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It's none of my fething business how you live your life. That's what you want to hear, right?
Preferably, yes.
/thread
It really isn't anyone's fething business.
With a few exceptions (but then again there seems to be exceptions for everything), like if you catch your neighbour molesting children you might want to call the cops or something.
It's none of my fething business how you live your life. That's what you want to hear, right?
Preferably, yes.
/thread
It really isn't anyone's fething business.
With a few exceptions (but then again there seems to be exceptions for everything), like if you catch your neighbour molesting children you might want to call the cops or something.
Redbeard wrote: See, I think society forces people to say that they enjoy their kids, because it's unacceptable to say that you wish you never had them. In the meantime, you hear parents complaining that they can't go out anymore, never have sex anymore, are kept awake, are broke, and how their kid crashed their car. It doesn't sound quite so happy...
My kids aren't of driving age, but up to that point I don't think this accurately describes my experience at all.
Ditto. The mystery of parenthood is that despite a lot of things like Redbeard mentioned, the experience is still in plus territory. And I think that feeds the whole bit about not understanding parenthood until you've done it.
Howard A Treesong wrote: On another aspect of relationships, people who claim to be constantly 'friendzoned', the claim that you're so good with women that you can become great friends with them but you just can't make a romantic move. This gets to the point where they feel you're more like a brother than a partner which dooms a relationship. I call BS on this, genuine friendzoning rarely happens because either the girl is aware and simply doesn't and will never reciprocate, or more likely, you just aren't that close friends with them. I've never seen someone 'friendzoned' properly, fact is the girl isn't keen on them and claim of friend zoning is just a face saving exercise.
I tend to agree that usually the girl(s) just isn't interested. Often they're simply out of your league. A lowering of standards may be in order in that case. I will say that sometimes they're keeping you around as a backup guy in case there's a situation with their current BF. No one wants to be backup guy, though. And that's why the best solution to "friendzoning" of all types is to refuse to let it happen. If you're interested in a girl, make your intentions clearer and you'll get a faster, more definitive answer.
Redbeard wrote: See, I think society forces people to say that they enjoy their kids, because it's unacceptable to say that you wish you never had them. In the meantime, you hear parents complaining that they can't go out anymore, never have sex anymore, are kept awake, are broke, and how their kid crashed their car. It doesn't sound quite so happy...
My kids aren't of driving age, but up to that point I don't think this accurately describes my experience at all.
Ditto. The mystery of parenthood is that despite a lot of things like Redbeard mentioned, the experience is still in plus territory. And I think that feeds the whole bit about not understanding parenthood until you've done it.
Howard A Treesong wrote: On another aspect of relationships, people who claim to be constantly 'friendzoned', the claim that you're so good with women that you can become great friends with them but you just can't make a romantic move. This gets to the point where they feel you're more like a brother than a partner which dooms a relationship. I call BS on this, genuine friendzoning rarely happens because either the girl is aware and simply doesn't and will never reciprocate, or more likely, you just aren't that close friends with them. I've never seen someone 'friendzoned' properly, fact is the girl isn't keen on them and claim of friend zoning is just a face saving exercise.
I tend to agree that usually the girl(s) just isn't interested. Often they're simply out of your league. A lowering of standards may be in order in that case. I will say that sometimes they're keeping you around as a backup guy in case there's a situation with their current BF. No one wants to be backup guy, though. And that's why the best solution to "friendzoning" of all types is to refuse to let it happen. If you're interested in a girl, make your intentions clearer and you'll get a faster, more definitive answer.
I think most guys who are "zoned" deep down inside know that the girl isn't interested in them but they stick around because they become delusional and think they still somehow have a chance when they really don't.
Redbeard wrote: See, I think society forces people to say that they enjoy their kids, because it's unacceptable to say that you wish you never had them. In the meantime, you hear parents complaining that they can't go out anymore, never have sex anymore, are kept awake, are broke, and how their kid crashed their car. It doesn't sound quite so happy...
My kids aren't of driving age, but up to that point I don't think this accurately describes my experience at all.
