found what he was looking for, a lovely bar filled with decrepid customers all of whom...

were wearing chickenskin coats and shoes which had..

..an infuriating effect on Duke II. He blasted through the doors and began to...

...chop them with a plurple dinosaur. This made the customers...

..dance with glee at the awesome mans antics. Soon a band started up, and....

everybody was dancing to the Cantina tune ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJf6G5QHcqw ).
But one man was not pleased by this. His name was...

...turnbad the eviol.he hated all...

...Turnbad the eviol.he hated all...

things purply and dinosaury and dancy. He belonged to...

The Legion of Trolls, a.k.a LoT.
And so he drew his sword...

...and bit a chunk off because it was made of...

...purest cookies, forged by elves in a hollow tree. He munched as he raised the mighty weapon, and...

struck the nearest person near him, which was not smart, because this person was...

...,Harry potter (gasp) even this fictional character could not be excluded from this thread. He drew out his wand and with a...

big fart he collapsed from idiocy, the bystanders almost completely..

...bemused with Hp's antics but this was cut short by...

.. a roundhouse blow from Duke's purple dinosaur, which severed almost everyone into two parts. As the bits hit the floor, who should wander in but....

A squat, which caused...

...untold amounts of heresy so it was a good thing that...

...The Inquisition ordered an Exterminatus, which obliterated everyone and...

...angered the chaos gods so they...

Started to make it rain giant hotdogs...

Which devastated the entire sector, destroying homes and cities....

..and caused the cookie sword to crumble.

as he yelled in agony for the cookie sword,he swore he would...

hunt down the acursed cookie-destroying Inquisitor.
And so....

.. the chase was ON.

As the Inquisitorial Squad ran through the forests of pokeland, a native creature attacked them! A ... appeared!

the wild magickarp jumped up and hit them in the face.then the inquisitioners...

..ran home crying with bloody noses.

On the way back they met...

The new ultimate cookie sword of power.the cookie sword said to them....

"do you guys know were the washroom is?"

And they spoketh not, for lo! None could tell the location of a clean washroom, or any facilities in the province for that matter.
And the great cookie sword, Keeblerer, was troubled by this. For indeed, it had a sell by date, and its time was limited.

So Keeblerer starts searching for one when it came across one made of dead...

Cheese pies, inside the bidet a Nurgling screamed..,

"Cant't you fething knock first?!" and quickly flushed itself back home.

Stunned by the wierdness, he decide to...

...take a bite of himself to keep up his strength.

And so, the sword continued on its quest, searching high and low, ever vigilant for .........

annoying wild pokemon.

...when out from the bushes lunged his arch nemesis, the Cookie Monster.

The cookie sword quickly ran up and attacked the cookie monster,but the cookie monster...

threw a 100-Ton Cooke Hammer at Keeblerer.

But in all of his awesome-ness, he...

..parried the hammer and returned with a sweep of his own. On and on they fought, both bloodied but neither gaining the upper hand.

until a time-traveling phone booth came out of no where, and coming out of it was a man in a suit by the name of...

the doctor,he then trapped the cookie monster in....

Some sort of stasis field, Immobilized but alive...

he chewed his way out.

then the cookie sword stabbed the cookie monster and smiled as....

The Doctor pursued some hilarious antics via juggling a bunch of...

Cream cheese muffins.

Time was running out for the Cookie sword, It's sell by date was on the morrow, and it must finish it's quest, lest its powers grow stale...

and no one wish to eat him.
So...

He ran (well hopped) all the way to his....

..it hopped into the doctors phone booth and went back in time, thus extending its freshness exponentially.

The doctor was VERY displeased with this and decided to...

..call in the other doctors to make chase. But where in time to start looking?

They started in 60s..

..in a place called Asbury Park. They met one man who claimed to have seen the cookie sword, but he also swore he saw purple dinosaurs and thought they were watching him so he was quickly discredited. There were plenty of groovy people and odd things to eat but no sign of the sword. Where to next?

they then went to the 70s,but only found the hippie sword,so they went to...

..the 80's, but only found hairstyles that made them wanna barf and yet at the same time to get their haircut like that too.
The next time period they ventured to....

..was half an hour ago, where they were able to lie in wait and grab the cookie sword before it left in the first place.
Thinking quickly, the doctors dunked it in a tub of milk....

