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Can we please take the argument about the scale of the game to another thread? This one is for a humorous discussion about ridiculous things that happen in games that make no sense realistically, not whether it's appropriate for Space Marines to be tougher than Guardsmen or whatever it is that everyone's bitching about.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest...

It's probably been covered by other posts in this thread, but I get a funny mental image when I picture a lone 2+ armor save character tanking wounds from an AP3 flamer weapon for his squad.

*Heldrake stoops down from the sky to flame a full-strength Space Marine Devastator Squad lead by a Captain in Cataphractii armor*

Captain: "Quickly brothers, everyone get behind me!"

*Heldrake unleashes its baleflamer all over the Marines, boosted in power by its Daemonforge. Flames roar all around the Space Marines*

*Marine player rolls his saves and gets only a single , the Marines are completely unharmed. The ground around the squad and the Captain's armor are all scorched and blackened, but somehow the Devastators' armor is still pristine.*

Marine: "Brother-Captain, what just happened?"

Captain: "The Emperor protects, brother. Now someone fetch me some burn ointment and some armor polish!"

This is the main instance where taking all wounds on the closest model is just stupid.

Imagine a Carnifex, or other pesky monster creature being hit by a Deathstrike missile. Weapon that destroys entire city blocks..

Carnifex: Today is such a beautiful day to devour everything...

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!! Deathstrike missile impacts rignt on top of the Carnifex, obliterating everything in wide area.
Carnifex takes one wound...

Carnifex: Oh,what was that? It's just a scratch, I have plenty of wounds left anyway...

 Ashiraya wrote:

Waaaghpower wrote:
But how do you balance a game where one army's most basic troops without any upgrades (Tactical Marines) is all-but immune to the firepower of another army's basic troops?

I must have missed all those complaints about ABG breaking the game, then.

I mean, obviously the entire game would need reworking, but then, 40k as it is now is so bad I don't see how to truly fix it unless you do.

I didn't say it would be overpowered, I said it would be difficult to balance - The ABG rather proves that, because it's extremely far on the 'Rock' side of 'Rock/paper/scissors.' (And I think the 40k rules are mostly good as they stand right now, actually. It's the codices that need fixing, plus maybe some trimming around the edges in a few of the phases to get rid of bloat and a tweak to vehicle damage. That's all the rulebook would need.)

Speaking of ridiculous mental images, though - I find it a little silly how AP and saves works, from a logical standpoint. Space Marine armor covers the entire body, head to toe, in thick plates of ceramite. Terminator armor does the same, but with even thicker plates. If the save is supposed to represent the likelihood of a bullet or attack hitting an exposed/weak part of the armor, shouldn't the Power Armor provide a 2+ save? And Ork armor is generally armor plates that appear to be about a foot thick, but only cover a tiny fraction of the Ork's body - Of course it's only going to give a 6+ save, because it's only covering the Ork's shoulder and a bit of his back, but how exactly does a run-of-the-mill machine gun actually punch through that armor?

I know this is 30k, but the fact a single apothecary can effectively patch up 20 marines by himself.

 nudibranch wrote:
I know this is 30k, but the fact a single apothecary can effectively patch up 20 marines by himself.

It probably just involves a big dose of painkillers and yelling about the emperor a bit.

I know the images i got when my templar captain was at 1 wound and killed a lord of change involved him using his broken arm bones to jab it in the eyes ... marines can always get bionics after the battle right, all the better to punch heretics in the throat with when you can get a built in powerfist.

Kataklysmic wrote:

 nudibranch wrote:
I know this is 30k, but the fact a single apothecary can effectively patch up 20 marines by himself.

It probably just involves a big dose of painkillers and yelling about the emperor a bit.

I know the images i got when my templar captain was at 1 wound and killed a lord of change involved him using his broken arm bones to jab it in the eyes ... marines can always get bionics after the battle right, all the better to punch heretics in the throat with when you can get a built in powerfist.

I'm just picturing a marine with a big white bag running around frantically hurling fistfuls of morphine needles in the air...

 nudibranch wrote:
I know this is 30k, but the fact a single apothecary can effectively patch up 20 marines by himself.

Sanguinary Priests used to beat that 6'' FNP bubble meant you could be healing 30-40 marines easy Being cheeky I bet you could push it past 100.

Mraj__Undefined wrote:

Kataklysmic wrote:

 nudibranch wrote:
I know this is 30k, but the fact a single apothecary can effectively patch up 20 marines by himself.

It probably just involves a big dose of painkillers and yelling about the emperor a bit.

I know the images i got when my templar captain was at 1 wound and killed a lord of change involved him using his broken arm bones to jab it in the eyes ... marines can always get bionics after the battle right, all the better to punch heretics in the throat with when you can get a built in powerfist.

I'm just picturing a marine with a big white bag running around frantically hurling fistfuls of morphine needles in the air...

Thats why space marine heros never wear helmets, a good apothecary can nail them in the forehead with a hypodermic at 20 paces to keep them in the fight

I could also imagine a grav centurion finding a lone Grot hiding somewhere, the last one on an imporrtant objective. He gets close enough to fire the grav cannon execution-style at the Grot... only for the Grot to go completely unharmed. The Marine fires even harder, still to no avail.

 KommissarKiln wrote:
I could also imagine a grav centurion finding a lone Grot hiding somewhere, the last one on an imporrtant objective. He gets close enough to fire the grav cannon execution-style at the Grot... only for the Grot to go completely unharmed. The Marine fires even harder, still to no avail.

And then due to the special rules each one has the Grot has the strength to secure the objective despite the Centurions protestations.

