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 Testify wrote:
Wanting to have kids at 20 is weird. Not wanting to is sane.

Correction: Wanting to a have a 5 year old Japanese kid is weird. Not having a position on the issue is sane.

I'm 33, married and neither my wife nor I currently want to have children.

We don't get that "BUT when are you having babies?" from most people but they few that do are simply fanatical about it. They are the kind who's only goal in life was to get married and have a child and not wanting to have children is a totally alien concept to them. They don't get it, they don't care to get it and so they never will get it.

Having a child is between you and yours and you do it when you are ready. It's not about shutting up the parents and finally having a child because they want you too!

While others on here have said they enjoy being a parent their is this unspoken social etiquette that many parents are trapped in:

There are many parents who wish they had their life back or feel they were better off and happier without children. But they will never tell you that. It would ostracise them from their breeder families and be especially socially crippling the more religious they or their families and friends are.

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:

I heartily encourage people to learn from my feth up there. Shockingly a 24 year old marrying an 18 year old Marine PFC probably isn't the stablest individual.

At least she waited until you were 18, but based on the word "marriage" she probably didn't wait in the relevant sense.

Lots of people choose not to have children, for a variety of reasons. I'm 32, in a long term relationship, and have no real desire to add a child to my already busy life. My girlfriend feels roughly the same way, and has the additional burden of a wicked family medical history. She knows that she's rolling the dice with any child, and doesn't want to risk it.

That said, I'm very career oriented. I know I'll likely be moving to advance in my agency, and while I can take time pretty freely in my current position, that's less true for the jobs I'm interested in.

So, for me it's a lifesyle thing, in that I don't want that responsibilyt or lmitation, and my life is currently pretty rewarding in a lot of other areas. Add to that no pressure from my girlfriend or family to have kids, and I don't see myself having children anytime soon.

 Swordbreaker wrote:
There are many parents who wish they had their life back or feel they were better off and happier without children. But they will never tell you that. It would ostracise them from their breeder families and be especially socially crippling the more religious they or their families and friends are.

Kinda odd that you started off the way you did, but then stated that "many parents" are leading lives filled with regret and quiet desperation. You'd react negatively if I said that many nonparents have chosen that lifestyle because of pure selfishness and self-absorption, right?

The real answer here (at least for my wife and I) is that parenting involves sacrifice, and yet is still wonderful and rewarding. It's not for everyone. But at the same time it's not something that you can understand until you do it.

Oh I love this line of argument, that not wanting children is selfish. Last time I checked we are living in a world that is over populated with millions of people starving daily and an environment that is already struggling to survive with our pollution. Yet somehow me choosing not to put more burden on the world is selfish?

I think the real issue of not wanting to have children being looked down on is a lot of society is still holding onto outdated ideals in particular the nuclear family. It being the mans role to get a job to provide & protect for a family while it's the womans role to stay at home, spit out kids and look after the family.

gorgon wrote: You'd react negatively if I said that many nonparents have chosen that lifestyle because of pure selfishness and self-absorption, right?

I can't speak for us all, but those are my reasons. I'd rather have a fun career and have leisure time than raise children. I'm comfortable with being selfish.

Madcat87 wrote:Oh I love this line of argument, that not wanting children is selfish. Last time I checked we are living in a world that is over populated with millions of people starving daily and an environment that is already struggling to survive with our pollution. Yet somehow me choosing not to put more burden on the world is selfish?

Well, if you actually wanted children, but chose not to have them for those reasons, than that is a sacrifice.

Call me jaded, but there aren't a lot of people that think that holistically to use overpopulation as the determining factor in their most important decision. If this is a person that spent the time and resources they would spend on a child on good works, I'd believe it more.

Don't get me wrong: having or not having children is not inherently selfish or selfless. Lots of people have kids for selfish reasons, and lots don't for selfish reasons. Lots of people have kids out of obligation, duty, or guilt. Lots of people don't' have kids out of fear.

Like many acts, it's not the act that is morally judged. Rather, it is the reason for the act.

I'm 24, I've been in several relationships over the course of my life, some long, some very short.

I've thought about having kids with some of the aforementioned girls I've even talked about it, but the conclusion is always: Not for a long time yet.

When I'm 30 or older, settled down and in a steady paying job with a house and the right person, then yeah kids will be on the cards, but at my age or your age I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting kids yet or ever. Some people just don't want them and there is nothing wrong with that.

At the end of the day its your life and the decisions you make or the way you feel about topics like this are down to you and eventually you'll know if there is a right time and when that is. It'll just take a while.

Also as a side note, society has moved on leaps and bounds in the last few decades, when my parents were young they were married with kids by their early 20's, but these days some people wait until later or some have them even earlier, hell one of my mates parents are in their late 60's, meaning he was born when they were in their mid-late 40's. Thanks to advances in medical science, changes in culture and economy, these kind of options are always open and its changed the way that most people look at having kids and has created some significant differences between us and older generations.

Here's an idea... get a Vasectomy and don't tell anyone.

I'm serious.

That way, you don't have to have to put up with those nagging parents. (I'm TRYING!)

Then, when ready for them, get it reversed (something like 86% reversal rates).

 Albatross wrote:

 Testify wrote:
Wanting to have kids at 20 is weird. Not wanting to is sane.

Correction: Wanting to a have a 5 year old Japanese kid is weird. Not having a position on the issue is sane.

Meh, children are bastards.

I feel the same way as far as not wanting kids when I get older. I just don't see the reason to want one. I would consider adopting a child, but not having one of my own. Then again, I'm not even legal driving age yet, so YMMV.

