brochtree wrote: *sneaks in and steals all the food while no one's looking.*
"I saw that you little...talking...dragon!? Oh man, I better lay off the warp dust." He then remembers back to when this thread restarted, and how he fought chaos with a part tank, part cat thing. "Nah." *Snorts*
"I remember back when I was like you. I had more home grown organs back then. Good times...then the inquisition happened and the rest is blacked out history." Flexes his powerfist as he hallucinates a bit. "Emperor help me, the **** that I've seen."
I have seen gak too, you know. I fought against some Dark Eldar last week and that wasn't pleasant at all. I mean, we won obviously but they took my friend. He was just a boy! Now he's dead or some sick feth's wall paper. At least I blew up one of their stupid ships and killed a few.
And then this creepy woman and a creepier horse come here coming on to me. At least the Commissar is dead so I can finally take off my pants.
I thought Dark Eldar turned humans into indoor decorations or monstrosities rather than have intercourse with them. I wouldn't actually mind. Their women are hot as all get out.
*Takes off pants*
Ah, the breeze! It feels so good to finally have these off! Three years of nonstop pants!
every one, I am scared and extremely extremely disturbed. as you can see I have decided to disert this planet, and now several exterminates are preraring to launch. good night.
My fellow master builders, including, but not limited to- Pertuabo, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Guardsman with sunglasses, Guardsman without sunglasses, Ultramarines Terminator, Urine Rakarth- Lord Business plans to end the world as we know it.
By the Emperor, its Alpharius! Get the Baneblade! Oh wait, he is a primarch. Get the Titan. Oh wait, he is a primarch. Call in a orbital bombardment! Oh wait, he is a primarch.
Well now that my daily dose of void swimming excercise is done its good to be back inside, seeing how I have yet to violate a certain guardsman turned Chaos servant
Uhh.. you like money, Dark Eldar? I have a lot of money in my pocket. All yours if you leave me alone. You like flowers? I can get you a really nice arrangement if you give me some time.
*Hands over Infantryman's uplifting primer which contains a photo, uses his bayonet to remove some hair and then hands that over* There. Now, we can all just forget about this whole torturing business.
Maybe, it depends on how I feel after I have my evening bath but I think you can rule out the danger of a bloody and horrid demise this evening at least.
Trondheim wrote: Maybe, it depends on how I feel after I have my evening bath but I think you can rule out the danger of a bloody and horrid demise this evening at least.
You have no idea how happy that makes me.
The ultimate reward for an Imperial Guardsman is to not die horribly.
Trondheim wrote: Maybe, it depends on how I feel after I have my evening bath but I think you can rule out the danger of a bloody and horrid demise this evening at least.
You have no idea how happy that makes me.
The ultimate reward for an Imperial Guardsman is to not die horribly.
It's ok, Evil clones take at least a week to grow to full size
Oh. Well, at least it's better than having to deal with those stupid Imperial Fists all the time. I swear they always look down at us and call us walking targets.
I guess that makes sense. I should start writing these tips down.
feth off! I don't work for your stupid Imperium anymore! I work with people that... okay, they don't appreciate me but at least I get some Xeno tail. Better than what you guys gave me.
Yes. Tell me, should I dispose of that Dark Eldar? Her fickle nature could pose a danger to our operations here. I also do not care for her perverted behavior. It is creepy to say the least.
Play thing?! Do you know who I am? I am a Dark Eldar! We make others into play things. We do not became them. We are the horrors that haunt the night. We are the scourge of the galaxy.
Eh, Space Marines are a bit tricky. That black carapace gets in the way, so you have to boil them in melta first to soften it, and that tends to overcook them.
Scouts are better. More tender, and less chance of vaporizing them.
The teef? They are real. Ork teef are like shark's; they regrow constantly.
However, the nobs in our tribe consider "tax collection" time to be right before supper. I suspect that they just want Krunchy Fried Astartes all to themselves. Greedy sodz...
