Here we go-

Stalin's fist cracked sharply against Hitler's jaw, sending the Austrian dictator reeling. Drawing his Swastika shaped shuriken, Hitler drew back his arm and prepared to launch his deadly blades. Suddenly...

Mordoskul wrote:Here we go-

Stalin's fist cracked sharply against Hitler's jaw, sending the Austrian dictator reeling. Drawing his Swastika shaped shuriken, Hitler drew back his arm and prepared to launch his deadly blades. Suddenly...

...Mussolini is strangling Stalin with a spaghetti noodle, Hitler not realizing what had gone on hurled the shuriken at his ally instead. Stalin breaking free from Mussolini's grasp now...

When the Care-bears come in! The shuriken easily slices through the neck of peace bear, causing PTSD bear to...

chowderhead13 wrote:When the Care-bears come in! The shuriken easily slices through the neck of peace bear, causing PTSD bear to...

(Uh, chowderhead13 your continuation doesn't make sense grammatically.)

Cheesecat wrote:

chowderhead13 wrote:When the Care-bears come in! The shuriken easily slices through the neck of peace bear, causing PTSD bear to...

(Uh, chowderhead13 your continuation doesn't make sense grammatically.)

(Sorry 'bout that, let me try again...)

... and Stalin getting hit by the shuriken. Hitler becomes so angry, he orders his evil minions to...

Bake him a cake!!!!! Then....

He eats it when suddenly

Lord of battles wrote:He eats it when suddenly

Surrounded by mist and dramatic lighting Winston Churchill limps in, unsheathing his cane he charges towards Hitler with his unconcealed sword he...

Hacks off his arm only for Hitler to...

Call in a space marine drop pod full of terminators; as they rip stalin's body to shreads they.....

Are destroyed by a angry Chuck norris with his third fist only to...

get crushed underfoot by a Emperor class Titan!!!!
but.....

Warlord Gazghkull Thraka wrote:get crushed underfoot by a Emperor class Titan!!!!
but.....

did this really happen in World War II? Only one man has survived to tell the tale his name is...

Cheesecat the....

Tasty Burrito Hugger!
Now

camboyaz wrote:Tasty Burrito Hugger!
Now

as Cheesecat opened his mouth he began to describe the real events that happened on that very day which were...

... So vile that all the children in the world...

Sh@t them selfs at the same time only to ....

be sitting on Cheesecat's lap.

And so...

..the moral of the story is; When...

Is monkeys can never...

eat bananas....

Without self imploding under infinite improbability

and turning into swiss cheese

Which in turn causes a flux in timespace.

Bringing you into a Universe were horses rule over...

...Russian peasents...

...and enjoy partaking in lots of recreational...

Bowling. But they also...

consume industrious amounts of vodka,

and lick chikens ,

with an incredible...

Speed, only to find out...

...that the chickens resent your attentions...

...But are kind of enjoying it anyway...

because they are weird like that. But else were...

The peaseants cry out

...For a revolution...

so they would be able to eat apple pies in peace....

...But it turned out that no one liked apple pies...

...Which was jolly unlucky on the part of...

Bill Bob Yumyum, how was the leader of the revolution, because.........

...there was no one else...

..To stop the tanks now that they were moving..

to bring the HorseWarriors to crash the "Get-Together-And-Make-A-Revolution" party.

ELSE WHERE.....

...In the Hall of Justice, Aquaman makes a sandwitch...

out of seaweed and oysters because he

is gay, but coming in to inspect what Aquaman is doing, is...

...Zombie Spider Man...

who really knows his way around a kitchen himself. Upon his arrival..

They decide to bake a chocolate.....

...Rum cake...

(I love how far this thread has strayed from the original post! Really! No sarcasm!)

but being a zombie, spider man decided that brains

...Were far superior to...

.... Chocolate. Luckily, Aquaman didn't have any, so Zombie Spider-man......

