Hwee think slaanesh would like Daisy chains.

No, The Groke despises Chaos and all its wreched forms and servants

*grabs Trondheim*

Hwee captoored hyou!

*removes all of her clothes*

For KAYOSS!!!!!

The Zoanthrope, even in its infinite knowledge, has no clue what the hell is going on and slowly backs away from the weird Slaanesh cultist

*Sips martini*

Just as planned.

So you like undressing a Groke?......
SUPRISE INQUSITION TIME HERETIC! EAT MY POWER THOMAHAWK

Hwee don't know wha....

*splat*

I don't need you to take your clothes off to see you naked. I already do, and it's not that nice.

Out of curiousity, what do you do when I'm in the room?

Nothing special. I've seen more of your... kind.

Hwhy you no like Kayoss?

This "Kayoss" reminds me of a certain King.

Kayoss IS King!

Wat

Embrace Kayoss, great shiny man.

Lies, Mork and Gork are the true powers of the warp.
They'll crump your mutated butt good and hard.

 sing your life wrote:
Embrace Kayoss, great shiny man.

Woman. :|

 Ashiraya wrote:

 sing your life wrote:
Embrace Kayoss, great shiny man.

Woman. :|

And what a woman! I mean, everyone from this person's race is magnificent!

*Sniff*

but hwee love kayos....

*burst into waterworks*

It's ok, I love it too. -:-)

*Chaos sounds tasty, where is it?*

Walks in from off screen. "What fresh hell hath the forces of darkness sent to me for cleansing this time?" Bob flexes his powerfist.

US!!!

*grabs Bob*

Hwee captoored hyou for KAYOSS!!!!!

Bob deflates a bit. "It's been 40 years of evil cults, vile aliens, cursed chaos creatures, giant space warp beasts, and fallen citys. I never thought I could be captured." Pulls out his laspistol and aims it under his chin.

"Oh well, I've led an epic life. Congratulations on finally bringin' down Guardsmen Fral Bob Leman girl...you've done chaos proud." He pulls the trigger, and falls on sing.

A manly tear runs down his cheek onto her back.

NO BOB NO!!
Chaos scum!
*aims at sing your life and fires*

*Consumes bobs corpse for the hive mind*
*Takes like imperium, not very good*

*Summons the powers of chaos*

*Returns Bob to life, Eliphas style*

Your torment in this infernal existence is not yet over, Guardsman!

*Is half shocked/elated*

 Da Ork Killa wrote:
NO BOB NO!!
Chaos scum!
*aims at sing your life and fires*

double post.

 Guardsmen Bob wrote:
(Pg.1)*Wakes up in the snow*

Hate when I blow up.

*dusts self off*

It's a good thing I'm indestructible.

*Looks at the slime covered cat thing* Eh...what happened to you?

Having been eaten, and ripped from the gut of a bug by dark powers, Bob opens his eye. He smirks. "Sorry heretic, but the dark powers already brought me back." He shakes off the force holding him. "And they've been regretting it ever since! Besides, didn't I say earlier...I'm indestructible"

A detonator appears in his hand, and...12 cubic inches of C4 in the other.

Boom.

But slaanesh will just bring us......

*is blown into 300 pieces*

In the gloom of a great cave like hall, where countless thousands of great vats and operating tabels fills the once white marble floor a lone figure watches the spectacle unfold as he reclines in a chair crafted from vaugely human hides.
"How very amusing, I shall need to visit this room."

*Stomp Stomp Stomp Stomp*
Bzzap
*Stomp Stomp Stomp Stomp*

Do you like this Empra?

Why hello there cousin.....Care to see what I have on my sage...

I've just found porn of myself, so I do NOT want to see your sage.

That's not that special.

Trust me, I've seen stuff!

I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir". Do you maggots understand that?

No, miss.

bs I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair!

I've got a pair of blades, yes.

If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fething beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian gak! Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on xenos, Jews, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?

I am indeed not a human. Jolly good guess.
And I'm already a weapon. Better one than you I'd say, old man.

Show respect for the master miss!

Why hello there litle blue smutt man!

Private, how tall are you?

I think that's private.

And who might you be scumbag?

sing your life wrote:Private, how tall are you?

Well that depends if I stand on the remains of your broken dreams or nor human

thenoobbomb wrote:I think that's private.

Well I do like to share so not really

I'm looking for height when not standing on anything.

Substatialy taller that you then is my answer for the time being,

I didn't know they stacked gak that high.

Well they do, and I seeing how I dwarf such an tiny life form such as you I will now "enhance" you

 Trondheim wrote:
Why hello there litle blue smutt man!

Smutt man? -:-(

*After blowing himself up, Bob stands up out of his crater.*

"I'm going to be deaf for a week. Hey fish face, got any pain killers?"

I got the blessing of nurgle if you want it....

No, take this blessing of Mork *hands Bob a comically large, rusty choppa with crude glyphs scribbled all over it*.
It's dangerous to go alone.

Enemies of the IMPERIUM! Fear the might of the BLOOD ANGELS! EVEN in DEATH I STILL feth gak up!

*Rolls a one to hit*

Farewell.

