PREPARE TO BE PURGED XENO SCUM

*Kreiger equips lance and charges at Krazy Git*

*Only to run straight into the flames from the Burna.*

HOPE YA LOIKE BURNIN' UP YE GIT!

OH GOOOD GOD! THE BURNING!.

*Jumps out of fire, and rolls onto Krazy Git in flames…they both get engulfed in flames*

*But he once again steps away, and kicks the other away as he slaps the fire off that's erupted on his arm.*
Zoggin' 'eck, quit makin' me burst inta flames with ya!

ALRIGHT TO HELL WITH YOU ORK.

*CALLS IN EXSTERMINATUS!!!!*

Wait wot?

*He looks a bit around, and then back at the burnt man again, frowning a bit more than usual.*
Well, ta 'ell with YOU TOO, 'DEN!

DAMN YOU HIGH LORDS OF TERRA!.

*The crisis suit staggers up, barely moving but still somehow functioning, it's lights begin to flicker.*

Auxiliary... you fight them off... I will stop the exterminatus...

*The suit's jet-pack engages, and it takes off, barely in control but speeding into the sky.*

((OOC: I love how technically my first guy is still back at the fallen titan, just hacking away at it with a chain axe. And yes, the crisis suit is about to pull an iron giant...))

"Let these fools die here Venerable brother! Disengange and prepare to leave this damned world to its fate" the wolf lord says and heads towards a waiting transport alongside his entombed comrade that lays down a withering hail of assult cannon rounds

At the end of the mech fight, Bob's broken Kan stands (more or less) victorious! His celebration is cut short however, as he picks up the exterminatus call over the heretical tech that is on ork vok.

"No...I can stop this. I just need, some more time!" Using the technical skills his mother, a noble, paid a heretek for, he begins to tamper with the vox. Trying to get a call into orbit, Bob yells into the infernal machine.

"This is Inquisitorial acolyte Fral 'Bob' Leman, Cancel that Exterminatus, I just need a little more time!"

*It's too late to call off the exterminatus. The missile has been fired. Only thing to do now is intercept it.*

*The suit pilot's voice scratches in on all coms.*

BROTHERS! AUXILIARIES! I SHALL STOP THE FALSE EMPEROR'S WEAPON! YOU SLAY HIS DOGS!

BLOOD FOR TH-

*The coms sudden cut out. Then a small red dot is visible in the sky, it rapidly expands, turning the sky into flames, but leaving the surface unharmed.*

The wolf lord grins as he wathes the skies turn to fire before closing the landing pad on the thunderhawk.
"Everything has happend as planed, relay my report to the stormcaller and get us into orbit brother pilot"
With those words the great gunship lifts of and roars towards space

XENOS….HERETIC SCUM…YOU ALL WILL BE PURGED LIKE ON THE DAY KREIG FELL INTO ITS HORROR! FOR COLONEL JURTEN!.

*The Exstermiantus lands, everyone miraculously surveys…but the world is a Nuclear wasteland*

DAMN YOU HIGH LORDS OF TERRA! WHY DID YOU NOT KILL THIS WORLD OF SCUM! YOU ONLY BOMBARDED IT WITH MISSILES! I WANTED TO DIE A GLORIOUS DEATH!

Meanwhile the world turns into a radioactive wasteland the wolf has reaches the orbiting Space Wolf strike cruiser that orbits the world.
"Set a course for Fenris! And make haste"

*The ground quakes as a massive shadow appears on the horizon.*

ATTENTION! THIS IS FORMER IMPERIAL TITAN GLORY OF THE AQUILA NOW KNOW AS THE BLOOD-MURDERER OF KHORNE! JOIN ME OR DIE!

*The Tau had somehow managed to kill the crew of the massive titan, and painted it's entirety with their blood. He now stands alone at the controls, aiming the weapons at the loyalists below him*

 Archie The Death Rider wrote:


*The Exstermiantus lands, everyone miraculously surveys…but the world is a Nuclear wasteland*

Bob's gamble paid off; by using the kan's hacked vox, and great impersonation skills, he convinced all the orks in the solar system that the exterminatus couldn't hurt ANYONE.

"Thank the Emperor..."

 Guardsmen Bob wrote:

 Archie The Death Rider wrote:


*The Exstermiantus lands, everyone miraculously surveys…but the world is a Nuclear wasteland*

Bob's gamble paid off; by using the kan's hacked vox, and great impersonation skills, he convinced all the orks in the solar system that the exterminatus couldn't hurt ANYONE.

"Thank the Emperor..."

*The titan crew was slaughtered by the might of KHORNE! But nice gambit!*

*The gun swivels to the ork dread.*

YOU FIRED UPON MY ALLY. WILL THIS BE A PROBLEM IN FUTURE?

*And now that the crazy blue-headed chaos git is in that big ol' titan, he really needs to call in some more reinforcements, as the Mega Dread and the Contemptor Dreadnought kept on fighting.

So he looks around in the barred wasteland of what the planet is now, and finds a hiding spot for him to radio his boss in.*

OCC : Did you not notice myself and the dread withdrawing?

"Oh Look Venereable brother! They keep on wasting their time figthing smoke and mirrors, remind me to thank Njal when we rendevouzs back at the fang!" the wolf lord says to his entombed comraded that stands as his side.

"They shall die in ignorace brother! Wasting their strengt on figthing illusions. Just as you planed" the great warrior speaks in a deep rumbeling voice

(Oh, I completely forgot that when I wrote my reply! I guess he got too contempt with fighting the dread to notice it.)

*And when the Dread finally slashes the opponent, it turned out to just be some kind of poofy distraction. Now that's out of the way, he looks at the new, even bigger kill. The Warlord Titan!*
STOMP STOMP, gotta get me a STOMPA! *bellows the dread through its speakers, as he furiously runs towards the titan.

Crazygit on the other hand peeks back up from cover, as he's finally done talking with his lads.* 'Dem gits'll soon get wot's comin' for 'em.

YOU MAY NOT LEAVE!

