Ok, So this is something that comes up alot in my family, When im going to have kids. Now just so you know i'm single 20 and never had a GF.
Yet having kids young is something that is part of my family. And everytime they do i say i dont want kids, that i don't want the responsibility. They think i'm weird for it
I have also talked to my friends(one who is a year older then me and is already looking for a wife to have a baby with) and he thinks it weird because he thinks its natural for a man to want to take care of a women(note. I never said i don't want to get married)
Some of my other friends feel this way too, they don't want kids, and get blasted for it.
They also think its weird i don't want to be in a relation ship until i can learn to manage my stress and anger.
So why is it im weird for not wanting kids?
Note: I don't hate kids, I love them, I love playing with my nieces and nephews and i love holding a newborn in my arms. It just i don't have to deal with the bad stuff and can pawn it off to the parents.
I think my family is addicted to kids, and i'm the only one who can give kids to them now.
Get back to me in 10-20 years. Not wanting kids at 20 isn't that odd. Now being 20 and never having had a relationship is odd, and probably the impetus behind the discussion.
Well we have a biological imperative to breed for one. For two and more relevant I believe that once people HAVE kids there's enough hormones and other chemicals convincing them how wonderful the act of raising a child is that they can't possibly understand how you wouldn't want children of your very own to raise.
Now I'm a 22 year old divorced guy who's slightly bitter.
Me personally if I have kids and I do want them, I don't want a woman involved. Why? Well my experiences with the female half of the species have been overwhelmingly negative by and large so if I have children I don't want to expose them to the psychotic tumult that an insane wife/mother or a painful divorce could bring. Otherwise I just really don't want kids.
Get back to me in 10-20 years. Not wanting kids at 20 isn't that odd. Now being 20 and never having had a relationship is odd, and probably the impetus behind the discussion.
Crippling Shyness and social awkwardness. Im working on it, I go to 40k night to work on social skills. Also, i have a permaneant scowl on my face when im not smiling because of the way my face is shaped.
Also a divorced father, with a soon to be 5 year old. Concur with whembly in that being a Dad is awesome, but it takes work. Especially if your kid lives 550 miles away with his mother.
It's not weird. You have to be ready for the responsibility that is raising a kid. It can suck the life out of you at times, but then you see them do stuff and you it makes the hard times worth it. Get yourself into a good place before you even think about it.
I'm kinda in the same situation. 20, doesn't want kids now, only been in one relationship.
I don't want kids now because:
1. Not a big fan of kids
2. Even if I did like kids, I know in my current situation, I would not be able to provide for the Kid and the mom.
Now in 10-15 years from now, when all of the studying and hard work I'm putting in towards my Vocation pays off, I may open up to the idea of children.
If I still do not want kids after that, then there's nothing wrong with that. Being a parent isn't for everyone.
Iur_tae_mont wrote: I'm kinda in the same situation. 20, doesn't want kids now, only been in one relationship.
I don't want kids now because:
1. Not a big fan of kids
2. Even if I did like kids, I know in my current situation, I would not be able to provide for the Kid and the mom.
Now in 10-15 years from now, when all of the studying and hard work I'm putting in towards my Vocation pays off, I may open up to the idea of children.
If I still do not want kids after that, then there's nothing wrong with that. Being a parent isn't for everyone.
I want a child... desperately. Well. Not really 'desperately", but I want a daughter. Then again, I'm the only boy besides my dad and grandfather in the WHOLE family, so the pressure is on to have a boy.
I'm seriously considering adopting a little Japanese girl or something, maybe like five years old. Adopted children seem more mature than regular children. Aside from the nuances that I think would be really cure, adopting a child is a fantastic thing to do, regardless of where the child comes from, what language it speaks, or how kawaii she is.
I think I would make a fantastic parent. I'm fun, spontaneous, warm, caring, protective. But I think I'm also firm enough to make decisions where it counts. I can't wait.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Ok, So this is something that comes up alot in my family, When im going to have kids. Now just so you know i'm single 20 and never had a GF.
Yet having kids young is something that is part of my family. And everytime they do i say i dont want kids, that i don't want the responsibility. They think i'm weird for it
I have also talked to my friends(one who is a year older then me and is already looking for a wife to have a baby with) and he thinks it weird because he thinks its natural for a man to want to take care of a women(note. I never said i don't want to get married)
Some of my other friends feel this way too, they don't want kids, and get blasted for it.
They also think its weird i don't want to be in a relation ship until i can learn to manage my stress and anger.
So why is it im weird for not wanting kids?
Note: I don't hate kids, I love them, I love playing with my nieces and nephews and i love holding a newborn in my arms. It just i don't have to deal with the bad stuff and can pawn it off to the parents.
I think my family is addicted to kids, and i'm the only one who can give kids to them now.
Your family is asking in a roundabout way if you are gay. My brother went through the same thing.
I loathe children. People always say "You'll feel differently when theyre yours!"Granted but I doubt it being mine would change my feelings when they are screaming and crying and throwing a tantrum.
It's not weird. Your only 20. I didn't have my first child tell I was 26. Wasn't even planned either. We got a piece of mail from the pharmacy telling my wife's birth control was defective about 3 weeks through the month. /facepalm
Will say being a dad is awesome. I wasn't sure about kids myself until I had them. The first time my wife left me alone with my daughter I was scared to death
Now I'm a 22 year old divorced guy who's slightly bitter.
There is a great story in the bold.
I heartily encourage people to learn from my feth up there. Shockingly a 24 year old marrying an 18 year old Marine PFC probably isn't the stablest individual.
A child, much like donating blood and organs, secures your genetic immortality. The ripples of you will go forth through the ages, achieving things which we could only dream of.
I do think it is weird to never want children. It is not weird to not want children right now- I've got one, and want another as soon as I can afford it- but that's at least a few years out.
I don't think it's weird. I've been through phases when I think children sound like something I could want, but then something occurs to change my mind. At the age of 28, I've come to the realization that if that's something that's going to happen, I'm either raising someone else's, marrying young, or marrying soon.
Eh, maybe after I get my gak together. Definitely not something I lose sleep over though.
I'm seriously considering adopting a little Japanese girl or something, maybe like five years old. Adopted children seem more mature than regular children. Aside from the nuances that I think would be really cure, adopting a child is a fantastic thing to do, regardless of where the child comes from, what language it speaks, or how kawaii she is.
Oh, internet. Just when I thought I was out, you pull me back in!
I'm seriously considering adopting a little Japanese girl or something, maybe like five years old. Adopted children seem more mature than regular children. Aside from the nuances that I think would be really cure, adopting a child is a fantastic thing to do, regardless of where the child comes from, what language it speaks, or how kawaii she is.
Oh, internet. Just when I thought I was out, you pull me back in!
Whats wrong with that? I mean, the only real problem I see here is that you're just going to be hungry again in like 20 minutes.
I'm seriously considering adopting a little Japanese girl or something, maybe like five years old. Adopted children seem more mature than regular children. Aside from the nuances that I think would be really cure, adopting a child is a fantastic thing to do, regardless of where the child comes from, what language it speaks, or how kawaii she is.
Oh, internet. Just when I thought I was out, you pull me back in!
Glad I'm not the only one who squinted at his monitor after reading that.
I'm 40. Don't want kids at all, and I don't think it's weird. I love when my nephews come over to to visit, but by the end of the day I'm usually exhausted and happy they're leaving. Don't think I could handle that 24/7 Me and my GF just like dogs better I guess
I'm 27, want kids, and have been in plenty of relationships-none of them lasting a long time. My parents occasionally asked about me having kids, right up until my girlfriend two years ago got pregnant, kept quiet about it, and...ended the pregnancy, before she broke up with me. My parents know about this, and have stopped asking about me having kids, knowing how painful the situation was when she started skirting around my questions on the matter. I've never had a hard time picking out pregnant women, and I could feel my spider-sense tingling that my GF at the time was in such a state, even before the admittance from her of "I thought so too, but it's taken care of. I'm not." I also haven't had a girlfriend since this one-I've dated, fooled around, but haven't gotten back into anything serious-losing a kid to a &#$t like her kind of damaged my relationship abilities. I'm over her romantically, but the scars of what I lost still haven't healed. I'm not sure how that helps you, OP, but I thought I'd share anyway. Of course, I wanted to get married since I was in kindergarten and had a crush on the weird girl in class.
I'm 33, married and neither my wife nor I currently want to have children.
We don't get that "BUT when are you having babies?" from most people but they few that do are simply fanatical about it. They are the kind who's only goal in life was to get married and have a child and not wanting to have children is a totally alien concept to them. They don't get it, they don't care to get it and so they never will get it.
Having a child is between you and yours and you do it when you are ready. It's not about shutting up the parents and finally having a child because they want you too!
While others on here have said they enjoy being a parent their is this unspoken social etiquette that many parents are trapped in:
There are many parents who wish they had their life back or feel they were better off and happier without children. But they will never tell you that. It would ostracise them from their breeder families and be especially socially crippling the more religious they or their families and friends are.
I heartily encourage people to learn from my feth up there. Shockingly a 24 year old marrying an 18 year old Marine PFC probably isn't the stablest individual.
At least she waited until you were 18, but based on the word "marriage" she probably didn't wait in the relevant sense.
Lots of people choose not to have children, for a variety of reasons. I'm 32, in a long term relationship, and have no real desire to add a child to my already busy life. My girlfriend feels roughly the same way, and has the additional burden of a wicked family medical history. She knows that she's rolling the dice with any child, and doesn't want to risk it.
That said, I'm very career oriented. I know I'll likely be moving to advance in my agency, and while I can take time pretty freely in my current position, that's less true for the jobs I'm interested in.
So, for me it's a lifesyle thing, in that I don't want that responsibilyt or lmitation, and my life is currently pretty rewarding in a lot of other areas. Add to that no pressure from my girlfriend or family to have kids, and I don't see myself having children anytime soon.
