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My girlfriend won't let me keep a gun in the house. Shes got this crazy idea that only hill billies and paranoid anti-government conspiracy theorists own guns. She seems to think that having a gun makes me more likely to be shot. Any attempt to tell her how unreasonable she is being only results in a reply of, "It is unreasonable to want a gun."
To be honest, it could be that I'm not trying hard enough, apparently "Because I want one" and "Why not?" aren't good enough reasons. I have brought up the protection/defense thing, but all that did was make her laugh for a solid 20 seconds.
Falconlance wrote:She seems to think that having a gun makes me more likely to be shot.
/boggle
I would probably say it is like you saying she can't have her hobby because you find it unreasonable, then you act the same way she does until she catches on... Disclaimer: Tim gives bad advice about relationships! Attempt at your own risk!!!
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/11/10 00:27:51
I am a damaged individual screaming random obscenities into the internet, sorry if I upset you.
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"You guys are nuttier n fruitbats who just sucked a three week old pineapple." -Frazzled
I'm not sure. I'm not real big into the idea of killing something and then eating it, so it would be less hunting and more killing... which is a waste. I'm more inclined just to practice marksmanship.
greenskin lynn wrote:become an anti-government conspiracy theory hillbilly....also, ofter to get her a gun to
Shes british, shes been conditioned from birth to gak her pants at the utterance of the word gun. I don't think shed appreciate me getting her her own gun.
She probably didn't arrive at her position through reason, so reason is unlikely to interest her at all.
You could attempt to relate how important the weapon is to you, and that appeal to emotion might help; depending on how adamant she is.
If she is really averse to spending time around a weapon there isn't much you can do about this beyond getting rid of the gun, or getting rid of the girl.
Edit: You might also try some kind of compromise. Like a gun lock, and keeping the ammunition locked up in separate room. If you don't already do both of those things.
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2009/11/10 00:32:35
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
If she knew that you were into your guns before you got into a relationship, I would call her on BS.
If she did not know, or you barely mentioned it at all; then one day, invited her to go bunny hunting with sawed offs... I would have to call you on BS.
Do you have like one handgun or something? I would hardly call that anything to be that paranoid about, but if you are talking about a gun cabinet; I would call this a line she has drawn, and the decision is all yours.
dogma wrote:She probably didn't arrive at her position through reason, so reason is unlikely to interest her at all.
This reminds me of some people with exotic pets I have known, and some of the situations they had to put up with. With any of these hobbies (and comparing it to something like warhammer is just sillly), you do have to make personal sacrifices to make that situation work for other people you live with.
Some people are just paranoid though, and you have to compromise on that to a degree as well; especially if it your significant other.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/11/10 00:34:18
My girlfriend won't let me keep a gun in the house. Shes got this crazy idea that only hill billies and paranoid anti-government conspiracy theorists own guns. She seems to think that having a gun makes me more likely to be shot. Any attempt to tell her how unreasonable she is being only results in a reply of, "It is unreasonable to want a gun."
To be honest, it could be that I'm not trying hard enough, apparently "Because I want one" and "Why not?" aren't good enough reasons. I have brought up the protection/defense thing, but all that did was make her laugh for a solid 20 seconds.
Any of you gun guys out there have any advice?
Assuming you own this house together, do you use a gun for something other than protection? If so, hold the line there, they're your hobbies.
If you only have it for protection, get an explanation from her regarding how exactly she thinks your ownership of a gun is going to make it more likely you get shot. Gun accidents in the home aren't hugely uncommon, and if you're not that up to date in gun safety I could see her requesting you either take some classes or give the gun up. (Since it is a jointly owned house, she would likely have to move your corpse, so it is of some vested interest to her. )
Saying "only people who are X own Y! Thus if you own a Y you become an X, but change back if you get rid of it!" makes you sounds like an idiot. (Unless you're Gandalf.) Don't accept illogical reasons, it's no way to go about resolving these types of conflicts.
Anuvver fing - when they do sumfing, they try to make it look like somfink else to confuse everybody. When one of them wants to lord it over the uvvers, 'e says "I'm very speshul so'z you gotta worship me", or "I know summink wot you lot don't know, so yer better lissen good". Da funny fing is, arf of 'em believe it and da over arf don't, so 'e 'as to hit 'em all anyway or run fer it.
Simple. Take up shooting as a Hobby. Now you HAVE to have a gun in the house.
Failing that, have one of them Hidden safes behind a Painting or Plug Socket kind of thing.
Or stage a Burglary and shoot the "Burgler" with Blanks and rigged bloodpacks
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/11/10 00:40:19
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Where do you live? Compton? Inglewood?
If you live in a gated community, I would suggest that it's YOU that's being a little paranoid, not her. Just 'liking guns' isn't an excuse to keep a deadly weapon in the house, IMHO.