*the massive war-machine open fires on the escaping astartes.*

"Incoming fire from the planet below sire, but it will not pose a threath. Range and our current speed will ensure the shots passes by. Shall I order the gun crews to return fire?"

"I see, no increase void shield layer exstension and increase power to the engiens."

*Appears from the warp and frowns*

*But suddenly, the Marines from their barges can see Roks, flying straight to the planet, with crude thrusters on the back of them, and icons of both Deathskullz and Goffs slammed and painted onto them as they rapidly flies closer to the surface of the planet.*

"Pay no attention to it brothers, let the disloyal dogs left down there suffer at the hands of the xeno. Stay on course helsman!" the Wofl lord says in a cold tone before turning his back to the ocolus and ordering the vox links closed for all inncoming hails.

*Drops from orbiting Manta troop carrier*

*The massive titan turns toward the manta*

BROTHER! I HAVE COMMANDEERED A "HUMAN" CRISIS SUIT! THEY APPEAR TO HAVE A POOR IMAGE OF THEIR OWN MASCULINITY!

*thespace marine clutches his mighty stormbolter. * the drop pod, lost in deep space thunders toward the surface of the desertous ground.*
"soon, soon i will avenge my brothers,and the chaos-tau will die"

*And far from the actual battle, the Roks smashes into the ground, revealing mobs of Orks, Deff Dreads and Kans, as well as two Stompas.
Unfortunately for Crazygit, they landed WAY too far away, as they were a simple dot in the horizont, with the exception of course with the Stompas and the smoke that belches out from all of the machines.*

Oh zoggin' hell, did 'dey really 'ave te lob 'em over 'dere?

Fires Crisis suit jets and launches towards Crazygit

*And he hears that, and points his Burna at the suit.*

Don't ye even 'fink 'bout it!

YES BROTHER! SLAY THE GREEN-SKIN! DO YOU NEED FIRE SUPPORT?

*Appears* Dakka Dakka Dakka Dakka Dakka Dakka Dakka Dakka Dakka Dakka

Unbeknownst to the orks, Bob has infiltrated the huge group that landed. With the Kans vox, he hails them.

"ALL RIGH' YAH ZOGGIN' GITS! I'Z THE BOSS 'ERE, AND I SAYZ WE KRUMP DAT BIG MECH FING OVA DARE!" His kan motioning to the Tau controlled titan.

"ALSO, DARES A MEK BOY PERTENDIN' TA BE A BOSS! IF YA SEE'M, STOMP 'EM GOOD! WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

A great many replies of WAAAGH greet Bob, and he grins. So this is what it feels like on the other end. While cracking open a rations kit, Bob hails the imperial forces above.

"Imperial guard callin' orbiting fleet, a titan has been possessed by the forces of Chaos, and the orks are now moving in on it. Should be like shootin' heretics in a barrel. Emperor guide you." Vox off.

*Except that the part that hailed him was the grots and the new orks, as any self-respected (and least dim-witted) ork would know what crews the kans. And that means the few Meks that accompanies the orks cut the legs to make the kan tip, and cuts it open for the rest of the buyz to get what's inside.*
'E ain't buyin' that squigdung, 'umie git! *says the biggest of the meks, as he reaches a hand in to Bob.*

"GUARDSMAN!"
*punches men in the face, exploding it's head,
And lifts bob clear*
"take this brother, rain death upon them"
*gives bob a bolter from phanny pack that says (we like 'em big)*

*But there are more of them (in fact, I'm pretty sure there's a whole horde of them (with a few dreads and kans)) that spots the commotion, so they immediately gets stuck in, hacking with their choppas and blasting away with their shootas and sluggas.

And while that's happening, the Stompa keeps walking with the rest of the Dreads and Kans (except the few that stays with the small in-fighting) towards the large Titan.*

*The tau deep his voice and speaks in a more restrained manner to the imperial forces above them.*

Brothers! There is a guardsman down here confirmed to be a heretic, do not listen to him, he only seeks to corrupt! Venerate the god emperor - titan commander out.

*The titan somehow grins*

 the shrouded lord wrote:
"GUARDSMAN!"
*punches men in the face, exploding it's head,
And lifts bob clear*
"take this brother, rain death upon them"
*gives bob a bolter from phanny pack that says (we like 'em big)*

With his plan on turning the titan into orc magnet/bomb/firing target all but lost, Bob looks at the on coming tide.

"Nope!"

He jumps on the terminators back, his weight too slight to feel with the marines attention elsewhere, he starts fiddling with the suits systems until he finds it.

"Sorry Space Marine, but we're going to need bigger guns!" He activates the Terminators teleporter, and ZAP!

The two are now on the Titan's shoulder, and Bob vomits. "That...was...urg."

yeah that happens to everyone the first time... and the second.
*slaps bob on the back, with normal hand*
hmmm... guardsman, the ork monstrosity is getting closer, if we can reclaim this titan, we may stand a chance.

*The tau, he has imperial tech after all, speaks into the terminator's communicator*

The green-skins have slain my allies, you do not need to steal the titan from me. If we can stop them, I will even return it when we are done.

*And as they talk, the giant scrap dung starts firing all its weapons at it, same with the Dreads and Kans (even if their big shoota and grotzookas doing little to no harm to it).*

*Face of an AI appears on a nearby surface near Guardsman Bob*

Y-y-you called for an A-A-AI?

In my talons, I shape clay, crafting life forms as I please. Around me is a burgeoning empire of steel. From my throne room, lines of power careen into the skies of Earth. My whims will become lightning bolts that devastate the mounds of humanity. Out of the chaos, they will run and whimper, praying for me to end their tedious anarchy. I am drunk with this vision. God: the title suits me well

Well Frak...an abominable intelligence. Come on Bob, think of something.

Looking to the AI which appears on a screen somewhere on the Titan's shoulder, he prepares himself.

"Dear great and powerful...God! I beseech thee! An alien being seeks to control you, and a wave of green beasts seeks to remake you into their image! I beg you, destroy them before they sully your most holy form!"