Swordbreaker wrote: There are many parents who wish they had their life back or feel they were better off and happier without children. But they will never tell you that. It would ostracise them from their breeder families and be especially socially crippling the more religious they or their families and friends are.
Kinda odd that you started off the way you did, but then stated that "many parents" are leading lives filled with regret and quiet desperation. You'd react negatively if I said that many nonparents have chosen that lifestyle because of pure selfishness and self-absorption, right?
The real answer here (at least for my wife and I) is that parenting involves sacrifice, and yet is still wonderful and rewarding. It's not for everyone. But at the same time it's not something that you can understand until you do it.
Oh I love this line of argument, that not wanting children is selfish. Last time I checked we are living in a world that is over populated with millions of people starving daily and an environment that is already struggling to survive with our pollution. Yet somehow me choosing not to put more burden on the world is selfish?
I think the real issue of not wanting to have children being looked down on is a lot of society is still holding onto outdated ideals in particular the nuclear family. It being the mans role to get a job to provide & protect for a family while it's the womans role to stay at home, spit out kids and look after the family.
gorgon wrote: You'd react negatively if I said that many nonparents have chosen that lifestyle because of pure selfishness and self-absorption, right?
I can't speak for us all, but those are my reasons. I'd rather have a fun career and have leisure time than raise children. I'm comfortable with being selfish.
Madcat87 wrote:Oh I love this line of argument, that not wanting children is selfish. Last time I checked we are living in a world that is over populated with millions of people starving daily and an environment that is already struggling to survive with our pollution. Yet somehow me choosing not to put more burden on the world is selfish?
Well, if you actually wanted children, but chose not to have them for those reasons, than that is a sacrifice.
Call me jaded, but there aren't a lot of people that think that holistically to use overpopulation as the determining factor in their most important decision. If this is a person that spent the time and resources they would spend on a child on good works, I'd believe it more.
Don't get me wrong: having or not having children is not inherently selfish or selfless. Lots of people have kids for selfish reasons, and lots don't for selfish reasons. Lots of people have kids out of obligation, duty, or guilt. Lots of people don't' have kids out of fear.
Like many acts, it's not the act that is morally judged. Rather, it is the reason for the act.
I'm 24, I've been in several relationships over the course of my life, some long, some very short.
I've thought about having kids with some of the aforementioned girls I've even talked about it, but the conclusion is always: Not for a long time yet.
When I'm 30 or older, settled down and in a steady paying job with a house and the right person, then yeah kids will be on the cards, but at my age or your age I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting kids yet or ever. Some people just don't want them and there is nothing wrong with that.
At the end of the day its your life and the decisions you make or the way you feel about topics like this are down to you and eventually you'll know if there is a right time and when that is. It'll just take a while.
Also as a side note, society has moved on leaps and bounds in the last few decades, when my parents were young they were married with kids by their early 20's, but these days some people wait until later or some have them even earlier, hell one of my mates parents are in their late 60's, meaning he was born when they were in their mid-late 40's. Thanks to advances in medical science, changes in culture and economy, these kind of options are always open and its changed the way that most people look at having kids and has created some significant differences between us and older generations.
I feel the same way as far as not wanting kids when I get older. I just don't see the reason to want one. I would consider adopting a child, but not having one of my own. Then again, I'm not even legal driving age yet, so YMMV.
27 years old, long-term relationship, and I still don't want kids. And my girlfriend wants them even less than I do. Maybe that will change someday, but it's certainly not anything either of us have any interest in for the foreseeable future. And hey, that means more money to spend on 40k/airplanes/etc!
And no, it isn't weird. It's only "weird" because of our obsession with making everyone follow the standard idea of dating -> marriage with one man and one woman -> 2.5 kids and a dog, even when it isn't appropriate for them. In a world where everyone knew how to mind their own business the choice to have kids or not would be a personal decision, and there would be many good reasons for choosing not to.
Oh its not the parents, Its the Aunts and cousins who are saying this, I have told my mom this and she is fine. She has my cousin's kids to make up for the lack of grankids.
20+ yrs old married with kids eventually going to go down the tubes. That nagging feeling in the back of the head going to get him in trouble. What would it be like to be single at this age.....
Jihadin wrote: I don't think you can adopt a japanese child. If so then the agency that runs their adoption on their end is really going to research on you.
I don't think they would have anything to find. Unless of course they read into my 6000 message post count a bit...
And as usual, Albatross' mockery of me goes right over my head. I have a feeling you wouldn't even bother posting if my name wasn't attached to the post.
Now I'm a 22 year old divorced guy who's slightly bitter.
There is a great story in the bold.
I heartily encourage people to learn from my feth up there. Shockingly a 24 year old marrying an 18 year old Marine PFC probably isn't the stablest individual.
Typical Jarhead I think it's fair to assume that every Marine has one marriage he can sweep under the rug and never mention again.
Meh. I'm probably gonna be forever alone until college at least. (yeah, I have people asking me why I don't have a girlfriend in high school all the time)
I'm in the friendzone with freaking EVERY girl in my school, but none of them ever really seem to like me much beyond that. Maybe I study too much? lol
Meh. Screw it until college I say. As for not having kids, I have absoluetly no clue how I will feel later, but I know that right now, other than death, having a kid is one of the worst things I can imagine happening to me.
Testify wrote: Wanting to have kids at 20 is weird. Not wanting to is sane.
Honestly, never have kids. All they do is steal ALL your money, gak everywhere, and ruin your social life.
I dont really agree with this, maybe to a point. Go a long time without kids yes, until your ready if that ever happens. If not, no big deal. But they certainly dont ruin your social life. If having a kid makes your friends stay away, then they are jerk offs anyways. It does happen though, I lost a few friends when we started having children. But the rest stuck around because they were real friends.
But the little gaks are expensive though. Good grief, you think 40k costs a lot of cash?
Madcat87 wrote: Oh I love this line of argument, that not wanting children is selfish. Last time I checked we are living in a world that is over populated with millions of people starving daily and an environment that is already struggling to survive with our pollution. Yet somehow me choosing not to put more burden on the world is selfish.
Is that what I said in my post, or was I pointing out that one shouldn't be making weird and ignorant generalizations about people on either side?
Testify wrote: Wanting to have kids at 20 is weird. Not wanting to is sane.
Honestly, never have kids. All they do is steal ALL your money, gak everywhere, and ruin your social life.
I dont really agree with this, maybe to a point. Go a long time without kids yes, until your ready if that ever happens. If not, no big deal. But they certainly dont ruin your social life. If having a kid makes your friends stay away, then they are jerk offs anyways. It does happen though, I lost a few friends when we started having children. But the rest stuck around because they were real friends.
But the little gaks are expensive though. Good grief, you think 40k costs a lot of cash?
Right on!
And no gak on how expensive those buggers are...
That'd be my only real 'advice' when wanting kids... that is be financially stable.
Ah this BS. Thought I was alone. Another reason why I am a black sheep in my family.
My stance on having kids is the same now as it was when I was a teenager. Don't want them. Cost to much, keep you awake, a lot grief and anxiety and worry (sick, injuries, getting in trouble, etc.), takes a lot of time, don't want that in my life.
Call me greedy or whatever you want to just don't want that responsibility.
Been told "you will change your mind", "if you don't want kids you are being greedy", "Having kids is what people do", "Kids will bring fulfillment to your life", and the list of BS of reasons why I should have kids goes on. Reasons why they wanted to have kids or how they feel, not me.
Kids are not for me, not ever everyone wants kids, get over it. I don't see it as greedy. I see people with kids who are crappy and parenting as greedt.
Better throw this out before someone thinks I'm racist or advocating killing muslims. I am all for killing/wounding AQ, Taliban and the insurgents. Just those three groups right there atm.
Can't wait to sire some little demons. However, one of my big mindsets in life is to set out to do better than your parents at every turn. My dads still a crack shot with a revolver while I suck, and my mom can put my cooking skills to shame. Even then, once I've beaten them, I've many more skills to acquire and become proficient in. I could be lazy and have a kid now, but what kind of parent would I be if I didn't give my kid a set of high scores to beat? A lousy one by my reckoning.
I'm 33. Until about 3 years ago I didn't want kids, but figured I would want them at some point later in life. What surprised me was how quickly it changed, over the course of maybe a week I went from not even thinking about the issue to it being what I was going to do with the next five odd years of my life.
That said, people are free to want whatever they want out of life. I've got cousins who got all got married and popped out kids before they were 25, and they couldn't be happier. I've got a mate who's a year younger than me who just got a vasectomy because he just wants to screw around and travel the world the rest of his life, and I reckon he knows himself pretty well.
hotsauceman1 wrote: I dont get the idea that i will feel differently when i have them....
That's the point... you really don't know how you feel until you start having kids... I didn't. It's an... um... interesting transfomation suddenly becoming a "Dad". Like... whoa, I'm responsible for another life... then you watch them do stuff that tweaks your heart.
Also who says i cant have a fulfilling life with a career has a professor?
Keep practicing till you have a boy. Remember. With daughters they are going to have you wrapped around their cute little fingers....and your going to sweat bullets when she hits boy friend phase. The thoughts of you (dad) at that age going to surface big time
Kids would put a dent in our disposable income, and we are far to much "Me" people at the moment. A kid would probably be the worst thing to happen to us.
Not a really big fan of having kids young, I feel it impacts your career, and life too much then. Maybe later.
I'm 39, dont have kids & never wanted any either. I just can't find anything about them I like, I find them annoying, don't like being around them, and simply don't see the appeal.
I also get the 'weird' reaction from people, but so what?. I'll be damned if I'm going to even think about getting stuck with kids just because it's considered 'normal', or just to please family. What would be the point in being a parent if I don't like kids? What sort of upbringing would that be for a child?