Oh my, allow me to stich you togetter, and remeber to bite the pillow if it hurts

Would you like to hear the good word about the gods of Chaos?

Why yes actualy I would, care for a cup of tea as we speak?

Why, I would! Now here is some literature. *Hands over a pamphlet about chaos made out of human skin* Read it and tell me what you think!

Oh my, such craftmanship! And the seems are soft as sorrow. And the penmanship, such art! Well label me a intrested follower

What's your name scumbag?

Oh, hello human! Would -you- like to learn about the gods of Chaos? I have plenty of of these! Skinned them myself.

 sing your life wrote:
What's your name scumbag?

Im your father

.............

But why thank you, another fine book for my collection*blushes

Gee, those are some fine books.

Well, unclothed one, I have a lot of books in this here bag! I think it used to be a Fire Warrior. Or an Orc. I don't know. But these are some really interesting books that'll show you the true path towards Chaos! I tried Chaos and look where I am. I have at least three Space Marine helmets clipped to my belt. That's success there! You aren't a real warrior until you have a piece of a Space Marine attached to your stuff.

Well, I'm not really a warrior, and I haven't seen one of these Space Marines before, but I do know what I have.
A splendid, authentical Dunmer waterpipe!

Oh, you are from -there-. I'm not supposed to acknowledge people from -there-.

I'm sure those Space Marines think you're not supposed to take their heads.

I'd imagine they are quite attatched to them, I'd imagine. But it is so much fun to take them! *Laughs maniacally*

But no, there are powers greater than even the gods of Chaos that disapprove of such interactions. *Leans in all creepy like and whispers* Sweetrollssss.

Oh, sweetrolls! Sweet!

Where? I want one! They remind me of this silly man that I met once.

NO! NO SWEETROLLS! Miss, I don't if you are aware, but sweetrolls are the ultimate evil! An evil so great that not even the lap bands of the Emperor know of the threat! Wait.. did I say lapbands? I meant lapdogs. Lapbands are... something.. it's not important.

No, Sweetrolls are to be the downfall of my universe. Should a single one cross over into my realm the end times will be nigh. The Necrons will fully awake! The Tyranid fleet will arrive! The Tau will develop even more overpowered suit technology! The Space Wolves will finally stop naming everything after the wolf! It'll be bedlam. And not in the good way.

Their threat is outlined in the Liber Chaotica as written by our Primarch Lorgar. Well.. it's not exactly in it but our Dark Apostle stated that it probably was based on a chaotic code he ran on it's unholy passages. That's good enough for me!

Chaos will prevail.

Of course it will. It'll just be really, really, really unpleasant for awhile. I mean, who would want to live a world where everything the Space Wolves own isn't named after the wolf? Not I!

I've got a sweetroll in my inventory.

Not sure how that's possible, but ehh.

Nooo! You have doomed us to a wolflless existence! *Shields face. After a few minutes, looks around* We.. are not dead? Then that means.. You are the grand champion of Chaos as foretold in the uncertain prophecy, maybe. You are my lord, oh great naked one. I am the Lydia to your Dovahkhinn. Except I am not lusted after by adolescents on ancient terra.

From member of House Redoran to grand chpion of Chaos. Well.


Rise, my minion!

I'm so fething dizzy...

Take some drugs, and a sweetroll.

You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round

You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round

An ugly specimen of the Orsimer singing a bad "song".

Piqued my interest.

Bitch, please. You just jealous of my 80s new wave swagga.

I can arrange one of those for you.

Well I can certanly be accused of having a lot of things, but swager is certainly not one of them.
But I do have these things.....

 Trondheim wrote:

 sing your life wrote:
What's your name scumbag?

Im your father

.............

But why thank you, another fine book for my collection*blushes

And you, Your Father? do you suck di.... wait, all of your kind would.

Someone get the pathetic little man out of here, please. His hat is not to my liking.

Oi, soldja boy. Can I 'ave your 'at?
It'll look zoggin' good on me noggin.

Oh, look, a warp spawn! How grand! I will name you... Spaps.

Hello! Do You know my name? I got something for You.

 sing your life wrote:
Hello! Do You know my name? I got something for You.

Would that be a pillow?

 thenoobbomb wrote:

 sing your life wrote:
Hello! Do You know my name? I got something for You.

Would that be a pillow?

Yes it is!

*gives Noobbomb the parcel. Inside is a teleport homer. Suddenly some storm troopers deep strike in and beat Noobbomb up*

Just as planned.....

 TheCustomLime wrote:
Oh, look, a warp spawn! How grand! I will name you... Spaps.

I am not a warp spawn ya spiky tit.
I'm an Ork. I just have more fungal growths than usual.

Hello there fungal wench! Potions and froliking in my labaratorim in ten minuts!

Would like the lovely present?

Waiit...I know you, spiky zombie elf.
Weren't you bigger...and purple?

What the....

I am fairly sure that wasn't a pillow - or even a cushion. Shame on you. *Throws sweetroll*

Where the warp did you get a sweetroll from?

My inventory, obviously. There's around 30 of those in there, along with a selection of swords, bows, arrows and some skooma.

Looks like you good use this present

Depends on what the present is.

Oi! Who Stole my sweetroll!?
It took me a whole day to round up and puree all of those sugar-Squigs.

