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2010/05/13 08:06:38
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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RogueSangre
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Today my Space Wolves army engaged in an epic battle with the vile sons or Lion El'Jonson, the Dark Angels. The ancient rivalry between these two Chapters is well known, and it is not uncommon for warriors of these factions to trade insults before and during battle. Amongst the clever, witty comments tossed back and forth the battle lines, there were also some less... refined utterances.
"Yo' Primarch so stinky, he makes Nurgle smell like roses."
"Yo' Primarch so fat, Tyranids would get full from eating him."
"Yo' Primarch so stupid, he dumber than an Ogryn."
And so on. This will soon become the only acceptable form of trash talk where I play, and i ask, you, Dakka readers, to contribute to my arsenal of "Yo' Primarch" jokes.
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2010/05/13 09:42:31
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Bonkers Buggy Driver with Rockets
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The only one I can think of was for Fulgrim- 'Yo Primarch's so gay, he makes Elton John jealous!'
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2010/05/13 09:42:54
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2010/05/13 12:33:54
Subject: Re:Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Hanging Out with Russ until Wolftime
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Yo Primarch is so lame, he was the first to die!
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Got 40k Rules Question? Send an e-mail to Gwar! for your Confidential Rules Queries.
Please do not PM me unless really necessary. I much prefer e-mail. 
Need it Answered RIGHT NOW!? Ring me on Skype: "gwar.the.trolle"
Looking to play some Vassal? Ring me for a game!
Download The Unofficial FAQs by Gwar! here! (Dark Eldar Draft FAQ v1.0 released 04/Nov/2010! Download it before the Pandas eat it all!) |
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2010/05/13 12:38:37
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Rough Rider with Boomstick
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Yo Primarch is so weak, the only way he could try to stop Horus was to jump on his blade.
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I have 2000 points of  , called the Crimson Leaves.
I will soon be starting WoC, devoted to 
I have 500 points of  , in blueberry and ice cream (light grey and light blue) flavour. From the fictional world Darkheim.
DarkHound wrote:Stop it you. Core has changed. It's no longer about nations, ideologies or ethnicity. It's an endless series of proxy battles, fought by mercenaries and machines. Core, and its consumption of life, has become a well-oiled machine. Core has changed. ID tagged soldiers carry ID tagged weapons, use ID tagged gear. Nanomachines inside their bodies enhance and regulate their abilities. Genetic control. Information control. Emotion control. Battlefield control. Everything is monitored, and kept under control. Core has changed. The age of deterrence has become the age of control. All in the name of averting catastrophe from weapons of mass destruction. And he who controls the battlefield, controls history. Core has changed. When the battlefield is under total control, war... becomes routine.
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2010/05/13 14:27:24
Subject: Re:Yo' Primarch Jokes
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The Conquerer
Waiting for my shill money from Spiral Arm Studios
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Yo' primarch is so dumb, he got lost looking for a stupid flower.
Yo' primarch is so pretty, he gave all terran teenage females heartattacks when he died.
Yo' primarch is so lame, that when everyone else was fighting he decided to not fight and instead write a book on fighting.
Yo' primarch is so fat, when they tried to put him in a dreadnought they couldn't and instead had to try a Warhound titan.
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Self-proclaimed evil Cat-person. Dues Ex Felines
Cato Sicarius, after force feeding Captain Ventris a copy of the Codex Astartes for having the audacity to play Deathwatch, chokes to death on his own D-baggery after finding Calgar assembling his new Eldar army.
MURICA!!! IN SPESS!!! |
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2010/05/13 16:33:29
Subject: Re:Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Fixture of Dakka
Feasting on the souls of unworthy opponents
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Yo' primarch was so lame chaos made him a daemon prince because he wasn't good enough as he was.
Yo primarch is so lame his petition to become a daemon prince got denied!
Yo' primarch is so dumb, he fell for the line of crap Horus told him.
Yo' primarch is so ugly, even Angron used to make fun of him.
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2010/05/13 17:43:58
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Chaplain with Hate to Spare
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Yo' primarchs fluff is so stupid, it broke the rules of yo' chapter.