I wonder what prompts the intolerant reaction from people - is it jealousy of the unburdened, or some kind of animal instinct geared to attack those who don't propagate the species?
Anyone who has aired their lack of desire to reproduce will likely have been subject to the lazy rhetoric of "but you were one". Oh well that changes everything; my logical and well founded reasons for neglecting to sow my oats are suddenly rendered meaningless. By the same logic I was also an egg once - I suppose I'm obliged to like omelettes as well!
I'm a dad of an amzing daughter, and I'm still married even!
Honestly, the difference between beign a dad and not being a dad can not be overstated. When you have that child, the life you knew before that moment is literally that of another persons. Once you cross that bridge, you can never go back. It is not a decision to be taken lightly.
I will be the first to tell you, that being a Dad is a lot of hard work, money, strain, weariness, and difficulty for not a lot of pay-off. If you think you ar enot ready, for the love of god, don't do it!
Edit: Ther eis nothing wierd about not wanting kids. I think not wanting kids is a smart play in a modern society.
My wife and I don't want kids. We've discussed it a few times, but realistically, I think having kids these days isn't necessary. There are already seven billion people on the planet. The human race isn't going to die off if a few of us don't spawn, and I believe the planet would be better off if a lot more of us didn't.
It's not like we're living in an agrarian society and need the extra hands to work the fields.
RossDas wrote: I wonder what prompts the intolerant reaction from people - is it jealousy of the unburdened, or some kind of animal instinct geared to attack those who don't propagate the species?
Anyone who has aired their lack of desire to reproduce will likely have been subject to the lazy rhetoric of "but you were one". Oh well that changes everything; my logical and well founded reasons for neglecting to sow my oats are suddenly rendered meaningless. By the same logic I was also an egg once - I suppose I'm obliged to like omelettes as well!
Maybe it's that most parents find children to be a source of happiness...that while they come with stresses and sacrifices, the overall experience is still firmly in "plus" territory. So when they see a friend or family member say they want something different, they worry whether that person will end up living a "minus" life.
Of course, that doesn't mean that kids *are* the right choice for everyone. Just saying that the reaction could come more from a caring place -- if possibly misguided -- than one of negativity like you suggest.
Bringing this back around to the OP...I agree with kronk and others that your family members' real question might be about your orientation. Again, that's misguided since plenty of gay folks want to be parents. But asking about kids and your future plans may be their way of feeling you out on the issue without asking you directly.
Same boat here. A bit older than you. I advise you not to think too much about the whole kids thing.
See, I do want kids. I've been told that having children was all kinds of wonderful blah blah blah, but naturally when you're young you don't care and the issue is not relevant yet. At some point however, I took some time to think hard about my studies and my future, and then I realised that hell yes, being a father would be a very fulfilling and meaningful endeavour to me. It cemented my short/medium-term project to study toward a good job, because I wanted to be able to provide financial security to my future family (mind you, I don't want to enforce a classic pattern; I'd be happy as a stay-at-home father or in a dual working couple). It seemed like a responsible decision, and it felt good.
I only overlooked one detail : it takes two persons to start a family. Assumed that would take care of itself in due time.
Thank you very much, optimism.
Today, I realise I've made some progress but still have a long way to go toward adressing my lack of social skills. Thinking it might be too late. As a matter of fact, people just don't see me as a suitable mate.
So as of now, I want, but I can't. And to put it mildly, it's kind of messing with my head. I'm trying not to let everything I've done go to waste, but I took a blow.
My two cents : don't put the cart before the horse and think about kids when you have a spouse or partner. Surely your family can accept this reasoning.
Think about starting a family when you're actually able to. Not having made up your mind or not being ready to accept the responsibility is not weird. It's overthinking that does no good.
Sorry if I sound a bit grim. Just hoping someone may learn from my experience.
More generally, what you do with your life is your own business. That's especially true of such a topic, where the decision is irreversible and its consequences everlasting. How many kids are screwed because they parents made them "because it's what people do" ? How many parents are unsatisfied with their life as a result ? I don't have the answers, but no need to add more to the pile. Weigh it carefully, and if it's no, it's no.
I'm lucky, perhaps, in that my sister already has children, so there's no push for me to have any.
Dunno if I will, time will tell I suppose. I'm thinking adoption is more likely. Anyway, pushing back having kids until you're financially stable is a smart move IMO.
Monster Rain wrote: I strongly advise everyone in this thread who doesn't want to reproduce to refrain from doing so.
Seems a bit premature to decide something like that before ever having, you know, done the thing that causes pregnancy, but hey, who am I to say?
I'm sure you're joking, but, while sex can definitely lead to parenthood, the ability to have sex, or actually having had (!) sex in no way is a prerequisite/guarantee for good parenting.
Monster Rain wrote: I strongly advise everyone in this thread who doesn't want to reproduce to refrain from doing so.
Seems a bit premature to decide something like that before ever having, you know, done the thing that causes pregnancy, but hey, who am I to say?
I'm sure you're joking, but, while sex can definitely lead to parenthood, the ability to have sex, or actually having had (!) sex in no way is a prerequisite/guarantee for good parenting.
Or something like that.
If anything, our desire to keep having sex is part of the reason my gf and I dont' want kids!
Having been the kid concieved not because my parents wanted to be parents but because the grandparents would. not. let. up. about. it. I am firmly aware of how much it sucks to be an unwanted child. Frankly, given the choice I'd have just as soon never been born and avoided the whole steaping pile of that was my 'childhood.'
Perhaps predictably I have a very cynical view of parenthood because of this.
(And I'm sure you can guess my opinon on abortion to boot...)
I'm probably not gonna have kids. There are just too many people on this dang planet as it IS without my adding my spawn to the population. I'll probably just adopt.
But as this comes from a guy who has purposely made the effort to NOT get involved in a relationship until mid-college/vo-tech/whatever I end up doing for job training or higher ed., YMMV.
Monster Rain wrote: I strongly advise everyone in this thread who doesn't want to reproduce to refrain from doing so.
Seems a bit premature to decide something like that before ever having, you know, done the thing that causes pregnancy, but hey, who am I to say?
I'm sure you're joking, but, while sex can definitely lead to parenthood, the ability to have sex, or actually having had (!) sex in no way is a prerequisite/guarantee for good parenting.
Or something like that.
I was making more of a point about an apparent lack of life experience.
I'm a career and personally oriented individual. I'm not even sure if there's room for a significant other in my life.
It's just not what I want. My parents have had this discussion with me, and they've no problems with it. My mother actually called me out on it, and suggested a vasectomy. It's certainly something I would consider.
Such things as "carrying on the family name" are of no consequence to me.
sebster wrote: I'm 33. Until about 3 years ago I didn't want kids, but figured I would want them at some point later in life. What surprised me was how quickly it changed, over the course of maybe a week I went from not even thinking about the issue to it being what I was going to do with the next five odd years of my life.
That said, people are free to want whatever they want out of life. I've got cousins who got all got married and popped out kids before they were 25, and they couldn't be happier. I've got a mate who's a year younger than me who just got a vasectomy because he just wants to screw around and travel the world the rest of his life, and I reckon he knows himself pretty well.
To each their own, find your own happiness.
Yup. Hell our son wasnt intended, very definition of an "accident" and until then, I seriously did NOT want children. At. All. But once I got over the shock of finding out we were pregnant my opinion on the whole thing flipped completely. It might of been an accident, but its been the best accident that Ive ever experienced. Although 2 is plenty enough for me. 1 son, 1 daughter, nothing else.
Some_Call_Me_Tim? wrote: But as this comes from a guy who has purposely made the effort to NOT get involved in a relationship until mid-college/vo-tech/whatever I end up doing for job training or higher ed., YMMV.
Worst advice in the thread possibly?
Relationships aren't something you just magically know how to do. Obviously some people make it work right away, but for many people it's a learning process filled with ugly breakups and success doesn't come until after years of practice. Putting it all off until later just means you won't pick up those skills until later, and who knows how much that will cost you. Or maybe you'll just be giving up happy experiences that you might have had.
Of course that's not to say that you should date someone you don't like just for the sake of practice, but turning down good opportunities just because it's "not time" is just ridiculous.
I'm kind of surprised at the amount of people over 35 who don't have kids. I can't imagine myself having anything to live for at 35 without kids. Like, what are you doing with your life that's so important that you need to continue doing it indefinitely? Your career? Your social life? Your freedom? Isn't there a point when it's time to grow up, and stop living for yourself?
What is the goal of bettering yourself indefinitely if you have nothing to show for it? Will it be worth it in the end, sitting on your deathbed, with no one beside you, no flesh and blood you can call your own?
I don't mean to poke fingers, but that's my fear, at least. I've seen the happiness that children bring, and I envy it. My grandfather has four daughters to his name. He doesn't hardly talk to two of them, but he's still furiously proud of them, for better or worse.
What is the goal of bettering yourself indefinitely if you have nothing to show for it? Will it be worth it in the end, sitting on your deathbed, with no one beside you, no flesh and blood you can call your own?
It depends. I suspect that the main reason I'm not interested in kids is that I've got papers laying around that, one day, I'll get published. My contributions to the world will be academic, if I can ever be bothered to put forth that effort (the review process can burn in hell).
I also don't think about whether or nor it will have been "worth it" in the end, because I'm much more interested in what happens after the end.
But as this comes from a guy who has purposely made the effort to NOT get involved in a relationship until mid-college/vo-tech/whatever I end up doing for job training or higher ed., YMMV.
_Tim?
You should try. You never know. That cute 21 year old Art History major working as a cashier at the Arby's across the road from your place of employment could, after 7-8 years of loving support as you two work through college/other stuff to get to your vocation, end up being Mrs. _Tim?