I've got one, playing Eldar/DE against Tau. Tau annihilate DSing scouges (all with blasters except for the one scourge with a splinter rifle. Frank the scourge charges a unit of 6 fire warriors, all OW shots miss, deals out 2 wounds,squad fails morale Frank sweeping advances them he then sets his sights on a unit of markerlights (no OW but have 1 attack in CC and a 4+ save) markerlights fail morale and Frank sweeping advances them.

Frank earned his wings that day and is now legend in the halls of Commoragh

Imperial Guard squad is charge by a Solitaire.
Despite being absolutely terrified (failed fear test) their ability to fight is completely unaffected
(ws3/1 vs Ws 9 is the same)

Leman Russ Battle tank is shooting at the enemy in front of the tank 6" away. Shot scatters full 12" back, (minus BS) and the explosion kills few guardsmen who stand by the side of that tank.

HOW!

 Hawky wrote:
Leman Russ Battle tank is shooting at the enemy in front of the tank 6" away. Shot scatters full 12" back, (minus BS) and the explosion kills few guardsmen who stand by the side of that tank.

HOW!

Guard training isn't exactly extensive ... 'heres a lasgun, go shoot the green monsters' covers it.
Armored divisions aren't much better.

Chances are the rookie gunner got the front and back of the tank mixed up because it looks the same in his targeter then panicked and shot the first thing that moved ... pretty realistic fluffwise i'd say!

Nork deddog headbutting MC's to death.

Kataklysmic wrote:

 Hawky wrote:
Leman Russ Battle tank is shooting at the enemy in front of the tank 6" away. Shot scatters full 12" back, (minus BS) and the explosion kills few guardsmen who stand by the side of that tank.

HOW!

Guard training isn't exactly extensive ... 'heres a lasgun, go shoot the green monsters' covers it.
Armored divisions aren't much better.

That depends entirely of where your Guard unit is from. This is a quite annoying misconception

Indeed, not all Guard units are conscripts.

UrsoerTheSquid wrote:
Nork deddog headbutting MC's to death.

Actually that's probably the most plausible, this is the Ogryn that carried an entire Chimera across a battlefield to a Commissar to get him fixed up.

Though I think my favorite rule is that Jain Zhar, master of the Disarming Strike can prevents Weapons like a Reaper Chainsword from being used if locked in a challenge with a Character Imperial Knight.

 ZebioLizard2 wrote:

UrsoerTheSquid wrote:
Nork deddog headbutting MC's to death.

Actually that's probably the most plausible, this is the Ogryn that carried an entire Chimera across a battlefield to a Commissar to get him fixed up.

Now petitioning to have units pushing immobilized vehicles around as a thing. Useful for cover, I would imagine.

I suppose. But the image of him scoring a penetrating hit on a tank is also hilarious.

"Nork, go check and see if there is anyone hiding in that tank"

He runs up and forces his head through the walls to report that yes in fact there was people in it, and now that it has exploded thy are dead.

 ZebioLizard2 wrote:
Though I think my favorite rule is that Jain Zhar, master of the Disarming Strike can prevents Weapons like a Reaper Chainsword from being used if locked in a challenge with a Character Imperial Knight.

She has haywire grenades, no? A well-placed one should knock the chainsword arm out cold.

Or if not, a strike with that blade of hers to the right wires...

Under the rules it is perfectly legal for me to fire my Deathstrike missile in old Blighty and hit a game taking place in America....

...I haven't smiled so hard in nearly a month. Thank you for that, MoO.

Edit. And it made me laugh, too. Welcome to the club of maybe ten people on Dakka who've managed that.

 master of ordinance wrote:
Under the rules it is perfectly legal for me to fire my Deathstrike missile in old Blighty and hit a game taking place in America....

Anybody got the phone number for an American war gaming club?

Warlord trait, storm of fire.

*Marines are opening fire on the front of an AV15 monstrosity, doing nothing.
*Warlord slams his foot into the ground, raises his hand high, and declares, "All of your shots are now rending!"
*The bullets suddenly start destroying the target

 master of ordinance wrote:
Under the rules it is perfectly legal for me to fire my Deathstrike missile in old Blighty and hit a game taking place in America....

This is one of the best things I've ever read. I absolutely want to try this myself one day, and a very happy day that will be.

Mine is about the Tyranid Lictor. These things are described as extremely lethal, with hooks, barbs and poison everywhere. Now back in 3rd or 4th edition lictors could charge right after deep striking (ambushing), and my nids were facing guardsmen. There's a short story in the 2nd ed nid codex about how a single lictor does horrible things to a squad of guardsmen, and I had read that story often.

So, inevitably, my lone lictor hides in some bushes and ambushes a full squad of catachans, with me very excited to reenact an awesome story. This started nicely as it shredded two or three of the horrendously outmatched humans. Then the catachans kicked it's tentacles in (1w left), and would have killed it the next round if it wasn't for Hit and Run. That lictor spent the rest of that battle cowering behind some trees, terrified of catachans. Monstrous killing machine, riiiiight.

Come to think of it, this was the first and last time I ever fielded a lictor.

>be imperial guard
>shoot your lasgun at max rof
>officer yells at you "shoot faster!"
*shooting intensifies*

I enjoy grots killing terminators in close combat. Basically a 30 lb green child managing to bring down a walking tank.

I like to imagine they jump in the armor through the neck hole or crawl in through the power plant exhaust and start biting wires or something.

Be guardsman. Officier yells "Fire on my target!", while pointing at it with his finger.
Suddenly all obstacles between you and his target disappear, leaving clear firing line.