...And then went "OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!" on it like a 'nid how hasn't eaten in three days.
And now that the time-traveling cookiesword threat was diminished, they proceeded to...

...go kill the present times cookie sword,but the cookie sword...

....had hauled ass and was long gone outta there.

frustrated by this, the Docs decided to get a old friend to help them. And his name was...

Mookie Conster, the bounty hunter. He searched for the cookiesword but found..

...nothing but its royal guards,the intelectural hobos,who then...

..gave him a bum steer....

displeased by this, he...

....ate them, while screaming COOKIES!, (with his mouth full, which kind of made a gurgling noise while he was yelling). Then, spying a crumb on the ground....

he lurched forward, but then a mysterious hooded man came up (from a distance)...

and shot him,as he started to regenerate,he shot him agian,killing the doctor for good.the man then...

...added a single drop of milk to the crumb on the ground, causing it to expand into its true form; Keeblerer, the sword of the elves.

Keeblerer said...

thank you hooded one,now i must return to my people,the elves who make cookies...god i hate em.he then...

...beheaded a few bystanders and was off to find the hollow tree from whence he came.

then the mysterious hooded man slipped into the shadows, just before...

...the sun vanished behind the mountains on the horizon, plunging the land into the purple shades of twilight.

The mysterious hooded man the went to go do some...

...stealthy stalking, silently shadowing some...

insanely douche-y frat boys who wouldn't stop yelling "PARTY FOUUUUUUUUUUUL!"

And he soon took action along with...

...all of the neighbors who had been woken up by all of the racket...

and initiated a holy crusade against the powers of Frat-boy Chaos, which lasted for...

...the better part of five minutes. As soon as the fratboyz saw the approaching angry mob they disappeared like a fart in a windstorm. Peace was restored.
When the crowd went home and all was quiet, the hooded stranger checked his GPS and headed .....

to Las Vegas to help the guys from The Hangover find their friend Doug.
And so the search for Doug begun.....

..in earnest, but was stalled for many hours due to flight scheduling at O'Hare, as usual.

Not intimidated by this, that weird/awesome guy with the beard decided to...

shoot up everyone within...

half a mile radius. Then, in the nick o' time, came Robocop so he could...

also get shot up.

As the smoke cleared, only one remained standing........

and it was the emperor,sitting on his mighty...

golden toilet, zapping the gak out of...

...anything that moved. He seemed not to notice as the hooded man walked closer.

but then the emperor turned and noticed him and....

gave the hooded man a cookie.
Then...

...a horn sounded in the distance. The ground began to tremble as the sound of thousands of marching...

tau came over the hill,they aimed at...

...the emporer and steadily advanced. Nearly a mile away, the emporer could already hear their....

cries of pain when they realized that it was a trap!
This would obviously take some sort of military master min- CREEEEEEEEEED!

Then, knowing their death hast come, they...

disappeared into who knows what,getting replaced by a bunch of....

....rabid gnoblars, with the mark of khorne.

dumb-foundness struck Creed, but then he deployed...

...A 1000 shot Saturn Battery and frightened them all away.

While Khorne stewed at his minion's failure, he...

..went to the seven eleven to combat the down side of being stoned; "munchies" as mortals call it, and bought...

....all the snacks they had.

he then looked out the window and saw the emporer...

sending a ray of light at..

...a old lady, so he could mug her, because she had a mint condition....

kidney he need to live.khorne then...

..run out of the store with his collection of munchies and went to...

...the tabbloids, hoping to make a buck on the sordid tale.

Which is what he did.
"once a upon a time," said He, "there was...."

..an emporer who was caught red handed....

killing a woman for a kidney.he then...

....disposed of the body by feeding it to.....

a Squiggoth. He then proceeded to....

....act like nothing had happened until he realised...

that khorne had saw.and that was when....

...all the paparazzi showed up flashing pictures relentlessly. Khorne began to ....

chop 'em up REAL good...

so that he could own their...

cute lil' kitty cats. And now that he owned the kitty cats, he proceeded to...

hug them and cuddle them and...

Squeeze out their skulls to add to his throne.

Right then PETA bursted through the door and arrested him because Chaos got no fury like a pissed of PETA person.

And so...

that was the end of khornes story.

Meanwhile...........

