emperor!!"

Recruited Guardsman: In the name of the Emperor, for failing to Execute a Blaspheming Guardsman, I hearby sentence you to death! -Freem- May the Emperor have Mercy upon your Soul!

"Look, Rhinos! RHINOS! Our enemies hide in METAL BOXES, the cowards, the fools! We... we should take away their metal boxes..."

"SSSSINDRIIIIIII!"

Gwar! wrote:

Arthas367 wrote:IG -- Guard Number 1"hey what does that cloud look like to you?"
Guard Number 2 "Like a Tyranid Bio Shi......Goddamit...... were screwed"

Imperial Recruiter-- " Hey boy your an Imperial Guardsmen now"
Recruited Person--"*sigh* I guess it could be worse"
Imperial Recruiter--"Take pride boy you drop into the Demons and heretics Lines at Dawn, For the Emperor!!"
Recruited Person--"Son of a B**ch"
Commisar--*looks menacingly at person, and slides hand for holster*
Recruited Person--"For the Emperor!!"

Recruited Guardsman: In the name of the Emperor, for failing to Execute a Blaspheming Guardsman, I hearby sentence you to death! -Freem- May the Emperor have Mercy upon your Soul!

Zombie Commissar: For killing your commissar and committing an act of rebellion I sentence you to death.
Recruited person: But your dead and only in death does duty end.
Zombie Commissar: Looks at self* I'm not dead yet.

halonachos wrote:

Gwar! wrote:

Arthas367 wrote:IG -- Guard Number 1"hey what does that cloud look like to you?"
Guard Number 2 "Like a Tyranid Bio Shi......Goddamit...... were screwed"

Imperial Recruiter-- " Hey boy your an Imperial Guardsmen now"
Recruited Person--"*sigh* I guess it could be worse"
Imperial Recruiter--"Take pride boy you drop into the Demons and heretics Lines at Dawn, For the Emperor!!"
Recruited Person--"Son of a B**ch"
Commisar--*looks menacingly at person, and slides hand for holster*
Recruited Person--"For the Emperor!!"

Recruited Guardsman: In the name of the Emperor, for failing to Execute a Blaspheming Guardsman, I hearby sentence you to death! -Freem- May the Emperor have Mercy upon your Soul!

Zombie Commissar: For killing your commissar and committing an act of rebellion I sentence you to death.
Recruited person: But your dead and only in death does duty end.
Zombie Commissar: Looks at self* I'm not dead yet.

I see what you did there.

'nid player: Haha. A cyclic Ion Blaster against my carnifex? please. Oh.... thats a lot of 6's.

Cheese Elemental wrote:"Look, Rhinos! RHINOS! Our enemies hide in METAL BOXES, the cowards, the fools! We... we should take away their metal boxes..."

"SSSSINDRIIIIIII!"

SPECCES MARINESS WE HAVE FELLED THE EMPRA!

Commissar:
"Welcome to the Imperium!"

"Rule #1: Don't die! Breaking rule #1 may result in severe consequences."

"Rule #2: Don't run! Breaking rule #2 may result in breaking rule #1."

Wryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

" Hey, is that the new[ Type of model] ?"
" Hey that is it."
" I think it's stupid"

What is that big hole apearing in the sky?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! IT IS A WARP RIFT!

*Wall of Chaos Terminators*
Vet Sarge: Time to make 'em eat our steel lads!!!!
Guardsman: Um, isn't that Abaddon???
Comissar: TRAITOR!!!!!!

Sarge "There a ton of Nid's out there tonight"
Sarge "Trooper Jones take point"
Jones "WTF"

Mik

"Lets ram that skimmer!!"

Yarrack - "I'm charging ma lazar eye!"
Ork mek - "It's ova 9000?"

Guardsman 1 - "Why is everybody running away?"
Guardsman 2 - "I don't know, but our baneblade in front of us is glowly weirldy" *Castrstrohic damage!!!11! followed by a large explosion*

Scout sentinal pilot - "Woo... driving along in my green mean machine... err.. what's that blue beam coming at me?" *FREEM*

Mabro - "Suprise C***Bags" *throws demo charge*
Space marine - *Swings bolter and hits the demo charge back like a baseball*
Mabro - "F***" *BANG*

*Deathstrike missile launcher is about to launch*
Driver - "Fire the missile!"
Techpriest - "But..."
Driver - "I said FIRE"
Techpriest - "Have it your way then.." *Beep*
*T-minus 5 seconds til launch*
Driver - "Hey.. why you running away?"
Techpriest - "Because the missile is installed BACKWARDS!"
Driver - "Oh what the F.."
*1... 0*
(And thus, the techpriest decieded never to drink while installing stuff ever again... well.... hopefuly)

guardsman " sir this teleport homer we found just started beeping"

