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I dont get the idea that i will feel differently when i have them....Also who says i cant have a fulfilling life with a career has a professor?

I'm 33. Until about 3 years ago I didn't want kids, but figured I would want them at some point later in life. What surprised me was how quickly it changed, over the course of maybe a week I went from not even thinking about the issue to it being what I was going to do with the next five odd years of my life.


That said, people are free to want whatever they want out of life. I've got cousins who got all got married and popped out kids before they were 25, and they couldn't be happier. I've got a mate who's a year younger than me who just got a vasectomy because he just wants to screw around and travel the world the rest of his life, and I reckon he knows himself pretty well.

To each their own, find your own happiness.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I dont get the idea that i will feel differently when i have them....

That's the point... you really don't know how you feel until you start having kids... I didn't. It's an... um... interesting transfomation suddenly becoming a "Dad". Like... whoa, I'm responsible for another life... then you watch them do stuff that tweaks your heart.

Also who says i cant have a fulfilling life with a career has a professor?

You certainly can. Have at it.

At 30 one (male) comes to notice that he better have a son to carry on the family name.

What if i have a girl?

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I dont get the idea that i will feel differently when i have them....

It's simple: once you have them, it's too late to change your mind, so you'll convince yourself that it was a good decision.

Keep practicing till you have a boy. Remember. With daughters they are going to have you wrapped around their cute little fingers....and your going to sweat bullets when she hits boy friend phase. The thoughts of you (dad) at that age going to surface big time

 sebster wrote:
I'm 33.

Dear Christ, really?

 dogma wrote:

 sebster wrote:
I'm 33.

Dear Christ, really?

I've outlived that guy, it's true.

 dogma wrote:

 sebster wrote:
I'm 33.

Dear Christ, really?

Why? What's wrong with that?

Me and my wife really don't want kids right now.

Kids would put a dent in our disposable income, and we are far to much "Me" people at the moment. A kid would probably be the worst thing to happen to us.

Not a really big fan of having kids young, I feel it impacts your career, and life too much then. Maybe later.

I'm 39, dont have kids & never wanted any either. I just can't find anything about them I like, I find them annoying, don't like being around them, and simply don't see the appeal.

I also get the 'weird' reaction from people, but so what?. I'll be damned if I'm going to even think about getting stuck with kids just because it's considered 'normal', or just to please family. What would be the point in being a parent if I don't like kids? What sort of upbringing would that be for a child?

I wonder what prompts the intolerant reaction from people - is it jealousy of the unburdened, or some kind of animal instinct geared to attack those who don't propagate the species?
Anyone who has aired their lack of desire to reproduce will likely have been subject to the lazy rhetoric of "but you were one". Oh well that changes everything; my logical and well founded reasons for neglecting to sow my oats are suddenly rendered meaningless. By the same logic I was also an egg once - I suppose I'm obliged to like omelettes as well!

I'm a dad of an amzing daughter, and I'm still married even!

Honestly, the difference between beign a dad and not being a dad can not be overstated. When you have that child, the life you knew before that moment is literally that of another persons. Once you cross that bridge, you can never go back. It is not a decision to be taken lightly.

I will be the first to tell you, that being a Dad is a lot of hard work, money, strain, weariness, and difficulty for not a lot of pay-off. If you think you ar enot ready, for the love of god, don't do it!

Edit: Ther eis nothing wierd about not wanting kids. I think not wanting kids is a smart play in a modern society.

My wife and I don't want kids. We've discussed it a few times, but realistically, I think having kids these days isn't necessary. There are already seven billion people on the planet. The human race isn't going to die off if a few of us don't spawn, and I believe the planet would be better off if a lot more of us didn't.

It's not like we're living in an agrarian society and need the extra hands to work the fields.

 RossDas wrote:
I wonder what prompts the intolerant reaction from people - is it jealousy of the unburdened, or some kind of animal instinct geared to attack those who don't propagate the species?
Anyone who has aired their lack of desire to reproduce will likely have been subject to the lazy rhetoric of "but you were one". Oh well that changes everything; my logical and well founded reasons for neglecting to sow my oats are suddenly rendered meaningless. By the same logic I was also an egg once - I suppose I'm obliged to like omelettes as well!

Maybe it's that most parents find children to be a source of happiness...that while they come with stresses and sacrifices, the overall experience is still firmly in "plus" territory. So when they see a friend or family member say they want something different, they worry whether that person will end up living a "minus" life.

Of course, that doesn't mean that kids *are* the right choice for everyone. Just saying that the reaction could come more from a caring place -- if possibly misguided -- than one of negativity like you suggest.


Bringing this back around to the OP...I agree with kronk and others that your family members' real question might be about your orientation. Again, that's misguided since plenty of gay folks want to be parents. But asking about kids and your future plans may be their way of feeling you out on the issue without asking you directly.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Crippling Shyness and social awkwardness.