I most certainly didn't.

I've bought all of mine on the market, and put them all in my inventory.

 CthuluIsSpy wrote:
Waiit...I know you, spiky zombie elf.
Weren't you bigger...and purple?

The lords of transformation knows many wayzs to change one self my sweet tender Ork

You can -buy- those? By Khorne's brass toilet... Next thing you know they will give bolters to furries and vampires.

Oh wait. They do! I love this insane universe!

Your masters have told me to give you a gift *giggles*

FOR THE WOLF WOLF

 sing your life wrote:
Your masters have told me to give you a gift *giggles*

Oh! A gift of chaos? Is it a third penis? Is it penis fingers? Will a bolter grow out of my nipple? I must know!

And look, fellow followers of Chaos. A space furry. Better not shake his hand if you know what I mean.

As a supporter of the mentioned SM chapter I find your humor lacking, consider me now a zealous opponent of all things chasy and spikey! And I burnt the books, the flowers and choclates you sent me you brute

I'LL WOLF YOU WITH MY WOLF TALON OF WOLVES

 BrotherOfBone wrote:
I'LL WOLF YOU WITH MY WOLF TALON OF WOLVES

OH YEAH?! WELL THEN, I'LL CHEER YOU WITH MY ORKY FIST OF ORK CHEERS, AND THEN I'LL ORK YOUR ORK-HOLE SIDEWAYS WITH AN CHEER-POM OF ORKYNESS.

 CthuluIsSpy wrote:

 BrotherOfBone wrote:
I'LL WOLF YOU WITH MY WOLF TALON OF WOLVES

OH YEAH?! WELL THEN, I'LL CHEER YOU WITH MY ORKY FIST OF ORK CHEERS, AND THEN I'LL ORK YOUR ORK-HOLE SIDEWAYS WITH AN CHEER-POM OF ORKYNESS.

BRO YOU WOULDN'T GET PAST MY WOLF WOLF AND MY WOLF CLAWS
I'D REK U
SWERE ON ME MUM

"Hmm, a Wolf wolf marine, good thing I have Linguistics: Space Wolf Wolf."

"YO BRO! I'M TOTALLY RESPECTING YOUR WOLF TERRITORY, BUT I THINK THAT GREEN SKIN WITH THE BREASTS IS PISSIN' IN YOUR SPOT!"

 Trondheim wrote:
As a supporter of the mentioned SM chapter I find your humor lacking, consider me now a zealous opponent of all things chasy and spikey! And I burnt the books, the flowers and choclates you sent me you brute

Malal supporters are a-okay by me... miss. Sir. Uhh... but I didn't send you anything like that. Perhaps you have a secret admirer?

 TheCustomLime wrote:

 Trondheim wrote:
As a supporter of the mentioned SM chapter I find your humor lacking, consider me now a zealous opponent of all things chasy and spikey! And I burnt the books, the flowers and choclates you sent me you brute

Malal supporters are a-okay by me... miss. Sir. Uhh... but I didn't send you anything like that. Perhaps you have a secret admirer?

Wasn't me.

 TheCustomLime wrote:

 Trondheim wrote:
As a supporter of the mentioned SM chapter I find your humor lacking, consider me now a zealous opponent of all things chasy and spikey! And I burnt the books, the flowers and choclates you sent me you brute

Malal supporters are a-okay by me... miss. Sir. Uhh... but I didn't send you anything like that. Perhaps you have a secret admirer?

Well since they came with both you signature, your perfume AND your manscent on them I dare say your guilty as charged

 Trondheim wrote:

 TheCustomLime wrote:

 Trondheim wrote:
As a supporter of the mentioned SM chapter I find your humor lacking, consider me now a zealous opponent of all things chasy and spikey! And I burnt the books, the flowers and choclates you sent me you brute

Malal supporters are a-okay by me... miss. Sir. Uhh... but I didn't send you anything like that. Perhaps you have a secret admirer?

Well since they came with both you signature, your perfume AND your manscent on them I dare say your guilty as charged

Oh, I was your secret admirer the whole time and I didn't even know it! Swell! I am sorry things didn't work out. Perhaps you can try with.. I.. whatever it is you enjoy.

I can live with it, I did after all clone you

Ohhhh yeesss! I've always wanted another me. Finally, someone who understands the angst I undergo on a daily basis. It's not easy being a Word Bearer, you know. You have to find new and creative ways to come off as a complete scumbag to Black Library readers. You can't just kill your underlings for petty bs anymore. They expect you to do that.

Well yes, I can understand that, but I think something may have gone wrong though... he seems a bit angry and frothing

Well, I do worship Chaos undivided so some of my mutations are from different gods. You may have gotten your genetic sample from one of my Khorne mutations. That or you have got the wrong Chaos Space Marine.

Oh dear....... Errr you may want to depart the place you now reside in. As the capsul containg the mentione clone will impact in 3...2....1....

*Runs, runs, runs runs far away* I will miss that particular spot. It wasn't any different from this spot but you know what? It was mine. But now I claim this spot for Chaos and for the naked elf lady.

