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Seen at a plasma donation clinic: A Satanist who wrote all over a white hoodie with a sharpie. What he wrote: "Satin is my Dark Lord" "Satin is my Savor (savior?)", and other such hilarious misspellings. I'm pretty sure that no one had the guts to tell him. Any others?

My mom decided to quote Achmed the Dead Terrorist.... at an AIRPORT!

That is certainly worth a faceapalm..the matter of him misspelling, not the religion. No religion flames of wars will have me in it.

My facepalm? Overhearing how many times a teenage girl says'' like'' in a sentence (or sentences? It's hard to tell because they like..go on an on and like..just like..)

My friends decided to try and get me a date and dating advice. Right then and there I started laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

Then another time I was cooking some food and then i was like "Oh, this is too much work, I'll just lay down." *Two hours later* Fire alarm goes off and the chicken had exploded and I was laying right next to the kitchen oven. Brilliance and intelligence in myself I sense.

A Black Ram wrote:That is certainly worth a faceapalm..the matter of him misspelling, not the religion. No religion flames of wars will have me in it.

But wouldn't Satinism be nothing but Flames?

Or would it be nothing but a whole lot of comfort?

A Black Ram wrote:That is certainly worth a faceapalm..the matter of him misspelling, not the religion. No religion flames of wars will have me in it.

My facepalm? Overhearing how many times a teenage girl says'' like'' in a sentence (or sentences? It's hard to tell because they like..go on an on and like..just like..)

Omg so true. I counted them one time in a sentence that a Girl used it. At least 35 times in 12 sentences. *facepalm*
Then guys also do it here.
Emperor Be Praised my town literally is so stupid I literally have to dumb my sentences down to where they can understand me, and then when I am with my friends who are intelligent I still have to dumb myself down.

There was this one time I was talking to a girl and she says, "So I heard you like Cold Play! And I was wondering if you would like to.... *Friend pops out from behind her* "HEY CAL I JUST TENCAOUS D AND SOME DEATHKLOK OH AND SOME KISS AS WELL!"
She immediately looked at me with hate and walked away. I told my friend. "You just had to do that didn't you?"
He answered. "Yes its my job to ensure you don't get a GF."
Then I replied. "OK so I'll do the same in return and that way I am Monument to all your sins."
Friend: What god no.
Me: Yep
Next week he is talking to the girl and she asks him. "So I heard you like heavy metal so do I and I was wondering if you would like to..... *I come out behind her and says.* "Hey mate I just found some Cold Play and Justin Bieber in your albums library! YOU LIED TO ME YOU BASTARD!"
She immediately gets up flicks him off and walks up to me and slaps me and walks away.

In My opinion it was worth it.

Lets see....

I got called a white supremacist for liking The Offspring and their song "Pretty Fly for a White Guy." If anything it actually discriminates a white person.

A girl in my social studies class argued with my teacher because she thinks that global warming is ocurring because volcanos are erupting underwater and melting Antartica.

Any speech made by Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, a tea party member, and any really dumb political group.

When my football coach failed to realize that one of the team´s players was high at the moment. (Goddamn I hate that kid!)

Blitza da warboy wrote:Lets see....

I got called a white supremacist for liking The Offspring and their song "Pretty Fly for a White Guy."

Welcome to the party, but I got called it by my mother for looking like one and listening to certain music that a certain group of white people like.

-Activate shields-

At the end of Geography class, the teacher was nearly crying as he had to explain that not all rivers flow south, and north does not equal up/higher up. We're even in a state with a north-flowing river.

At school one time a teacher walked up to one of my friends and asked him in the kindest way it he was a white supremacist (she taught black history month) even though at the time he was walking down the hall with 4 black guys who are some of his best friends!

Awkward moment with Chowderhead13 tiem!

Alright, so I walked up to my girlfriend during lunch, put my arm around her, and said, "What's up?" The entirety of the table looked at her, she nodded, and they all left.

"Matthew, you're a nice guy, but I don't think I'm ready yet. We should... probably see other people."

She dropped the bombshell 5 days into out dating. I shook hands with her, Never met her parents. Dammit, I never even saw her damned house.

And she was my 1st GF. Go me!

Another gem:
It was a summer party at the park. Boys vs Girls chestnut trowing fight. I got a great one off, right into her... well.... Let's just say that chestnut got to second base, and stayed there. Everyone stopped and stared at me. Thankfully, I had a back up plan.

RUN

She finally caught up to me and slapped me so hard I broke 2 of my fingers falling.

Lastly, I had to get my teeth put back in after a jock punched me in the mouth for taking off my noise cancelling headphones, which were in the middle of "Crawling" By Linkin Park.

I thought it was between Peter Wiggin and KingCracker?

A Black Ram wrote:I thought it was between Peter Wiggin and KingCracker?

Naww man it's totally GES!