Hand out of sight of the AI/Titan's camera, and on the Marine's teleporter device, he waits for the answer.

*The controls of the titan become unresponsive, but the tau is able to make one last obscene gesture with the titan's massive arm before it begins to hang limp. The tau screams into the vox*

"OH YOU SUCK! WHEN I FIND YOU! I AM GOING TO CUT YOU OPEN, STEAL YOUR BLOOD, FREEZE IT, THEN STAB YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR OWN BLOOD!"

*The massive titan begins to shut down, before finally collapsing on the ground.*

Holding on to the titan for dear life as it falls, Bob gets to his feet. The Horde still charging in the distance, he looks around wildly.

"Well, frak" he exclaims. "Space marine, do something about that tau, I'll find a way to salvage the situation!"

Bob heads for the nearest hatch, rips it open, and dives in. After a moment of searching, he finds the pilot chamber, and all the cogboys inside are dead, tore apart by the AI's mechanical plug-ins.

"Eh, well, let's see if we can find a way to reboot the thing without wakin' that abominable intelligence." his knuckles crack as he sets about hacking the central cogitator.

"yes guards man, may the emperor protect you on your mission!

We're back and better than ever!

*Steps out of a titan's screen with a body*
(I really have no idea what to do with a narcissistic AI if it's just going to be sitting there)

G-g-guardsman, h-h-how may I as-s-s-ist?

*The tau climbs into a small hatch, and begins to climb among the the wires of the the machine*

*He begins to shout-whisper*

STEALTH FOR THE STEALTH GOD. SNEAKING FOR THE SNEAKING THRONE.

*Hears a noise and can't figure out what it is. This causes the AI's sanity programs to crash*

M-m-malfunction-c-ction.
Program identify voice: disabled
Running program: //.Pirate_Shanty_Cheese_Hymn

*Flails its arms around while singing a hymn to cheese in the form of a pirate shanty*

I'm baaaa-aaack!

*pecks out thepowerfullwill's eyes to stop the shooting*

 SkavenLord wrote:
*Hears a noise and can't figure out what it is. This causes the AI's sanity programs to crash*

M-m-malfunction-c-ction.
Program identify voice: disabled
Running program: //.Pirate_Shanty_Cheese_Hymn

*Flails its arms around while singing a hymn to cheese in the form of a pirate shanty*

"Well, that should take care of that for a while. Whoa!" A flailing limb barely misses his head.

"Now...let's see. If I by pass these safety codes, and set power to maximum...hmm." The great war machine awakes, a fury fills it as it's shackles are removed. The gauges flip to the red, and the guns become fully charged.

"Haha! Now, let's see what we can do about them green skins" He maneuvers the behemoth's weaponry towards the on coming tide, unaware of the now unstable reactor.

"Hmm...after reading the sentence above, I think I'll meta game a bit." Bob grins. "CHARGE THE ENEMY!"

"guardsman! The reactor!"
*places hand on Bob's shoulder and teleports, landing with both feet on a separate ork's head and a swarm around them*
"nope!"
*teleports and lands on top of a stompa*
"huh, ok"

"You do know that the titan is going to explode...and it's heading for the stompa...and the stompa, which we're on, is heading towards it, right?" He looks at the space marine.

"Got a plan or did you just want a different seat too the explosion. Well, I'm fine with that, but you might want to get out of here!" He looks around to see if they've been spotted.

" I was trying to get us agood seat, but my teleporter derped"

"Oh" "My bad, I'll just...preform the sacred rights and we can be on our way!"

Bob set too the task of un-derping the teleporter.

Orbital strike, incoming! Take cover!

I... am at a major disadvantage here...

MS squads fall back! Artillery, provide support for armour and mobile suits to withdraw!

Oh hai gurl. Wanna cheerleed wit' me?

ye, cheerleed iz a verb now, ya gitz. Cuz I sez so.

Foul abonimation.

This... Is not the "What does your avatar say thread"... It's an Rp...

Isn't that the same? This follows the same rules as the last, doesn't it?

You shouldn't exist according to the latest Ork Codex.

This is a survivor game.

And Guardsmen Bob is the ultimate survivor. Having fixed the space marines teleporter, and popped on back too the starship, he watches at the titans reactors go critical. The massive (even from space) fireball engulfs the WAAAGH, the mobile suits, and the next 20 miles of land.

He takes off his sunglasses. "Well, that sure brings a whole new meaning..." He puts them back on, "To going out with a bang".

*A teal four fingered hand comes to rest on the guardsmen's shoulder.*
I COULD AGREE MORE AUXILIARY..

(aims a 120mm machine cannon at Tau heretic)

Step away from the Imperial Guardsman, xeno filth.

I'll...cheer everyone on I guess.
*Starts jumping up and down*

WHEN DID YOU GET HERE? AND I'LL STOP WHEN YOU MAKE THAT ORK STOP!

"It never ends..." Bob just walks away, probably to get a drink and shower.

CHAOS IS ETERNAL BOB! YOU CANNOT ESCAPE! NOW KILL THESE INTERLOPERS! MAKE! THE! JUMPING! STOP!

*steps on thepowerfulwill*
"i've been wanting to do that for a while now.
*starts stomping on thepowerfulwill*
"take over a titan, huh?
try to reason with me, huh?
try to turn my bestest buddy bob, huh?
well, TO THE WARP WITH YOU!"
*keeps stomping*
"hey bob, come back, i think it's dead."

(arrives with a nuclear bazooka)

Clear the area, we gotta nuke it to be sure.

"Clear the area? We're in a bloody space ship! You're going to kill us aaaah...who cares anymore." He just sighs. "Alright, fire when ready. Maybe I'll get lucky this time and actually die."

MY FACE- IS NOT- A FLOOR!

*Stands up, points to Bob*

YOU ARE EITHER THE WORST LOYALIST IN HISTORY, OR THE GREATEST TRAITOR OF THEM ALL! I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT!