*Pats the Word Bearer on one of those massive shoulder plates*
Have a sweetroll

I would not eat that...who knows what some deranged Dark Eldar Haemoculie may have done to that

I am fairly sure no Dark Eldar have ever been inside my "inventory", where I store all those sweetrolls.

Oh my, are you sure about that You did after all seem to welcome it last nigth when you where sleeping

*Drops to knees* A sweetroll. Truly my lord of Chaos has given me a gift most powerful. With this the slaves of the false emperor shall fall before me like grains before the scythe. I'll show Creed, that smug cigar chomping butt munch.

Was that the just about the same lines Abbadon used before he laucnhed the 13th Crusade?

Yes! Except I have arms and this sweet roll. With these tools of Chaos I will reign supreme over Cadia. Perhaps now the Astra Mili.. Mil.. the walking flashlights will get better outfits. They look like sports enthusiasts.

Rigth......I will however be a party pooper and say that the Astra Millitarum will utterly curb stomp you, and the whole universe will say I told you so, that and Creed will leave a Baneblade in your pants

But I don't have pants!

So you think.....

I think she.. it.. he... that was referring to me. That may be, Dark..? Eldar but I am a Word Bearer. As long as we skin people alive and staple the skins onto walls it is a victory for our legion.

And people wonder why Chaos never manages to win a dark Crusade these days, but do care care. Id hate to see you getting a bloody nose

No, we never win because we feel bad for the Imperium about halfway. We can't just destroy them in one go. If they were dead, who would we fight? Who would we skin and nail to walls? Sure, we could use our own slaves but I like to be a good boss.

I would probably take a bolter round to the face if anything. I would not end up with just a bloody nose.

Tpugh life for the followers of Chaos, then.

Poor you

*Gives custom lime the present*

 Trondheim wrote:
win

That, however, would be my area.

You run Windows 40k? No wonder Chaos fails

I know right? Windows 30k was so much better, but then they decided to optimize it for dataslates. Now it's complete garbage.

Datatslates! I hate dataslates! Thanks to them, Tyranids went from a running joke amongst us Chaos marines to an annoying flock of birds. They always poop on my Predator after I wash the damned thing. Do you know how hard it is to find fresh clean water on daemon worlds? Nothing there but blood rivers, blood ice, blood rain, blood aquifers and blood glaciers.

It does make for a bloody good time, though.


*Recieves present from Sing Your Life* Oooh! A present~! I hope it's a brand new combi for my combi bolter. I nearly have the whole collection!

Will yes...... I may have made a fem designe mistakes with the leser forms know as tyranids . Sorry about that really

Ah, it's fine. They make good target practice ever since our grots went out of stock.

If I may ask, what exactly are you?

I sure hope he isn't a tentacle-thing.

*Looks around*
The machine spirits have much work to be done here.

Spirits? Oh no! Get me my silver dagger, and give it to this man so he can take care of them, while I remain here lying on my bed!

What vile manner of Xenos are you? I don't think I've run into your kind before. Never-the-less, its heresy all the same. And for that, you must burn.

I'm already quite hot, thank you.

I think this is yours.

What would be mine?

This little bug thing I have here.

Hmm, interesting specimen you have there. Never seen one alive, dissected them by the hundreds though. Some xenos life form or another, came from out of the galaxy or something. Dumb as a bag of rocks though.

So is this yours?

I claim it in the emperors name, and it shall be delivered to the mars facility at once

Careful, this thing smells really bad.

 TheCustomLime wrote:
Ah, it's fine. They make good target practice ever since our grots went out of stock.

If I may ask, what exactly are you?

Well if it has yet to dawn on you human, I am a Dark Eldar Hameqoulie

Ohhhhh. I thought you were Fabius Bile for a minute there. No offense meant but that man does crazy things to himself. And to his enemies. And to his comrades. He does crazy things in general.

No worries, although I may have made a few mstakes with that one

You made him? Wow! Someone more crazy than Kharn! I never thought I would see the day.

Dark eldar, mutants, and chaos space marines. Did I stumble into a tavern of the Damned by accident?

Oh, hello Guardsman! Would you like to hear about the good word of Chaos? I have some nice pamphlets made out of luxurious Eldar skin just for you. Or Tau, depending on what you like.

 TheCustomLime wrote:
You made him? Wow! Someone more crazy than Kharn! I never thought I would see the day.

Umm I suppose that the answer to that would indeed be yes.

 Trondheim wrote:

 TheCustomLime wrote:
You made him? Wow! Someone more crazy than Kharn! I never thought I would see the day.

Umm I suppose that the answer to that would indeed be yes.

Fabulous!

 thenoobbomb wrote:

 Trondheim wrote:

 TheCustomLime wrote:
You made him? Wow! Someone more crazy than Kharn! I never thought I would see the day.

Umm I suppose that the answer to that would indeed be yes.

Fabulous!

Mmhhmm yes, I know *giggels

Baby, I know I can get a little...'heretical' with xenos chicks. *Looks at all those appendages* But you look like you'd be a bit too clingy for my tastes.

Later!

If you join Chaos you can sleep with all of the Daemonettes you want! I admit it is an acquired test but it is well worth it!

 Guardsmen Bob wrote:
Baby, I know I can get a little...'heretical' with xenos chicks. *Looks at all those appendages* But you look like you'd be a bit too clingy for my tastes.