CthuluIsSpy wrote: Oh, those are just fungal growths. They look like human titz, but they really aren't. The only stuff that comes out of them is fermented squig ale.
Nice try weakling, you have yet to master the finer arts of deception, betrayel and such.
You may think your pityful blade will do the task....But what will you do when you realize that you simply slew a clone, a doppel ganger. And that now, your own pitufull life will be lived out, as the newest addition to my Grosteque minions
Pitiful? This knife has ended the lives of individuals more substantial than yourself. But you are right. It was a amateurish attempt at killing you. But what you may not know is that your closest followers are dead and your terrible machines are in ruins. Do I expect this to have any lasting effect on you? No. You can bring back the dead easily and repair the machines. However, I can be anywhere. Be anyone. You may not die today but you should know that I am stalking you. Watch your back, Aria. The spy is coming for you.
Unless you have someone walking around with a flame thrower burning people to see if they are me. Against flame throwers I am helpless.
Quite brilliant in it's simplicity, Alpharius. Say, you don't happen to know any suit repairmen? Infiltrator the Dark Eldar homecity isn't easy on a man's suit. I didn't get just blood on it, you know.
*walks over and try's to hug Sing your life.* "no need to cry. the big bald blue guys been trying to throw me out for ages. have some cookies." *holds out plate of cookies.*
Are you an ork? You have to be an ork to be a burna boy.
Though I guess you can try to fool a tribe by painting yourself green and strapping a squig on your head.
This one time, our tribe found out that one of the nobs was really a spikey marine git. Painted himself green and wore a paper mask. It was only after a raid that we discovered he was in fact a marine. Explosion revealed that snake thingy on his chest, which is totally not orky.
Pardon the delay my dear, I was busy skinning your familiy alive and watching their skinless forms squirm in agony before my feet, so anything new and intresting happen?
I stabbed a 13 year old girl and shot this little dinosaur thing. Business per usual for me.
As for my family well... I have clones of them ready in case they should perish. Being the handsome rogue that I am I fully expect people to threaten my loved ones. So, I have back ups.
I hope you killed the Sniper. The amount of pornagraphy drawn by depraved young people of me and him making love is staggering and unfounded. I much prefer alien women! In particular Eldar. That wonderful story "Love Can Bloom" has particularly wet my appetite.
Errr....You mean that human "familiy" dont come in pairs? if so I may own you an appology, or some flowers.
Ah yes, glad to see that you and one of my creations are locked in a mortal feude
Trondheim wrote: Errr....You mean that human "familiy" dont come in pairs? if so I may own you an appology, or some flowers.
Ah yes, glad to see that you and one of my creations are locked in a mortal feude
I'll take either. Actually, just the apology. No offense meant but I do not want to know what passes for flowers with your kind.
I knew you were insane before with all of the talk of skinning people alive or turning them into monsters. But making the Sniper? A man who lives in a van, fills jars with his own urine and throws them at people? That's too far.
I can be quite the nice man so long as you do not get on my bad side. Those who get on my bad side either disappear or get the cold shoulder from me. Besides, spending as much time in that home city of yours has given me a new appreciation for the Dark Eldar. Until they get blood on my suit.
I do want to see that evil side now. I wonder what you will do to that lizard thing and her friend.
"some one said heretic's! where are they?" *looks around the room holding his bolt pistol up.* "oh and why is there a dead purple thing in the corner?"
Hopefully now he will learn the value in not poking his nose where it doesn't belong.
As for sing your life's virginity issue I would normally attempt to assist in this matter but... I believe the Americans have a term for this. Jailbait, was it? Yes. Jailbait.
Wait, you're an Eldar?! Well, my dear, this changes everything! How about we forget about this whole "Stabbing" and "Shooting" business and go for a walk, hmm?
TheCustomLime wrote: Wait, you're an Eldar?! Well, my dear, this changes everything! How about we forget about this whole "Stabbing" and "Shooting" business and go for a walk, hmm?
What, you don't know about brain squigs? They are squigs with big brains. They temporarily increase the IQ of the consumer by a fair amount.