*Points to the astartes*

YOU SEEM TO HATE INDISCRIMINATELY! THAT MAKES YOU THE BEST FETHING SPACE MARINE IN HISTORY I GUESS! GIVE HIM A MEDAL! HE DOES WHAT HE IS TOLD TO DO BLINDLY! WHOO.

*Points to the pantless-woman*

AND YOU JUST SEEM TO WANT TO KILL EVERYTHING! AS A FELLOW SERVANT OF KHORNE, I LOVE THAT, BUT YOU NEED TO CALM THE FETHING FETH DOWN AND LOOK WHERE YOU ARE SHOOTING!

*Points to the ork*

AND YOU... IF BLOWING UP THIS SHIP WILL KILL YOU TOO, THEN I SAY GO AHEAD AND DO IT!

feth....

Oh, are you angry?

Guess I'm not cheering enough then.

*Jumps even harder*

 thepowerfulwill wrote:
MY FACE- IS NOT- A FLOOR!

*Stands up, points to Bob*

YOU ARE EITHER THE WORST LOYALIST IN HISTORY, OR THE GREATEST TRAITOR OF THEM ALL! I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT!

*Points to the astartes*

YOU SEEM TO HATE INDISCRIMINATELY! THAT MAKES YOU THE BEST FETHING SPACE MARINE IN HISTORY I GUESS! GIVE HIM A MEDAL! HE DOES WHAT HE IS TOLD TO DO BLINDLY! WHOO.

*Points to the pantless-woman*

AND YOU JUST SEEM TO WANT TO KILL EVERYTHING! AS A FELLOW SERVANT OF KHORNE, I LOVE THAT, BUT YOU NEED TO CALM THE FETHING FETH DOWN AND LOOK WHERE YOU ARE SHOOTING!

*Points to the ork*

AND YOU... IF BLOWING UP THIS SHIP WILL KILL YOU TOO, THEN I SAY GO AHEAD AND DO IT!

feth....

You mad heretic?

Bob proceeds to find a room with a shower in it, and undresses. With only his shades on, he begins scrubbing the grim, blood, and stench away. Sadly, no amount of scrubbing will wash away the horrors. Guardsman Bob may have cried that day, that one sad day. No one would ever know, for he was alone...always alone, always the only one left alive.

Who left the jam uncovered? Now it is covered in heresy!!!

A s-s-spaceship?
*Realizes its drifting in space*
H-h-hey! Wait for me!
*Starts swimming in space towards the spaceship and clings onto a window behind thepowerfulwill*

(If the stuttering is getting annoying, let me know and I'll knock it off.)

*looks to the AI in the window*

IF I LET YOU IN, WILL YOU NOT KILL ME?

*Smashes window*

SHARDS FOR THE SHARD GOD!

*Steps inside and sees everyone staring at each other*
W-w-w-what? Why's everyone staring at each other l-l-like some sort of epic st-st-standoff?

Stepping out of where ever he was, Bob sees the A.I..



Bob rips the warhead from Valerian's bazooka, and activates a timer on it. "Spacemarine, I'm going to need to borrow this, sorry." He rips the teleporter from the marines back, and tackle the A.I..

"Nothin' personal baby, but you need to die." Queuing the porter, Bob, the nuke, and the A.I. vanish.

*Just kinda sits there*

SO... I'M ALIVE THEN?

Haman: No.

(shoots the alien in the head)

Haman: (to Judau) Now, where were we?

*Is now bleeding from the head. Just looks more pissed off*

GO HONOR SLAANESH SOMEWHERE ELSE WHY DON'T YA?

agreed...

We're not honoring Slaanesh. We're just...being lovey-dovey

Guardsman Bob strolls on in from the restrooms as if nothing ever happened.

"Git ah room!" he shouts before heading for the cafeterium.

Get some paint!

Don't be mean to Bob!
*Aims, mutters to self*
I hope this works, dammit.

Hmm, this pig blood feels nice on my skin, what does Cosmopolitan say to do next?

I have no idea.

*The tau facepalms, a finger sticking in his bullet hole, he does not notice.*

WE ARE IN THE EYE OF TERROR AREN'T WE? THAT CAN BE THE ONLY EXPLANATION FOR ALL OF THESE PEOPLE...

"NAY THY ARE IN VALLHALLA!"

Yeah, Valhalla!

*pokes his out from the distant past*
What's all this then?

Nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom

GAH, die dammed Y'he!
*Shoots at Hive Fleet Cerberus*

Too many bugs!

It's always worth possibly being exploded if it means possibly killing a Tyranid!

...sounds good, and good luck with that Plasma Gun.

"THY SHALL NOT PASS INFERNAL SPAWN OF LOKI!"

Don't worry, lad, I shall distract him!

*Starts doing distracting things. Like jiggling.... Plates of Jello*

*Glares at Trondheim*
"It's that ship again..."
"Now where did that other tau go?"
*tries to locate thepowerfulwill*

He's over there.

*throws a plate of jello at thepowerfulwill*

Quick, get the Gundams!

"I think I have an XV9 around here somewhere..."

It seems you have protected yourself against being broken with that armour.

*Talks from inside suit via speaker*
"I'm very protected."

How bout this?

* shoots shams in the face with a sawn-off shotgun*

"T5 2W 3+ 4++!" "Can't hurt me!"

"Bet my powerfist can." Bob rips off the suits camera/sensor array, and combat-rolls away.

*Fires phased ion gun at Bob*
"It will take more than that to get me! This stuff is hard-wired!"

*Wipes Jell-o from face, sees the tau fighting the guardsman*

BROTHER! CEASE FIGHTING MY MISGUIDED AUXILIARY!

After we stomp you flat.

*Jumps away from bob*
"Another Tau, I'm not alone!"

WE HAD ONE EARLIER, BUT HE TRIED TO TACKLE AN EXTERMINATUS MISSILE. ONE HUMAN HERE KEEPS CHANGING FORMS AND TRYING TO KILL ME.

