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I don't understand why you have to edit it so many times just to post it online? Are you sending it to a publisher or something?

it's gramatical errors as well as punctualtion ones too. I'm dyslexic and ocd, so couldn't release it for people to read unless it was perfect in my eyes.

It's also something I'm planning to use for interviews should I get one with GW, which is something I'm aiming for.




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This is also a labour of love Dave, I'm enjoying the process of it all, and want it done properly... I'm not going to cut corners so some friends can read it. I want everyone to appreciate it like they would a GW book or some such...

ahh gramatical and punctuational errors, my dear freinds... i suck at writing.. you can even see in most of my super long dakka posts its all one big confusing runon, feth periods! can i get an amen!

make of this what you will:

eats shoots and leaves.

eats, shoots and leaves.

eats. shoots, and leaves.


Grammar, the difference in sounding intelligent, or a moron

lols dude, wasn't aimed at you ya daft sod

Well, I was first gonna put the "Brenny" in, now I have the hand painted Dakka-MiG as well

Well peer pressure wins out on this one it seems...

Before you read it, I have a little foreword for you all.


This Hobby has been around for me when I really haven't been able to cope with anything, and so have the people who also follow it. This is for all of you.



The Fall of Calliope VI - Prologue.

Im on page 4 (still reading) but before i finished i wanted to tell you how amazing this is childe! Its better than alot of books i have read, and as I read it, it imediatly fills my head with the story and I can see it, great work! You should really send this into GW once your fully finished!


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Finished.. and damn you got me hooked on what comes next, i really like how instead of reading it while its happening, im reading the recalection of someone there

Thanks dude, it means a lot, it really does!

I may just publish each section as its completed in the end... waiting makes me nervous lols.


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Oh, I've also edited the pdf to include a watermark background too now. which is how I'll be formatting the full thing when its finished.

I think its a nice addition childe, adds pizzaz but isnt distracting (imho)

Well the overall plan in the end is to produce something akin to an Imperial Armour book which will include the forces in the story (As army lists), Illustrations of some Characters, Illustrations of wildlife found on Calliope VI and Xeno-Biology illustrations of dissected Tyranid organs and creatures.




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And thank you for taking the time to have another look at it!

no problem childe, i havent unfortinatly been able to get 40k books, so reading this is very interesting... and i think the addition of drawings lists and the sort sound very interesting! make sure to include maps too

Hmmm I hadn't considered maps... Star Charts and Defence layout perhaps?

these are a long way off mind you, need to get the story completed first... and well... a lot more interest in it!!!

im suprised childe! although i agree story comes first... reading a story and having a map with me always helps in the experience ( when i read LotR i also had the mapbook with it ) but then again its just more flair to add to the story

Well people suck... no one else read my story and/or left feedback? I am disappoint!!!

I'n other news, picked up some new comics today, brass rod for pinning, and some superglue and 40k psychic cards... so yeah, I haz stuff ^_^


Also, I now have a fiction thread available as a clickable banner in my sig,

Read what I don't have the time at the moment but once I get back from the dentist tomorrow I will have a look for sure

I

Click the Calliope banner and you'll see

Just read the first couple of pages and seems pretty good so far (will have a proper read tomorrow ) the description of the character and his surroundings is amazing.

I had a small film running through my head as I was reading it, which means it was gripping me so far, so thumbs up here

Thats fantastic of you to say, thank you so much dude!!!

reading currently... i was feeling a bit too empty to join in on the dakka banter yestday... so now you get my full attention!

will get you my 2c after my read!

Viktor von Domm wrote:reading currently... i was feeling a bit too empty to join in on the dakka banter yestday... so now you get my full attention!

will get you my 2c after my read!

I look forward to it muchly my good man!!!

I read you Prologue, not bad at all.

shasolenzabi wrote:I read you Prologue, not bad at all.

lols that all you can say? no critisizms or likes particularly yet?




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Just so people know, I want their honest opinions, no kitty-footing about please... be brutal if you need to, but be constructive with it!!!

I read it late at night, brain juiced in fatigue toxins. I did not some typos, and okay it may have followed a formula, but all of GW stories follow a formula. Not a bad first effort, (Well first from you I have read.) I do have some of my stories down in fan fiction section for you to compare, as well as so many other would be authors, but Black Library likely will not publish what any of us wrote here and not submitted to them directly, and other publishing houses will avoid stepping on the GW IP areas as they know all 40k stories are handled by BL as the In house publisher for GW related tales.