And if not 'tis better to loved and lost than never loved at all.
I want kids, but not until much later in my life when I can give them a good house and good life
If the problem is having trouble getting women, the male dating business is a billion dollar business nowadays. Tons of programs, tons of books, you just need to sort things out, considering most of it is crap
Some people just don't want kids, that's their choice and it shouldn't be stigmatised. But if you're 21 and say you never want kids to the point you'll have a vasectomy then you're a fool. You've still got a lot of growing up to do, life experiences to have, people to meet. Lots of people think they'll never want kids, never even want to get married, maybe never even want a partner. And then they meet someone, and they could be 25, 30, 40, whatever, and their whole life view will change.
On another aspect of relationships, people who claim to be constantly 'friendzoned', the claim that you're so good with women that you can become great friends with them but you just can't make a romantic move. This gets to the point where they feel you're more like a brother than a partner which dooms a relationship. I call BS on this, genuine friendzoning rarely happens because either the girl is aware and simply doesn't and will never reciprocate, or more likely, you just aren't that close friends with them. I've never seen someone 'friendzoned' properly, fact is the girl isn't keen on them and claim of friend zoning is just a face saving exercise.
But as this comes from a guy who has purposely made the effort to NOT get involved in a relationship until mid-college/vo-tech/whatever I end up doing for job training or higher ed., YMMV.
_Tim?
You should try. You never know. That cute 21 year old Art History major working as a cashier at the Arby's across the road from your place of employment could, after 7-8 years of loving support as you two work through college/other stuff to get to your vocation, end up being Mrs. _Tim?
And if not 'tis better to loved and lost than never loved at all.
Meh, I view romantic relationships as a waste of time. Most people don't, but I do. Plus, romantic highschool bf/gf-gf/gf-bf/bf relationships are always mind-bogglingly stupid and seem to never end well.
Oh, and I hate the term "friendzoned". I forget who said this first, but the term seems to suggest that women are just human slot machines-you put enough money and time in to them and eventually you'll get laid.
Samus_aran115 wrote:I'm kind of surprised at the amount of people over 35 who don't have kids. I can't imagine myself having anything to live for at 35 without kids. Like, what are you doing with your life that's so important that you need to continue doing it indefinitely? Your career? Your social life? Your freedom? Isn't there a point when it's time to grow up, and stop living for yourself?
As opposed to living for? A child that doesnt' exist yet? A society that's already overpopulated? A planet that's seeing other species go extinct so that more humans can take up the finite space?
Perhaps a better question would be, what's so special about your genes that they need to be propagated? What have you done that's worth continuing your DNA? Are you so egotistical to think that your spawn is more important than the planet? Perhaps you should grow up and stop looking at these things through the microscope of your petty existence.
Harsh huh? I didn't join this thread to bash people with kids. But if you're going to sit here and tell me I need to grow up because I've made a conscious decision not to reproduce because I don't think that more humans is what the world needs, I fear it's you who are immature and self-centered. Your DNA is not special. Your offspring are not special.
The choice to reproduce is the easy choice. It's the expected choice. It's the one society takes for granted, and the one that you're led to not through any great thought on the matter but by your animal instincts. The choice to not reproduce is the harder one. We have to deal with the ignorant, like you. We have to listen to people like you call us selfish, when in fact, we're the ones denying our instincts for the betterment of the planet.
What is the goal of bettering yourself indefinitely if you have nothing to show for it?
So you believe that the only thing possible to show for a life is a child? The stupidest people on the planet can figure out insert tab A into slot B and make a child. This isn't exactly an amazing legacy.
Will it be worth it in the end, sitting on your deathbed, with no one beside you, no flesh and blood you can call your own?
I plan to die screaming, undertaking some foolish venture, not on a bed. Again, I find your logic sorely lacking. The reason to have kids is so that they're there when you die? Isn't that selfish? I've seen plenty of people with kids die alone too, having children is no guarantee that you won't be lonely.
I don't mean to poke fingers, but that's my fear, at least. I've seen the happiness that children bring, and I envy it.
So, when someone denies themselves this happiness, you call them selfish. This is not the adjective most people would use when describing someone who denies themselves happiness. I think you need to think through your stance here some. BTW - when taken scientifically, studies show that people without children are happier than people with children and live more satisfying lives. Perhaps then I am selfish. But, given these studies, I have to ask, if children are such bundles of joy, why are people, in general, happier without them?
See, I think society forces people to say that they enjoy their kids, because it's unacceptable to say that you wish you never had them. In the meantime, you hear parents complaining that they can't go out anymore, never have sex anymore, are kept awake, are broke, and how their kid crashed their car. It doesn't sound quite so happy...
Redbeard wrote: See, I think society forces people to say that they enjoy their kids, because it's unacceptable to say that you wish you never had them. In the meantime, you hear parents complaining that they can't go out anymore, never have sex anymore, are kept awake, are broke, and how their kid crashed their car. It doesn't sound quite so happy...
My kids aren't of driving age, but up to that point I don't think this accurately describes my experience at all.
My kids aren't of driving age, but up to that point I don't think this accurately describes my experience at all.
Won't still. The driving age though will add more gray hair to you. Not only are they driving but are dating
That's why I'm so happy in one way that I only have boyz (would've still liked a daughter, but the gender lottery ended up male)....
If I had a daughter dating, I'd be that crazy, over protective old man greeting each boy at the door with a hand-shake and holding a shotgun over my shoulders...
Samus_aran115 wrote:I'm kind of surprised at the amount of people over 35 who don't have kids. I can't imagine myself having anything to live for at 35 without kids. Like, what are you doing with your life that's so important that you need to continue doing it indefinitely? Your career? Your social life? Your freedom? Isn't there a point when it's time to grow up, and stop living for yourself?
As opposed to living for? A child that doesnt' exist yet? A society that's already overpopulated? A planet that's seeing other species go extinct so that more humans can take up the finite space?
Perhaps a better question would be, what's so special about your genes that they need to be propagated? What have you done that's worth continuing your DNA? Are you so egotistical to think that your spawn is more important than the planet? Perhaps you should grow up and stop looking at these things through the microscope of your petty existence.
Harsh huh? I didn't join this thread to bash people with kids. But if you're going to sit here and tell me I need to grow up because I've made a conscious decision not to reproduce because I don't think that more humans is what the world needs, I fear it's you who are immature and self-centered. Your DNA is not special. Your offspring are not special.
The choice to reproduce is the easy choice. It's the expected choice. It's the one society takes for granted, and the one that you're led to not through any great thought on the matter but by your animal instincts. The choice to not reproduce is the harder one. We have to deal with the ignorant, like you. We have to listen to people like you call us selfish, when in fact, we're the ones denying our instincts for the betterment of the planet.
What is the goal of bettering yourself indefinitely if you have nothing to show for it?
So you believe that the only thing possible to show for a life is a child? The stupidest people on the planet can figure out insert tab A into slot B and make a child. This isn't exactly an amazing legacy.
Will it be worth it in the end, sitting on your deathbed, with no one beside you, no flesh and blood you can call your own?
I plan to die screaming, undertaking some foolish venture, not on a bed. Again, I find your logic sorely lacking. The reason to have kids is so that they're there when you die? Isn't that selfish? I've seen plenty of people with kids die alone too, having children is no guarantee that you won't be lonely.
I don't mean to poke fingers, but that's my fear, at least. I've seen the happiness that children bring, and I envy it.
So, when someone denies themselves this happiness, you call them selfish. This is not the adjective most people would use when describing someone who denies themselves happiness. I think you need to think through your stance here some. BTW - when taken scientifically, studies show that people without children are happier than people with children and live more satisfying lives. Perhaps then I am selfish. But, given these studies, I have to ask, if children are such bundles of joy, why are people, in general, happier without them?
See, I think society forces people to say that they enjoy their kids, because it's unacceptable to say that you wish you never had them. In the meantime, you hear parents complaining that they can't go out anymore, never have sex anymore, are kept awake, are broke, and how their kid crashed their car. It doesn't sound quite so happy...
Wow, someone has broken the sad and bitter scale. I think there are better ways to say you are one of the "No thanks" types for children. And if you need a study to convince yourself that you dont need kids, then Im glad you dont have them. Im sure you could of been a little more of a jerk about your stance on this whole thing, but you certainly would have to work on it
In my opinion, you're thinking about this in the bleakest, most pessimistic way possible. All this garbage about propagation and genes is just talk. In reality, the world will not tip over on its head because one more american, middle class child is born to intelligent, successful parents.
Reproduction is a simple choice... Yes, of course it is. That doesn't mean it's the wrong choice, or the easiest choice. Raising children is an accomplishment in itself, regardless of how many billions of people have done it before you.
No, a child is not the only thing that you can show for. Not at all. A good book you wrote, or a scientific paper you wrote, or a piece of art, or any number of things are great ways to show that you actually did something with your life. But in the end, who cares? Who cares how many degrees you have, how much money you made, how popular you were? Your children will care.
The point flew right over your head. It's not about having them their just for the sake of it. It's the emotion, the passion of knowing your time has come, yet there are children by your side, ready to carry on your legacy, or make legacies of their own. You're thinking too short term. They won't be children forever. The bonds you share with your adult children are not the same as the bonds you have with crying little babies.
Why are people generally happier without them? I'd like to see some sauce, please. That's proving a negative. People who don't have kids don't know the happiness that they bring, so therefore have no idea what they're missing. It's true that some parents will lie and say that they're happier since having children, but I'd still be willing to bet that most parents are happier, especially as age goes up.
But in the end, who cares? Who cares how many degrees you have, how much money you made, how popular you were? Your children will care.
Your friends and admirers? You don't need a blood relation to care about another person. There would be far fewer Einstein posters on walls if that were not true.
Basically, children tend reduce reporting rates of happiness in couples.