Yo' primarch so thick he froze himself takin' a crap.
Yo' primarch so 'fierce', he painted his armour like a banana
Yo' primarch's so dumb, he worships a chicken.
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This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2010/05/13 17:44:55
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2010/05/13 18:42:36
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Longtime Dakkanaut
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Yo' primarch is so lame Edward Cullen calls him gay.
Yo' primarch is so stupid the Emperor needed two of him to run his legion.
Yo' primarch is so boring the only legion he could command was the Ultramarines.
Yo' primarch is so dumb he thinks Khorne is a band.
Yo' primarch gets so little action he had to replace his hands.
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This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2010/05/13 18:43:19
 There's just an acre of you fellas, isn't there? |
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2010/05/13 19:04:39
Subject: Re:Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Longtime Dakkanaut
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Yo' primarch is so pathetic, the chaos gods scattered him to a Imperium controlled planet out of pity
Yo' primarch is so dumb, he thought there were only two "Emperor's Fists"
Yo' primarch is so bland, he included the word "Marines" in the name of his legion
Yo' primarch is so fat, when he empties his bowels the Inquisition declares it an act of "Exterminatus"
Yo' primarch is so weak, he needed Horus to drop his shields to be able to win
Yo' primarch is so primarch, he primarched his primarch's primarch!
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In Reference to me:
Emperors Faithful wrote: I'm certainly not going to attract the ire of the crazy-giant-child-eating-chicken-poster
Monster Rain wrote:
DAR just laid down the law so hard I think it broke.
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2010/05/13 23:59:53
Subject: Re:Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Longtime Dakkanaut
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Daemon-Archon Ren wrote:Yo' primarch is so primarch, he primarched his primarch's primarch!
Oh yeah. That one hurts. 
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There's just an acre of you fellas, isn't there? |
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2010/05/14 00:28:58
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Tough Tyrant Guard
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Yo' Primarch is fairly like, the Eldar come to him for fashion advice.
Yo' Primarch is so Fat, when he was in the food court his battle armour begain to cry...
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2010/05/14 00:33:36
Subject: Re:Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Excellent Exalted Champion of Chaos
Grim Forgotten Nihilist Forest.
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Yo primarch so stupid she went to Bangkok to find a TIE FIGHTER.
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2010/05/14 00:35:40
I've sold so many armies. :(
Aeldari 3kpts  
Slaves to Darkness.3k  
Word Bearers 2500k  
Daemons of Chaos 
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2010/05/14 00:38:09
Subject: Re:Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Veteran ORC
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Yo primarch is so- BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
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I've never feared Death or Dying. I've only feared never Trying. |
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2010/05/14 00:53:48
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Malicious Mutant Scum
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Yo primarch is so dumb, when the Emperor gave him a 'legion' he went to see a dermatologist.
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2010/05/14 02:28:49
Subject: Re:Yo' Primarch Jokes
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The Conquerer
Waiting for my shill money from Spiral Arm Studios
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Unfortunantly that "dermatoligist" turned out to be Nurgle.
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Self-proclaimed evil Cat-person. Dues Ex Felines
Cato Sicarius, after force feeding Captain Ventris a copy of the Codex Astartes for having the audacity to play Deathwatch, chokes to death on his own D-baggery after finding Calgar assembling his new Eldar army.
MURICA!!! IN SPESS!!! |
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2010/05/14 05:01:50
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Boom! Leman Russ Commander
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MekanobSamael wrote:Yo' primarch is so lame Edward Cullen calls him gay.
Yo' primarch is so stupid the Emperor needed two of him to run his legion.
Yo' primarch is so boring the only legion he could command was the Ultramarines.
Yo' primarch is so dumb he thinks Khorne is a band.
Yo' primarch gets so little action he had to replace his hands.
hahaha these are great ^
Yo' primarch is so worthless, the only thing he can kill is a kegger.
Yo' primarch so unoriginal has to bank on new twilight movies to copy from.
