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Chapter 30: The Slow Stalk of Awakening  [RSS] Share on facebook Share on Twitter Submit to Reddit
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Made in us
Mutated Chosen Chaos Marine







Nice new entry. I have to say, I'd worried that this story had died, and it was nice to see an update.
   
Made in gb
Thunderhawk Pilot Dropping From Orbit





Thanks guys for the comments and post. :thumbsups:

I must admit the fire for the story did die for awhile due to...technical dificulties, I decided to start a new project to spark my creativity once more. But after lengthy prayers to the Emperor, and a few secret blood sacrifices to the Gods, I'm back on form.

Expect things to move rapidly from here on in

Come into my web, said the spider to the fly.
Come rest your wings, and let us talk eye to eye.
For I am a spider, and you are the fly. Now that you are here, let us sit, and say hi.
But I have have no morsel to share, nor anything to eat. But wait, what is that stickiness upon your feet.
Ah now I have you, now I can eat. Now I can enjoy you, or store you as meat.
For I am the spider, and you are the fly. How else could it have gone, between one such as you, and one such as I.
 
   
Made in us
Mutated Chosen Chaos Marine







Another well written entry. I especially like the opening; you really feel immersed in the underhive. The way you describe the whoosh of promethium and the tangy smell, alongside the crumbling shafts and musk of orks is nicely done. Its a vivid and thoroughly ugly portrayal of a warscape in the 40th millennium.
   
Made in no
Terrifying Doombull





Hefnaheim

I agree with LoneLictor, a well done chapter
   
Made in gb
Thunderhawk Pilot Dropping From Orbit





Regrettably there are not many descriptions of the underhives, so sorry about the vagueness. But then again, they do say you should leave something for the reader to imagine for themselves.

Thanks for the comments guys.

Detrus and Agathon's hand bags at dawn is coming up next.

Come into my web, said the spider to the fly.
Come rest your wings, and let us talk eye to eye.
For I am a spider, and you are the fly. Now that you are here, let us sit, and say hi.
But I have have no morsel to share, nor anything to eat. But wait, what is that stickiness upon your feet.
Ah now I have you, now I can eat. Now I can enjoy you, or store you as meat.
For I am the spider, and you are the fly. How else could it have gone, between one such as you, and one such as I.
 
   
Made in no
Terrifying Doombull





Hefnaheim

Finally the mad dog lays dead! Glad to see you hit the stride once more
   
Made in us
Mutated Chosen Chaos Marine







Well, its fitting that the Chapter where the Panther's Claws finally turned on itself is Chapter Thirteen. The entry is well written; the fight between Detrus and Agathon, and their interactions seems very real. Its a pity that Detrus had to die; say what you will about his quality as a ruler, but he was a fun character to watch.

The only complaint I have is how easily Andreas steps down. He's a stern and loyal man, one who values honor more than sanity. It feels kind of abrupt how quickly Agathon talks him into standing down, especially when the two were just insulting each other, and Andreas probably isn't very receptive at the moment. The scene might flow better if Agathon kills Andreas instead, but that would raise a different problem; Agathon doesn't like killing his brothers, and even when he kills Detrus, he does it in the highly honorable way of Vindicetis. For him to just kill Andreas for guarding a door, Agathon wouldn't seem very honorable after all.

Ah well, maybe I'm thinking too much about it. Either way, the Chapter is nicely written.
   
Made in gb
Thunderhawk Pilot Dropping From Orbit





He was a fun character to write, but alas, he had to die for the Panthers to stand some chance of weathering the storm soon to break as the Space Hulk arrives in orbit. But dont worry, there is something brewing between Ateus and Agathon.

Thank you LoneLictor for cutting right to the source of my troubled thoughts, I too felt Andreas gives in rather too easily for my liking as well. And he knew that he had to give challenge honorably to regain his after what Detrus did to him.

I need to stretch out the moment at the door with Andreas and Agathon, but as you could tell the thought never came. I will stretch it by giving Andreas more lines with thought speech to explain his actions.

Think away, cheers LoneLictor.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2013/05/25 08:28:01


Come into my web, said the spider to the fly.
Come rest your wings, and let us talk eye to eye.
For I am a spider, and you are the fly. Now that you are here, let us sit, and say hi.
But I have have no morsel to share, nor anything to eat. But wait, what is that stickiness upon your feet.
Ah now I have you, now I can eat. Now I can enjoy you, or store you as meat.
For I am the spider, and you are the fly. How else could it have gone, between one such as you, and one such as I.
 