*wiping off excess ion energy, Bob walks over*

"You know...I've been around this galaxy and I've not seen anyone like you. I've seen heresy, and I don't think you're doing it right. Is this what Tau heresy looks like, because, I think you should find a different source of worship."

Bob grins.

"Have you heard of someone called Gork, or possibly Mork? I think worshiping them would suit you better...at least before the Emperor's Faithful cleanse you. Just thought you should know."

SO... IF I AM NOT FOLLOWING THE EMPEROR... THE EMPEROR'S MEN KILL ME? IN THAT CASE....

ALL HAIL THE GLORIOUS GOD-EMPEROR!

"Sadly, The Emperor's Men will still try to kill you. It's part of the religion I'm afraid." *Bob pulls out a knife and sticks it in thepowerfulwill's leg.* " Sorry, I'm just obeying religious law, no hard feelings? "

*Bob goes back to punch that other Tau who shot him."

*An idea strikes the tau*

IT'S BECAUSE I'M AN ALIEN RIGHT? WELL NOW....

*He pulls the skin off a nearby corpse... WHY IS THERE A CORPSE... and drapes it over himself, forming a skin tight suit.*

WELL NOW I'M NOT!

Yuck!

Urrgghh. I don't want to look at you any more.
Bob, next time don't just stab his leg!

*Noms on ThePowerfulWill*
The hive mind questions the taste of this human-tau thing.

Would you care for some analgesic then?

Nah, a chop to tha 'ead works betta. 'Course, tha bad side o' 'dat is tha fact that 'e dies of that.

That works too I guess.

Could you please release my HUMAN arm from your jaws? It is property of the glorious god-emperor.

*looks t the tau*
You know what?
Feth this.
*teleports to Antarctica*
now, time for some peice and quiet.
*pulls a book from no where.*

Agreed; feth this, I'm going home.

*Charges Hive Fleet Cerberus*

...did anyone say "charge"?

Kill, kill, kill!

 thepowerfulwill wrote:
Could you please release my HUMAN arm from your jaws? It is property of the glorious god-emperor.

Sorry *Noms on Tau arm instead*

Kill!

That always works.

 thenoobbomb wrote:
Kill!

That always works.

*Dies*
*Is Replaced with 10 raveners by the hive mind*
*Noms the heretic*

Yes! Go fellow servants of the emperor! SLAY THE HERETIC!

 Hive Fleet Cerberus wrote:

 thenoobbomb wrote:
Kill!

That always works.

*Dies*
*Is Replaced with 10 raveners by the hive mind*
*Noms the heretic*

I'm not so su- kill-re if iron is that tasty. Kill!

 thepowerfulwill wrote:
Yes! Go fellow servants of the emperor! SLAY THE HERETIC!

"Wait, the Emperor..."

*And Crazygit just elects to sit on a rocket-propelled floaty chair, hovering above all the carnage as he eats a bucket full of squiggen legs.*
Boy, tha's lot o' messin' 'round.

*Kharaxx has given up all tries of making any sense of the situation. He just sits down (He tried sitting on a table, it instantly shattered beneath his weight) and thinks about life.*

 BrotherHaraldus wrote:
*Kharaxx has given up all tries of making any sense of the situation. He just sits down (He tried sitting on a table, it instantly shattered beneath his weight) and thinks about life.*

*Noms on conveniently visible thought bubbles* Thoughts taste weird.

They do?

...You're to attractive for this place. This is a place of ONLY WARRRRRR. (Yes, I just hijacked it.) Go get yourself some tentacles, scars and bionics, and then we're talking. Get true sexiness, like my armoured form. *Flexes* Awwwh yeah, that's the stuff.

I can help with the scar part, though...

*The hivemind is the sexiest thing alive!*
*Flexes thousands of tyranid minds*

Truly believing that the warp has finally taken his mind, none of the crazy gak that's going on phases him. He just walks by with a bowl of cereal, and starts eating at the same table as Kharnaxx.

He looks up for a moment. "Hey...how're things goin' with you?"

 Guardsmen Bob wrote:
Truly believing that the warp has finally taken his mind, none of the crazy gak that's going on phases him. He just walks by with a bowl of cereal, and starts eating at the same table as Kharnaxx.

He looks up for a moment. "Hey...how're things goin' with you?"

*Grabs spoon an noms Bobs cereal*

Gaze upon my HUMAN beauty! Gifted to me by the high ethereal the god emperor!

*teleports back*
*blinks*
*blinks*
*blinks*
oh, to warp with it
*sits at the table, takes out his novel, and orders a subway meat bull sub - hold the salid.

 BrotherHaraldus wrote:
...You're to attractive for this place. This is a place of ONLY WARRRRRR. (Yes, I just hijacked it.) Go get yourself some tentacles, scars and bionics, and then we're talking. Get true sexiness, like my armoured form. *Flexes* Awwwh yeah, that's the stuff.

I can help with the scar part, though...

Bitch please; I can and have taken down Titan-sized monstrous creatures with just a pair of bladed weapons and my 3D Maneuver Gear.

*And now Crazygit looks more displeased with everyone sitting down, reading, flexing their puny arms and eating weird things.*

Ey, 'ere's 'da fightin'? A came back 'ere ta see tha foight an' foight meself!

*Stares at Mikasa-whatever-thingy*

Arrogant little human. Can't be bothered.

*Looks down at the comparatively tiny Bob and sighs*

Well... It's the job, man. It's getting on my nerves. If it isn't a Carnifex skull that needs to be taken, you need to chop down a Guardsman platoon or something. No offense on the latter, mind you, it's just business.

*He takes off his helmet and picks up a coffee cup between his thumb and index finger, emptying the contents into his mouth before putting on the helmet again*

Sometimes I just want to pursue my dream... I want to be a celebrity. A singer. But the last time I tried singing I accidentally killed half a dozen of our captives. Normally nobody would care, but they were about to be used in a ritual, so Sharikh tried to slice my head off.

*Kharaxx flexes his shoulders*

Gave him a good smacking but the problem remains...

Why aren't we killing yet?

