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Currently being forced to sit through Twilight 3: Bella and Edward hold hands. This is the follow up to Twilight 2: Bella and Edward exchange longing looks which was of course the sequel to Twilight: Bella notices a hot guy at her school.

I could almost tolerate all the lovey dovey nonsense if the plot didn't move at a glacial pace. If I remember correctly, the second film saw Bella trying to decide between Edward and Jacob. As far as I can tell, she is still deciding. Honestly, this is a vampire film! Why is nobody having their throat torn out? The closest thing to an action scene so far was the Munsters chasing the ginger vampire through a wood. She got away. Narratively speaking, this renders the chase pointless.

One of my Mrs Flashman's friends has just phoned up and the film is now on pause. The TV is frozen on a shot of Bella and Edward hugging on the bed. If it wasn't for the pause icon in the top left hand corner of the screen, I don't think I would have noticed

Just wait to you get to the part where everyone has superpowers, and they all stand around talking instead of fighting.

Flashman wrote:Currently being forced to sit through Twilight 3: Bella and Edward hold hands. This is the follow up to Twilight 2: Bella and Edward exchange longing looks which was of course the sequel to Twilight: Bella notices a hot guy at her school.

I could almost tolerate all the lovey dovey nonsense if the plot didn't move at a glacial pace. If I remember correctly, the second film saw Bella trying to decide between Edward and Jacob. As far as I can tell, she is still deciding. Honestly, this is a vampire film! Why is nobody having their throat torn out? The closest thing to an action scene so far was the Munsters chasing the ginger vampire through a wood. She got away. Narratively speaking, this renders the chase pointless.

One of my Mrs Flashman's friends has just phoned up and the film is now on pause. The TV is frozen on a shot of Bella and Edward hugging on the bed. If it wasn't for the pause icon in the top left hand corner of the screen, I don't think I would have noticed

Its ok. I'm from Dakka. I'm here to help.

1. Get a hammer. Smash your toes with the hammer 7 times. That will take your mind off the pain.

2. Hobble to the video store. Rent American Werewolf in London. if you can't then watch this youtube cut over and over. You'll be fine.

The scenery in the background is actually more interesting. Cool mountains.

Vegetarian vampires that sparkle in the light and fall in love with high school girls.


My god the undead are terrifying these days.

Good lord, for the sake of keeping the little woman happy I sat through Eclipse Sunday night. feth me that movie sucked. Bella is the heroine? That indecisive, self absorbed witch is the heroine? Sparkle-pires and shirtless werewolves aside they both need to realize they can do much better instead of her jerking them both around just because she can. The movie ended and I just told my wife, "That chick's a bitch. They need to dump her ass." She just nodded.

Ooh, I think I get it. The blonde munster has just complained that time doesn't move forward when you're a vampire. You see, the films are a clever metaphor for time standing still.

I must concur with Dr. Frazzled. Twilight is not good for your mental health and prolonged exposure may cause you to believe Twilight is worthwhile entertainment. I second my associate's endorsement and would suggest you avoid any so -called vampire movies that involve angsty teenagers and/or pretty boy werewolves.

agroszkiewicz wrote:Vegetarian vampires that sparkle in the light and fall in love with high school girls.


My god the undead are terrifying these days.

Id say you hit that one on the head. Pretty much EVERYTHING in this "vampire" world annoys me. The only thing I find neat, is the fact that the werewolves look like dire wolves. Im annoyed at all the shirtless parts though. Really WTF is with all the shirtless parts? Im not by any stretch offended by homosexuals or anything of that nature, but Im not going to lie, all the shirtless guys get a bit uncomfortable after an hour of it

Also I get to sit and watch it here in the next hour or so


Also, its an oldy but a goody

Saying "I'm a vegetarian because I don't drink human blood, I drink animal blood"
Is like me saying "I'm a vegetarian because I don't eat humans, I eat animals"
NO, THAT JUST MAKES YOU NOT A ING CANNIBAL!
Stupid series. When I first heard about a veggie vampire falling in love in a romance-action* I 'ed. Incessantly.

*pfft.

Twightlight is a vile thing that has killed thousands. Please donate 1£ a week to help stop it.

Ok, I may get flamed for this, but I have to say it anyway: The internet has blown this hole Twilight thing out of proportion.

Yeah, the writing is pretty poor. Yeah, the main character is a total Mary Sue. Yeah, the plot makes little to no sense. However, it does fulfill the fantasy of "I'm special and want super cool friends who are really aloof and macho, and they all want to date me at the same time."

But, you know what else has poor writing, characters whose lives are easier than we can dream of, terrible plots, and fantasy fulfillment?

I'll give you a hint: Change the female's ideal "I'm special and want super cool boy friends who are really dreamy and macho, and they all want to date me at the same time." to the male's "I'm special and want super hot girl friends who are really sexy and slutty, and they all want to me at the same time."

That's right. Twilight is just porn for women. If you have a problem with Twilight existing, then you loose all rights to watch porn. Don't watch it if you don't want to, but let's all get over the fact that this exists.