   
Made in no
Terrifying Doombull





Hefnaheim

I like the New adition you made to the latest Chapter. It now flows much better
   
Made in gb
Thunderhawk Pilot Dropping From Orbit





Thanks for having a look Trondheim.

Come into my web, said the spider to the fly.
Come rest your wings, and let us talk eye to eye.
For I am a spider, and you are the fly. Now that you are here, let us sit, and say hi.
But I have have no morsel to share, nor anything to eat. But wait, what is that stickiness upon your feet.
Ah now I have you, now I can eat. Now I can enjoy you, or store you as meat.
For I am the spider, and you are the fly. How else could it have gone, between one such as you, and one such as I.
 
   
Made in us
Mutated Chosen Chaos Marine







I like the changes you've made to Chapter Thirteen, Andreas' persuasion feels a lot more real now.
   
Made in gb
Thunderhawk Pilot Dropping From Orbit






Come into my web, said the spider to the fly.
Come rest your wings, and let us talk eye to eye.
For I am a spider, and you are the fly. Now that you are here, let us sit, and say hi.
But I have have no morsel to share, nor anything to eat. But wait, what is that stickiness upon your feet.
Ah now I have you, now I can eat. Now I can enjoy you, or store you as meat.
For I am the spider, and you are the fly. How else could it have gone, between one such as you, and one such as I.
 
   
Made in no
Terrifying Doombull





Hefnaheim

Thumbs up on this one, it seems the fleet is in dire need of some repairs. i really got a sense of urgency
   
Made in no
Terrifying Doombull





Hefnaheim

Nice new addition to your tale, and also bonus points for more Varro action!
   
Made in us
Mutated Chosen Chaos Marine







Its nicely written, and I can't find any problems with the entry itself.

That said, you should change the Chapter's title. It sounds weird.
   
Made in gb
Thunderhawk Pilot Dropping From Orbit





Agreed, it really does. I will amend. Cheers LoneLictor.

Come into my web, said the spider to the fly.
Come rest your wings, and let us talk eye to eye.
For I am a spider, and you are the fly. Now that you are here, let us sit, and say hi.
But I have have no morsel to share, nor anything to eat. But wait, what is that stickiness upon your feet.
Ah now I have you, now I can eat. Now I can enjoy you, or store you as meat.
For I am the spider, and you are the fly. How else could it have gone, between one such as you, and one such as I.
 
   
Made in us
Mutated Chosen Chaos Marine







Excellently written.

This kind of reminds me of what happened after Caligula's death. He was killed by his own Guards, but they had no idea who should replace him. They just killed him because he needed killing. Of course, it doesn't have a happy ending.

In the chaos following Caligula's death, a mentally ill and very paranoid man named Claudius was appointed. Then Claudius was poisoned and died, and Nero, who was literally a serial killer, took the throne.

Hopefully things won't go that badly for the Panthers Claws.
   
Made in gb
Thunderhawk Pilot Dropping From Orbit





By the Emperor I hope not, one madman was enough for them.

Thanks LoneLictor

Come into my web, said the spider to the fly.
Come rest your wings, and let us talk eye to eye.
For I am a spider, and you are the fly. Now that you are here, let us sit, and say hi.
But I have have no morsel to share, nor anything to eat. But wait, what is that stickiness upon your feet.
Ah now I have you, now I can eat. Now I can enjoy you, or store you as meat.
For I am the spider, and you are the fly. How else could it have gone, between one such as you, and one such as I.
 
   
Made in no
Terrifying Doombull





Hefnaheim

Oh dear....This dose indeed look grim. I just pray that no Nero in PA comes along
   
Made in gb
Thunderhawk Pilot Dropping From Orbit





No Madmen allowed, though Marinus is doing a go job of starting where Detrus left off. I mean what the hell is he thinking dividing the chapter at a time like this.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2013/06/23 22:48:56


Come into my web, said the spider to the fly.
Come rest your wings, and let us talk eye to eye.
For I am a spider, and you are the fly. Now that you are here, let us sit, and say hi.
But I have have no morsel to share, nor anything to eat. But wait, what is that stickiness upon your feet.
Ah now I have you, now I can eat. Now I can enjoy you, or store you as meat.
For I am the spider, and you are the fly. How else could it have gone, between one such as you, and one such as I.
 