"i think we upset the licktor "

"dont worry lads no one has a basic infantry weapon that can shoot 30" not even tau "

"just shoot the necrons once and thats the job done"

"errr sir what does a deamon prince look like (pointing like mad)"

"dont worry about the orks lads they cant shoot for shi......(pop!)"

awww the hive tyrant is looking this way ......dont look he might go away........awwwww he isnt

"I have over 300 guardsmen in my list"
"My Carnifex has 7 toughness"

Man your dice suck today

IG :

IG: Dude , is that blood ? .... *Fainths*

IG2 : Oh my , thats a lot of organs ! Wait a minute ... why are some of them moving towards me ?? OH MY GOD !!!'

SMs joke:

SM1 : So these tyranids are accutally gonna eat the whole planet ? Why wont we let them ? I mean , the Chaos sure will die :S

SM2 : NO SOUP FOR YOU ! ! ! !

oh no theve got DUST BUSTERS .......ruuuun
oh no theve got WET WIPES aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
oh no prozak ahhhhhhhhhhzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
oh no theve got porn ..........actualy ......any good swaps .....aww go on then

"Sarge, moy trouserhs argh chayyfink!"

sA

What?

smiling Assassin wrote:"Sarge, moy trouserhs argh chayyfink!"

sA

lol
at least i got it

CLICK
CLICK
CLICK
CLICK

AWWW

OUT OF AMMO

So I was on this forum on Dakkadakka, http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/180/228473.page#698701
and it made me think should try ...

smiling Assassin wrote:"Sarge, moy trouserhs argh chayyfink!"

sA

been there, done that.... definitely a war stopper, but yeah, you dont want to *HEAR* that... thats just tmi

CSM Sergant: "BUNNIES FOR THE BUNNY GOD! CARROTS FOR THE CARROT THRONE!"
CSM Publicist: "Well, there goes our image."

Libraian: "Opps" *Explosion in the background, several SM yelling in pain as they're sucked into a vortex*



Sniper Scout Sergeant: "Alright everyone charge the Carnifex.... Wait... Carnifexes now.. Yeah everyone charge the Carnifexes"



Tech Servitor: "Even I know that's a bad plan"
Nearby Captain: "Everyone ignore him, they have no minds after all"
Tech Servitor: "Actually...."
*Captain points bolter at Servitor*
Tech Servitor: ".....1.24563..... Rhino........ Repair start"
Techmarine: "A prophecy?"
Captain: "You heard him, we are assured victory against... Who are we fighting today?"
Libraian: "Necrons"
Captain: "Alright everyone charge that big pyramid thing, we'll show them our strength. Also someone bash up that flying guy in the robes he looks weak"

"That's the enemy?!? They don't look too b-"

What could possibly go wrong.
Is that the best you got?
Yeah, you and what army?
At lest it can't get any worse.
And chuck norris just died by a snotling snezzed on him.
EPIC LOSS.

Catachan Commander: Okay! So that's settled! From now on we're gonna be called the Catachan Devils!
Now, where can we find a mascot...


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Etheral: You are to be sent on another diplomatic mission.
Emmissary: Who with?
Ethereal: It is a new race, never before encoutered.
Emmissary: Yipee! Who! Who!
Ethereal: I don't know I can't pronounce it, (to bodygaurd) what was it again?
Bodyguard: I don't know, I think it sounded something like...Nids, Tinids? I don't know, something like that?
Emmissary: Cooool!

WHho's is this grenade without the pin? stop leaving your stuff all over the *BOOM*

I've got a bad feeling about this, sir.

"If anyone finds a grenade without a pin, it's mine."

"Has anyone seen an armed vortex grenade lying around?"

Happygrunt wrote:"Has nayone seen an armed cortex bomb lying around?"

is that a bomb shaped like a brain?

Abbadon: I am your'e father!

Also;
Abadon: Your powers are no match for the dark side, Eldrad!

(Battle going bad for eldar)Eldrad runs to you and asks: What the hell do we do now?!?

Sister of Battle: Do you like your heretic rare, medium or well done?

"Hey, my Titan is bigger than yours....."

Why did the inquisitor leave after saying the blast will sort this out?

sugna the repairible wrote:Why did the inquisitor leave after saying the blast will sort this out?

OMG! Yes! That is the excuse I use every time I lose a battle!

Thousand Sons: Let's strip off and go to the beach

Uh, Ew?
Or not if there's nothing to see, hmmmm.....