Orkeo wrote:Saying "only people who are X own Y! Thus if you own a Y you become an X, but change back if you get rid of it!" makes you sounds like an idiot. (Unless you're Gandalf.) Don't accept illogical reasons, it's no way to go about resolving these types of conflicts.
Albatross wrote:Just 'liking guns' isn't an excuse to keep a deadly weapon in the house, IMHO.
Why not? It's not going to get up one day and turn on you.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/11/10 00:47:07
Anuvver fing - when they do sumfing, they try to make it look like somfink else to confuse everybody. When one of them wants to lord it over the uvvers, 'e says "I'm very speshul so'z you gotta worship me", or "I know summink wot you lot don't know, so yer better lissen good". Da funny fing is, arf of 'em believe it and da over arf don't, so 'e 'as to hit 'em all anyway or run fer it.
Wrexasaur wrote:If she knew that you were into your guns before you got into a relationship, I would call her on BS.
If she did not know, or you barely mentioned it at all; then one day, invited her to go bunny hunting with sawed offs... I would have to call you on BS.
This is a hobby I'm looking into, not something I have been doing all along. Is that worth calling BS?
That is officially not bunny hunting with sawed-offs... no.
Sounds like you could choose something else, if this is going to be that big of a deal to her. Archery, and Paintballing are fun; you could look around your area to find a league or something. All in all, Paintballing is probably a bit more expensive than going to the firing range. You will tend to get a lot more use out of paintball gear overall though.
If owning a gun is TRULY important to you, I advise you to simply keep a gun in the house. Your personal safety and safety of your loved ones is more important than her mere discomfort. While having a relationship is all about compromise, there's a limit before it ceases to be a relationship and simply becomes one person trying to clone his/herself. Every person in a relationship has to come to a point where they refuse to compromise themselves any further (otherwise known as taking a stand or putting your foot down). Once she realizes that owning a gun doesn't make you an extremist nutjob, and that it's not going to simply go off by itself, she'll get over it. If she doesn't then you're better off without the neurosis in your life anyway.
Once she understands that you are a person as well, with your own rights and opinions, and that you aren't actually doing something detrimental to her or yourself, you both can continue to compromise, or not, in a healthy fashion; Truly giving and taking.
If owning a gun isn't important enough to risk your relationship over, then don't follow this advice.
Mannahnin wrote:A lot of folks online (and in emails in other parts of life) use pretty mangled English. The idea is that it takes extra effort and time to write properly, and they’d rather save the time. If you can still be understood, what’s the harm? While most of the time a sloppy post CAN be understood, the use of proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling is generally seen as respectable and desirable on most forums. It demonstrates an effort made to be understood, and to make your post an easy and pleasant read. By making this effort, you can often elicit more positive responses from the community, and instantly mark yourself as someone worth talking to.
insaniak wrote: Every time someone threatens violence over the internet as a result of someone's hypothetical actions at the gaming table, the earth shakes infinitisemally in its orbit as millions of eyeballs behind millions of monitors all roll simultaneously.
well, as dogma said, this isn't a debate, this is a question about power and balance in a relationship. Before you do anything rash, make sure you try explaining to her why you want the gun, and why it's important to you. If you can't articulate it, than there is no way she'll understand or relate to it. It's possible she's looking at you saying "I like guns, and I like to have it for protection" thinking that you sound like an idiot. Guns can offer protection, but most people aren't the victims of random violent crime anyway. It sounds like you need to figure out why you want the gun for yourself, before you can really address things with her.
If after all of that you haven't reached any compromise or solution, than it's simply brinksmanship; relationship chicken. She's asking herself "does he love me enough to get rid of the gun," and is testing that theory. The reason you have to address the above first is that you need to make sure she understands your emotional state about the gun isn't just a casual interest.
Also, so long into the relationship is this? It's one thing if you've been dating for two years, everything is great, but this is the only problem. It's another if it's 6 months, and this is first of many arguments.
Agree with Polonius - its very much a 'relationship test' - your question is what is more important. What do you want more - s3x with the GF or target practice on your own...
If you want a gun to want a gun, TS is what I say.
If you want a gun as a hobby, show that you're dedicated to do so. Define what you want the gun for: target shooting, as a collector's item, etc. Show that you're willing to to go through all the recommened safety protocols. Show a dedication to keep her safe.
Let her know that there is give and take in a realtionship. If you're willing to put up with British dentisty, than she should be willing to put up with Yankee gun lust.
-Loki- wrote:
40k is about slamming two slegdehammers together and hoping the other breaks first. Malifaux is about fighting with scalpels trying to hit select areas and hoping you connect more.
Falconlance wrote:She seems to think that having a gun makes me more likely to be shot.
The idea is that most violence is between people who know each other, so having a gun around increases the chance it gets used in a domestic. There's a bit of science behind the idea, one study found that after controlling for all other variables such as a neighbourhood and income level, gun owners in Philly (I think) were more than four times as likely to be shot as people who didn't own guns.