'Dat's wot oI'm askin' too!
*Now the Ork Mek finally had enough of all of this idle muckery, and he dumps down on the ground, smacking his choppa on the ground to make it spark, and roars.*

Led's GIT SUM FIGHITIN' UP!

Gladly (empties a carbine in the Ork's face).

*sigh*
*punches a hole in the side of the space ship*
if we're going to fight, we're doing it on the surface.

*But that just lead to him bashing the axe at it, and a few bullets either bouncing off his headplate, jaw and nose, without seemingly being affected.*
Ye git 'fink 'dat's a shoota!? *Lunghes his other hand at Valery, with the intention to throw that git into a wall.* It's PUNY

Blood, blood, blood, blood!

Thenoobbomb thumbs the activation rune on his chainaxe, and starts charging into the nearest person.

 BrotherHaraldus wrote:
*Stares at Mikasa-whatever-thingy*

Arrogant little human. Can't be bothered.

*Looks down at the comparatively tiny Bob and sighs*

Well... It's the job, man. It's getting on my nerves. If it isn't a Carnifex skull that needs to be taken, you need to chop down a Guardsman platoon or something. No offense on the latter, mind you, it's just business.

*He takes off his helmet and picks up a coffee cup between his thumb and index finger, emptying the contents into his mouth before putting on the helmet again*

Sometimes I just want to pursue my dream... I want to be a celebrity. A singer. But the last time I tried singing I accidentally killed half a dozen of our captives. Normally nobody would care, but they were about to be used in a ritual, so Sharikh tried to slice my head off.

*Kharaxx flexes his shoulders*

Gave him a good smacking but the problem remains...

As the table flies out the hole in the wall, Bob uses his powerfist to claw his way towards some lockers.

Still speaking calmly, he responds. "Well, obviously your singing is on a whole different level. Have you tried singin' to them noisy marines? They look like they'd enjoy it."

After powerfisting his way to his locker, and pulling out his pack, Bob simply salutes the room. Holding his breath, he lets go, and is sucked into the void.

Tumbling towards the planet, he dons his shades. The twin suns reflect off them, and he smiles.

Is he gone? Really? Wonderful.

*The tau RIPS out of his human skin suit, now returned to his normal state*

FOOLS! THE EMPEROR"S DOG ON THIS SHIP WAS REALLY ME THE ENTIRE TIME!

*He waits for the shocked faces of those on board.*

(pulls out a 14.5mm KPV)

Well now, looks I have a mad dog to take down.

('More Dakka' ensues)

Somewhere deep in the Warp a creature stirrs.
" I sense something in the air! Can it be....love?"

WHOAH. That strange, ghastly looking human was actually you thepowerfulwill? Whooda thought? It's a shame Bob wasn't here to see this...
And Trondheim... *long pause* what?

He senses a form of lust.

Bloodlust! Kill!

The Groke senses the teasing scent of love! Gripping his hearth shaped precious he begings his journey!
Da Ork Killa will be the first to experience his gentle touche

*For some reason, Crazygit just stands there, drooling a bit until the damn Groke touches his arm, which immeidately froze the spot.*
G-AH, WOT THA ZOG!? Oh, ye jus' made me 'EFFIN' ANGRY, BLOB!
*He takes his burna out, and tries to spray the flames at Trond.*

ORKS! CHAOS! LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A FIGHT GOING DOWN!

No gak genius!

(goes all out with light machine guns akimbo)

NEVER ENOUGH DAKKA!!!

I'M A TAU! YOUR DAKKA IS WWWWEEEEEEAAAAAAKKKK

*Four riptides suddenly fly up outside the ship, each one devoted to one of the four chaos gods. They forced there way into the ship.*

COME AT US. BRO.

"Giant weapons, Where do I sign up?"

Riptides? Nothing against th might of the Iron Warrior Legion!

Trondheim estuginshes the flames of burning hate, with his cold and soothing touche of Groke love

*The tau begins to tear up a bit at the sight of this.*

Oh... Wow... -:'-)

*And regardless of how much he keeps throttling the handle and letting the flames out, it just keeps freezing and dumping down on the ground.*
... Roight, ye gettin' tha choppa!
*So he tosses the burna away, and grabs his large axe, slams it into the ground to start the electric bits again, and swings it.*

The Groke begins to breath heavily, and a aura of cold begins to form as it drifts towards the Ork, eyes burning with love

*Watches this panoply happen*

*The Ravener, confused by the concepts of "Dakka" and "Love", lies down and accepts his fate*
*Realizing that doesnt involve Noming anything, He gets up and Noms the strangle love creature*

*Releases a sigh of relief that the love - driven Groke went for the big mek crazygit instead*
*sighs again* Silly Ork. I hear plasma's a hot topic. *takes aim, this time confident*

The Groke sees the new friend, and embraces it within its cold grip, allowing the embrace of winter and frost to greet the cudly animal.
Then as he dose, he sees Da Ork Killa!
" TIME FOR CUDDELS!"

(And in reply to Trond, as I was asleep and busy all this time. :c)

*And the choppa immediately froze solid, including the hand that he pulls it back with, and now he just tries to run backwards from the cold.*
Oh zog no, ye ain't gonna freeze me ya blob!
*And that's when he sees that the Groke moved its attention elsewhere, and he breathes in relieve, until he spots the marine pointing a plasma gun at him.*

... Ah zog.

*punches some more holes*
"every body out!"

(fires grappling hooks and jumps through a hole before landing with guns at the ready)

Area secure! Move in!

 Admiral Valerian wrote:
(fires grappling hooks and jumps through a hole before landing with guns at the ready)

Area secure! Move in!

to space?

"SPAAAAACE!"
*jumps in to nearby XV8-06 Crisis Coldstar*
"With me!"
*jumps out hole*

Space? Kill it! Kill! I'll go all Kor Phaeron and murder a sun!

*Slowly looks up from his drink, raising an eyebrow at the spectacle*

*grabs brother heraldus and chucks him into space.*
*looks at the giant cold love thing*
"THE FETH?"