Same boat here. A bit older than you. I advise you not to think too much about the whole kids thing.

See, I do want kids. I've been told that having children was all kinds of wonderful blah blah blah, but naturally when you're young you don't care and the issue is not relevant yet. At some point however, I took some time to think hard about my studies and my future, and then I realised that hell yes, being a father would be a very fulfilling and meaningful endeavour to me. It cemented my short/medium-term project to study toward a good job, because I wanted to be able to provide financial security to my future family (mind you, I don't want to enforce a classic pattern; I'd be happy as a stay-at-home father or in a dual working couple). It seemed like a responsible decision, and it felt good.
I only overlooked one detail : it takes two persons to start a family. Assumed that would take care of itself in due time.
Thank you very much, optimism.

Today, I realise I've made some progress but still have a long way to go toward adressing my lack of social skills. Thinking it might be too late. As a matter of fact, people just don't see me as a suitable mate.
So as of now, I want, but I can't. And to put it mildly, it's kind of messing with my head. I'm trying not to let everything I've done go to waste, but I took a blow.

My two cents : don't put the cart before the horse and think about kids when you have a spouse or partner. Surely your family can accept this reasoning.
Think about starting a family when you're actually able to. Not having made up your mind or not being ready to accept the responsibility is not weird. It's overthinking that does no good.

Sorry if I sound a bit grim. Just hoping someone may learn from my experience.

More generally, what you do with your life is your own business. That's especially true of such a topic, where the decision is irreversible and its consequences everlasting. How many kids are screwed because they parents made them "because it's what people do" ? How many parents are unsatisfied with their life as a result ? I don't have the answers, but no need to add more to the pile. Weigh it carefully, and if it's no, it's no.

I strongly advise everyone in this thread who doesn't want to reproduce to refrain from doing so.

Seems a bit premature to decide something like that before ever having, you know, done the thing that causes pregnancy, but hey, who am I to say?

I'm lucky, perhaps, in that my sister already has children, so there's no push for me to have any.

Dunno if I will, time will tell I suppose. I'm thinking adoption is more likely. Anyway, pushing back having kids until you're financially stable is a smart move IMO.

 Monster Rain wrote:
I strongly advise everyone in this thread who doesn't want to reproduce to refrain from doing so.

Seems a bit premature to decide something like that before ever having, you know, done the thing that causes pregnancy, but hey, who am I to say?

I'm sure you're joking, but, while sex can definitely lead to parenthood, the ability to have sex, or actually having had (!) sex in no way is a prerequisite/guarantee for good parenting.

Or something like that.

 Jihadin wrote:
At 30 one (male) comes to notice that he better have a son to carry on the family name.

I am the fourth of my family name. Exact same first, middle and last. I am over 30.

Kids are still filthy little germ bags that can stay right the feth away from me.

The wife and I won't be having any. We don't want them.

We'd both rather have some spending money and dogs.

 dogma wrote:

 sebster wrote:
I'm 33.

Dear Christ, really?

Think that's bad? I'm 30.

Dogma, you're a puppy.

I'm 36 years old. Was into the idea of having kids around my mid-20s. Went progressively off the idea as time past.

 Alpharius wrote:

 Monster Rain wrote:
I strongly advise everyone in this thread who doesn't want to reproduce to refrain from doing so.

Seems a bit premature to decide something like that before ever having, you know, done the thing that causes pregnancy, but hey, who am I to say?

I'm sure you're joking, but, while sex can definitely lead to parenthood, the ability to have sex, or actually having had (!) sex in no way is a prerequisite/guarantee for good parenting.

Or something like that.

If anything, our desire to keep having sex is part of the reason my gf and I dont' want kids!

Having been the kid concieved not because my parents wanted to be parents but because the grandparents would. not. let. up. about. it. I am firmly aware of how much it sucks to be an unwanted child. Frankly, given the choice I'd have just as soon never been born and avoided the whole steaping pile of that was my 'childhood.'

Perhaps predictably I have a very cynical view of parenthood because of this.

(And I'm sure you can guess my opinon on abortion to boot...)

I'm probably not gonna have kids. There are just too many people on this dang planet as it IS without my adding my spawn to the population. I'll probably just adopt.

But as this comes from a guy who has purposely made the effort to NOT get involved in a relationship until mid-college/vo-tech/whatever I end up doing for job training or higher ed., YMMV.

_Tim?

 Alpharius wrote:

 Monster Rain wrote:
I strongly advise everyone in this thread who doesn't want to reproduce to refrain from doing so.

Seems a bit premature to decide something like that before ever having, you know, done the thing that causes pregnancy, but hey, who am I to say?

I'm sure you're joking, but, while sex can definitely lead to parenthood, the ability to have sex, or actually having had (!) sex in no way is a prerequisite/guarantee for good parenting.

Or something like that.

I was making more of a point about an apparent lack of life experience.

Lack of sex or lack of experience in sex?