Grakmar wrote:Ok, I may get flamed for this, but I have to say it anyway...let's all get over the fact that this exists.

NO. every copy should be crucified, quartered, shredded, set on fire, stamped on, dunked in oil, set alight again, nuked, and the ground it was nuked on should be fired into the sun.

Grakmar wrote:Ok, I may get flamed for this, but I have to say it anyway: The internet has blown this hole Twilight thing out of proportion.

Yeah, the writing is pretty poor. Yeah, the main character is a total Mary Sue. Yeah, the plot makes little to no sense. However, it does fulfill the fantasy of "I'm special and want super cool friends who are really aloof and macho, and they all want to date me at the same time."

But, you know what else has poor writing, characters whose lives are easier than we can dream of, terrible plots, and fantasy fulfillment?

I'll give you a hint: Change the female's ideal "I'm special and want super cool boy friends who are really dreamy and macho, and they all want to date me at the same time." to the male's "I'm special and want super hot girl friends who are really sexy and slutty, and they all want to me at the same time."

That's right. Twilight is just porn for women. If you have a problem with Twilight existing, then you loose all rights to watch porn. Don't watch it if you don't want to, but let's all get over the fact that this exists.

No. Thats not right at all. My wife had porn for women at her bachelorette (sp? FFS my spell checker just wont spit it out lol) party. And they were not watching Twilight


Automatically Appended Next Post:

shrike wrote:

Grakmar wrote:Ok, I may get flamed for this, but I have to say it anyway...let's all get over the fact that this exists.

NO. every copy should be crucified, quartered, shredded, set on fire, stamped on, dunked in oil, set alight again, nuked, and the ground it was nuked on should be fired into the sun.

At current gas prices? Id settle for a good ol smashin

Grakmar wrote:Ok, I may get flamed for this, but I have to say it anyway: The internet has blown this hole Twilight thing out of proportion.

Yeah, the writing is pretty poor. Yeah, the main character is a total Mary Sue. Yeah, the plot makes little to no sense. However, it does fulfill the fantasy of "I'm special and want super cool friends who are really aloof and macho, and they all want to date me at the same time."

But, you know what else has poor writing, characters whose lives are easier than we can dream of, terrible plots, and fantasy fulfillment?

I'll give you a hint: Change the female's ideal "I'm special and want super cool boy friends who are really dreamy and macho, and they all want to date me at the same time." to the male's "I'm special and want super hot girl friends who are really sexy and slutty, and they all want to me at the same time."

That's right. Twilight is just porn for women. If you have a problem with Twilight existing, then you loose all rights to watch porn. Don't watch it if you don't want to, but let's all get over the fact that this exists.

The difference is there are people out there who say twilight has a really good story. I don't think anyone sees pron as anything but dolphin flogging fuel.

KingCracker wrote: Im not by any stretch offended by homosexuals or anything of that nature, but Im not going to lie, all the shirtless guys get a bit uncomfortable after an hour of it

I do agree, however I'll also point out that our women have been sitting through Megan Fox for a few years as we drag em to Transformers. I think its just the fact that the movies have NOTHING to do with vampiric history or are even loosely based on it (ala Underworld/Blade). Its just teenage soap opera thats attempting (very successfully) to cash in on the almost universal female sexual obsession with vampires and blood.

Grakmar wrote:

That's right. Twilight is just porn for women. If you have a problem with Twilight existing, then you loose all rights to watch porn. Don't watch it if you don't want to, but let's all get over the fact that this exists.

No, we lose all right to watch porn without women bitching about it. Which doesn't exist either.

I find this vegetarian vampire much more intimidating than Edward Cullen..

KingCracker wrote:
No. Thats not right at all. My wife had porn for women at her bachelorette (sp? FFS my spell checker just wont spit it out lol) party. And they were not watching Twilight

She was watching porn for men. But, she probably wasn't "enjoying" it the same way we do. She was most likely laughing at it with her friends.

Just like with Twilight. You may sit there and laugh about how terrible it is, but that isn't enjoying the movie the way women do.

(Oh, and you totally spelled bachelorette correctly. Windows doesn't seem to think it's a word.)

agroszkiewicz wrote:

KingCracker wrote: Im not by any stretch offended by homosexuals or anything of that nature, but Im not going to lie, all the shirtless guys get a bit uncomfortable after an hour of it

I do agree, however I'll also point out that our women have been sitting through Megan Fox for a few years as we drag em to Transformers. I think its just the fact that the movies have NOTHING to do with vampiric history or are even loosely based on it (ala Underworld/Blade). Its just teenage soap opera thats attempting (very successfully) to cash in on the almost universal female sexual obsession with vampires and blood.

Yea thats a rather good point. Itd be moot if my wife were Bi, but sadly she is not

I know Ive had to explain bits of why this movie is so far off from traditional vampire lore. God, seriously its so far off you could just make up something and say well they are called Jibbawitzes and presto no problems

KingCracker wrote:
I know Ive had to explain bits of why this movie is so far off from traditional vampire lore. God, seriously its so far off you could just make up something and say well they are called Jibbawitzes and presto no problems

That's 100% on target. There's no reason to call Twilight's creatures vampires. Although, it is fun to point out to Twilight fans that it means they've all sold their souls to the devil.