How about:
Emperors Children, Lets strip off and go to the beach and have a wild orgy of Rock Music, Drugs, Rock Music while ON Drugs, Sex, Sex about Rock Music, Rock Music about sex.... -Trails off-

'Agggh my (insert favourite unit here) has died. Theres no way I can win now. (starts crying) I want to abandon the game'

yani wrote:'Agggh my (insert favourite unit here) has died. Theres no way I can win now. (starts crying) I want to abandon the game'

OMG that has happened to me!!! I wanted to stab hiM!!!


Automatically Appended Next Post:

Emperors Faithful wrote:Uh, Ew?
Or not if there's nothing to see, hmmmm.....

They're dust inside.....

Mad Dok Grotsnik: "Next"

Was this used already?
Khar" Next."

Was this used already?
Khar" Next."

Was this used already?
Khar" Next."

sugna the repairible wrote:Was this used already?
Khar" Next."

Um...Yeah. But it is kind of funnier coming from a doctor like Grotsnik as he would he would actually have a line of dumb orks waiting for him.


Also
-Hah! My tank traps defy your vehichles! Wait...did you say eldar?
-Incoming!
-Well, at least I can still take cover saves...
-IIIII seeeeeee youuuu...
-Yes! Penetrating!
-Hah! What can those little guardsmen do to my vehichle?...Is that a meltagun?
-Orbital Bombar-what?

Dark Eldar
"Sniper Squads, target that Monolith!"

colonel584 wrote:


Automatically Appended Next Post:

Emperors Faithful wrote:Uh, Ew?
Or not if there's nothing to see, hmmmm.....

They're dust inside.....

That what I meant by not Ew if there is nothing to see.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

orchewer wrote:Dark Eldar
"Sniper Squads, target that Monolith!"

Dark eldar have snipers?

From a Commisar: "See Ya!"

Mad Dok Grotsnik : Guess wat boyz, da Ghazghul special iz free on da house tonight, an' yer all in line!

Heh, heh, heh...

How about
-They can WHAT?!?
-'Extermina-what?'
-Nah, it wasn't a genestealer Jimmy, probably a rat...Jimmy? Don't mess with me... Jimmy?'

*After wiping out over half of someones squad with Hormagaunts*

Owned....by a f**king Zergling Rush

'Hey it's not my fault! I didn't know it was a Vortex grenade when you told me to hold it!'

Hmmmm i wonder what this does

Noooooo dont press that

Why "click"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO




Automatically Appended Next Post:
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN NO RUNES JUST WHAt...THE...HOW... Oh just forget it



Automatically Appended Next Post:
(nob)Look gretchin need'n spankin

(gretchin) not here!!

Well honey, I'm afriad we're going to have to cancel our anniversary holiday. Something about a Grade Alpha Quarantine?

Nurgle: Achooo! Whew, I think I'm coming down with something...

Masque: (To the tune of Lady Gaga) Just Dance! It'll be okay...

space marine pulling the trigger:"click"
space marine without ammo: i need som more ammo
sgt: were out
tau fire warrior: waaaaaagh

"Awww arent genestealers cute!!" lol


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Spacemarine: "Does my bumb look big in this armour?"

(Holding plasma gun): How the hell do I fire this thing?

-Which end is the dangerous bit?

"whos up for that pool party on the weekend, i heard them battle istas will b there eh eh?"

SM:"Charge the enemy men, im with you all the way...f#@$ i left my armour back on the barge...ill meet you chaps later"

Commisar to psyker:" We need a distraction so we are gonna need you to feed those warp spawn over there with you mind and soul..."

IG serg.: " We got necron coming over the hill, fire all weapons at them...what do you mean you used up our last lasscell?"

"For the emper*squish*"

- And my Bloodthirster Deep Strikes to table...
- YOU GOT A BLOODTHIRSTER?

- You play good, you have good strategy, but your models suck

- I could have painted it better

- Comissar, what does Changling look like? Comissar? There are tentacles coming out of you...

- Comissar there are fiveteen Lootas over that hill
- Orks can't hit us, they are sucky shooters. In the name of the Emperor, chaaaaaaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

- Did I just saw a Lictor in the shadow?

Imperial Guardsman to a Dark Angel Interrogator Chaplain - "I know something you don't know, nah-nah-nah-nah-NAH-nah!"

Two Guardsmen after a Necron Battle
"Woo, we won!"

"...I don't think that one's dead."

"Sure it is."

"You should go check it out."

"Ok.."