Smashed open Aquaman's head with a chair and

Took his brains and baked it in a rum brain cake. but because aquaman was gay, the cake.......

had a queer smell to it and..

Who ever ate it became a Homosexual zombie.
And because of this.........

the cake was quickly delivered to the White House,

...Where the post immediatly became political...

but the place was already full of mindless zombies so

....it was not important. But the HorseWarriors found away into our dimension and decided that the Russian Peasents can have the other one,for they wanted this one,so......

...some serious dude-wailing occured...

when the horses began to

...Steal all of the ladies in the town because...

...Nobody can resist such stallions when...

a group of crazed horse wranglers caught them all for a rodeo hosted by.....

...Morgan Freeman, who had since been transformed into a Lich...

he attracted all to his rodeo with his narrative calming voice, when out of nowhere...

...Came a Herpelopolis...

...escourted by T-Rexes in F-14s coming to destroy the Rodeo because...

intent on banishing Morgan Freeman to the 99th dimension from whence he came. But...

then, just in the nick of time, the Russian peasants

they leapt from their seats in the rodeo, and chained the beast down to be trampled by the horses and all of their horse might. The T-Rex's soon crashed from.....

their lack of hands of the right size to use the controls in the F-14s

...But luckily they had some spares in their garage and really big gloves...

so they were able to land and

...Lash Morgan Freeman with iron chains...

and transport him by a Pelican to the 99th Demension to be...........

sold as dog treats

And now that Grand Lich Freeman is dogchow,the 99th dimension emideatlyimploded due to eating such a powerful being and,giving our realm all....

...of his spawn...

...regardless of their Geneseed mutations, which had...

...caused them to speak in a warm, calming voice, perfect for narations...

and so forth brought world peace. Making Earth perfect for a invading......

army of angry pumpkins, some half rotten with

...the remaining unholy magicks employed by Stalin...

...Which was nearly all gone...

...Thanks to a plague of narcissistic...

nose picking because they were very insecure about......

what would happen if Chuck Norris showed up.

...And turned out to be a...

giant, chuck norris version of the face-huggers from Aliens.
So that's why....

your mom always says

...the art of covert warfare is...

...Frogs, that used it to build strange pillared cities beneath the sea...

should be aware of

...Commissar Steve, the most MOTIVATIONAL commissar in the Imperium...

due to his passionate,invoking speeches. And the fact he gave everyone free chocolate.
And so....

all of the potatoes can

live happily ever after.

...Until...

Stalin awoke with a shudder. Such a horrible dream! Some of it made no sense! He thought that some fresh air would clear his head, so opening the window, he gasped as he saw...

...Matt Damon...

enslaveing mentaly slowed orphans to make a monument to Himself. So Stalin.....

strapped on his jetpack and

...aided Matt Damon with is foul magicks that warped the very air...

until the skies were filled with a raging torrent of

coolwhip, And thus causing............

...Thor to let out a fart he'd been keeping in for ages...

whose foul stench was legendary indeed.

Which caused Fafnir to...

snurl around the bush a bit.

As the giant effigy of Matt Damon grew ever higher,

...weeping strange ichor from its eyes as it howled in triumph...

..."MATT DAMON!" came the beast's terrible roar...

which shook the very foundations of the

...Kremlin. In which Lenin's mummified corpse lurched out of his tomb and called a plague of locusts o'er the land.

As the swarms approached

...Ronald Reagan, in full battle regalia, charged the Commulich with the Sword of Liberty...

then Jesus decided it was time for a bathroom break...

WarOne wrote:Jesus decided it was time for a bathroom break...

What? Explain, please.

,said the carrot at the beginning of the rainbow.

..MEANWHILE: In their top secret headquarters, miles below the earth's crust...

The Legion Of Overpriced Poop Yellers (L.O.O.P.Y.),devise a evil plan to.....

finally get laid by

...Cathy Bates, but...

there were complications because she

was already dead,due to....

being a vampire queen, and not being too enthusiastic about

Choclet muffens and

Banana pies, she....

stormed out the door in a huff when

...Alfred Hitchcock proposed to her...