Later!

But what about last nigth? You said you loved me

So that's why I awoke covered in blood and dismembered limbs. Well, at least I wore my Emperor brand condoms.

The condoms of the false Emperor couldn't stop the seed of an impotent 90 year old no less a virile, handsome and muscular man like yourself! Why not try our Fabius Bile brand condoms? Made out of genuine Dark El.. I mean, Kroot skin.

Don't hurt me scary lady. I don't need my organs rearranged again!

Do your organs get rearranged a lot?

 TheCustomLime wrote:
The condoms of the false Emperor couldn't stop the seed of an impotent 90 year old no less a virile, handsome and muscular man like yourself! Why not try our Fabius Bile brand condoms? Made out of genuine Dark El.. I mean, Kroot skin.

Don't hurt me scary lady. I don't need my organs rearranged again!

no need to worry my boy, I dont hurt those that I like. Unless you happen to be a EC that is

....

What.

Pfft, everyone knows that Thraka Brand condoms are the best.
Those truly allow one to unleash his WAAAGH

....

Alrighty then.

I think you're behind this endless tide of Rippers I'm finding.

 thenoobbomb wrote:
Do your organs get rearranged a lot?

All the time. Why we let those Slaanesh corrupted ex-apothecaries into our warband I will never know. They always try to copy Fabius Bile and perform really weird surgeries on our fellow Astartes. Once they gave me cat ears. CAT EARS!

 TheCustomLime wrote:

 thenoobbomb wrote:
Do your organs get rearranged a lot?

All the time. Why we let those Slaanesh corrupted ex-apothecaries into our warband I will never know. They always try to copy Fabius Bile and perform really weird surgeries on our fellow Astartes. Once they gave me cat ears. CAT EARS!

Be gratefull, Id would have attached monkey butts to your head, and dyed your skin blue. Just for lolzs and giggels

Well, at least then I would be in one of James Cameron's movies.

 TheCustomLime wrote:
Well, at least then I would be in one of James Cameron's movies.

The what by whom?

Oh, you wouldn't know him. Time and space flows funny in the warp which allows you to see things that no one remembers. Apparently there is an entire part of the warp that constantly plays old Terran vids. This James Cameron fellow made some pretty good ones. There was one about blue skinned people with huge eyes and how they feth their mounts with their hair.

Apparently the blue guys were so perfect they could have sex with their hair.

At least there was a lot of side boob. That is hard to come by in the eye of terror.

Well....judging by your locker rooms I say that the Daemonets in Heretical Weekly have those bases coverd for you

Yeah, Daemonettes are nice but I'd like to see it on something else. Like maybe Tau! Or do they have such things? I haven't the slightest clue.

Someone call me????? -:-D

Oh! A fellow worshiper of Chaos! Well, brutha, I was wondering if girl Tau had boobs. I can never tell under all of that armor.

Well... Um... The thing is I..... Don't know either....

Um... DEATH TO THE FALSE ETHEREALS! FOR THE GREATER BLOODSHED!

Um yes....

Oh. Well, even if ignorant I am glad you are a true worshiper of Chaos. Here, have a furry skin rug! I skinned this wolf thing myself this morning! *Hands over said rug*

 TheCustomLime wrote:
Oh. Well, even if ignorant I am glad you are a true worshiper of Chaos. Here, have a furry skin rug! I skinned this wolf thing myself this morning! *Hands over said rug*

......You what! Prepare to have your organs rearraenged and pictures taken

 TheCustomLime wrote:
At least there was a lot of side boob. That is hard to come by in the eye of terror.

Hiya.

Trondheim wrote:

 TheCustomLime wrote:
Oh. Well, even if ignorant I am glad you are a true worshiper of Chaos. Here, have a furry skin rug! I skinned this wolf thing myself this morning! *Hands over said rug*

......You what! Prepare to have your organs rearraenged and pictures taken

I didn't mean a Space Wolf! I meant these creepy things from a medieval world we once raided. By Slaanesh's endless bag of narcotics, did we see some of the weirdest things there. Also, I won't let you rearrange my Organs! I have my power armor on. And I have a bolter. It does bad things when I'm PSYCHOTICALLY ENRANGED!

thenoobbomb wrote:

 TheCustomLime wrote:
At least there was a lot of side boob. That is hard to come by in the eye of terror.

Hiya.

Oh, no, my lord I would never view you in such a way. Even if you are dressed for it.

Last time I checked power armour did not save you from poisoned attacks! And beside I always make sure to carry a can opener when I go into the warp, hunting you

How about instead I give you a box of chocolates and we forget this whole organ rearranging thing?

Why do you like furries so much, anyway?

No, you die and slowly unless you keep your damneable hands of any and all wolfs or wolf like creatures in the aeons to come.
Because I like dogs/ wolfs! That is why human, and yes the choclathe will be mine

I demand this chocolate.

My lord has spoken. Take these chocolates of chaos and savor the pure essence of flavor!

My apologies, scary lady, but Chaos Lords before scary women. I will also try to avoid hurting lupine creatures. I would prefer my guts on the inside since I need them to kill the lapd- the slaves of the false Emperor.