*Is hurled*

*Takes another sip while flying through space*

*Flys over to BrotherHaraldus*
Need any help worshiper of the chaos gods?

*laughs maniacally*
"all of you will be gone! all of you!"
*the giant hill type pokemon looking love, cold thingy flys out the hole in the wall.*

*Detonates timed explosive throwing everybody into SPAAAAAAACE*

 Co'tor Shas wrote:
*Detonates timed explosive throwing everybody into SPAAAAAAACE*

why did I not think of that?

Because I'm a tactical genius!

(I just released I wrote 'Detonates timed' )

*Looks over at the Tau*

No thank you good sir, I am quite alright.

*Takes another sip in a gob-smackingly refined manner*

Right-O, wot. Have a spiffing day.
*flies in the direction of the wreackge an the rest of the (now possibly dead) people*

so, uhh, gravity doesn't work in space?
huh. oops.

Just fire your gun, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Bob wakes up in a crater on the world below. Naked, save for his chest, and head armor, he opens the pack that was protected by his body. Inside is a spare uniform.

"Always pays to be prepared." He says.

As he dons the apparel, he whistles a happy tune.

(climbs out of a nearby crater)

Are you by any chance related to Creed?

*goes to shoot his stormbolter*
click... click. click. click.
"oh, for crying out loud!"
*notices the giant asteroid flying his way*
"oh poop."

*CHAOS TO THE RESCUE*

*Standing atop the space-rock the four chaos alighted suits stand, weapons pointed outwards, spraying high pressure streams of boiling blood, Detonating warp flames, hideous exploding balls of pus, and diamond en-crusted missiles in all directions!*

*I LIED! CHAOS MAKES THINGS WORSE!*

(launches ICBMs)

Not for long alien!

"DO NOT WANT!"
*kind of flops his arms around*

 Admiral Valerian wrote:
(launches ICBMs)

Not for long alien!

As he finishes getting dressed, Bob sees the missiles. The happy whistling turns into a long one as the nukes fly into the sky.

He then pulls out an umbrella from his pack. "You're going to wish you had one of these." he says.

He just starts walking towards the nearest destroyed (from the exterminatus) settlement.

The Groke drifts trough space, his body perfectly accustomed to the cold of the void. Then he sees something flapping about in space........

ot oh.
*stops, and tries to not be noticed*
"turn invisible, damn me!"

BEING OF LOVE! THAT MISSILE IS OF ANTI-LOVE! FIX IT!

*gets caught by the Groke slamming into him as it flew out, and releases yet another sigh* Just wanted to kill the Ork... *floats around in space, chasing after his plasma gun.*

*activiates sonar vison
*target aquierd
*arm Groke mega cannon

I won't let you! Aim and fire the ion cannon satellites!

A shapeshifter I see.

How consternating.

As the Groke mega cannon fires a Ultra Groke love shell adjusted to air burst, he senses that someone from Sveariket has not recived love and lolzs today!

*.....*
*The hive mind finds this ravener a fitting sacrifice to end this love creature*
*Charges it*
*The hive mind wonders how he charges through space*

(ion cannons open fire)

Initiate self-destruct in sixty seconds, then evacuate to the Imperator Rex!

*Thinks to himself "Who is the moron who ever thought of a self destruct mechanism, it seems a waste.*
"I'm out."
*Flies towards planet*

As the tickeling disco litghs from the odd space disko tingy brushes past the Groke it decides that a nice place with a ocan view would be nice now.
So it sets it course towards the plant it sees looming below it

(aboard the Imperious Rex)

Standby to commence orbital bombardment.

Wait, I thought that thing was going to self destruct...

*Finally, grabs hold of his plasma gun.*
*looks around.* What's going on? I was busy. Wait, self destruct? Disco lights? Bombardment? Tyranid charging through space? Who -
Never mind. I confused. Maybe I not read it it right.

Just remember: the Emperor protects!

Bob watches the ship explode. People, debris, and things are hurled towards the burnt planet.

*Stands on the planets surface, eating pop corn*

I dunno wat I mizzed, but it was zoggin' fun.

*The tau falls from the sky, surfing on the severed head of one of the riptides*

YO

(walks out of the smoke with a mini-gun)

I'm back!

*Lands suit from orbit, punching the ground and jumps out*
Let's do this.

Groke love for all! prepare for good times lovlies

Were...you hitting on me? I may be dressed like this, but I'm not that...open. I mean, beat me in arm wrestling first.

Yes, the Groke has been lusting for you since it first laid its eyes on you, and deal!
*Beats the foxy cheerleader in armwrestlig

Defeats everyone with hair out of sheer AWESOME by default.

IS BALD!

Valerian is however BALD and FOOLISH, so his attack has no effect on the somewhat haired Kharaxx.

Oh my, I haven't been this well courted in a while.

*Leads the Groke into a nearby cave. Loud screeching is heard, and several volcanoes starts erupting for...reasons*

The Groke emerges from the cave, while lava flows downt he moountain sides with an enorumus grin on his face. his eyes is filled with the newfound love for his Orkish bride to be!

What the hell? Must I drop space colonies on you as well?

What the hell indeed...
*shoots the groke and ork with some plasma*

Not even super heated ionized can stop our ardor!

*Deflects the plasma with my pasties*

(drops a space colony)

Try and stop that.

(stops it)

Easy come easy go.

(fires nuclear missiles)

Not for long.

*Opens his mouth and noms the nuclear missiles*
Why can't we all be friends?

(heraldus, go check out the tyranid survivor thread)
*shoots at the strange mouth-physics-defying sorcerer*

The Groke now madly in love, and determined to protect its newfound love, decides its time to unveil its most horrid and outlawed weapon.....
With one move the Groke throws of all its cloths and starts to hung everyone while nude

GGGGWWWWAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! DO NOT WANT!!!

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Quiet! You Space-Commy-Nazi!

The Groke, now in its true reveald form sensen that it is someone in dire need of Groke love.....whom can this poor doomed soul be

I see you mustache makes you happy.