On second thought, I'm not going to tell that story here.

Not sure if the statute of limitations is up.

Years ago, I worked with a girl who suddenly decided to be a metal-head. She went out and bought a leather jacket and in nail polish, maybe Testors enamel, wrote "Metalica" with a giant star of David underneath on the back of it.

Khornholio wrote:Years ago, I worked with a girl who suddenly decided to be a metal-head. She went out and bought a leather jacket and in nail polish, maybe Testors enamel, wrote "Metalica" with a giant star of David underneath on the back of it.

With all the suing over piracy they did, it comes as no surprise to me that Metallica is Jewish

Funniest thing was back in my goth/ nerd hanging out at the bottom of the stairs with the magic geeks crowd days... I watched the totally normal mexican kid go from straightedge to total blazing emo because he saw me getting a bunch of girlfriends.
I know they say going goth can get you laid, but what does going emo net you? Your sister's jeans?

Mhm, here going goth nets you a few proper good friends, and lots hugs.

All the ones I hang with are really cheery people actually

On topic:

I was taking me break earlier today at work, hanging around the front door of the place, when some prick (read hip hop giant ego dude) walks past, just when all the snow on the roof decides it wants to hang around on the ground. Hilarity ensues.

I read this thread...

I was working on my car.... I had just replaced thebrushes in the alternator and was out for a test drive. It stared raining so wipers and lights get turned on.... then the car dies.
Turned out I had forgotten to hook the wiring harness back up to the alt before starting the car and ran the battery dry.

Oh, the first time I tried to change my own oil I accidentally drained my transmission instead.

My friend believes ninjas still exist in Egypt...

Footsloggin wrote:My friend believes ninjas still exist in Egypt...

Oh, they do, they just WANT you to think they don't

Footsloggin wrote:My friend believes ninjas still exist in Egypt...

I don't get it... do you mean japan?

OK here goes.......
I'm working the door of our halloween attraction's Barn of Terror. Busy night with at least a thousand people in line. Told the safety rules to the next group in line and opened the door - when a lady says can you turn the lights on in there 'cuz my kids are scared?

corpsesarefun wrote:

Footsloggin wrote:My friend believes ninjas still exist in Egypt...

I don't get it... do you mean japan?

No, I mean EGYPT. They USED to exist in Japan. He thinks they STILL exist in EGYPT... He's not the brightest.

chowderhead13 wrote:Awkward moment with Chowderhead13 tiem!

Alright, so I walked up to my girlfriend during lunch, put my arm around her, and said, "What's up?" The entirety of the table looked at her, she nodded, and they all left.

"Matthew, you're a nice guy, but I don't think I'm ready yet. We should... probably see other people."

She dropped the bombshell 5 days into out dating. I shook hands with her, Never met her parents. Dammit, I never even saw her damned house.

And she was my 1st GF. Go me!

Another gem:
It was a summer party at the park. Boys vs Girls chestnut trowing fight. I got a great one off, right into her... well.... Let's just say that chestnut got to second base, and stayed there. Everyone stopped and stared at me. Thankfully, I had a back up plan.

RUN

She finally caught up to me and slapped me so hard I broke 2 of my fingers falling.

Lastly, I had to get my teeth put back in after a jock punched me in the mouth for taking off my noise cancelling headphones, which were in the middle of "Crawling" By Linkin Park.

How did you let her catch up to you? Did you want to get caught? (or was she a good runner/ on track or something similar?)

A little story about my dear old mum.

A while back she needed to drive to a hospital about 50 miles away for a consultation, mum isn't the most confident of drivers and rarely goes further than the city centre, let alone drive on the motorway (which this trip entailed). I would have offered but there was no way of me getting out of work so she had to ake the trip herself. Her main concern was breaking down on the motorway and not having any mobile signal. I told her not to worry as there were emergency phones every 1 mile. A look of deep concern spread across my mums face, I asked her what was wrong, and she replied, "well what if I have just driven past one, I can't walk a mile until I get to the next one"

micahaphone wrote:At the end of Geography class, the teacher was nearly crying as he had to explain that not all rivers flow south, and north does not equal up/higher up. We're even in a state with a north-flowing river.

Oh dear god tell me your kdding

I have facepalm moments every day.

No.

Wait, that's my bad. Sorry. I have dickpalm moments every day.

Mukkin'About wrote:

Khornholio wrote:Years ago, I worked with a girl who suddenly decided to be a metal-head. She went out and bought a leather jacket and in nail polish, maybe Testors enamel, wrote "Metalica" with a giant star of David underneath on the back of it.

With all the suing over piracy they did, it comes as no surprise to me that Metallica is Jewish

Please don't write stuff like that, it offends me a bit.

My cousin thought that blow job meant something to do with cutting hair. He a hairdresser one day if they could tell him what it was. (he's not from here )