...And due to all the randomness and illogical-ness,the planet is destroyed by the pumpkins because they were controlled by Mr.Spock...

Who notes in his log that the randomness has been here since page one.

"Thus giving me a reason to destroy this illogicalness "
He did so say,but the Tau came and......

began to clean up, (for the greater good), and then

...the story quickly resumed a logical pattern and plot line. (I hope)

But,nay, not so. Thus John F. Kennedy wakes up with a shock...........

and a splitting headache. He finds that his wife has run off with a greek and there is an aircraft carrier with his name on it.

forget this post; I can't think of anything since snurl ninja'd me ¬.¬

Which is under attack by...

...A vast array of talking fruit and vegetables equipped with...

...Thunderfury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker.

So John F. Kennedy hired Cyborg Pirate Ninja Jesus to assit them in fending off the Vegies,but......

the Windseeker was just too much for them and

they were completely destroyed and.......

the JFK sank in the cold waters off of the North Korean shore.

A hero emerged, his name was Chewbacca Pez, his mission...

To eat all of the donuts so that L.O.O.P.Y. will starve as that is there main part of there diet. And so...

under cover of darkness, he easily slipped past the sentries...

...Taking their clothes, he...

...Proceeded to wash them as he hated dirt...

Chewbacca Pez stuck past security as he was dressed as a guard...

... Until he remembered he left his keys outside and had to go back...

...Cursing like a sailor, Pez reached for his keys, when...

...He had the uncontrollable urge to shout loudly...

...Waking the internet trolls...

And so the internet trolls preceeded to unleash there fatal attack on him,which was......

A total failure. Chewbacca Pez easily saw off the interlopers and proceeded further inside, keeping an eye out for

the super monkey ninja orphans,the most.....

bloodthirsty, nasty and plain mean varmints anyone would ever use to guard a

...Gas station...

but there were none around, so Chewbacca Pez crept ever deeper into the complex.

And reached the Donut Vault,were He.....

went straight to his gristly chore. He hacked and chopped and

ate all of the donuts away. But,he....

...left the jelly bismarck's alone because they were already practically inedible being filled with jelly and not custard as is customary and sensible.

As he began to make his escape from the vault......

The members of L.O.O.P.Y. in Gundam suits confront him...

And they are furious about their devasted doughnuts.
With a yell, they.....

charge forth,assault cannons firing away they ingage in combat with Chewbacca Pez.....

but his ninja like skills enable him to easily avoid their clumsy attacks. Years of a doughnut diet took their toll as one by one the members of L. O. O. P. Y. Were cut down in a one sided bloodbath.

And so,the bodies spralled on the floor,and dramatic music in the background,Chewbacca Pez walked away in a very epic manner.......

but not before going back for a jelly bismark. Because a wookies gotta eat too.

And so,when He exited out of the Fortress Of L.O.O.P.Y.,He then started to return.....

to Moscow. Which would be a long trek by pack train through the Himalayan mountains of Nepal and Tibet.

But go he did. Through the difficult weather, He strode victoriusly...

until he reached the foot of the grim Mount Badass, where his sherpas would go no further. It was avalanche season, and they feared the giant Yeti, who was rumored to......

be the father of Chuck Norris,thus giving the giant Yeti powers more amazing and destructive than chuck norris himself,Chewbbaca......

forged ahead, step after treacherous step, higher and higher up the icy mountain path.

And stood infront of the huge Monster,and,knowing this would not turn out well,Sir Pez drew his sword....

and offered it to the beast. While the fearsome creature was distracted with the bright shiny thing, Chewbacca pez quickly slipped into a small convenient cave opening.