Ditto. The mystery of parenthood is that despite a lot of things like Redbeard mentioned, the experience is still in plus territory. And I think that feeds the whole bit about not understanding parenthood until you've done it.
Howard A Treesong wrote: On another aspect of relationships, people who claim to be constantly 'friendzoned', the claim that you're so good with women that you can become great friends with them but you just can't make a romantic move. This gets to the point where they feel you're more like a brother than a partner which dooms a relationship. I call BS on this, genuine friendzoning rarely happens because either the girl is aware and simply doesn't and will never reciprocate, or more likely, you just aren't that close friends with them. I've never seen someone 'friendzoned' properly, fact is the girl isn't keen on them and claim of friend zoning is just a face saving exercise.
I tend to agree that usually the girl(s) just isn't interested. Often they're simply out of your league. A lowering of standards may be in order in that case. I will say that sometimes they're keeping you around as a backup guy in case there's a situation with their current BF. No one wants to be backup guy, though. And that's why the best solution to "friendzoning" of all types is to refuse to let it happen. If you're interested in a girl, make your intentions clearer and you'll get a faster, more definitive answer.
I think most guys who are "zoned" deep down inside know that the girl isn't interested in them but they stick around because they become delusional and think they still somehow have a chance when they really don't.
Try this if you're "zoned"...
Go all mysterious on her... that is, if you talk/text/email her daily, go cold.
If she tries to contact you, just be cryptic... like "busy...".
Then a month or two later, re-engage but with a strong frame that lets her know that you're interested.
My friend did that (when cold for 4 mo), they're still a couple.
On the subject of relationships, especially teen relationships...
Being in a romantic relationship at some point in your youth is actually pretty important for your social development. This is because, as ineveitable as the sunrise, one will mess up practially everything one sets their hand to the first time you try it... and having a romantic relationship is not an exception to this. This is why teen relationships rarely last through the whole of the teen years, and almost always end when college age comes around (well, that and the little detail that your personality changes more dramatically between 18 and 22 than it will at any other point in your life). You're new at it, and you keep screwing it up.
However, everyone EXPECTS teen romances to be temporary things... except the teens themselves, who (mostly) figure it out after the first couple of failures.
By college age, romantic relationships are rarely any more durable - experience gained as a teen is offset by the new stressors of being (semi-)independant and having a job/classes take up much time and energy takes its toll.
Once you are in your mid-twenties, you are expected to have the experience and ability to have an adult-level (and I'm not just talking about sex, I'm talking about maturity) romantic relationship... and other people that age will EXPECT you to be able to handle yourself in that context.
If you have skipped all previous opportunites to have a relationship at earlier ages... you are now well behind the curve on relationship skills. Those you date may well come away thinking impolite things about your maturity level because you are making mistakes that they last saw in high school. Needless to say, this can result in a lot of hurt feelings on both sides - you because you've been dumped; them because they feel led on and lied to. And to put it in a nutshell, you did lie to them, from a certain point of view - a person in their mid-twenties has these skills unless they've gone out of their way to not acquire them.
As far as getting a date as a scared-to-death-of-the-opposite-sex teen... Here's a couple of hints for you.
1) The other sex is just as terrified as you are. That little self-sabotaging voice in the back of your head? It's in the back of their head too. No matter how poised and cool their are on the outside, their palms can be just as sweaty as yours when the prospect of asking someone out is concerned.
2) If you ask and get turned down, you're no worse off then you are if you never asked. But if you never ask the question, you'll never hear a "Yes!" So go ahead and ask, you LITERALLY have nothing to loose and everything to gain.
Okay, they might get rude, be insulting, or otherwise be a jerk about it, and that seems a fate worse than death now. But unless you are stuck in Small Town USA and never leave, I can promise you that a year after graduation no one will care what happened to you in school. Odds are, the people you will be hanging out with at that point didn't go to your school and don't know about it - and wouldn't care if they did.
3) Yeah, you want the prom queen. So does everyone else, so the competition is going to be fierce. And if you do win her, she knows she's got plenty of other suitors who will give her what she wants if you won't, so you'd better believe she'll teach you what a 'high-maintenance' relationship is. No fun, mostly, and once she has what she wants from you she'll move on to someone else.