If I had to guess I would say that they aren't really less happy in aggregate, but that their happiness varies with greater extremity due to the existence of an additional stressor.
And on the subject of "being at your side when you die," I'd like to refute that claim. As has been mentioned, the lines of personal connection extend beyond familial connection. Furthermore, blood does not guarantee appreciation. I know that my grandfather will receive no comfort from me on his deathbed, and I'm sure that I'm not an isolated case.
Ignore that spiteful statement about being 20 without having had a relationship being weird.
It really, really, isn't and there are a lot of people that age who have never been in one, both male and female.
Also, not wanting kids is a perfectly rational choice at *any* point in your life.
If childcare is not something you'd enjoy, then there is no need. The planet is overpopulated enough already, and we are on a one-way trip to destroying the enviroment if we keep on breeding and breeding until there are 50 billion humans on the planet all packed together in hive cities.
Also, the concept of "passing on your genes" is flawed.
Serial killers have been sons of priests before now, and will be again. Environment and personal choice matters more than genes to a certain extent.
Also, in 32 generations time, your contribution to the human gene pool will be non-existent as the number of your chromosones that are passed on with each generation halves.
So doing it for that reason "to make a mini-me to gain immortality or something" is also a flawed concept.
Make your mark on the world by contributing positively to humanity, with your own legacy.. putting another slab of meat on the planet doesn't make you special or immortal or "leave a contribution", you're just doing the same thing that everyone else has been doing as a result of their biological impulses.
For balance, I'd like to state that I would personally like kids, but to present that opinion as the only possible valid mindset as some people in this thread are doing is absolutely ridiculous.
The idea that there is "something wrong with you" if you don't is just a BS societal concept that serves no valid purpose, learn to identify and ignore all of those social constructs and just do whatever makes you happy.
For what it's worth, overpopulation may be an issue, but it should be noted that our decrease in repopulation will also end up being troublesome with the higher concentration of older people compared to younger people as years go by. We're looking forward to a situation similar to that which Japan is facing right now.
Our healthcare and pensions will be in big trouble without a sizable younger generation to help pay it off.
scarletsquig wrote: Ignore that spiteful statement about being 20 without having had a relationship being weird.
It really, really, isn't and there are a lot of people that age who have never been in one, both male and female.
It depends on what you mean by "relationship". I didn't have a serious relationship until I was 21, but I started chasing girls (with varying success) way before that.
KingCracker wrote:
Wow, someone has broken the sad and bitter scale. I think there are better ways to say you are one of the "No thanks" types for children.
I'm sure there are. I said as much in my first post on the thread. And then I was accused of being selfish and immature. I was told to grow up. And in responding in kind, I'm the one who broke the sad and bitter scale?
And if you need a study to convince yourself that you dont need kids, then Im glad you dont have them.
I don't need a study to know what is best for me. The study, however, is a useful response to those who say that I can only be happy if I have kids.
Samus_aran115 wrote:
In my opinion, you're thinking about this in the bleakest, most pessimistic way possible. All this garbage about propagation and genes is just talk. In reality, the world will not tip over on its head because one more american, middle class child is born to intelligent, successful parents.
No, but it will when 20 kids are born to lower class ignorant parents... Ever hear of the Duggars?
Raising children is an accomplishment in itself, regardless of how many billions of people have done it before you.
So is feeding yourself everyday...
The point flew right over your head.
No, apparently the point flew right over yours. My wife and I made a choice, one we're happy with. We don't need you to come along and tell us that we're childish and selfish because of that choice. We don't need you to tell us that, in your opinion, our lives won't be fulfilling because of that choice. You haven't made one single argument that isn't based upon the idea that what you think is right for you must therefore also be right for everyone else.
Why are people generally happier without them? I'd like to see some sauce, please.
It is doing no such thing, you clearly have no idea what this entails.
People who don't have kids don't know the happiness that they bring, so therefore have no idea what they're missing.
Right, because we cannot observe things in others that have not happened to us. I've got an idea, why don't you hit yourself in the head with a hammer. It's great fun. You haven't done it, therefore you don't know what you're missing.
See how your logic is horribly flawed.
It's true that some parents will lie and say that they're happier since having children, but I'd still be willing to bet that most parents are happier, especially as age goes up.
dogma wrote: It depends on what you mean by "relationship". I didn't have a serious relationship until I was 21, but I started chasing girls (with varying success) way before that.
Sure, but you can always change your mind if you feel the desire to have a relationship is stronger than your desire to do other things.
Me, I'm really just not interested in a deeply committed relationship at this point. If I find one, who knows? I'd probably roll with it. but I'm not actively looking.
Right, I see an infamous quote pyramid on the horizon, the dark meat of the thread that no one bothers reading, and just scrolls right past, so I won't even bother.
It's none of my fething business how you live your life. That's what you want to hear, right?
It's none of my fething business how you live your life. That's what you want to hear, right?
Preferably, yes.
/thread
It really isn't anyone's fething business.
With a few exceptions (but then again there seems to be exceptions for everything), like if you catch your neighbour molesting children you might want to call the cops or something.
It's none of my fething business how you live your life. That's what you want to hear, right?
Preferably, yes.
/thread
It really isn't anyone's fething business.
With a few exceptions (but then again there seems to be exceptions for everything), like if you catch your neighbour molesting children you might want to call the cops or something.
Redbeard wrote: See, I think society forces people to say that they enjoy their kids, because it's unacceptable to say that you wish you never had them. In the meantime, you hear parents complaining that they can't go out anymore, never have sex anymore, are kept awake, are broke, and how their kid crashed their car. It doesn't sound quite so happy...
My kids aren't of driving age, but up to that point I don't think this accurately describes my experience at all.
Ditto. The mystery of parenthood is that despite a lot of things like Redbeard mentioned, the experience is still in plus territory. And I think that feeds the whole bit about not understanding parenthood until you've done it.
Howard A Treesong wrote: On another aspect of relationships, people who claim to be constantly 'friendzoned', the claim that you're so good with women that you can become great friends with them but you just can't make a romantic move. This gets to the point where they feel you're more like a brother than a partner which dooms a relationship. I call BS on this, genuine friendzoning rarely happens because either the girl is aware and simply doesn't and will never reciprocate, or more likely, you just aren't that close friends with them. I've never seen someone 'friendzoned' properly, fact is the girl isn't keen on them and claim of friend zoning is just a face saving exercise.
I tend to agree that usually the girl(s) just isn't interested. Often they're simply out of your league. A lowering of standards may be in order in that case. I will say that sometimes they're keeping you around as a backup guy in case there's a situation with their current BF. No one wants to be backup guy, though. And that's why the best solution to "friendzoning" of all types is to refuse to let it happen. If you're interested in a girl, make your intentions clearer and you'll get a faster, more definitive answer.
Redbeard wrote: See, I think society forces people to say that they enjoy their kids, because it's unacceptable to say that you wish you never had them. In the meantime, you hear parents complaining that they can't go out anymore, never have sex anymore, are kept awake, are broke, and how their kid crashed their car. It doesn't sound quite so happy...
My kids aren't of driving age, but up to that point I don't think this accurately describes my experience at all.
Ditto. The mystery of parenthood is that despite a lot of things like Redbeard mentioned, the experience is still in plus territory. And I think that feeds the whole bit about not understanding parenthood until you've done it.
Howard A Treesong wrote: On another aspect of relationships, people who claim to be constantly 'friendzoned', the claim that you're so good with women that you can become great friends with them but you just can't make a romantic move. This gets to the point where they feel you're more like a brother than a partner which dooms a relationship. I call BS on this, genuine friendzoning rarely happens because either the girl is aware and simply doesn't and will never reciprocate, or more likely, you just aren't that close friends with them. I've never seen someone 'friendzoned' properly, fact is the girl isn't keen on them and claim of friend zoning is just a face saving exercise.
I tend to agree that usually the girl(s) just isn't interested. Often they're simply out of your league. A lowering of standards may be in order in that case. I will say that sometimes they're keeping you around as a backup guy in case there's a situation with their current BF. No one wants to be backup guy, though. And that's why the best solution to "friendzoning" of all types is to refuse to let it happen. If you're interested in a girl, make your intentions clearer and you'll get a faster, more definitive answer.
I think most guys who are "zoned" deep down inside know that the girl isn't interested in them but they stick around because they become delusional and think they still somehow have a chance when they really don't.
Redbeard wrote: See, I think society forces people to say that they enjoy their kids, because it's unacceptable to say that you wish you never had them. In the meantime, you hear parents complaining that they can't go out anymore, never have sex anymore, are kept awake, are broke, and how their kid crashed their car. It doesn't sound quite so happy...
My kids aren't of driving age, but up to that point I don't think this accurately describes my experience at all.
Ditto. The mystery of parenthood is that despite a lot of things like Redbeard mentioned, the experience is still in plus territory. And I think that feeds the whole bit about not understanding parenthood until you've done it.
Howard A Treesong wrote: On another aspect of relationships, people who claim to be constantly 'friendzoned', the claim that you're so good with women that you can become great friends with them but you just can't make a romantic move. This gets to the point where they feel you're more like a brother than a partner which dooms a relationship. I call BS on this, genuine friendzoning rarely happens because either the girl is aware and simply doesn't and will never reciprocate, or more likely, you just aren't that close friends with them. I've never seen someone 'friendzoned' properly, fact is the girl isn't keen on them and claim of friend zoning is just a face saving exercise.
I tend to agree that usually the girl(s) just isn't interested. Often they're simply out of your league. A lowering of standards may be in order in that case. I will say that sometimes they're keeping you around as a backup guy in case there's a situation with their current BF. No one wants to be backup guy, though. And that's why the best solution to "friendzoning" of all types is to refuse to let it happen. If you're interested in a girl, make your intentions clearer and you'll get a faster, more definitive answer.