Loaded his Pez crossbow...

and ventured deeper into the cave, which was much larger than it seemed outside. Ancient stairs, carved into the rock centuries ago, led further inward and downward through the shadowy blackness. On and on it went until finally, exhausted, he sat down and went to sleep.

And then,when He woke,was in a mysterious.....

light. It was too bright to look at filled with radiant warmth. He heard a great voice speak to him, it said......

...You didn't turn your bathroom tap off...

...Pez's brother wailed in horror and muttered some obnoxiously evil pony rhyme to summon....

The Adeptus Orthadountus,and they attempted to...

turn off the errant tap, before raising the ire of the dreaded landlord. After a few minutes of ritual chanting and texting.....

The leader of the squadron,Honored Brother P. Pants,turns off the tap with one,epic turn of the knob....

and then everything returned to silent darkness. Chewbacca Pez moved carefully foreward, for one false step could...

...lead to a giant leap for mankind...

..so he was real careful. Down, down, down led the ancient stairs, until at last they led to...

...The Golden Throne and its lazy occupant....

, who was fast asleep. Not even daring to breath, our hero crept past on tiptoe, silently as a

...bear munching crisps with his mouth wide open...

Which made him laugh out loud, causing the guy on the throne to...

awake with a rage,cursing: " I. WAS. TAKING. A. NAAAAAAP!!!!!!!! ",and so The Emperor stood, for the first time in Mellenia....

...he then asked, wheres my favorite son jesus?...

...but Pez tried not to say that he himself had killed him...

but bursted it out of foolish pride,and so,The Emperor drew his sword and dawned his golden armor...

while Chewbacca Pez began quickly eyeballing the potential exits from the room. He was about to drop a smoke bomb and bolt when......

when metal bars fall upon the doors and all exits,and so faced withn the duel,Chewbbaca unseathed his sword....

which he then remembered that he had given it to the Yeti. Shrugging his shoulders he pointed his crossbow at the Emporer, (who was still struggling into his greaves and complaining about leg cramps), and took his shot. It went.....

...wide and hit a big red button with runes on it saying ''shoot me with a crossbow bolt if you are fighting the emperor and want to escape button''....

which opened a small square hole directly under his feet. He fell straight down quite a ways until the shaft started to curve, finally depositing him in a cavernous room full of....

sleeping necrons,were he was carefull not to...

stand on the big X painted on the floor. The chamber was huge, and there were carefully ordered rows of rusty necron warriors as far as he could see. The corpse of a previous adventurer was sprawled near the big X, and in its bony hand it held a fearsome magical......

banana cell phone,wich to call the Necrons parents and ground them,so he carefully reached for it.....

When its loud ringtone went off, blareing "I will survive" at high volume and echoing it through the chamber. The trap had worked. With a single thundering clank ten thousand Necrons switched on, sat up and......

started to break dance,all the while shooting blasts of their deadly Xenos weaponry.....

...at apples trees growing from the ceiling...

Causing them to fall to the floor, where they were blasted to smithereens again. During all the survivin, blastin, dancin, shootyness, Chewbacca Pez disappeared like a fart in a windstorm. Down the hall he fled, into a side tunnel and out of there. But not before grabbing the cell phone and silencing the infernal ringtone.
When he was far enough away that he could no longer hear the rukus, he.....

...took of his disguise, revealing a smurfy armor, shined up to codex standards...

and marching off to destroy the Necrons.....

who were beginning their pursuit. He could hear the steady rythemic clank of their feet on the stone floor, getting closer.
Now the tunnel was pretty narrow, so.......

....he continued forwards as his minute smurfy bulk allowed, however, he soon came to a crossroads...

That looked like a good place to set up an ambush. He moved into the darkness off to one side, and waited.
The Necrons got closer and closer, until....

...they took the other side of the road and went down, smurfy heard them say that the Iho sticks were good these days....

just as the last few went past him. He let them march a bit further and then....

Jumping out yelling a warcry old as Humanity itself,started to destroy the Necrons......