On the other hand, that quiet wallflower is just dying for some attention. She may not look like much now but she will blossom most promisingly under your care.
I just wish someone had told ME this back when I was in high school...
Wow, someone has broken the sad and bitter scale. I think there are better ways to say you are one of the "No thanks" types for children. And if you need a study to convince yourself that you dont need kids, then Im glad you dont have them. Im sure you could of been a little more of a jerk about your stance on this whole thing, but you certainly would have to work on it
All things considered, I understand where Redbeard is coming from here. When you take into account the limited resources of this planet and the way things are going, the vast majority of people who procreate, at least in the states and in all fairness, probably don't deserve to. The inverse is often also true. It's like how there's all those panda who won't feth to save their own species, while we have countless mosquitoes throughout the world.
Samus' presumption about having your beloved spawn surrounding your bed is also predicated upon the theory that they'll be able to stand your presence by the time you're that age.
Finally, as Redbeard alluded to, some of us don't intend on wasting away on some deathbed surrounded by people who are just waiting for the inevitable conclusion. The moment I start to go, I intend on taking the matter into my own hands.
Wow, someone has broken the sad and bitter scale. I think there are better ways to say you are one of the "No thanks" types for children. And if you need a study to convince yourself that you dont need kids, then Im glad you dont have them. Im sure you could of been a little more of a jerk about your stance on this whole thing, but you certainly would have to work on it
All things considered, I understand where Redbeard is coming from here. When you take into account the limited resources of this planet and the way things are going, the vast majority of people who procreate, at least in the states and in all fairness, probably don't deserve to. The inverse is often also true. It's like how there's all those panda who won't feth to save their own species, while we have countless mosquitoes throughout the world.
Samus' presumption about having your beloved spawn surrounding your bed is also predicated upon the theory that they'll be able to stand your presence by the time you're that age.
Finally, as Redbeard alluded to, some of us don't intend on wasting away on some deathbed surrounded by people who are just waiting for the inevitable conclusion. The moment I start to go, I intend on taking the matter into my own hands.
I'm going out like those two old guys in the movie "Second Hand Lions"...
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/09/16 02:50:29
The people in the past who convinced themselves to do unspeakable things were no less human than you or I. They made their decisions; the only thing that prevents history from repeating itself is making different ones.
-- Adam Serwer
My blog
The "friend zone", failed attempts to make guys feel better about being rejected since the dawn of time.
The people in the past who convinced themselves to do unspeakable things were no less human than you or I. They made their decisions; the only thing that prevents history from repeating itself is making different ones.
-- Adam Serwer
My blog
Melissia wrote: The "friend zone", failed attempts to make guys feel better about being rejected since the dawn of time.
There's nothing good about being "zoned" Mel, I wish it upon no one it is truly a horrid path to walk it's up there with The Holocaust or getting Polio.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/09/16 03:00:12
The people in the past who convinced themselves to do unspeakable things were no less human than you or I. They made their decisions; the only thing that prevents history from repeating itself is making different ones.
-- Adam Serwer
My blog
The people in the past who convinced themselves to do unspeakable things were no less human than you or I. They made their decisions; the only thing that prevents history from repeating itself is making different ones.
-- Adam Serwer
My blog
Get back to me in 10-20 years. Not wanting kids at 20 isn't that odd. Now being 20 and never having had a relationship is odd, and probably the impetus behind the discussion.
seconded!
Automatically Appended Next Post: Chicks only friend zone guys that they think will be bad in bed or are small down stairs.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/09/16 03:15:32
Banished, from my own homeland. And now you dare enter my realm?... you are not prepared.
dogma wrote:Did she at least have a nice rack?
Love it! Play Chaos Dwarfs, Dwarfs, Brets and British FoW (Canadian Rifle and Armoured)
If your significant other wants kids, that's between the couple.
What if you're likely to lean on me for support of the child? What if you do something for me that the child might interfere with? What if you have terrible genes and your decision to breed will make the world worse for my spawn?