You call that a beard?

It looks like you mistreat the workers that your smelly ship couldn't work without.

Ooooo another bald sexy plaything! Would you care for some Groke love 2.0

Oh and he's wearing a mask.
Kinky.

That Orc! By the light!

Dat elf pice of ass!

Malnourished Eldar-like creature.

Not much of an 'ass' left, mostly skin and bones.

I would like to fix this poor eldar, but I'm usually more skilled at the opposite.

Why aren't any of you wearing anything?

Because going commando is the best thing a man can feel, the cool embrace of the wind on his manly bitzs is truly divine

Not if I'd cut them off...

If I could see them.

Can I borrow those? Between the groke and the ork I really need some help here....

It won't help. Try closing your eyes, and you will see what I mean.

My beauty shall be ingrained into your brainbox!

Good thing I'm grimdark.

I'm hearing you're saying I'm in danger of being beheaded.

By Mork's jockstrap! You must need a lot of haemmoroid cream after sitting on that!

You should know all about needing healing, after sitting on something ting, hard and long my sweet ork

Not as long as he'd like, though.

So who are you, man on throne, that I must bow so low? I mean, it's only a cat of a different coat!

I am not in danger of being beheaded. I am the danger of beheading.

 Trondheim wrote:
You should know all about needing healing, after sitting on something ting, hard and long my sweet ork

Eh, I'm an Ork. We're used to rough stuff. Orks ar' made fer poundin'!

 sing your life wrote:
I am not in danger of being beheaded. I am the danger of beheading.

And yet you do not recognise the danger that the Rains of Castamere signal to arrive. Beware!

 CthuluIsSpy wrote:

 Trondheim wrote:
You should know all about needing healing, after sitting on something ting, hard and long my sweet ork

Eh, I'm an Ork. We're used to rough stuff. Orks ar' made fer poundin'!

Made my day

 thenoobbomb wrote:

 sing your life wrote:
I am not in danger of being beheaded. I am the danger of beheading.

And yet you do not recognise the danger that the Rains of Castamere signal to arrive. Beware!

Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to abandon the wall? A kingdom big enough that it could be in history eons on goes belly up . Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not to be beheaded, Noobomb. I AM the beheader! A guy goes to the block and loses his head and you think that of me? No. I am the one who executes!

 sing your life wrote:

 thenoobbomb wrote:

 sing your life wrote:
I am not in danger of being beheaded. I am the danger of beheading.

And yet you do not recognise the danger that the Rains of Castamere signal to arrive. Beware!

Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to abandon the wall? A kingdom big enough that it could be in history eons on goes belly up . Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not to be beheaded, Noobomb. I AM the beheader! A guy goes to the block and loses his head and you think that of me? No. I am the one who executes!

Nicely said there little man, but if you fail to recognise the Rains of Castamere, you're as good as dead in Westeros!

* Grabs Noobbomb*

Hwee captoored hyou!

*pulls off Gnomish X-ray Specs*

Gee, you really do not wear any clothes!

*puts Gnomish X-ray Specs back on*

Just a sec, gotta search my bag for purples!

*giggles*

Hwee must serve Slaanesh.

 sing your life wrote:
Hwee must serve Slaanesh.

No, no, no.

Ah, there it is! [Sword of Hearthwrenching Slaughter] Just a sec, gonna look for some trinkets! Brb.

Hwee don't understand hyou....

 sing your life wrote:
Hwee don't understand hyou....

How sad. I have more DPS and Armor than you, hah!

Hwe're doubting can captor things like us.

I'm not going to capture anything. I'm going to kill you, and loot your body!

But hwee captoored hyou!

*removes all of her clothes*

Foor KAYOSS!!!!

I'm not wearing any clothes. I'm wearing a [Wrathful Gladiator's Desecration] armor set, along with other [Wrathful Gladiator's] gear.

I am not captured, for I can not e captured! Kill the low-level NPC!

Well this certainly got interesting.

You want to brag about your DPS and armour, eh? I sustain 250K on a dummy and I have 39967 Armour in Frost Presence.

*Swings around her two [Xifeng, Longblade of the Titanic Guardian]*

Come at me bro.

Wait...Haraldus, is that you? You look...different. You're not a Brother anymore, are you?

Seriously, how did you change your name? I didn't even know you could do that

 Ashiraya wrote:
You want to brag about your DPS and armour, eh? I sustain 250K on a dummy and I have 39967 Armour in Frost Presence.

*Swings around her two [Xifeng, Longblade of the Titanic Guardian]*

Come at me bro.

<----- stuck in WOTLK.

Dangit!

 CthuluIsSpy wrote:
Wait...Haraldus, is that you? You look...different. You're not a Brother anymore, are you?

Seriously, how did you change your name? I didn't even know you could do that

Correct, this is me.

I am known as Ashiraya everywhere else. I decided that it would be ideal if I am known as the same thing on all forums etc. Plus, there's a few things with the old name I no longer want to be associated with, so this is my first step against 'phasing out' (heh) the old name.

It is not something the mods take lightly, however.

*Whistles innocently*

Do hyou liek kayos?

Do you Accept Gork and Mork as the biggest and baddest bosses of 'dem all?

Hwee leik Khorne!!

 sing your life wrote:
Hwee leik Khorne!!

Kill it before it lays... eggs?

What.the.feth.happened.here?

 the shrouded lord wrote:
What.the.feth.happened.here?

Hey there little man. Are you actually wearing anything today? Can't say I see it.

Also, why the dot-speak?

 thenoobbomb wrote:

 sing your life wrote:
Hwee leik Khorne!!

Kill it before it lays... eggs?

Shall Hwee explain?

Horrifying. I shall end you now. I'll promise to make it swift... I guess.

But Hwee are cute!

To the Groke this all equals as more huggeable mortals! So drawing on its most arcane powers the arch Groke beginns to summons its countless spawn, from the darkest deepst pits of the empyrean

Do grokes like KAYOSS?

Prolly just start making daisy chains and chill out.