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"Reality is, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away"
-Philip K. Dick
Constant Lurker, Slowly getting back into modelling! Someday a P&M Blog link will lurk here! |
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2010/05/14 05:11:29
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Regular Dakkanaut
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yo primarch is so ugly that when he walks into a room even nurgle is like DAMN!!
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2010/05/14 05:13:16
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2010/05/14 05:21:23
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Charging Dragon Prince
Chicago, IL, U.S.A.
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Your primarch's first name sounds suspiciously like a french person pronouncing 'robot', and last name, suspiciously like 'girlieman'
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2010/05/14 05:22:08
Retroactively applied infallability is its own reward. I wish I knew this years ago. 
I am Red/White
Take The Magic Dual Colour Test - Beta today!
<small>Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.</small>I'm both chaotic and orderly. I value my own principles, and am willing to go to extreme lengths to enforce them, often trampling on the very same principles in the process. At best, I'm heroic and principled; at worst, I'm hypocritical and disorderly. |
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2010/05/14 05:22:27
Subject: Re:Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Spawn of Chaos
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Yo' Primarch is so stupid, he thought that "The Emperor's Children" were on the Emperor's side!
Yo' Primarch is so weak, he lost an armwrestling match to a guardsmen conscript!
Yo' Primarch is so fat, Nurgle suggested that he go on a diet!
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All things in equal Parts
You cannot stop us. 
We are Undivided.  |
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2010/05/14 05:30:46
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Charging Dragon Prince
Chicago, IL, U.S.A.
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Yo' Primarch so stupid, he thought dealing with the Emperor's Children meant Fulgrim needed a babysitter.
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2010/05/14 05:33:02
Retroactively applied infallability is its own reward. I wish I knew this years ago.
I am Red/White
Take The Magic Dual Colour Test - Beta today!
<small>Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.</small>I'm both chaotic and orderly. I value my own principles, and am willing to go to extreme lengths to enforce them, often trampling on the very same principles in the process. At best, I'm heroic and principled; at worst, I'm hypocritical and disorderly. |
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2010/05/14 05:34:58
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Longtime Dakkanaut
Burbank CA
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Yo primarch is so stupid he thinks 'yo primarch' jokes are hilarious!
Ouch oh no I di'int!
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W/L/D 2011 record:
 2000+ Deathwing: 1/0/0
 Kabal of the Poisoned Tongue (WIP)
Long Long Ago, there were a man who tried to make his skills ultimate. Because of his bloody life, its no accident that he was involved in the troubles. |
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2010/05/14 05:45:02
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Long-Range Land Speeder Pilot
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CrazyThang wrote:Yo primarch is so stupid he thinks 'yo primarch' jokes are hilarious!
Ouch oh no I di'int!
QFT
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You love it you slags!
Blood Ravens  1500 pts |
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2010/05/14 06:51:44
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Lethal Lhamean
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Yo' primarchs so wolf, that he makes furry's look normal.
Yes oh well on the subject of primarchs and to save this thread.. here is ADBs first draft of first heretic.
QUOTE (A D-B @ May 13 2010, 12:27 PM)
"The last hundred years of your life have been a lie, you lead the only Legion ever to fail me, and you are the only son to disappoint me. Go back and restart over a century of work over dozens of planets. By the way, you're the only primarch who is totally wrong about everything they believe in. Even the ones who were raised in the wilderness, pretend to be animals, or are clinically insane - those guys are actually righter than you are. I know you actually made your world a place of peace and enlightenment through religion, and even Angron couldn't bring his own homeworld to compliance, but he's still better and less of a failure than you. And I know I've been okay with your work for the last 100 years, but I've changed my mind suddenly, and felt the need to humiliate you about it. Hey, I brought Robby G. You like Robby G, right? You two should be close. He's a total success, and you're a complete failure. Opposites attract, yeah? Anyway, here's your brother."
"Hi, Lorgar," said Guilliman. "I'm here to show you how to live your life because you apparently can't do it without a babysitter."
Lorgar was already reaching for the phone.