Zombie Osama bin Laden and Barack Obama's Krav-Maga match proceeds, with brutal hits and cheap shots.

The ground is slippery around Bin Laden, with all of the seawater leaking about.

so bin laden then slips and...

...hurls a squid at Obama's...

pet octopus, who then...

..squirted ink all over everything with glee...

(glee?)

while the squid did to. they then started to....

Have their own seperate fight while Obama pulled the pin on his grenade of righteousness and hurled it at zombie-Laden.

But Zombie-Laden dodged and...

grabbed obamas octopus and....

Shielded himself from the blast. He threw the remains back at Obama...

who then deflected it with his awesome-ness and proceeded to kick Osama's ass with a....

Large wooden club with a nail in it that had been hidden in his...

Crotch, but then Zombie Osama drew an even larger wooden club out of his turban and...

killed himself with it.this then made obama...

Started reading my thread again....

...unleash his flying monkeys to reap a swath of destruction all over....

the forum known as Dakka Dakka...

...as Mordoskull cringed at the terror his thread had become.

then as the commissar turned evil,all the...

..troops began to plot against him in hushed whispers around the fires at night.

So one day, while the commissar was at his tesk doing commissar-related paper work a...

Knock came to the door.
"Who is it?" asked the commisar.
"UPS" replied a voice outside.
So the Commisar opens the door and finds.......

a dead guardsman and a demon who then says he is here to protect the commissar. the commissar then...

....reeled back in horror and tried to slam the door as he fully realised the error of the path he had been taking.
But too late...

the Horror started screaming quotes from the dreaded show "My little Pony"

()

as the commissar got transformed into a pony,he...

..realized he was now literally a horse's ass, and the rest of him was catching up fast. He sprang for his chainsword but couldn't wield it for his hands were now hooves.
He tried to gallop.....

...away, but to no avail. The daemon now...

...produced a saddle and a whip....

and put the saddle on him and rode him out of the room and into....

...the Inquisition!
On their way back from purification services they had decided to chat with the commisar and were bowled over when he burst through the door.

shocked that he was a pony being rode by a demon they....

...thought it might be a good idea to do some purging.

but then they to turned into ponys and..

...decided to go get some help.

*booming voice* MEAN WHILE ON HOLY TERRA...

...A package arrived at the home of...

mr.snurl,who then screamed like a girl and...

...did the happy dance with glee as he used his crowbar to uncrate his long-awaited new....

super awesome ultra robot garden grower! he then...

ignored the instructions like any idiot in his right mind would, and set of to build it his own way.

This resulted in...

..A CRASSUS ARMORED ASSAULT GARDEN TRACTOR....

which obliterated.....

...the skunk nest under the shed once and for all.
Mad with power, snurl next turned his attention to the neighbors overgrown hedges.......

but his nabour gazhkull was prepared and...

...they said the noise could be heard for miles away.
When the smoke cleared...

gazhkull was eating fried snurl. her then...

...paid a bribe to one of snurls skunks that had tipped her off to the onslaught.....

...and with her diamond encrusted handbag....

she turns to them and says...

have you seen my squig?....

no replies a piece of bacon...

who is then eaten by the skunk. is then makes it....

a squirel with an ak...

Ninja'd XD

wearing a kilt....

speaking fluent swahili...

holding a banjo

playing heavy metal...

and getting the gak beat out of him. this confused all who saw and made them....

burp in excitement

and then wince at the smell of simoultaneous mixed burps

people started becoming zombies.this made all the smart people from dakka dakka....

rush to the scene with shotguns....

and start killing gak.but there were to many who had breathed the zombie gas,and they were forced to....

explode

messily....

but luckily only with diarrhea. as the smart dakka dakka nerds fled,they were....

attacked by hundreds of disgruntled....

babies and only a handful...

of paper planes...

...but that was just enough to slow the brave Dakkanauts, and the zombies....

killed all but 5,who escaped down a...

...nearby hedgehog hole. Down they went, until

ones oversized...

flaming skull got stuck and....

began to sing "Hallelulagh" and.....

when suddenly...

His teeth began...