Grakmar wrote:Ok, I may get flamed for this, but I have to say it anyway: The internet has blown this hole Twilight thing out of proportion.

Yeah, the writing is pretty poor. Yeah, the main character is a total Mary Sue. Yeah, the plot makes little to no sense. However, it does fulfill the fantasy of "I'm special and want super cool friends who are really aloof and macho, and they all want to date me at the same time."

But, you know what else has poor writing, characters whose lives are easier than we can dream of, terrible plots, and fantasy fulfillment?

I'll give you a hint: Change the female's ideal "I'm special and want super cool boy friends who are really dreamy and macho, and they all want to date me at the same time." to the male's "I'm special and want super hot girl friends who are really sexy and slutty, and they all want to me at the same time."

That's right. Twilight is just porn for women. If you have a problem with Twilight existing, then you loose all rights to watch porn. Don't watch it if you don't want to, but let's all get over the fact that this exists.

It is quite funny to see males slagging off a really good money making venture just because some males (and, obviously some females) see it as some kind of pron. What total bollocks.

Harry Potter, Twilight, Lord of the Rings, Matrix, Bourne films etc, etc, ad infinitum et nauseum. There are hundreds of film sagas based upon books, all of them targeted at various audiences.
Just because the Twilight films leaves your beer belly open to ridicule does not mean it should never exist. This is an example of people's inadequacies being manifested into jealousy or impatience with something they don't understand. They are very clever films and whilst I was begging for her to throw herself over the cliff as I had enough of seeing her angst and pathetic meanderings over a love interest I could also see where people actually get the films and love them.

There are hundreds of films on offer which people rate as wonderful, Blade Runner, for example is hailed as a superb blah, blah, blah. I thought it was total crap. Doesn't mean it isn't great just means I don't like it.

Get over it, there are far better things to get passionate about rather than a film franchise you can choose to ignore if you wish.

I like them.

Samus_aran115 wrote:I like them.

Shocking! The girl is hot though....I'd eat strawberry jam out of her cornhole with a little silver spoon.

My biggest problems with Twilight is just its crappy writing, full stop. I mean seriously....can Stepehnie Meyer use adjectives other than chagrin or 'Adonis'? More importantly could she spend some more time actually working with a plot rather than just describing how drop dead sexy Edward is every single freaking time he appears. Additionally, I hate Bella with a passion. She has no character, why? Because she exists for no other reason than to be someone the readers replace with themselves in order to live the fantasy. Bella has no character, and is a Mary Sue of the worst order. She has no redeeming characteristics, but everyone loves here and is willing to fight a war in order to save her. More importantly, can you see her arrogance? Her father bought a car off his crippled friend in the first book, and what's her response? To worry about the friend? To thank her dad? No, to whine and complain about how the car isn't perfect.

On top of all that, why in Terra's Holy Name does Meyer potray Edward as loving? He freaking broke her car to stop her from seeing her friends! He's a controlling little bastard in and of himself, and I'm stumped to understand why this is considered attractive at all.

Finally, as for Twilight being basically porn?



Stephenie Meyer said the idea for Twilight came to her in a dream. How much do you want to bet it was a wet dream and she decided to publish her night time fantasy? I swear that's what happened, and what's responsible for this whole crappy series.

To be honest, what annoys me the most about this whole thing is the fact that the fans are just...insane about it. To them its the greatest piece of literature ever. Hell, Stephenie Meyer has described her love story as one of the greatest love stories in history. I....I just don't know what to say.

I'm ending my rant now before I do something stupid. Like sending in the Adeptus Sororitas to purge her and her heresy from this world. Seriously, it is heresy. She's promoting the acceptance and love of mutants!

[/ ]

ChrisWWII wrote:

Damn yo, I'd so tap that. Rawr.

agroszkiewicz wrote:

Samus_aran115 wrote:I like them.

Shocking! The girl is hot though....I'd eat strawberry jam out of her with a little silver spoon.

Gruesome mental image is gruesome.... think of the children

I for one do not find her attractive... she has no class.

agroszkiewicz wrote:Shocking! The girl is hot though....I'd eat strawberry jam out of her cornhole with a little silver spoon.

I thought I had come across every fetish the internet had to offer.

Congratulations, sir, you have won the award for overly specific, weird, and creepy without being over the top disgusting fetish of the year.

Bella doesn't really do much for me....she's not that good looking to be honest, and her personality is...annoying to say the least.

Alice at least is actually amusing at times. Seriously, the background characters SHOW Meyer is capable of creating well developed, interesting characters....she jsut chose to put them in the background instead of focusing on them.

agroszkiewicz wrote:

Samus_aran115 wrote:I like them.

Shocking! The girl is hot though....I'd eat strawberry jam out of her cornhole with a little silver spoon.

I didn't need to know that.