Fine.

I'll consume this sweetroll, then.

No, my lord, you are the one getting the chocolates.

Are you worshipping Slaanesh?

 TheCustomLime wrote:
No, my lord, you are the one getting the chocolates.

Chocolates AND sweetrolls, most excellent!

I think they must be some Slaanesh Worship here.

 TheCustomLime wrote:
My lord has spoken. Take these chocolates of chaos and savor the pure essence of flavor!

My apologies, scary lady, but Chaos Lords before scary women. I will also try to avoid hurting lupine creatures. I would prefer my guts on the inside since I need them to kill the lapd- the slaves of the false Emperor.

........But what if I ask nicely? Like really, really nice. Pretty please you tall and handsome demi god clad in such fine war plate and with such strong arms

 Trondheim wrote:

 TheCustomLime wrote:
My lord has spoken. Take these chocolates of chaos and savor the pure essence of flavor!

My apologies, scary lady, but Chaos Lords before scary women. I will also try to avoid hurting lupine creatures. I would prefer my guts on the inside since I need them to kill the lapd- the slaves of the false Emperor.

........But what if I ask nicely? Like really, really nice. Pretty please you tall and handsome demi god clad in such fine war plate and with such strong arms

Aha! Slaanesh whore!

Takes this!

*throws a ripper at Trondheim*

 sing your life wrote:

 Trondheim wrote:

 TheCustomLime wrote:
My lord has spoken. Take these chocolates of chaos and savor the pure essence of flavor!

My apologies, scary lady, but Chaos Lords before scary women. I will also try to avoid hurting lupine creatures. I would prefer my guts on the inside since I need them to kill the lapd- the slaves of the false Emperor.

........But what if I ask nicely? Like really, really nice. Pretty please you tall and handsome demi god clad in such fine war plate and with such strong arms

Aha! Slaanesh whore!

Takes this!

*throws a ripper at Trondheim*

Oh hus you craft world harlot, dont be jealous

Shut! Up!

*throws ripper at Trondeim's face*

Hit a nerve did i? *giggling as she feeds the ripper a strip of pale flesh

 Trondheim wrote:

 TheCustomLime wrote:
My lord has spoken. Take these chocolates of chaos and savor the pure essence of flavor!

My apologies, scary lady, but Chaos Lords before scary women. I will also try to avoid hurting lupine creatures. I would prefer my guts on the inside since I need them to kill the lapd- the slaves of the false Emperor.

........But what if I ask nicely? Like really, really nice. Pretty please you tall and handsome demi god clad in such fine war plate and with such strong arms

I would give it to you, I really would. It's not often people compliment me on my appearance. Most people are too busy dying in pain so.. ehhh.. next time, alright? My Chaos Lord comes first.

 TheCustomLime wrote:

 Trondheim wrote:

 TheCustomLime wrote:
My lord has spoken. Take these chocolates of chaos and savor the pure essence of flavor!

My apologies, scary lady, but Chaos Lords before scary women. I will also try to avoid hurting lupine creatures. I would prefer my guts on the inside since I need them to kill the lapd- the slaves of the false Emperor.

........But what if I ask nicely? Like really, really nice. Pretty please you tall and handsome demi god clad in such fine war plate and with such strong arms

I would give it to you, I really would. It's not often people compliment me on my appearance. Most people are too busy dying in pain so.. ehhh.. next time, alright? My Chaos Lord comes first.

Well I suppose I can manage without it this time then, but at least leave me a picture of you

I will do you one better! Here is a plastic miniature of me! Painted by the finest slaaneshi painter. Somehow using human bodies as raw materials was involved in the process though I am unsure exactly how. Just know it was done! *Hands over GD quality Word Bearer model*

Oooooooo why you spoil me you handsome demi god you*meanwhile inside her mind, YES AT LAST! Now we will see if those terqnices that witch doctor taugth me works

Why do you keep flattering me so? I feel like you are trying to extort me! I don't have any money. Just skins. A lot of them, actually.

Skins are quite nice.

Yes, and I have one of just about every faction in my galaxy. Except Necrons. I tried skinning them and all I got were metal shavings.

 TheCustomLime wrote:
Why do you keep flattering me so? I feel like you are trying to extort me! I don't have any money. Just skins. A lot of them, actually.

Extort you? Me oh I would never try to work my way insde your mind, and sow seeds of mayhem would i? Its not like I am a Alpha Legion operative or something

Hydra Dominatus.

 Trondheim wrote:

 TheCustomLime wrote:
Why do you keep flattering me so? I feel like you are trying to extort me! I don't have any money. Just skins. A lot of them, actually.

Extort you? Me oh I would never try to work my way insde your mind, and sow seeds of mayhem would i? Its not like I am a Alpha Legion operative or something

I knew it! I knew you were a spy! You are working with those closet loyalists! I want my miniature back. Consider us over!

 TheCustomLime wrote:

 Trondheim wrote:

 TheCustomLime wrote:
Why do you keep flattering me so? I feel like you are trying to extort me! I don't have any money. Just skins. A lot of them, actually.