Guardsmen: Sarge, Does the Eye of terror blink?
Sarge: No.
Guardsmen: Then something is out there that can block out the Eye...

-I think I saw a genestealer...I did! I did! I did see a genesteal-aaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

You didn't say it like twetty bird.


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Wait, are you a girl???

Sarge: "We rushing the tau, and Im pleased to tell you that you have earned the honor of bearing the Emperor's cleansing flame!"

Me:"I get to lug a fifty pound flamer as we run straight at the Tau lines???"

Comissar:+GUNSHOT+"HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ORDERS HERETIC!"

Lol

sugna the repairible wrote:


Wait, are you a girl???

Firstly, no (what gave you that idea?).
Secondly, I guess that that could be something you wouldn't want to hear on a 40k battlefield either.

Some-thing your status said..

How does 'Hooded Inquisitorial Interrogator' link to a girl?

Yes I had a Sob status, but then i found the more appropriate witch hunter inquisitor one.

Apone! Look... we can't have any firing in there. I, uh... I want you to collect magazines from everybody.

*FRUAZARP!!!!!*
Mekboy: Oi! Wherez da Snotty 'oo was 'ere a minut'ago?
Big Mek: 'Im? 'E jus' volunteered ta charge dose SPEZ MAREINZ wid my Shokk Attack Gun 'ere
Mekbuy: Gah dat stoopid Snotty!!! Whadd'ee do dat for?
Big Mek: Whats da problem? Oi! 'Yoo ain't questionun my decision ta let 'im go is ya!?!?!?!?!
Mekboy:Na..is just dat...uh...
Big Mek: WHAT!?!?!!?!!?!?!!?!??!!?!!!!1111?!///!?
mekboy:Well ya see... 'e was caryin the keys to da stompa...
Big Mek: ... I tink we 'as our next volunteer!

krazynadechukr2 wrote:Apone! Look... we can't have any firing in there. I, uh... I want you to collect magazines from everybody.

OMG! LOL, this wins the thread. There can be NO OTHER!!!

Perhaps also followed by a "Why don't you put her in charge?!?"

True story..



1) I hope you don't mind, I'm using 10$ in change for proxies models.....

Later

2) You care if I remove these guys from the assault? I want some cheetos...

Later

3) Yeah i'm out of the game man.... I just realised a whole squad of genestealers can buy 2 Jr bacon cheese burgers and I am starving!


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"I know I can't have a land raider, this is something I made with the VDR"


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" Oh yeah about the gundam figure, Heres the statline I came up for it, don't worry my friend said it was balanced"


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The book does't say that I CAN'T take all tanks.


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" That guy does't know what hes talking about, if you deep strike your dreadanaught your enemy won't have the chance to waste shots on it. The dreadnaught is only used as a bullet magnet. I'v been playing space marines for 14 years, I think I know how to play them!"

Thank you Tzeentch for "Automatically Appended Next Post"

sob fighting alongside sm:hey baby my bolter isnt the only thing that fires blanks. wait what no im sorry come back.
that same sob:heretic burn her

From Codex: Daemons:

"Sarge, what's that smell? Sarge! Saaarrr--"

CK

Blood for the Blaaaaaaaaaaarxxhvsdvjasfb!!!!!!!!!1

{SWAAGED}
Hey Sarge, what was that noise... sarge?
A LictOAAAARRRG

Guardsman: Hey Sarge, our shots keep going over their heads.

Medic: Interesting, you usually dont see this many leg wounds from shooting.

Marine: Hey, That beach ball just shot Chuck.

what your opponent won't like to here;

I'll just point out my special weapons theirs one here, here, here, here and here and in case of emergency theres one here, here, here, here and of course don't forget... so on


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what an imperial guard tank head player dreads;

right I've taken by compulsory choices now for the others oh no i can't fit in any tanks.

drat my opponent has taken tons of anti-tank weapons

OH GAK! My labia fell out.

"What the Feth do you mean they're calling down an Exterminatus? We're not off the planet yet!"

Imperial Guardsmen

IG Soldier - It's ok cheif, I saw some blue marines with green scales at our HQ just a little while ago, they must be here to help!

Cadian Soldier - What do you mean when you say "14th Black Crusade" exactly?

Sgt: You counted How many bikes headed our way?

Guardsman: What is that horrible stench? Huh? Whats a Nurgling?

Based upon Guants Ghosts by Dan Abnette

Cuu "Hey did you here larkin apparently Taneth wasn't destroyed and your family is still alive. I even saw a photo of your wife this morning in the mail."

Larkin "What the feth are you serious"

Cuu " HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh man you should have seen the look on your face"

Gollum! Gollum!