...to start gnawing at the sides of the hole.......

until he fell down,only to find out all the other dakkanauts left him. this made him swell with.....

bubbles...

and made him cry,putting out his flaming head,which was the only thing keeping him alive.as he died,he...

melted. And simoultaneously exploded, so there were bits of melting flaming exploding bits of skull all over the tunnel...

which almost killed the other dakkanauts. as the remaining 4 looked over some railing,they realized they were....

actually upside down....

and so was gravity. finding an exit they realized all the zombies had flown into space due to the reversed gravity.but seeing as how they cant go outside they....

reversed the gravity back again and watched the zombies....

fall and splat on the ground.now that earth was saved,they realized...

they were thirsty...

...so they decided to look for.....

ROOT BEER

but all they found was blood from dead bodies and vanilla in small bottles,so they...

threw it all away...

..like sensible smart Dakkanauts and walked down to the corner bar to get a pint or three.

snurl was ninja'd

by the last surviving zombie....

(no he wasent,look at the times or just look,it fits..at least to me..)

who promptly collapsed in shock at his own ninjaness....

..which started a whole new race of zombie ninjas..

that were allergic to brains and....

...only drank spinal fluid. They were fast as hell and popping out everywhere..

unfortunatley this "popping out" meant...

they sometimes killed each other and so....

...after awhile angry bees were the only real threat.

because of thier...

...thousands of tiny stingers and hair-trigger bad attitude....

they almost killed a dakkanaut until he.....

burped (Again)....

and killed everyone but klimino,snurl,and....

MARTA

(was expecting more epic :shrug: )

so as they walked into a forest they.....

killed everyone in sight, and burned down the forest (This is WWII, right?)

(can be if we want it to lol

sorry LCK was just to tempted anyhoo)

The forest spirits then got angry....

(huge chunk of the story.i added my part to the end. if this isnt allowed ill take it down )

*booming voice* MEAN WHILE ON HOLY TERRA...

A package arrived at the home of mr.snurl,who then screamed like a girl and did the happy dance with glee as he used his crowbar to uncrate his long-awaited new super awesome ultra robot garden grower! he then ignored the instructions like any idiot in his right mind would, and set of to build it his own way.

This resulted in A CRASSUS ARMORED ASSAULT GARDEN TRACTOR which obliterated the skunk nest under the shed once and for all.
Mad with power, snurl next turned his attention to the neighbors overgrown hedges but his nabour gazhkull was prepared and they said the noise could be heard for miles away.
When the smoke cleared gazhkull was eating fried snurl. her then .paid a bribe to one of snurls skunks that had tipped her off to the onslaught and with her diamond encrusted handbag she turns to them and says have you seen my squig? no replies a piece of bacon who is then eaten by the skunk. is then makes it a squirel with an ak wearing a kilt speaking fluent swahili holding a banjo playing heavy metal and getting the gak beat out of him. this confused all who saw and made them burp in excitement and then wince at the smell of simoultaneous mixed burps people started becoming zombies.this made all the smart people from dakka dakka rush to the scene with shotguns and start killing gak.but there were to many who had breathed the zombie gas,and they were forced to explode

messily but luckily only with diarrhea. as the smart dakka dakka nerds fled,they were attacked by hundreds of disgruntled babies and only a handful of paper planes but that was just enough to slow the brave Dakkanauts, and the zombies killed all but 5,who escaped down a .nearby hedgehog hole. Down they went, until ones oversized flaming skull got stuck and began to sing "Hallelulagh" and when suddenly His teeth began to start gnawing at the sides of the hole until he fell down,only to find out all the other dakkanauts left him. this made him swell with bubbles and made him cry,putting out his flaming head,which was the only thing keeping him alive.as he died,he melted. And simoultaneously exploded, so there were bits of melting flaming exploding bits of skull all over the tunnel which almost killed the other dakkanauts. as the remaining 4 looked over some railing,they realized they were actually upside down and so was gravity. finding an exit they realized all the zombies had flown into space due to the reversed gravity.but seeing as how they cant go outside they reversed the gravity back again and watched the zombies fall and splat on the ground.now that earth was saved,they realized they were thirsty so they decided to look for ROOT BEER but all they found was blood from dead bodies and vanilla in small bottles,so they threw it all away like sensible smart Dakkanauts and walked down to the corner bar to get a pint or three. snurl was ninja'd by the last surviving zombie who promptly collapsed in shock at his own ninjaness which started a whole new race of zombie ninjas that were allergic to brains and only drank spinal fluid. They were fast as hell and popping out everywhere unfortunatley this "popping out" meant they sometimes killed each other and so after awhile angry bees were the only real threat. because of thier thousands of tiny stingers and hair-trigger bad attitude they almost killed a dakkanaut until he burped (Again) and killed everyone but klimino,snurl,and MARTA so as they walked into a forest they killed everyone in sight, and burned down the forest The forest spirits then got angry and burned down some human cities but the trio...

ate cupcakes....