"Are you calling Chaos?" The Emperor frowned. "Don't be calling Chaos, Lorgar. Long-distance charges, man."
But Lorgar wouldn't listen.
"Hello?" he asked. "Is that Chaos?"
"AAAARRGHRHGGHGGHGH. EVERY MOMENT IS WRATH AND AGONY."
"Khorne? Is that you?"
"BLOOD FOR THE... FOR ME."
"That's tremendous. Can you put Tzeentch on?"
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2010/05/14 06:53:33
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2010/05/14 08:36:00
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Charging Dragon Prince
Chicago, IL, U.S.A.
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that just rocks
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Retroactively applied infallability is its own reward. I wish I knew this years ago.
I am Red/White
Take The Magic Dual Colour Test - Beta today!
<small>Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.</small>I'm both chaotic and orderly. I value my own principles, and am willing to go to extreme lengths to enforce them, often trampling on the very same principles in the process. At best, I'm heroic and principled; at worst, I'm hypocritical and disorderly. |
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2010/05/14 11:22:50
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Stabbin' Skarboy
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Shamans just won the thread. No exceptions.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Shaman just won the thread. No exceptions.
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2010/05/14 11:23:09
MeanGreenStompa wrote:penek wrote:wtf is wrong with GW ???
It's being run by people with short term vision and enough greed to extinguish a sun.
Perhaps they're the C'tan.
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2010/05/14 11:49:30
Subject: Re:Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Bounding Ultramarine Assault Trooper
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Haha, that First Heretic draft is spot on.
Yo' Primarch is so fat, he takes d3 structure points worth of damage from vortex grenades.
Yo' Primarch is so fat, he gets the 'preferred enemy' rule against hamburgers.
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Go Sonic the Ultramarine! Zap to the Extreme!
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2010/05/14 11:58:50
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Implacable Black Templar Initiate
In your base, killing your dudes
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Yo' Primarch is so pretty, people think hes a femmarine
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Doesn't matter what it is or what it is intended to do. If you add a chainsaw to it then it is instantly better!
Elemental Cheese "The only good Mandalorians were Jango Fett, who actually got gak done, and Canderous Ordo, who looks like Sly Marbo." |
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2010/05/14 12:05:30
Subject: Re:Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Bounding Ultramarine Assault Trooper
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Yo' Primarch is so stupid, he gets the 'stupid' psychology rule.
Yo' Primarch is so stupid, he thinkgs WHFB rules apply to him.
Yo' Emperor is so stupid, he still thought Horus could be redeemed after Horus had killed billions of Imperial citizens, subverted half the Imperium to Chaos, sieged Terra, killed Sanguinius and stood over his body while laughing and wearing a tee-shirt that read 'I <3 Chaos'.
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Go Sonic the Ultramarine! Zap to the Extreme!
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2010/05/14 14:33:48
Subject: Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Tunneling Trygon
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Yo' Primarch is so stupid, he doesn't even deserve a joke about him.
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2010/05/14 14:44:02
Subject: Re:Yo' Primarch Jokes
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Bounding Black Templar Assault Marine
Rhode Island
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(Blood Moon Tribe Warboss on your Primarch)
yer primarch iz so stupid he's ....he's.....stupid! (Tell him "stupid like a grot")
Yes! Stupid like a grot! (And he has ugly teeth!)
Yea and his teef all messed up too! cuz... cuz he ugly! (And stupid!)
Yea! Hur hur! He stupid too!
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Your Primarch is so stupid he brought hearing aids for some deffkoptas!
Your Primarch is so stupid he brought hearing aids for some deffdreads!
Your primarch is so pathetic he called the cops on my lootas!
Your primarch sucks so bad he failed to blow up a trukk!
Your Primarch is so lame, he found out he was up against a Predator so he called for Arnold!
Your Primarch is so lame he thinks Dakka is where you leave your boat tied up!
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2010/05/14 14:50:33
W/D/L/ A(a= Annihilated beyond doubt)
Orks =44/2/9/2 15k+ pts (assembled/broken)
Black Templar= 4/1/2/1 3k 2k pts (assembled)
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