They were outraged

due to Codex:

Space Marines being

utterly underpowered drivel.

and became butthurt.

Giant enemy crabs

waltzing across spongecake

and taking fire

put on running

clogs of doom.

This caused hysteria

in the highest

fashion among humans.

Meanwhile in Finland,

they manufactured the

largest speckled cat

ever to exist

in Finland. Sadly

Russia wanted bigger

speckled cats so

they killed Finland's

Belt-fed weapons

and drank vodka.

This caused much

premature cat-trading

in Baltic markets

for some reason.

In other news

Ultramarines are gay.

Today a Dreadnought

spammed assault cannon

Here lies cows.

There lies sheep.

And bo peep.

Nothing is true.

Like the salamander,

Everything is permitted.

Even bisexual hermaphrodites.

Suddenly........PLOT TWIST!

I scratched my

new car because

it threatened me

with bad mileage.

This outburst was

deeply confusing as

I never thought

it could be.

But it was

not until I

found the box...

opening it with

a crow shaped

bar that I

found in Atlantis

. I glanced over

distracted by dancing

mermaids and mermen

, and then it

stole my bike.

NOOO!!! WHY MUST

MERMAIDS BE KLEPTOMANIACS!

my strangely shaped

lump of brain

for which I'd

paid eleven shillings

was slowly rotting.

The Littlest Shoggoth

was very confused

because someone thought

spinach was poison.

But METHUL BAWKSES

is gayer than

cannabis. Bawkses = happy.

Nevertheless, David Cameron

loves SPESS MUHREENS

When they're dead!

Happy with their

Pots of paint

the BATTUL BROTHARS

took a bath

in the paint

and almost drowned

in blue SPESS.

^he means "space"

Meanwhile, Angry Marines

were spotted bathing

in a yellow

bathtub filled with

Matt Ward's Codexes.

These codicies were

very poorly written

and we must

never give the

Wardians any games.

My tiny cockerel

grew very big

before it exploded.

Before I came

out as gay,

my father sucked

me off regularly.


:/

Until my mother

joined in with


(oh ffs, my brain is stuck here :/ )

sucking me off.

Anyways, move on

to my sister

. Oh god why!?

Or my brother.

Matttard Spess Mehreens

Are the best

mary sues evar!

Evar sues back.

I peered inside

mattards brain-holder,

and found foulest

well balanced armies

that couldn't spell

disaster for my

miserable web blog.

What the zog

is my heart

doing to my

unduly large and

throbbing facial hair?

My very big

throbbing facial hair

erected when I

used a comb.

and excess gel

to remove mutant

babies. I sighed...

this was going

Very very spectacularly

, until chaos decided

to mention "erect"

then all hell

laughed itself silly

and never again

because lol yolo.

Eats Emprah burgers.

And dies of

high Astartes Cholesterol

and Soviet ATGMs.

Hitler enjoyed playing

with himself because

it kept away

those sinister thoughts

of killing jews.

of banging his

best friend, Bob.

I awoke from

fantasies about Bob

in which I

killed Spess Mareens

with METHUL BAWKSEZ!!

and Soviet ATGMs.

The Emperor called

He wants his

Golden throne painted

in Day-glow colors

for his heretical

Groove Armada nightclub.

When we found

naked battle sisters

things got... groovy.

If "groovy" means

groovy, then things

sure got groovy!

Some still say

that battle sisters

are getting updated

this next year

but we know

who's writing it.

That one guy.

The one who

isn't a guy

, but secretly a

very bad writer.

Who isn't male

and is named

Ms Pat Ward.

Furthermore, we all

Know that she/he

has never actually

been seen lifting.

When in doubt

shoot the messenger

before the messenger

eats Mario shrooms.

When that happens

take off your

DoW

thermal targeting computer

and throw it

at their heads.

Why can't I

count all these

Forge World bits.

Kayoss is good

.... I mean terrible.

But better than

Matt Ward, obvoisuly.

Why won't you

fill the hole

using this giant

flopppy rubber Ork.

When darkness falls,

I'll be in

the old cemetary

digging up bodies

for use in

my orgy experiments.

These experiments involved:

altering monkey bile

and awesome Halloween

themed Dark Elves

with Chemical X

and slaaneshi toys.

Winning a game

of slaaneshi orgy

requires a trip

-a drug trip-

of hallucinogenic proportions.

Your dice have

totally abandoned you

when you roll

ones on all

of them. WHY

did I eat

too much chocolate

at Wonka's Factory?

The cold hand

of inappropriate masturbation

appears from Death's

wall of shame.

The Soviet ATGMs

were exploderized by

well meaning comrads

that thought they

heretics in disguise.

because Inquisition! *BLAM!*

Painting a figure

takes time, brutha!

Unless you a

magical paint gnome

With mad skill

and tiny paintbrushes.

Lend me your

sword, that I

will use to

smite thy enemies

and pick teeth

from dragon skulls.

You know that

I will slaughter

some Soviet ATGMs

with many, many

trick bottle-rockets

that I store

in S.H.I.E.L.D's Helicarrier.

We saw the

Kaas Spess Mareens

ova dere boys!

Fire the Riptide!

What do you

think you're doing!

The best thing

in life is

when you die.

But nobody knows

how the dragonborn

found their way

is a mystery

To the ages.

When Khorne yolo'd

The story goes.

An olde song

from ye olde

wandering minstrel, tells

The water clothes.

A Magic Sword

on this board

. SUDDENLY....plot twist! (as if this story has a plot to be twisted.)

the squids attacked

, and all the

bologna was eaten

by macaroon-wearing



(in the last few posts, the internet has finally revealed it's true form....)

Racoons that were

being gamma radiated!

Bwahahahahaaaa! My plan

will fail because

I left the

wookie win again.

Damn them Wookies.

They are not

very pretty, but

they smell bad.

It burns when

I pee... Anyways...

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