...unfortunately for Smurfy, the Necrons turned as a collective whole and unleashed a retina scorching blast of gauss rounds, turning him into paper mache...

and left him smouldering in a heap on the floor.
After a few minutes, when the Necrons were long gone, a strange thing happened - Chewbacca Pez began to respawn!
The magical phone he had picked up had awesome powers indeed, despite its obnoxious ringtone.
After pulling himself together,......

He strode foreward, lifting his ancient Lemurian spear, and hurling the sacred object at..

an ancient vending machine. The glass shattered instantly and our hero helped himself to the tasty snacks within, for he had not eaten in days.
His hunger sated, he packed up his gear, checked his map, and......

Checked his pinky toe to see if it was broken when...

he carelessly leaned on a wrecked necron body that was standing on the side of an old well. It teetered precariously for a moment, then fell in. When the crashing and booming finally stopped........

and so then mysterious noises started to come from the labrynth below,and disgusting creatures of pain and blood thirst crawled towards him.....

so he took off in the direction that the Necrons had headed, hoping to...

Reach his cat so he could sacrifice it to the creatures when suddenly...

a giant troll blocked his path,which he took care of by...

Tickling it until it fell asleep BUT...

it instantly woke up when he tried to leave,and wanted more tickles....

so he fragged it by slipping a grenade under it while tiickling its chin. After the blast, he wiped the troll guts off his face and looked around. Where was that confounded cat?

Hiding in the stomach of the troll, he noticed it had lost a paw from the acids, but also found a...

...egg of a Kobald (a Lizard-like humaniod for you who dont play D&D),which he stored in his pack along with his beloved kitty,he started to find his way through the acursed maze of caverns. And so.....

Found a secret button on the wall which...

sent him in a flash to the outside world....

but where? There was no snow and the Himalayas were nowhere to be seen. He looked in all directions and.......

...sand,nothing but sand and the two scorching suns. Wait, TWO scorching suns? A desert as far as the eye can see? he knew that this meant....

that he was definatly not getting home for Christmas. Or anytime soon.
He decided to........

seek out civilization,and coming to a small town of buildings and spaceports,he knew it was the one and only hive of scum and villiany,it was Mos Eisely.

AND SO...

he caught a ride on a passing speeder headed into town, with a kid and an old guy and a pair of robots.

And got dropped of at the nearest Civilian transport and went on board.......

only to be told it would be several hours before takeoff, due to residual iceing on the primary power couplers. The stewardess pointed out a bar across the plaza where he could wait until called. He remembered again how much he hated space travel.
So he..........

...Thought it would be a very funny idea to put a hole in the body of the transport so everyone knew what compression felt like, except him with his shiny smurf armour polished to codex standards...

..And so he did drill a hole the size of his fist in the hull,and went to the pub to get wasted until he can go,but after two rounds of Gin, a Trandoshian (the species of that giant lizard guy Bossk,if you didnt know) by the name of Gvarn Gortanon.....

hurled his lunch all over the bar causing the place to be shut down while Hazmat came in and decontaminated the place. While sitting outside in the shade, our hero saw.....

That some Black Sun agents strode towards him,wishing to gain some "information"....

You don't want my information.
Said Chewbacca Pez, while lighting a fresh cigar.

But,these agents were very determined,and placed a sack over his head and knocked him out.
And so they dragged him away.....

to a place far far away in a galaxy far far away. He was kept...

laughing the entire time due to the zany antics of....

Stephen Colbert, but they decided to beat Chewbacca up again because it was getting annoying.......

But then they realized that Chewbacca Pez was full of explosive Pez and so...

they slipped something into his drink, and he passed out after watching the walls melt and the television dancing around.
He didn't know just how long he had been out when he awoke, but....

He knew he was on a ship. Not knowing the destination,he decided to ask one of the gaurds standing over him....