How was that for no kitty footing? Apologies if that was harsh, but oh those Publishers are far worse!

righty right...

here goes nothin´

all in all you got me hooked... i like the story arc...tho there are some things i wish you to think anew about...

during my time of service for he army i had my fair share of cellduty too... there are rules to a warden... never...never have a weapon more deathly than a truncheon at your side... and we didn´t have even that... wardens are prominent for being unarmed... beside...these wouldn´t even need one...

also.. IF they chose to wield one... the cpacities in those cells and so on would rather call for smaller weapons than the ones you decribed... a helberd does look like a very formal weapon...but three of those big guys in one small cell? by the way... for some reason i would better make that three wardens ... let two of them stay armed outside and waiting... the thrid get the shackles on huginn...

then... i think you should find other words describing the word "gaoler"... you used that a good deal too often for my taste...

and when you edit the pages... be sure to begin each page with a fresh sentece... it looks way better this way and the reading is better too...


the water mark is a good idea... tho a bit less in intensity and maybe a more detailed one even?

but don´t get me wrong with what i said... i want to read more of that soon... the fact that hugin survived to tell the tale is something of an essential... after all he now will be the identificational figure in tzhat tale and i already know that he will survive... it is always for me very frustrating to see major charcters die in a story after i got warm with them...(even if it is the hardest to get warm with an ing of the ordo xenos^^)

i liked it...to put it short^^

cheers, vik

oh... forgot one thing... was a damn quick read too^^

lols, I know BL won't publish it tbh, mostly because its been disclosed already. I know my work is above average and of course follows the GW formula, but I don't know how accessable it is to other readers and/or fans. I'm doing the writing project as part of an effort to collate an all round portfolio for presenting to GW as an example of what I can do in three forms: Writing, Illustration and Miniatures. but it is also something I can use as part of a portfolio for other prospective jobs too.

and don't worry, my tutors when I was at uni said much worse things lols. That was nothing lols

AnUnearthlyChilde wrote:lols, I know BL won't publish it tbh, mostly because its been disclosed already. I know my work is above average and of course follows the GW formula, but I don't know how accessable it is to other readers and/or fans. I'm doing the writing project as part of an effort to collate an all round portfolio for presenting to GW as an example of what I can do in three forms: Writing, Illustration and Miniatures. but it is also something I can use as part of a portfolio for other prospective jobs too.

and don't worry, my tutors when I was at uni said much worse things lols. That was nothing lols

Okay, so there won't be any hatin' on da shaso then. Yeah, but I would be just assembling and cleaning my own works in the future to show my writing skills to BL. Ihave had a published author look at some of it and she said I did a really great job at "first person" which is hard to do, so aI know, and oh, APA/scolarly writing SUCKS!

Viktor von Domm wrote:righty right...

here goes nothin´

all in all you got me hooked... i like the story arc...tho there are some things i wish you to think anew about...

during my time of service for he army i had my fair share of cellduty too... there are rules to a warden... never...never have a weapon more deathly than a truncheon at your side... and we didn´t have even that... wardens are prominent for being unarmed... beside...these wouldn´t even need one...

Very true, I chose to arm them due to precedents in the 40k fluff of times when they had done the same here.

also.. IF they chose to wield one... the cpacities in those cells and so on would rather call for smaller weapons than the ones you decribed... a helberd does look like a very formal weapon...but three of those big guys in one small cell? by the way... for some reason i would better make that three wardens ... let two of them stay armed outside and waiting... the thrid get the shackles on huginn...

One remained outside the cell Vik, but I understand your meaning. Not too sure how to change that without rewriting the entire paragraph its in. I may look to adding a third guard depending on viability and paragraph structure.

then... i think you should find other words describing the word "gaoler"... you used that a good deal too often for my taste...

Agreed.

and when you edit the pages... be sure to begin each page with a fresh sentece... it looks way better this way and the reading is better too...

Again, agreed, but not always so easy lols

the water mark is a good idea... tho a bit less in intensity and maybe a more detailed one even?

I'll change the opacity so its less, but with the background already at 15% opacity, I may need to find another one, as aesthetically that is the best I could find that was suitable,

but don´t get me wrong with what i said... i want to read more of that soon... the fact that hugin survived to tell the tale is something of an essential... after all he now will be the identificational figure in tzhat tale and i already know that he will survive... it is always for me very frustrating to see major charcters die in a story after i got warm with them...(even if it is the hardest to get warm with an ing of the ordo xenos^^)

Well Huginn is a Radical, and as such isn't as harsh as other inquisitors, as tbh, I cannot stand the puritanical rod up posterior ones you get... he has a warmth to him that you'll see in part 3... but enough of that

i liked it...to put it short^^

cheers, vik

oh... forgot one thing... was a damn quick read too^^

Thank you for the input, it is very welcome my friend!!!

Well its a prologue, I didn't want to labour the point too much... plus you have a ton of other chapters to look forward to




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shasolenzabi wrote:

AnUnearthlyChilde wrote:lols, I know BL won't publish it tbh, mostly because its been disclosed already. I know my work is above average and of course follows the GW formula, but I don't know how accessable it is to other readers and/or fans. I'm doing the writing project as part of an effort to collate an all round portfolio for presenting to GW as an example of what I can do in three forms: Writing, Illustration and Miniatures. but it is also something I can use as part of a portfolio for other prospective jobs too.

and don't worry, my tutors when I was at uni said much worse things lols. That was nothing lols

Okay, so there won't be any hatin' on da shaso then. Yeah, but I would be just assembling and cleaning my own works in the future to show my writing skills to BL. Ihave had a published author look at some of it and she said I did a really great job at "first person" which is hard to do, so aI know, and oh, APA/scolarly writing SUCKS!

APA/Scolarly writing? Que?

Well the one thing I tend to be confident on with writing is my descriptive elements, people have usually said they found those parts emotive and evocative. which is cool lols. it's my speech elements I worry about a lot.