...as they decided what to do next. Someone tried telling a long story but somehow it was a better tale in many small parts.
So then...

he told it again until it was stuck in his companions heads.he then...

fell over backwards laughing at...

...himself in the mirror, when suddenly there was a rukus in the nearby bushes.

grbbing snurl,he threw him into the bush.as snurl went threw,he saw....

"Caaaandy Moouuuntaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain!!!!" as a deranged pony explained. But then, a candy cane man came down, and....

the following scene were censored. snurl came back out...

With mint flavoured shards all over his chest

....and covered in bloody syrup.

as his teammates dragged him to safety,they realized...

...that snurl had just laid waste to the entire cast of Katy Perry's California Gurls video and hadn't even worked up a sweat.

klimino gave him a leg of dragon for that and then....

...after a few frosty cold beers the team mounted their spiders and rode off into the sunset to their next adventures.

ELSE WHERE, IN THE CAPITAL OF GONDOR,
A man by the name of...

Le Great 'n Powerful Kasrkai McFoehammer Robert De Vesci Mcneill Antonio Reiko III

....(known to his friends as Noob), had been summoned to....

kill the dakkanuats and eat their manly man steaks.this was kinda....

...odd because the steward usually only summoned him to fix the privy in the throne room gallery (you had to jiggle the handle). With his elven plunger he had often bested the errant plumbing.

So " Noob " started out on his quest...

but got lost and realized he didnt know what his targets looked like.

And so, he quickly consulted the great wizard Peepeeinyocoke.

Peepeeinyocoke answered...

"give up your quest and become my sex slave!" he then lunged and grabbed the noob.the noob then....

b*tch slapped the old perv with a mighty...

...blow from his elven plunger, Nearly tearing his face clean off.
This brought the old wizard to his senses right quick.

"I am... so sorry..." said Peepeeinyocoke said. Noob quickly forgave him and...

then got pounced on by the wizard and had a night to remember.when he awoke....

he found that he was surrounded by furry little bears with spears, so he...

..Sent them to go attack the errant wizard while he tried to figure out where to look next for the missing Dakkites.
After meditating on it awhile he decided to go to the elves for some help. Across the plains of Rohan he went, Into Nimrodel and beyont to the legendary river...

of coca cola. He crossed the river on a boat...

..made from the bark of the venerable tree of conven-ience. He did not drink of the waters for they caused cavities.
As soon as he landed on the banks on the Elven side of the river, he could hear the legenary song of...

the chicken dance....

...Being played by a full orchestra of elven nymphs. He knew he must be close to...

this town called Nimrodel, and quickly set out...

...to find Galderma, the elven witch queen. She would have the powers to tell him where to find the missing Dakkites. He nearly tripped over a sign that said "this way to see the Elf Queen" and then knew his path to be correct. On the way there...

he munched on a Nutella sandwich.

He then continued on...

...and violently and fatally combusted for no apparent reason.

In other news, the magical land of Australia was besieged by...

Russsians.... Wearing Leotards.....

armed with bunny firing bazookas...

.., their mission? To destroy the narrative and let...

... the ninja hippos assassinate King Mary Ann Turkey.

But this would never happen, because the site was nuked from orbit. It was the only way to be sure.
Cprl. Hicks relaxed after the blast. It would be a long uneventful trip home.

uneventfulness happens....

Until something tapped him on the shoulder...

which turns out to be a marshmellow

Hicks breathed a sigh of relief. All he had to do now was set the autopilot and go into hibernation until he was home.
But where was the cat?

The CAt was being a cat and being awesome

by patrolling the hallways looking for something to chase.

Then, the cat found a peculiar thing, a robotic...

green mouse dressed up as a clown

" I can has mouse-clown" thought the cat.

But secretly he knew that it would...

..never surrender without putting up one hell of a fight.

All of a sudden appeared an evil

Xenomorph, looking for new things to drool all over.