You'll find out soon enough, one said, as they stood there and did guard things.
Meanwhile Pez's cat had crept out of his pack, past the guards and all of the way to the bridge of the ship, where it overheard.......

Plans of driving the ship into a Super Nova and abandoning Chewbacca to die on it....

...Pez got fed up with the many diabolical plans he soon heard the captain talk about and decided to confront him, Pez got up, shrugged the restraints off and explosively teleported to the...

the center of the galaxy; Corascant,were maybe he could finaly...

get a good cup of coffee and a bath and then laid. In that order. But when he arrived...

he decided that the order was not the best and so he got a cup of coffee then got laid then had a bath and then decided to get laid again just for the hell of it. Meanwhile...

The Jedi consul was deciding what was best to do with the invading Imperial Gaurd forces....

that have taken up residance in the wine cellar. They decided the best course of action would be to...

get drunk! So they drank, and drank and drank...

until their bellies could hold no more. However once the hangover was gone the IG forces were still in their wine cellars passed out. they also noticed that the...

Emperor woke up! They all traveled to Terra to hug him...

and with that problem gone the Jedi counsel decided to focus on more pressing issues like the obscene amount of twilight fans. To this issue they...

Decided to comit Genocide,they were grieved by the fact but it had to be done or the whole galaxy will be filled with screaming 16 year olds screaming for some pale f@g. And so they began....

...by attacking the twilight capitol of the universe, the planet of ''Vampires'n'things'', however things got messy as Cullen Fever had infected nearly half the forces (they were clone troopers and most shared the same thoughts)...

So they had to hire a army of mercinary Monkeys to take up the fight until the clones could get better...

...Pens as theirs had mysteriously ran out...

and drank some more, for it was Christmas, so they called a truce with the Guard and shared their wine with them, because the bloodshed could wait for just one day.

Or as it turned out 10 minutes as a certain guardsmen by the name of creed didn't like wine so he...

drove a Russ through the building, burying all in the collapse.

And then,in the wreckage,he jumped out of the Hatch and yelled: "CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!",and then....

...took off his costume which revealed Darth Vader...

and then to everones surprise proceded tosnipe Edward cullen. He now holds the record for the longest snipe ever, 250 lightyears. However the twilight fans...

...arose in a single enraged organism called Hive Fleet Leviathan.

And the fell back down because of the combined weight of too much fail...

...which resulted in the galaxy tilting slightly which then led to Big E falling off his oh so mighty golden toilet...

...leading to a very embarising moment for the Imperium.

When they found out that their emperors beloved toilet was actually...A THRONE!...

Ten thousand plumbers were called up and suddenly held in the highest reguard, nay, worshipped as holy deciples of the Imperium.
Two Weeks! Became their mantra as.........

a miighty space tidal wave of space came crashing down on the imperium and the Jedi counsel. The jedi counsel now having boozed themselves down to three last members went AWOL. This caused the great imperium and the Playa E on his most royal toilet seat...

to go and kill the Blood Angels for they had become Twilight fans. Who knew? And when they showed up they promptly...

dispatched of these once tournamen standard chapter. The quest to rid the DC multiverse of twilight fans had just begun. Superman decided to...

...flay all twilight fans alive and hang thier twitching bodies on superpoles near a supernova during superbowl...

When he realised that sentence contained too much super...

so he added a duper or two and it seemed better.

Meanwhile........

Batman was chasing down the actors of the Twilight movie to defeat this great threat.....

He hopped in the Batmobile and began the search.
But where?
Where to look for such hammy hacks?

..In Gotham City ofcourse, as its name implies its all gothy and thus vampirey, Batman directed the Batmobile for Gotham City and unsheathed his lightning claws...

...But something was wrong; the claws shimmered and shone like the Twilight vampires. His lightning claws had become infected with Twilightitus, and he had no choice but to...

EJECT!
He landed on a street not too far from the Gotham Multiplex. As luck would have it, a Twilightathon was going to be playing there in just a few minutes. He........