I think most guys who are "zoned" deep down inside know that the girl isn't interested in them but they stick around because they become delusional and think they still somehow have a chance when they really don't.
Try this if you're "zoned"...
Go all mysterious on her... that is, if you talk/text/email her daily, go cold.
If she tries to contact you, just be cryptic... like "busy...".
Then a month or two later, re-engage but with a strong frame that lets her know that you're interested.
My friend did that (when cold for 4 mo), they're still a couple.
On the subject of relationships, especially teen relationships...
Being in a romantic relationship at some point in your youth is actually pretty important for your social development. This is because, as ineveitable as the sunrise, one will mess up practially everything one sets their hand to the first time you try it... and having a romantic relationship is not an exception to this. This is why teen relationships rarely last through the whole of the teen years, and almost always end when college age comes around (well, that and the little detail that your personality changes more dramatically between 18 and 22 than it will at any other point in your life). You're new at it, and you keep screwing it up.
However, everyone EXPECTS teen romances to be temporary things... except the teens themselves, who (mostly) figure it out after the first couple of failures.
By college age, romantic relationships are rarely any more durable - experience gained as a teen is offset by the new stressors of being (semi-)independant and having a job/classes take up much time and energy takes its toll.
Once you are in your mid-twenties, you are expected to have the experience and ability to have an adult-level (and I'm not just talking about sex, I'm talking about maturity) romantic relationship... and other people that age will EXPECT you to be able to handle yourself in that context.
If you have skipped all previous opportunites to have a relationship at earlier ages... you are now well behind the curve on relationship skills. Those you date may well come away thinking impolite things about your maturity level because you are making mistakes that they last saw in high school. Needless to say, this can result in a lot of hurt feelings on both sides - you because you've been dumped; them because they feel led on and lied to. And to put it in a nutshell, you did lie to them, from a certain point of view - a person in their mid-twenties has these skills unless they've gone out of their way to not acquire them.
As far as getting a date as a scared-to-death-of-the-opposite-sex teen... Here's a couple of hints for you.
1) The other sex is just as terrified as you are. That little self-sabotaging voice in the back of your head? It's in the back of their head too. No matter how poised and cool their are on the outside, their palms can be just as sweaty as yours when the prospect of asking someone out is concerned.
2) If you ask and get turned down, you're no worse off then you are if you never asked. But if you never ask the question, you'll never hear a "Yes!" So go ahead and ask, you LITERALLY have nothing to loose and everything to gain.
Okay, they might get rude, be insulting, or otherwise be a jerk about it, and that seems a fate worse than death now. But unless you are stuck in Small Town USA and never leave, I can promise you that a year after graduation no one will care what happened to you in school. Odds are, the people you will be hanging out with at that point didn't go to your school and don't know about it - and wouldn't care if they did.
3) Yeah, you want the prom queen. So does everyone else, so the competition is going to be fierce. And if you do win her, she knows she's got plenty of other suitors who will give her what she wants if you won't, so you'd better believe she'll teach you what a 'high-maintenance' relationship is. No fun, mostly, and once she has what she wants from you she'll move on to someone else.
On the other hand, that quiet wallflower is just dying for some attention. She may not look like much now but she will blossom most promisingly under your care.
I just wish someone had told ME this back when I was in high school...
Wow, someone has broken the sad and bitter scale. I think there are better ways to say you are one of the "No thanks" types for children. And if you need a study to convince yourself that you dont need kids, then Im glad you dont have them. Im sure you could of been a little more of a jerk about your stance on this whole thing, but you certainly would have to work on it
All things considered, I understand where Redbeard is coming from here. When you take into account the limited resources of this planet and the way things are going, the vast majority of people who procreate, at least in the states and in all fairness, probably don't deserve to. The inverse is often also true. It's like how there's all those panda who won't feth to save their own species, while we have countless mosquitoes throughout the world.
Samus' presumption about having your beloved spawn surrounding your bed is also predicated upon the theory that they'll be able to stand your presence by the time you're that age.
Finally, as Redbeard alluded to, some of us don't intend on wasting away on some deathbed surrounded by people who are just waiting for the inevitable conclusion. The moment I start to go, I intend on taking the matter into my own hands.
Wow, someone has broken the sad and bitter scale. I think there are better ways to say you are one of the "No thanks" types for children. And if you need a study to convince yourself that you dont need kids, then Im glad you dont have them. Im sure you could of been a little more of a jerk about your stance on this whole thing, but you certainly would have to work on it
All things considered, I understand where Redbeard is coming from here. When you take into account the limited resources of this planet and the way things are going, the vast majority of people who procreate, at least in the states and in all fairness, probably don't deserve to. The inverse is often also true. It's like how there's all those panda who won't feth to save their own species, while we have countless mosquitoes throughout the world.
Samus' presumption about having your beloved spawn surrounding your bed is also predicated upon the theory that they'll be able to stand your presence by the time you're that age.
Finally, as Redbeard alluded to, some of us don't intend on wasting away on some deathbed surrounded by people who are just waiting for the inevitable conclusion. The moment I start to go, I intend on taking the matter into my own hands.
I'm going out like those two old guys in the movie "Second Hand Lions"...
Melissia wrote: The "friend zone", failed attempts to make guys feel better about being rejected since the dawn of time.
There's nothing good about being "zoned" Mel, I wish it upon no one it is truly a horrid path to walk it's up there with The Holocaust or getting Polio.
Get back to me in 10-20 years. Not wanting kids at 20 isn't that odd. Now being 20 and never having had a relationship is odd, and probably the impetus behind the discussion.
seconded!
Automatically Appended Next Post: Chicks only friend zone guys that they think will be bad in bed or are small down stairs.
If your significant other wants kids, that's between the couple.
What if you're likely to lean on me for support of the child? What if you do something for me that the child might interfere with? What if you have terrible genes and your decision to breed will make the world worse for my spawn?
If your significant other wants kids, that's between the couple.
What if you're likely to lean on me for support of the child? What if you do something for me that the child might interfere with? What if you have terrible genes and your decision to breed will make the world worse for my spawn?
Um... I know you're trying to debate this, I got two things:
1) If you said this to my face, I'd say "Feth off!"
2) Lemme answer each question:
- What if you're likely to lean on me for support of the child? Why would I be leaning on YOU? Mom... is that you? - What if you do something for me that the child might interfere with? See #1 - What if you have terrible genes and your decision to breed will make the world worse for my spawn? Is this from Gattica? How on earth would you know whether *I* have bad genes and it would've affected your spawn? Nostradomus... is that you?
Among the coolest times in my life were watching my children being born. Watching them grow from some lil' grub into lively intelligent people that talk with me about history, science, and music, and seeing how they influence people around them for good has been absolutly amazing to me.
There are dangers out there, such as serious illness, accidents, and scummy people, for children, and we've encountered them as a family and overcome every one so far.
Having children, for my wife and me, has been a total adventure that has helped us grow in a lot of positive ways.
I say all this as someone who never thought he'd want to be a parent.
Relapse wrote: Among the coolest times in my life were watching my children being born. Watching them grow from some lil' grub into lively intelligent people that talk with me about history, science, and music, and seeing how they influence people around them for good has been absolutly amazing to me.
There are dangers out there, such as serious illness, accidents, and scummy people, for children, and we've encountered them as a family and overcome every one so far.
Having children, for my wife and me, has been a total adventure that has helped us grow in a lot of positive ways.
I say all this as someone who never thought he'd want to be a parent.
That's an apt decription... it's an adventure!
Just the other day, my eldest (8yo) asked me how I ever find stuff without google?
I had to explain to him about Encyclopedias and Libraries...
Vulcan wrote: On the subject of relationships, especially teen relationships...
Being in a romantic relationship at some point in your youth is actually pretty important for your social development. This is because, as ineveitable as the sunrise, one will mess up practially everything one sets their hand to the first time you try it... and having a romantic relationship is not an exception to this. This is why teen relationships rarely last through the whole of the teen years, and almost always end when college age comes around (well, that and the little detail that your personality changes more dramatically between 18 and 22 than it will at any other point in your life). You're new at it, and you keep screwing it up.
However, everyone EXPECTS teen romances to be temporary things... except the teens themselves, who (mostly) figure it out after the first couple of failures.
By college age, romantic relationships are rarely any more durable - experience gained as a teen is offset by the new stressors of being (semi-)independant and having a job/classes take up much time and energy takes its toll.
Once you are in your mid-twenties, you are expected to have the experience and ability to have an adult-level (and I'm not just talking about sex, I'm talking about maturity) romantic relationship... and other people that age will EXPECT you to be able to handle yourself in that context.
If you have skipped all previous opportunites to have a relationship at earlier ages... you are now well behind the curve on relationship skills. Those you date may well come away thinking impolite things about your maturity level because you are making mistakes that they last saw in high school. Needless to say, this can result in a lot of hurt feelings on both sides - you because you've been dumped; them because they feel led on and lied to. And to put it in a nutshell, you did lie to them, from a certain point of view - a person in their mid-twenties has these skills unless they've gone out of their way to not acquire them.
As far as getting a date as a scared-to-death-of-the-opposite-sex teen... Here's a couple of hints for you.
1) The other sex is just as terrified as you are. That little self-sabotaging voice in the back of your head? It's in the back of their head too. No matter how poised and cool their are on the outside, their palms can be just as sweaty as yours when the prospect of asking someone out is concerned.
2) If you ask and get turned down, you're no worse off then you are if you never asked. But if you never ask the question, you'll never hear a "Yes!" So go ahead and ask, you LITERALLY have nothing to loose and everything to gain.
Okay, they might get rude, be insulting, or otherwise be a jerk about it, and that seems a fate worse than death now. But unless you are stuck in Small Town USA and never leave, I can promise you that a year after graduation no one will care what happened to you in school. Odds are, the people you will be hanging out with at that point didn't go to your school and don't know about it - and wouldn't care if they did.