But like most things in gun control, the relationship is not really that well understood.
Meanwhile, the advice given kind of depends on how important is a gun to you? Is owning a gun a really important thing, or just a nice thing? Is it potentially a dealbreaker?
“We may observe that the government in a civilized country is much more expensive than in a barbarous one; and when we say that one government is more expensive than another, it is the same as if we said that that one country is farther advanced in improvement than another. To say that the government is expensive and the people not oppressed is to say that the people are rich.”
Adam Smith, who must have been some kind of leftie or something.
Sure,it's a movie..and he's talking about a sword,but the idea behind the final statement is the same.
Of course what do I know I'm a hillbillyanti-government nut.JK
I am both selfish and chaotic. I value self-gratification and control; I want to have things my way, preferably now. At best, I'm entertaining and surprising; at worst, I'm hedonistic and violent.
Also, 'Gun as Hobby' strikes me as a bit creepy and weird. Maybe it's a cultural thing. Saying that, you can own a gun here - most people choose not to.
You may say it's your right to own one (blah, blah, blah ad infinitum, ad nauseum...), but it's your girlfriend's right to protest against an inexperienced gun-user purchasing a firearm and bringing it into the home. Why do you want to get into it as a hobby if you don't intend to hunt? To look cool? To feel powerful? The fact that you came to a Tabletop Wargaming Fansite for advice on how to persuade your GF to agree to you keeping a tool for killing other human beings in the house you share, suggests that perhaps you might not be emotionally mature enough to handle the responsibility of owning said weapon.
Sorry if that sounds like flaming - it isn't meant that way, honest! I'll just never understand the fascination with guns.
We've been together going on three years now, and she is pretty awesome all things said and done. We don't fight a whole lot, but when we do argue its usually over stupid political crap. You see she is SO far left, it would make democrats give her the stink eye, but from what I've seen and heard, political extremes like that are normal in British persons. (Anyone remember that political axis thread from a few months back?)
To be honest the gun isn't all that important to me, and if it comes down to It or Her, I will ditch the weapon in a heartbeat (but If I told her that it would strengthen her resolve, so I'm keeping that bit to myself..) What's really bothering me is I can't see why shes so adamant about this, and really I don't believe it should be as big a deal as she's making it. I'm really looking for some statistics or something that might fetter her inherent British aversion to fire-arms, and help me convince her that a gun isn't something to be afraid of.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Albatross wrote:The fact that you came to a Tabletop Wargaming Fansite for advice on how to persuade your GF to agree to you keeping a tool for killing other human beings in the house you share, suggests that perhaps you might not be emotionally mature enough to handle the responsibility of owning said weapon.
Sorry if that sounds like flaming - it isn't meant that way, honest! I'll just never understand the fascination with guns.
Well in my defense, I didn't come here specifically to ask for advice, I come here ANYWAY, I just happen to know that there are a lot of people in off topic that own and use fire-arms and thought that perhaps some of them might have been in the same situation.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/11/10 02:22:22
sebster wrote:one study found that after controlling for all other variables such as a neighbourhood and income level, gun owners in Philly (I think) were more than four times as likely to be shot as people who didn't own guns.
That seems pretty incomplete.
How many of these were accidentally being shot by themselves when messing around with their gun? How many of these people had enemies they thought they needed protection from? How many were suicide?
I mean, you can't really control all other variables, because some of the most important variables influence gun ownership.
Anuvver fing - when they do sumfing, they try to make it look like somfink else to confuse everybody. When one of them wants to lord it over the uvvers, 'e says "I'm very speshul so'z you gotta worship me", or "I know summink wot you lot don't know, so yer better lissen good". Da funny fing is, arf of 'em believe it and da over arf don't, so 'e 'as to hit 'em all anyway or run fer it.
Ahtman wrote:Take her to the Courthouse on Sunday and beat her with a switch until she relents. It is still legal here.
I'll pass.
I wasn't asking.
It is one of those archaic laws that was never taken off the books and still exists i just found out about the other day. Listen to Dogma and Polonius. They are generally correct in this thread. The length of the relationship is probably the key to unraveling this mystery.
Amidst the mists and coldest frosts he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.
Honestly Falconlance,if your GF is that opposed to having a gun in the house I don't belive any amount of statistics or "logical" debate will sway her opinion.
And of course when it comes to a choice between a loved on and an "object",there is no real choice,especialy since owning a gun isn't that important to you in the first place.
In a way I'm happy my GF grew up in Brooklyn.NY and understands the importance of home defence.
And by the way,when the zombies start smashing through your windows and doors,and you and your GF are about to become a snack,take your last few seconds to remind her how dangerous guns are.lol.
I am both selfish and chaotic. I value self-gratification and control; I want to have things my way, preferably now. At best, I'm entertaining and surprising; at worst, I'm hedonistic and violent.
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