Extort you? Me oh I would never try to work my way insde your mind, and sow seeds of mayhem would i? Its not like I am a Alpha Legion operative or something

I knew it! I knew you were a spy! You are working with those closet loyalists! I want my miniature back. Consider us over!

No, it is mine and also half your belongings now belongs to me. I had a chatt with Logar in bed last nigth, and he even signed the document. And no, burning it wont help, i have numerous copies

I'll make a contract saying half of your belongings now belong to the Word Bearer, Eldar.

In bed, of course.

Sorry, Logar darling tells me otherwise but a nice try though

 Trondheim wrote:
Sorry, Logar darling tells me otherwise but a nice try though

I am Alpharius.

 thenoobbomb wrote:

 Trondheim wrote:
Sorry, Logar darling tells me otherwise but a nice try though

I am Alpharius.

But you dont have me hearth you emotionless man you

 Trondheim wrote:

 thenoobbomb wrote:

 Trondheim wrote:
Sorry, Logar darling tells me otherwise but a nice try though

I am Alpharius.

But you dont have me hearth you emotionless man you

I'm not a man.

Hurray! See, Dark Eldar? My Chaos Lord looks out for me. And she is better looking too.

 TheCustomLime wrote:
Hurray! See, Dark Eldar? My Chaos Lord looks out for me. And she is better looking too.

Thank you, thank you. Have to say, those tentacles really do intrigue me, though.

I would not count on it really, but time will tell. And why thank you, they are quite handy really

thenoobbomb wrote:
I am Alpharius.

thenoobbomb wrote:
I'm not a man.

thenoobbomb wrote: Have to say, those tentacles really do intrigue me, though.

What the actual feth.

 Ashiraya wrote:

thenoobbomb wrote:
I am Alpharius.

thenoobbomb wrote:
I'm not a man.

thenoobbomb wrote: Have to say, those tentacles really do intrigue me, though.

What the actual feth.

Getting confused already? Good, good. That would be just as planned.

What the warp happened to you face?

A-ha!

I threw off my disguise to reveal my true form! I am no naked-lady Elf, I am a Skaven from Clan Eshin!

Tell me quick-quick, who stole my Warptokens?

My Lord! Your true form is so much better! But I have not see your warp tokens.

It is much more fitting with all these Warpstone-influenced man-things, elf-things and green-things!

I need them quick-quick, though! The Grey Seer's been asking about where his tokens went...

I had to consiscate your warp tokens because they made you look ugly.

When I can't find something important I skin something alive and stretch it over things. It doesn't help find it but it makes me feel better. I like skinning things.

 TheCustomLime wrote:
When I can't find something important I skin something alive and stretch it over things. It doesn't help find it but it makes me feel better. I like skinning things.

Say, then... Shall we kill-kill this blackhaired man-thing? Quick-quick! I need my warptokens!

If my knowledge of heretical works is correct that being is a Half-Eldar hybrid by the name of Lofn. Skin the thing for it's stupid name alone.

 TheCustomLime wrote:
If my knowledge of heretical works is correct that being is a Half-Eldar hybrid by the name of Lofn. Skin the thing for it's stupid name alone.

Hah, that name is almost as stupid as Pluk! Speaking of him, he accidentally fel on my daggers yesterday, and with his dying breath gave me all of his power and warptokens!

Both of them? Well glad I did not loan him any cash then. I always found you Hrud lot to be a bit short lived to loan any sum of money really

A Hrud? What is a Hrud-thing? Does it have my warptokens?

A most foul species, they sort of look like you so maybe they do have those things you keep rambling on about. Although Id ask Grey Seer Thaqul if I where you

Some people claim them to be Space Rodents while others believe they are strange looking moss men. I personally would prefer Space Rodents since they have nice, soft fur.

No no no! He's the one I owe those Warptokens that somebody stole!

It was me! I was the Word Bearer the entire time! Me! An Imperial Guardsman!

 thenoobbomb wrote:
No no no! He's the one I owe those Warptokens that somebody stole!

I know, he was most displeased when he called me while I was taking a bath

Wait, wait, wait... Xenos bathe?! The Commissar always calls them filthy!

Comming from a human I find that amusing, I bath in the blood of a thousand human virgings each morning

Wouldn't that just make you sticky and smell weird? I just use soap and water. It's easy, quick and gets you clean.

No not really, allow me to demonstrate with your own blood......

What's wrong with my name?

I just don't get it. Lofn? Did someone just put a bunch of letters together? It's the dumbest name I have ever heard of since Lufgt. Though you are a cute little kid even if your parents hated you.

No, YOUR parents hated you.

My parents loved me! They always made sure to tuck me in at night and check the closet for Alpha Legionnaires.

Well look at that, I'm not the last guardsman in the galaxy after all. It's dangerous to go alone, take me with you.

Don't go with him! He is an Alpha Legionnaire!

And what are you, exactly?

A useless warpspawn that should be sent to the Ordo Malleus

 TheCustomLime wrote:
My parents loved me! They always made sure to tuck me in at night and check the closet for Alpha Legionnaires.

Yea?

Explain this:

*Lofn holds up a phone. On the other side of the line Customlime's parent's are shouting unprintable explanatives*

I asked what they thought of their son

Mom...? Dad...? *Sniffles* Just last night they called me the bravest man they had ever seen...