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
If your significant other wants kids, that's between the couple.
What if you're likely to lean on me for support of the child? What if you do something for me that the child might interfere with? What if you have terrible genes and your decision to breed will make the world worse for my spawn?
Um... I know you're trying to debate this, I got two things:
1) If you said this to my face, I'd say "Feth off!"
2) Lemme answer each question:
- What if you're likely to lean on me for support of the child? Why would I be leaning on YOU? Mom... is that you? - What if you do something for me that the child might interfere with? See #1 - What if you have terrible genes and your decision to breed will make the world worse for my spawn? Is this from Gattica? How on earth would you know whether *I* have bad genes and it would've affected your spawn? Nostradomus... is that you?
Among the coolest times in my life were watching my children being born. Watching them grow from some lil' grub into lively intelligent people that talk with me about history, science, and music, and seeing how they influence people around them for good has been absolutly amazing to me.
There are dangers out there, such as serious illness, accidents, and scummy people, for children, and we've encountered them as a family and overcome every one so far.
Having children, for my wife and me, has been a total adventure that has helped us grow in a lot of positive ways.
I say all this as someone who never thought he'd want to be a parent.
Relapse wrote: Among the coolest times in my life were watching my children being born. Watching them grow from some lil' grub into lively intelligent people that talk with me about history, science, and music, and seeing how they influence people around them for good has been absolutly amazing to me.
There are dangers out there, such as serious illness, accidents, and scummy people, for children, and we've encountered them as a family and overcome every one so far.
Having children, for my wife and me, has been a total adventure that has helped us grow in a lot of positive ways.
I say all this as someone who never thought he'd want to be a parent.
That's an apt decription... it's an adventure!
Just the other day, my eldest (8yo) asked me how I ever find stuff without google?
I had to explain to him about Encyclopedias and Libraries...
I'm both selfish and rational. I'm scheming, secretive and manipulative; I use knowledge as a tool for personal gain, and in turn obtaining more knowledge. At best, I am mysterious and stealthy; at worst, I am distrustful and opportunistic.
Vulcan wrote: On the subject of relationships, especially teen relationships...
Being in a romantic relationship at some point in your youth is actually pretty important for your social development. This is because, as ineveitable as the sunrise, one will mess up practially everything one sets their hand to the first time you try it... and having a romantic relationship is not an exception to this. This is why teen relationships rarely last through the whole of the teen years, and almost always end when college age comes around (well, that and the little detail that your personality changes more dramatically between 18 and 22 than it will at any other point in your life). You're new at it, and you keep screwing it up.
However, everyone EXPECTS teen romances to be temporary things... except the teens themselves, who (mostly) figure it out after the first couple of failures.
By college age, romantic relationships are rarely any more durable - experience gained as a teen is offset by the new stressors of being (semi-)independant and having a job/classes take up much time and energy takes its toll.
Once you are in your mid-twenties, you are expected to have the experience and ability to have an adult-level (and I'm not just talking about sex, I'm talking about maturity) romantic relationship... and other people that age will EXPECT you to be able to handle yourself in that context.
If you have skipped all previous opportunites to have a relationship at earlier ages... you are now well behind the curve on relationship skills. Those you date may well come away thinking impolite things about your maturity level because you are making mistakes that they last saw in high school. Needless to say, this can result in a lot of hurt feelings on both sides - you because you've been dumped; them because they feel led on and lied to. And to put it in a nutshell, you did lie to them, from a certain point of view - a person in their mid-twenties has these skills unless they've gone out of their way to not acquire them.
As far as getting a date as a scared-to-death-of-the-opposite-sex teen... Here's a couple of hints for you.
1) The other sex is just as terrified as you are. That little self-sabotaging voice in the back of your head? It's in the back of their head too. No matter how poised and cool their are on the outside, their palms can be just as sweaty as yours when the prospect of asking someone out is concerned.
2) If you ask and get turned down, you're no worse off then you are if you never asked. But if you never ask the question, you'll never hear a "Yes!" So go ahead and ask, you LITERALLY have nothing to loose and everything to gain.