   
Made in no
Terrifying Doombull





Hefnaheim

Yes who would even consider such actions.... What a douche
   
Made in gb
Thunderhawk Pilot Dropping From Orbit





 Trondheim wrote:
Yes who would even consider such actions.... What a douche


Much lolz at reading this.

Come into my web, said the spider to the fly.
Come rest your wings, and let us talk eye to eye.
For I am a spider, and you are the fly. Now that you are here, let us sit, and say hi.
But I have have no morsel to share, nor anything to eat. But wait, what is that stickiness upon your feet.
Ah now I have you, now I can eat. Now I can enjoy you, or store you as meat.
For I am the spider, and you are the fly. How else could it have gone, between one such as you, and one such as I.
 
   
Made in gb
Thunderhawk Pilot Dropping From Orbit





So many views lately and no comments If it's gak or you see a hole in my fluff and anything else please tell me. I would honestly like to know. Thanks in advance.

Come into my web, said the spider to the fly.
Come rest your wings, and let us talk eye to eye.
For I am a spider, and you are the fly. Now that you are here, let us sit, and say hi.
But I have have no morsel to share, nor anything to eat. But wait, what is that stickiness upon your feet.
Ah now I have you, now I can eat. Now I can enjoy you, or store you as meat.
For I am the spider, and you are the fly. How else could it have gone, between one such as you, and one such as I.
 
   
Made in no
Terrifying Doombull





Hefnaheim

Now that was worth the wait! But my heart bleeds for the mortaly wounded man No one should have to die alone.
   
Made in gb
Thunderhawk Pilot Dropping From Orbit





He thought it would be better than a las bolt to the head so he could meet the Emperor with his head held high. But I agree.

It seems the two sides of the chapter have come to blows. Should be interesting. I say this because even I don't know what happened. Someone probably got caught wearing someone elses favourite tank top again.

Come into my web, said the spider to the fly.
Come rest your wings, and let us talk eye to eye.
For I am a spider, and you are the fly. Now that you are here, let us sit, and say hi.
But I have have no morsel to share, nor anything to eat. But wait, what is that stickiness upon your feet.
Ah now I have you, now I can eat. Now I can enjoy you, or store you as meat.
For I am the spider, and you are the fly. How else could it have gone, between one such as you, and one such as I.
 
   
Made in us
Mutated Chosen Chaos Marine







Nice new entry.

I feel bad for the poor Guardsmen.
   
Made in gb
Thunderhawk Pilot Dropping From Orbit





I thought the Guardsmen view and feelings of the fighting would be a nice change of pace. I hope I portrayed them ok?
Yeah I feel bad for him too. But when your a nameless character, expect to die. Star Trek tought me that. You will be remembered crewman number three.

Come into my web, said the spider to the fly.
Come rest your wings, and let us talk eye to eye.
For I am a spider, and you are the fly. Now that you are here, let us sit, and say hi.
But I have have no morsel to share, nor anything to eat. But wait, what is that stickiness upon your feet.
Ah now I have you, now I can eat. Now I can enjoy you, or store you as meat.
For I am the spider, and you are the fly. How else could it have gone, between one such as you, and one such as I.
 
   
Made in no
Terrifying Doombull





Hefnaheim

You did a stellar job my dear!
   
Made in gb
Thunderhawk Pilot Dropping From Orbit





Why thanks! But I would say I did fine, stellar seems a bit too high of a praise. I don't want myself getting a big head. I'm no star. I've read far better on here, and I'l not make them blush by saying my top author. (cough-LoneLictor-cough)

Come into my web, said the spider to the fly.
Come rest your wings, and let us talk eye to eye.
For I am a spider, and you are the fly. Now that you are here, let us sit, and say hi.
But I have have no morsel to share, nor anything to eat. But wait, what is that stickiness upon your feet.
Ah now I have you, now I can eat. Now I can enjoy you, or store you as meat.
For I am the spider, and you are the fly. How else could it have gone, between one such as you, and one such as I.
 
   
Made in no
Terrifying Doombull





Hefnaheim

Well you know me, I would not hide my opinion if I felt you deliverd a less than good chapter now would I. And yes.....cough-Lone Lictor & necrogoago-coughchough
   
 
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