Well, you know what? At least they're both still alive.

Oh dear.....Well errrr Il just throw this pice of paper away then.....

[Welsh barking]

Aww, look at the dog! At least these things are still around. Sometimes I wonder if there is anything pleasant left in this damned galaxy.

Well I am here, if that is any comfort

You can right to hell, Dark Eldar! My buddy was kidnapped by one of your kind and I haven't seen him since!

But why yes, I did actualy kidnap one of your "friends" and turned him into a Grotesque, he seems happy enough now these days

I hope you get strangled by those tendrils you big meanie.

Tihi not likely, but I suppose such a wish will give you comfort

Why would you hurt someone like that? Don't you have any empathy left?

No and it amuses me to listen to their screams of agony as I remould their feeble flesh forms into living weapons of terror and dread

How would you feel if someone did this to you?

Id be proud if any of my minions managed to do that,

You are one sad, strangle little woman.

Mhm yes, I know.

Wait, you're a chick?!

But...how did we...you know...

Uhm. Please do not kidnap me. If the Commissar will shoot me for abandoning my post.

CthuluIsSpy wrote:Wait, you're a chick?!

But...how did we...you know...

Oh you know, there are ways

TheCustomLime wrote:Uhm. Please do not kidnap me. If the Commissar will shoot me for abandoning my post.

Too late for that, I kidnaped the Kommisar instead

BY THE EMPEROR! MY EYES! THEY BURN! WHAT IS THAT TERRIBLE THING?! IS IT A WARP SPAWN?! THAT'S TWO TODAY!

At least the Commissar is gone. Hated that lady always making me button all of my buttons.

 TheCustomLime wrote:
BY THE EMPEROR! MY EYES! THEY BURN! WHAT IS THAT TERRIBLE THING?! IS IT A WARP SPAWN?! THAT'S TWO TODAY!

At least the Commissar is gone. Hated that lady always making me button all of my buttons.

I'll have you know that I am very much enjoying my new form.

Now do up those buttons, soldier, you look like a slob!

B-but look at you! You have big eyes, a rainbow colored mane and blue fur! What kind of horse has all of that and can talk? It's not natural! Like human-Eldar love.

Damn it, not another one getting on my ass about the buttons.

 TheCustomLime wrote:
B-but look at you! You have big eyes, a rainbow colored mane and blue fur! What kind of horse has all of that and can talk? It's not natural! Like human-Eldar love.

Damn it, not another one getting on my ass about the buttons.

It is horrifying! Talking animals, come on!

I know, right? Why can't they just be quiet like normal animals? Why do so many humans desire to sleep with them? It makes no sense.

 TheCustomLime wrote:
I know, right? Why can't they just be quiet like normal animals? Why do so many humans desire to sleep with them? It makes no sense.

Kill-kill it! I'm afraid I'll hurt my whiskers if I do it myself!

 TheCustomLime wrote:
B-but look at you! You have big eyes, a rainbow colored mane and blue fur! What kind of horse has all of that and can talk? It's not natural! Like human-Eldar love.

Damn it, not another one getting on my ass about the buttons.

Well I know all about getting on your ass, but those pictures of you and that Grox should really have taugth you to not yell heresy at folks

I grew up on Cadia, ma'am. The grox we had were killed a long time ago to make boots. Nowadays we have to eat corpse starch and rats. We'd eat our own boots but they are the property of the Departmento Munitorum so...

I question your knowledge about my rump since I have only known you for a few hours.

Well Il just pass these along to the local Inqusitor then, and well. The walls have eyes human

I doubt he would heed the word of someone so creepy as you. And the walls may have eyes but they cannot see past my pants.

Well willing to bet on that? And well you do remove your pants for certain things do you not?

The Commissar says I have to keep my pants on at all times. It makes a lot of things harder to do like going to the bathroom. I have to swim when I want to do laundry. But it's either that or getting shot.

As for the Inquisitor I doubt he will actually care that some no name guardsman hugged a grox.

Hmm denial is strong in this one, will remeber to leave a buisnis card next time

 TheCustomLime wrote:
The Commissar says I have to keep my pants on at all times. It makes a lot of things harder to do like going to the bathroom. I have to swim when I want to do laundry. But it's either that or getting shot.

As for the Inquisitor I doubt he will actually care that some no name guardsman hugged a grox.

That Grox was later found to be Alpharius of the Alpha Legion.



Maybe.

I gave Alpharius a hug? Does that make me a member of the Alpha Legion?

 TheCustomLime wrote:
I gave Alpharius a hug? Does that make me a member of the Alpha Legion?

No simply a chaos cultist in hiding

I am not a cultist! I am a loyal servant of the Imperium and the Emperor! Down with Chaos! Down with the aliens! Even the attractive ones!

Prove it ! Because everyone knows Im a deranged and evil xeno, so the ball is in your part of the field now

Uhh... hmm... *Takes out the Imperial Infantryman's uplifting primer. Flips to the page with the blank square that cannot be defiled. It is pristine* See? Proud and loyal servant.

Hmm okay, well it seems like you may be loyal after all. Well played so far

This is just getting weirder and weirder...

I know, kinky aint it!