3) Yeah, you want the prom queen. So does everyone else, so the competition is going to be fierce. And if you do win her, she knows she's got plenty of other suitors who will give her what she wants if you won't, so you'd better believe she'll teach you what a 'high-maintenance' relationship is. No fun, mostly, and once she has what she wants from you she'll move on to someone else.
On the other hand, that quiet wallflower is just dying for some attention. She may not look like much now but she will blossom most promisingly under your care.
I just wish someone had told ME this back when I was in high school...
Its not that I actively tried to skip those moments, its that, When your the guy girls come up too and joke to your about their friend wanting to date you while the friend is pushing and yelling at them about it. Its kinda hard to not think no one wants to be with you.
Wish someone told me all that in high school. Well, I'm sure someone did, but the issue was never asking them out, it was finding single women that I thought were worth dating. There was never any shortage of girls who had boyfriends in other schools, or girls who were generally locked into their niches so far that it would have been socially unsound to date me.
In retrospect, I'm quite happy with being a relatively lonely, shut-in person. Nothing to do about it now. I might as well embrace it.
Chicks only friend zone guys that they think will be bad in bed or are small down stairs.
No, that's not it. That's trying to blame the girl, making her appear shallow or superficial. When friend zoning happens, it's because the man hasn't been assertive enough to make their feelings clear. Girls want someone who really wants them back, not something half hearted or casual, they want to feel like they are your first choice, but if you never make that clear its your own fault.
That's assuming there is a real 'friend zoning' situation, most of the time it's a delusion. Men and women don't commonly have very close platonic relationships, most times when people claim they are friend zoned they aren't really that close a friend in the first place. Girls are generally not oblivious to the feelings of people around them particularly if you're one of their best mates. Sometimes they simply won't be interested in a guy in a sexual way, and nothing will change that, no more than a girl you're not interested in can turn you around. It's pure hubris to think that by sticking around you can change that because you have a right to a relationship with someone you fancy. People then claiming that it's the woman's fault because they are so superficial as to reject you on the assumption you have a small dick is just lashing out at the person you said you loved. Well that's just childish, no wonder they aren't interested.
Chicks only friend zone guys that they think will be bad in bed or are small down stairs.
No, that's not it. That's trying to blame the girl, making her appear shallow or superficial. When friend zoning happens, it's because the man hasn't been assertive enough to make their feelings clear. Girls want someone who really wants them back, not something half hearted or casual, they want to feel like they are your first choice, but if you never make that clear its your own fault.
That's assuming there is a real 'friend zoning' situation, most of the time it's a delusion. Men and women don't commonly have very close platonic relationships, most times when people claim they are friend zoned they aren't really that close a friend in the first place. Girls are generally not oblivious to the feelings of people around them particularly if you're one of their best mates. Sometimes they simply won't be interested in a guy in a sexual way, and nothing will change that, no more than a girl you're not interested in can turn you around. It's pure hubris to think that by sticking around you can change that because you have a right to a relationship with someone you fancy. People then claiming that it's the woman's fault because they are so superficial as to reject you on the assumption you have a small dick is just lashing out at the person you said you loved. Well that's just childish, no wonder they aren't interested.
Ouch my man :(. I should have put "Just Jokes!" at the end or something... jezz. Anyways, to be honest, there isn't really a friend zone, the "Friend Zone" is just made up from 16-25 year olds who know they have absolutely no chance of getting with him or her because, like you said, they haven't really made much of a move.
Samus_aran115 wrote: Wish someone told me all that in high school. Well, I'm sure someone did, but the issue was never asking them out, it was finding single women that I thought were worth dating. There was never any shortage of girls who had boyfriends in other schools, or girls who were generally locked into their niches so far that it would have been socially unsound to date me.
In retrospect, I'm quite happy with being a relatively lonely, shut-in person. Nothing to do about it now. I might as well embrace it.
I completely agree, especially with the bold.
seriously, where i live there just isn't anyone worth going for. They're either taken, have a great personality but are not attractive, or attractive but about as nice as Ghazzy with a hangover.
Chicks only friend zone guys that they think will be bad in bed or are small down stairs.
No, that's not it. That's trying to blame the girl, making her appear shallow or superficial. When friend zoning happens, it's because the man hasn't been assertive enough to make their feelings clear. Girls want someone who really wants them back, not something half hearted or casual, they want to feel like they are your first choice, but if you never make that clear its your own fault.
While agree with this a certain extent I have shown interest in girls I can hold many conversations with them, invite them out to places, pulled moves, etc but they just don't seem that interested. When I put my arm around them I can see a look of discomfort in there face and posture or when I
ask them out they often say they're busy, If I put any more effort showing that I want them I might just come across as obsessive or controlling which is also a huge turnoff.
Samus_aran115 wrote: Wish someone told me all that in high school. Well, I'm sure someone did, but the issue was never asking them out, it was finding single women that I thought were worth dating. There was never any shortage of girls who had boyfriends in other schools, or girls who were generally locked into their niches so far that it would have been socially unsound to date me.
In retrospect, I'm quite happy with being a relatively lonely, shut-in person. Nothing to do about it now. I might as well embrace it.
I completely agree, especially with the bold.
seriously, where i live there just isn't anyone worth going for. They're either taken, have a great personality but are not attractive, or attractive but about as nice as Ghazzy with a hangover.
Samus_aran115 wrote: Wish someone told me all that in high school. Well, I'm sure someone did, but the issue was never asking them out, it was finding single women that I thought were worth dating. There was never any shortage of girls who had boyfriends in other schools, or girls who were generally locked into their niches so far that it would have been socially unsound to date me.
In retrospect, I'm quite happy with being a relatively lonely, shut-in person. Nothing to do about it now. I might as well embrace it.
I completely agree, especially with the bold.
seriously, where i live there just isn't anyone worth going for. They're either taken, have a great personality but are not attractive, or attractive but about as nice as Ghazzy with a hangover.
Are you sure that you're a great catch?
Damn straight. Can't keep them away
In all seriousness, I'm just not interested in the majority around here, and those that I would be, well, see above.
Samus_aran115 wrote: Wish someone told me all that in high school. Well, I'm sure someone did, but the issue was never asking them out, it was finding single women that I thought were worth dating. There was never any shortage of girls who had boyfriends in other schools, or girls who were generally locked into their niches so far that it would have been socially unsound to date me.
In retrospect, I'm quite happy with being a relatively lonely, shut-in person. Nothing to do about it now. I might as well embrace it.
I completely agree, especially with the bold.
seriously, where i live there just isn't anyone worth going for. They're either taken, have a great personality but are not attractive, or attractive but about as nice as Ghazzy with a hangover.
Are you sure that you're a great catch?
Honestly my only standard is "Is she hot?" I mean if our personalities don't work well, money is too much of a problem, my social ineptitude is too much of a turnoff, etc we'll break up some time anyways.
That's only been my experience with regard to situations in which once party cannot overcome romantic desires that aren't reciprocated. Basically, if no attraction exists or the person who is interested can get over themselves friendship isn't a real problem.
Samus_aran115 wrote: Wish someone told me all that in high school. Well, I'm sure someone did, but the issue was never asking them out, it was finding single women that I thought were worth dating. There was never any shortage of girls who had boyfriends in other schools, or girls who were generally locked into their niches so far that it would have been socially unsound to date me.
In retrospect, I'm quite happy with being a relatively lonely, shut-in person. Nothing to do about it now. I might as well embrace it.
I completely agree, especially with the bold.
seriously, where i live there just isn't anyone worth going for. They're either taken, have a great personality but are not attractive, or attractive but about as nice as Ghazzy with a hangover.
Are you sure that you're a great catch?
Honestly my only standard is "Is she hot?" I mean if our personalities don't work well, money is too much of a problem, my social ineptitude is too much of a turnoff, etc we'll break up some time anyways.
Isn't that instinctive though? Let's be honest, none of us would date someone we didn't find attractive.
Vulcan wrote: On the subject of relationships, especially teen relationships...
(MAJOR SNIPPAGE TO AVOID MASSIVE REDUNDANT POST
I just wish someone had told ME this back when I was in high school...
Its not that I actively tried to skip those moments, its that, When your the guy girls come up too and joke to your about their friend wanting to date you while the friend is pushing and yelling at them about it. Its kinda hard to not think no one wants to be with you.
Been there, done that. I was the scrawny geek in high school too.
I found out a couple years later a friend of mine had had a desparate crush on me the whole time... and was too terrified to ask me out. Little did she realize I felt the same... and was just as terrified. Once we both figured it out, we had a really fun relationship through our college years. Eventually we parted - she had found a job well out of state, and I really didn't have any good prospects of my own, and while we both had had fun, we both had realized it wasn't really meant to last.
But have you considered flipping the situation on it's head? Look at the friend being pushed at you and say "Let's do one date just to make her happy, then I can tell her that you just weren't my type." If she goes though with the date she'll go all-out to prove she IS your type in spite of herself - girls are really competative that way. And who knows, maybe once she gives it that much effort, she might just discover that you are HER type after all.
Besides, even just getting shot down teaches you how to handle rejection - trust me, in ten years you'll be dealing with rejection from far more important sources (say, prospective employers) than a schoolgirl. Being able to handle rejection gracefully is worthwhile on its own. Besides, One 'yes' goes a long way toward making ten thousand 'no's easier to bear.
I completely agree, especially with the bold.
seriously, where i live there just isn't anyone worth going for. They're either taken, have a great personality but are not attractive, or attractive but about as nice as Ghazzy with a hangover.
Then you're a fool. You've completely discounted the very ones you SHOULD be asking out - the ones with great personality. Even a bombshell will eventually droop and wrinkle with age. But a great personality only shines brighter as the years pass.