Okay, they might get rude, be insulting, or otherwise be a jerk about it, and that seems a fate worse than death now. But unless you are stuck in Small Town USA and never leave, I can promise you that a year after graduation no one will care what happened to you in school. Odds are, the people you will be hanging out with at that point didn't go to your school and don't know about it - and wouldn't care if they did.
3) Yeah, you want the prom queen. So does everyone else, so the competition is going to be fierce. And if you do win her, she knows she's got plenty of other suitors who will give her what she wants if you won't, so you'd better believe she'll teach you what a 'high-maintenance' relationship is. No fun, mostly, and once she has what she wants from you she'll move on to someone else.
On the other hand, that quiet wallflower is just dying for some attention. She may not look like much now but she will blossom most promisingly under your care.
I just wish someone had told ME this back when I was in high school...
Its not that I actively tried to skip those moments, its that, When your the guy girls come up too and joke to your about their friend wanting to date you while the friend is pushing and yelling at them about it. Its kinda hard to not think no one wants to be with you.
Wish someone told me all that in high school. Well, I'm sure someone did, but the issue was never asking them out, it was finding single women that I thought were worth dating. There was never any shortage of girls who had boyfriends in other schools, or girls who were generally locked into their niches so far that it would have been socially unsound to date me.
In retrospect, I'm quite happy with being a relatively lonely, shut-in person. Nothing to do about it now. I might as well embrace it.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/09/16 06:41:34
Chicks only friend zone guys that they think will be bad in bed or are small down stairs.
No, that's not it. That's trying to blame the girl, making her appear shallow or superficial. When friend zoning happens, it's because the man hasn't been assertive enough to make their feelings clear. Girls want someone who really wants them back, not something half hearted or casual, they want to feel like they are your first choice, but if you never make that clear its your own fault.
That's assuming there is a real 'friend zoning' situation, most of the time it's a delusion. Men and women don't commonly have very close platonic relationships, most times when people claim they are friend zoned they aren't really that close a friend in the first place. Girls are generally not oblivious to the feelings of people around them particularly if you're one of their best mates. Sometimes they simply won't be interested in a guy in a sexual way, and nothing will change that, no more than a girl you're not interested in can turn you around. It's pure hubris to think that by sticking around you can change that because you have a right to a relationship with someone you fancy. People then claiming that it's the woman's fault because they are so superficial as to reject you on the assumption you have a small dick is just lashing out at the person you said you loved. Well that's just childish, no wonder they aren't interested.
Chicks only friend zone guys that they think will be bad in bed or are small down stairs.
No, that's not it. That's trying to blame the girl, making her appear shallow or superficial. When friend zoning happens, it's because the man hasn't been assertive enough to make their feelings clear. Girls want someone who really wants them back, not something half hearted or casual, they want to feel like they are your first choice, but if you never make that clear its your own fault.
That's assuming there is a real 'friend zoning' situation, most of the time it's a delusion. Men and women don't commonly have very close platonic relationships, most times when people claim they are friend zoned they aren't really that close a friend in the first place. Girls are generally not oblivious to the feelings of people around them particularly if you're one of their best mates. Sometimes they simply won't be interested in a guy in a sexual way, and nothing will change that, no more than a girl you're not interested in can turn you around. It's pure hubris to think that by sticking around you can change that because you have a right to a relationship with someone you fancy. People then claiming that it's the woman's fault because they are so superficial as to reject you on the assumption you have a small dick is just lashing out at the person you said you loved. Well that's just childish, no wonder they aren't interested.
Ouch my man :(. I should have put "Just Jokes!" at the end or something... jezz. Anyways, to be honest, there isn't really a friend zone, the "Friend Zone" is just made up from 16-25 year olds who know they have absolutely no chance of getting with him or her because, like you said, they haven't really made much of a move.
Banished, from my own homeland. And now you dare enter my realm?... you are not prepared.
dogma wrote:Did she at least have a nice rack?
Love it! Play Chaos Dwarfs, Dwarfs, Brets and British FoW (Canadian Rifle and Armoured)
5000pts 
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