Gives one hell of a migraine though.
Side effects may involve boob-shaped fungal growths. For reasons.
Oh now how dare you scan another Eldar? She may be one of those high and migthy Craft worlders, but she is still a fellow Eldar!
I DARE you to scan her again
*Squig starts sniffing the Eldar. It seems to be interested in one area, and suddenly bites into her. There's a loud shattering noise, and a torrent of jarate spills everywhere*
*Squig starts sniffing the Eldar. It seems to be interested in one area, and suddenly bites into her. There's a loud shattering noise, and a torrent of jarate spills everywhere*
Ah whoops. Well, that made a mess.
Arrggggg get your damneable two legged vermin to let go of my vial of human blood! Do you have ANY idea how much a underhive neck beard stinks? Let alone after you kill the damanble primitive lout
Oh hush with you! Just because I tend to get a bit carried away with all things evil, depraved and all around evil beyound belife dont mean I am that bad dose it?
Pfffff I have picutures that would cause every Space marine, Inqursitor, sister of Battle and Preacher to instatly combust in pure rage fueld flames, Oh how strong manly hands he had amongst other things all those nigths
I.. No, I shall not fall into your heretical traps Xenos. You have insulted the emperor, for that you shall die.
As soon as I figure out how these grot-hands work.
Muhahahaha well too bad I hacked your software, enjoy the holopicts I uploaded to your harddrfive then, that I may have repainted your sacofagous in the blood of small children
Now, being a rotting carcass in a metal suit leaves me kinda incapable of fething the fear turkey.
Whats not cuddly about a Rotting carcass in a metal exo-skeleton thing.
So, let me get this straight. You have found a man of equal psychic potency as the Emperor, who is also completely loyal to you, and your best idea with him was to simply sit him on the Golden Throne?
TheCustomLime wrote: So, let me get this straight. You have found a man of equal psychic potency as the Emperor, who is also completely loyal to you, and your best idea with him was to simply sit him on the Golden Throne?
No no no, of course not!
We put the Emperor - the actual Emperor - somewhere else on Terra, and put him on a throne there. We then replaced him with some random operative who we placed on the Golden Throne, just for the luls. So the Emperor is now guiding the Astronomican from some slum on Terra, while a depraved Hive worker sits on the Golden Throne! Isn't it brilliant?
*Nods while applauding slowly* Well played. It'll get really funny when Abaddon fights his way into the Golden Palace and slays the "Emperor". He'll think he actually won. For a brief moment, his dreams and aspirations will have been met as he finally finished the Long War. Then it will all be taken from him when he realizes he killed an imposter.
TheCustomLime wrote: *Nods while applauding slowly* Well played. It'll get really funny when Abaddon fights his way into the Golden Palace and slays the "Emperor". He'll think he actually won. For a brief moment, his dreams and aspirations will have been met as he finally finished the Long War. Then it will all be taken from him when he realizes he killed an imposter.
Ah yes, it's really quite ingenious. There's also around 300 backup plans and lots of different plots and conspiracies within it, by order of the Black Library.
It turns men into women, women into men and normal people into Matt Ward. I have been there once, you know. Damn Engineer's teleporter malfuctioned and before I knew what I was going on I was being molested, decapitated, infected and mutated. Felt kind of nice.
Well, my depraved alien friend, I am french and I am quite the ladies man. Alternatively you can try a radical Ordo Xenos Inquisitor. They study aliens quite intensively.
*Holds up the squished corpse of the spy. He is now blue colored* I stomped Frenchy's skinny ass right into the ground. Bastard stole my intelligence and then dropped it in a bottomless pit. You know how many scouts died and still dying trying to get it out? I have no clue but it is certainly a lot!
*Glances at the former spy* Was he your friend? Sorry if he was. Glad to be of help if he wasn't!
Did you know that he carries a watch that lets him fake his own death? Instead of taking his death like a man he instead drops a dummy body and stabs the guy who should've rightfully killed him! if that isn't cowardice i don't know what is.