Vulcan wrote:Then you're a fool. You've completely discounted the very ones you SHOULD be asking out - the ones with great personality. Even a bombshell will eventually droop and wrinkle with age. But a great personality only shines brighter as the years pass.
Trust me on this one.
I wouldn't trust him; it's bad advice.
And I'm not gonna give you advice, because it'll also be bad advice. I'll only say this:
If you're not attracted to someone, then you're not attracted to someone. That's it.
How would my life choices would have any possible impact to your life?
Because we live in a society.
Still don't follow...
Are you (or Dogma) advocating limits to # of childrens?
I'm not advocating anything. I'm merely pointing out that we live in a society and child-rearing effects society just as society effects child-rearing.
How would my life choices would have any possible impact to your life?
Because we live in a society.
Still don't follow...
Are you (or Dogma) advocating limits to # of childrens?
I'm not advocating anything. I'm merely pointing out that we live in a society and child-rearing effects society just as society effects child-rearing.
Are you (or Dogma) advocating limits to # of childrens?
No, I'm simply claiming that what you choose to do in your life impacts mine. While its true that you have a personal life, what we write off as "personal" is basically a matter of social consensus
From my experience, girls with a great personality wind up being a lot more fun to spend time with than hot girls... who know they're hot.
In my experience most people don't consider what its like to be a particularly attractive person (women especially). Having people come on to you constantly is probably very annoying and often means your appearance is overemphasized relative to the rest of your persona.
Vulcan wrote:Then you're a fool. You've completely discounted the very ones you SHOULD be asking out - the ones with great personality. Even a bombshell will eventually droop and wrinkle with age. But a great personality only shines brighter as the years pass.
Trust me on this one.
I wouldn't trust him; it's bad advice.
And I'm not gonna give you advice, because it'll also be bad advice. I'll only say this:
If you're not attracted to someone, then you're not attracted to someone. That's it.
Vulcan wrote:Then you're a fool. You've completely discounted the very ones you SHOULD be asking out - the ones with great personality. Even a bombshell will eventually droop and wrinkle with age. But a great personality only shines brighter as the years pass.
Trust me on this one.
I wouldn't trust him; it's bad advice.
And I'm not gonna give you advice, because it'll also be bad advice. I'll only say this:
If you're not attracted to someone, then you're not attracted to someone. That's it.
Alone also means alone.
So you would argue that it's better to be with someone you're not attracted to, than to be with no one at all?
So you would argue that it's better to be with someone you're not attracted to, than to be with no one at all?
I suspect he's saying that whether or not you're attracted to someone immediately has less bearing on whether or not you'll be attracted to someone later on than people might think.
I read this entire thread. This is the tenth of so thread hotsauceman has made about how horrifically depressed and terrible he feels about some aspect of his life. I do not care that you're gay. I really do not care that you are obsessed with My Little Pony. I do not care that you don't like your body, you don't want to have kids, you think there is something wrong with you, that you have "stress and anger", that you can't handle actual life.
This is a Wargaming forum, this is not your place to whine and cry to internet strangers. I would laugh at you if I ever actually met you in person. The same with Stelek. I could not take the kid seriously when I actually met him. Did I feel sad for him? Yes. I genuinely wished he would fix his own life. Will he? No.
Will you? No.
Please stop yourself from making threads such as these again.
Auxellion wrote: I read this entire thread. This is the tenth of so thread hotsauceman has made about how horrifically depressed and terrible he feels about some aspect of his life. I do not care that you're gay. I really do not care that you are obsessed with My Little Pony. I do not care that you don't like your body, you don't want to have kids, you think there is something wrong with you, that you have "stress and anger", that you can't handle actual life.
Ok, Im not gay, secondly i have never made a thread about feeling persecuted about liking MLP because i dont, I have never made a thread about half the stuff you said.
Also, NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are a few posters who say things i dont like, But i dont insult them for it.
Auxellion wrote: I read this entire thread. This is the tenth of so thread hotsauceman has made about how horrifically depressed and terrible he feels about some aspect of his life. I do not care that you're gay. I really do not care that you are obsessed with My Little Pony. I do not care that you don't like your body, you don't want to have kids, you think there is something wrong with you, that you have "stress and anger", that you can't handle actual life.
Ok, Im not gay, secondly i have never made a thread about feeling persecuted about liking MLP because i dont, I have never made a thread about half the stuff you said.
Also, NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are a few posters who say things i dont like, But i dont insult them for it.
I already quoted/referenced all the posts that say that; I apologize about the gay comment. I swore you said that in another thread when you ranted about "Gender studies" - My roommate is gay, I do not mind people who are into that whatsoever! I've actually been to a "Gay Parade" before, enjoyed the experience and met a few cool people!
No one is forcing me to read this, that is correct. Hopefully we meet one day. I would enjoy the conversation immensely.
Cheesecat wrote: When I ask them out they often say they're busy, If I put any more effort showing that I want them I might just come across as obsessive or controlling which is also a huge turnoff.
You're not begging hard enough. You're the male pheasant, and they're the ones choosing the most flashiest male. Beg/flash harder. And hahaha, to the future replies joking about my post.
Come to think of it, Hotsauceman has been posting threads like this for a while now, and I haven't been on in like four or five months. I've probably missed a lot of them. Damn.
I don't see why you're so upset about him making threads like this. It's the OT for a reason, hehe. It's probably more interesting than half of the "thought this was edgy and notable enough to share" news threads.
Well, there was a bit of a crackdown on emo blog threads. This was a bit of a stealth-meta emo blog thread, but while I'm not sure I'd go quite as far as Auxellion has, I don't think he's completely off base either.
One of those "I don't disagree, but you could have been a bit less aggressive about it" sort of deals.
Im just generally curious about why people think not wanting kids is weird. This isnt me being emo.
And i guess i never realised i made threads like this alot.
Desperation is not a good guide for making decisions.
It tends to make more interesting stories than when someone rationalizes their lack of a social life.
DING DING DING! Winner winner chicken dinner!
I guess someone could be in a low population area with literally no dateable females. But in my experience, claims like that are often excuses for a lack of a social life.
As I said before, if you *think* this is your situation, maybe you should lower your apparently lofty standards and give some of those girls a chance. You don't have to marry them. You don't have to sleep with them. You don't even have to go on a second date with them. Just date a little. Go get some dinner and a movie with a girl or two. Because making up excuses for why you're alone every Saturday night can't be fun after a while.
The more you date, the better you'll get at dating. The better you get at dating, the more confident you'll be around girls. And the more confident you are, the more girls you'll get.
Cheesecat wrote: When I ask them out they often say they're busy, If I put any more effort showing that I want them I might just come across as obsessive or controlling which is also a huge turnoff.
You're not begging hard enough. You're the male pheasant, and they're the ones choosing the most flashiest male. Beg/flash harder. And hahaha, to the future replies joking about my post.
I agree with this post completely. Take steps to accentuate your plumage to be more visually pleasing and noticeable. Bright colors, more defined musculature and regular grooming are all pleasing to the eye of the female. Other males acquire devices known as "sports cars" or "motorcycles" to help attract a suitable partner. Other lesser males acquire what's known as a "steady paycheck" ,which has similar affects, large wads of their currency apparently able to make up for a lack of plumage for many males. These were some of my final notes before I had to end my expedition and leave this curious tribe behind. I shall miss them those... humans in the mist.
Being cold is always cool. Be that kid who walks around and blankly stares at everything with a pensive, slightly annoyed gaze and gives short, terse answers to all questions. Only laugh after long,expected pauses. Be unexpectantly romantic when the occasion arises. Be respectful to everyone, especially adults. Most importantly, have a really cute, genuine smile to give when it's appropriate.
You are now me. Ha, only kidding. I just described a generic archtype of anime characters
read this entire thread. This is the tenth of so thread hotsauceman has made about how horrifically depressed and terrible he feels about some aspect of his life. I do not care that you're gay. I really do not care that you are obsessed with My Little Pony. I do not care that you don't like your body, you don't want to have kids, you think there is something wrong with you, that you have "stress and anger", that you can't handle actual life.
Thats a good chuckle. Come to me Hotsauce. Come over here and tell your Uncle Sargie Wilkie your bad bad issues. I have your welfare in my heart. Tell me young one so I can be of use and for I shall set you on the correct course. First off though...you are not a Dark Eldar so go and dress normaly.
If people care to further the original topic, maybe we'll keep this open. If inot, we can shut it down. Fair warning, though: If folks deliberately spam to get it locked, they can have suspensions at the same time.
I don't want kids because I would not be a good parent. It is too hard to parent these days, kids learn to be very selfish at an early age, you can not spank them for doing something wrong.
I would only spank my child hypothetically if I decide to have one if they done something so bad they deserve it. Otherwise, I will take things off them for a set time period.
I would promote intellectual activities over other activites though. Still, I would be a bad parent.
Also, Arthritis, Bowel Cancer, Heart Disease, Asthma, Aspergers' Syndrome, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizophrenia is genetic. Most of my dad's side of my family has Arthritis and my 2nd cousin died of Bowel Cancer. My Mum's side has Shizophrenia running down it also. It would be quite foolish for me to reproduce. I don't want to pass on these dangerous genes.
rockerbikie wrote: Also, Arthritis, Bowel Cancer, Heart Disease, Asthma, Aspergers' Syndrome, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizophrenia is genetic. Most of my dad's side of my family has Arthritis and my 2nd cousin died of Bowel Cancer. My Mum's side has Shizophrenia running down it also. It would be quite foolish for me to reproduce. I don't want to pass on these dangerous genes.
Me and my GF just like dogs better I guess 
By the same logic I was also an egg once - I suppose I'm obliged to like omelettes as well!
that was my 'childhood.'