27 years old, long-term relationship, and I still don't want kids. And my girlfriend wants them even less than I do. Maybe that will change someday, but it's certainly not anything either of us have any interest in for the foreseeable future. And hey, that means more money to spend on 40k/airplanes/etc!

And no, it isn't weird. It's only "weird" because of our obsession with making everyone follow the standard idea of dating -> marriage with one man and one woman -> 2.5 kids and a dog, even when it isn't appropriate for them. In a world where everyone knew how to mind their own business the choice to have kids or not would be a personal decision, and there would be many good reasons for choosing not to.

Oh its not the parents, Its the Aunts and cousins who are saying this, I have told my mom this and she is fine. She has my cousin's kids to make up for the lack of grankids.

20+ yrs old married with kids eventually going to go down the tubes. That nagging feeling in the back of the head going to get him in trouble. What would it be like to be single at this age.....

 Jihadin wrote:
I don't think you can adopt a japanese child. If so then the agency that runs their adoption on their end is really going to research on you.

I don't think they would have anything to find. Unless of course they read into my 6000 message post count a bit...

And as usual, Albatross' mockery of me goes right over my head. I have a feeling you wouldn't even bother posting if my name wasn't attached to the post.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:

 dogma wrote:

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:

Now I'm a 22 year old divorced guy who's slightly bitter.

There is a great story in the bold.

I heartily encourage people to learn from my feth up there. Shockingly a 24 year old marrying an 18 year old Marine PFC probably isn't the stablest individual.

Typical Jarhead I think it's fair to assume that every Marine has one marriage he can sweep under the rug and never mention again.

Meh. I'm probably gonna be forever alone until college at least. (yeah, I have people asking me why I don't have a girlfriend in high school all the time)

I'm in the friendzone with freaking EVERY girl in my school, but none of them ever really seem to like me much beyond that. Maybe I study too much? lol

Meh. Screw it until college I say. As for not having kids, I have absoluetly no clue how I will feel later, but I know that right now, other than death, having a kid is one of the worst things I can imagine happening to me.

I say you haven't really ever been married till you have at least one...or two divorce throughout yor life

 Jihadin wrote:
I say you haven't really ever been married till you have at least one...or two divorce throughout yor life

Heh... thats so true...

 Testify wrote:
Wanting to have kids at 20 is weird. Not wanting to is sane.

Honestly, never have kids. All they do is steal ALL your money, gak everywhere, and ruin your social life.

I dont really agree with this, maybe to a point. Go a long time without kids yes, until your ready if that ever happens. If not, no big deal. But they certainly dont ruin your social life. If having a kid makes your friends stay away, then they are jerk offs anyways. It does happen though, I lost a few friends when we started having children. But the rest stuck around because they were real friends.







But the little gaks are expensive though. Good grief, you think 40k costs a lot of cash?

 Madcat87 wrote:
Oh I love this line of argument, that not wanting children is selfish. Last time I checked we are living in a world that is over populated with millions of people starving daily and an environment that is already struggling to survive with our pollution. Yet somehow me choosing not to put more burden on the world is selfish.

Is that what I said in my post, or was I pointing out that one shouldn't be making weird and ignorant generalizations about people on either side?

 KingCracker wrote:

 Testify wrote:
Wanting to have kids at 20 is weird. Not wanting to is sane.

Honestly, never have kids. All they do is steal ALL your money, gak everywhere, and ruin your social life.

I dont really agree with this, maybe to a point. Go a long time without kids yes, until your ready if that ever happens. If not, no big deal. But they certainly dont ruin your social life. If having a kid makes your friends stay away, then they are jerk offs anyways. It does happen though, I lost a few friends when we started having children. But the rest stuck around because they were real friends.







But the little gaks are expensive though. Good grief, you think 40k costs a lot of cash?

Right on!

And no gak on how expensive those buggers are...

That'd be my only real 'advice' when wanting kids... that is be financially stable.

Every kid you have make sure you have a shark tattooed on your ankle...you know...they're ankle biters....

 Jihadin wrote:
Every kid you have make sure you have a shark tattooed on your ankle...you know...they're ankle biters....

I take it you're not a comedian.

Want to know how to tell a Insurgeant is out of shape?

 Jihadin wrote:
Want to know how to tell a Insurgeant is out of shape?

Something about his entrails on the sidewalk..... right?

The sucking chest wound in his back.

edit
For spelling

 Jihadin wrote:
The sucking chest wound in his back.

edit
For spelling

Ha, good one. I got bits of relish and hot dog on the screen

Ah this BS. Thought I was alone. Another reason why I am a black sheep in my family.


My stance on having kids is the same now as it was when I was a teenager. Don't want them. Cost to much, keep you awake, a lot grief and anxiety and worry (sick, injuries, getting in trouble, etc.), takes a lot of time, don't want that in my life.

Call me greedy or whatever you want to just don't want that responsibility.

Been told "you will change your mind", "if you don't want kids you are being greedy", "Having kids is what people do", "Kids will bring fulfillment to your life", and the list of BS of reasons why I should have kids goes on. Reasons why they wanted to have kids or how they feel, not me.

Kids are not for me, not ever everyone wants kids, get over it. I don't see it as greedy. I see people with kids who are crappy and parenting as greedt.

Better throw this out before someone thinks I'm racist or advocating killing muslims. I am all for killing/wounding AQ, Taliban and the insurgents. Just those three groups right there atm.

Can't wait to sire some little demons. However, one of my big mindsets in life is to set out to do better than your parents at every turn. My dads still a crack shot with a revolver while I suck, and my mom can put my cooking skills to shame. Even then, once I've beaten them, I've many more skills to acquire and become proficient in. I could be lazy and have a kid now, but what kind of parent would I be if I didn't give my kid a set of high scores to beat? A lousy one by my reckoning.