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chaos0xomega wrote: So, I'm posting because I'm bored and not sure what to do with myself, and maybe just need a vent. My life has been hell (exaggeration, ive been through worse, but its starting to take its toll on me and im beginning to stress) the past few weeks for a variety of reasons, romantic ones included. Since thats the focus of this thread, I'll detail some of my recent misadventures:
I still think that you're building up and overanalyzing the actions of random strangers too much (as evidenced by the length of your post?), and then getting obsessed with them. Not every girl that makes eye contact with you, smiles at you, talks with you, or even flirts with you is interested in you or is someone you'd even want to be with. She might be. Or not. Ultimately you'd spend a ton less energy by acting in the first place and getting an answer then and there.
The "ships passing in the night" scenario seems to come up with you a lot. Is it possible that at some subconscious level you prefer or are more comfortable with the fantasy of the random stranger across the room? Just throwing it out there.
If it seems like I'm being harsh with you, it's because you seem like a young guy who'll do great as soon as you get your head out of the clouds and get your mindset right. Ain't nothing to it but to do it.
I overanalyze a lot, obsess? not so much - the timespan between those events and that post were a few weeks, and really only triggered by (amongst other things) the actions of a friend (not a stranger) that *definitely* made a pass at me.
As for ships in the night, its possible, though I think its more likely due to the fact that my social habits and social circles aren't really conducive towards meeting new people with whom there is romantic potential on a regular basis, therefore the number of events featuring 'random strangers' is high due to circumstance. Meanwhile, I really am absolutely clueless and more likely to assume that any potential romantic interest is being friendly than actually interested in anything more, so the 'missed connection' scenario is very very common due to the fact that I meet people who I take some interest in and might (after the fact) recognize some potential with, but then never ever see again, ever.
I mean, I *could* be wrong, but the number of times I've met one of these girls through a mutual friend, and then after the fact was told "she was really into you" is embarrassingly high. Sadder still is that part of me does recognize the interest pretty quickly, but due to internal monologue I usually dismiss it.
CoALabaer wrote: Wargamers hate two things: the state of the game and change.
Hey people, I am back from my random 1 month OT ban by Dakka Random Moderation team (of random).
So, this topic has been up for about 9 month now. Did it help me? I have no idea. I certainly did change a few things, but was that enough? I cannot even tell for sure if it was in the right direction. What I do know is that I am 9 month older, and I do not expect to be in a relationship any time soon.
During that month, there was a week of holiday for student, during which there was no climbing, so I asked the woman I go have lunch with if she wanted to go outdoor climbing with me instead, but she said she was not available. I saw her again after the holidays last week but on Tuesday she told me she brought something to eat directly at her lab, and on Friday she did not come climbing. I am going to assume she is just busy with work…
Also, some anecdote. On Friday, I was on the RER (train/subway) to go to Paris when some fellow PhD student from the lab came in. I knew her, we have talked a few time already, so we started a conversation. At one point, when we ended up talking about horror movies, she told me she watch slasher on Valentine's day to see couples getting brutally murdered. What do you think about that?
Spoiler:
chaos0xomega wrote: But wait, it gets better (worse). Y'see, my closest friend in the area recently moved away, so I've been filling the void by spending more time with some of my other friends. One of whom, is (was) the girlfriend of another friend of mine. It started out innocently enough, except her boyfriend kept bailing on us at the last minute for various reasons (well within his control I might add). I was okay with it at first, in the sense that I am not at all attracted to her in any way, shape, or form and just regarded her as one of the bros (she plays warmachine with us), but was uncomfortable with it in the sense that she was dating a friend of mine and I wasnt comfortable with the message that might send. It was cool at first, but then she started flirting with me. I went to another friend with my concerns about it and he was of the opinion that it was all in my head and I should just stop worrying. Well this went on a couple weeks, then last friday we met up to watch the devils game over a few beers at a local bar. At this point I found out that she was freshly single, her and my friend had come to a mutual agreement that it wasn't working out and ended it. Now, at this point Im SUPER uncomfortable, especially since once again its just the two of us, I having utterly failed at convincing anyone else I know to come out with me to prevent that from occurring. But, I'm like, whatever, we're just friends... except she attempted a pass at me. It started with little things like her brushing my leg and stuff, but it escalated quickly. At one point she said to me "Between you and me, my sex life has been nonexistant for months now, I'm pretty much ready to go with the first guy that offers." I was like "Wooooaah, slow down there, you just got out of a long term relationship, maybe take a few weeks before you jump into bed and do something you might regret." to which she agreed. Realizing what was happening I changed subjects FAST and started talking about how I wish I could get the hostesses number (she pretty much checked off all the boxes on my 'list of things I look for in a girl'), as well as discussing the monster crush I have on a mutual friend of ours who I've made various attempts at but have been completely unsuccessful with due to circumstance more than anything else. Later on in the evening some friends of mine come by and hang out with us for a bit and she suggests (as a last attempt) that maybe the two of us should go chill out with some other friends at her place, to which I politely decline on the basis that I'm too drunk to drive. She decides to head on out, we say our goodbyes and I was super grateful to dodge that bullet. Except she started texting me later, as well as the day after, and made another pass there. Somehow we got on the subject of my looks, I was like "Eh, I'd give myself maybe a 6 or a 7, I know I'm 'cute' but I'm reasonably sure I'm not 'sexy'. Like I'm attractive, but not in the way girls go crazy over." Her response was to say, "Oh oh oh, you don't know you're beautiful. Like seriously, you're kind of a hottie, solid 8.5, can't believe you haven't realized." I played it off and said, its all subjective anyway, and since then I've been kind of avoiding her though she still posts flirty comments on facebook.
Is that is your worse? Then I would certainly exchange yours with mine . Even if you are not interested in her, having a girl compliments you and generally trying to get with you can only increase your self-confidence, no? Try to get some good out of it rather than focus on the bad.
Ouze wrote: Don't worry: eventually either a ticking biological clock, or just the fear of cats eating your face after you die alone will have you settling for "good enough" just like the rest of us in no time
I can hear that biological clock ticking for me. Well, not for me proper, because apparently men can have children even at a very advanced age, but if I do want to have children with a woman about my age, I would rather not wait for ten years…
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
Hybrid - Its very uncomfortable for me when someone who I consider a friend is behaving like that with me, especially when its someone who was just in a relationship with another one of my friends.
CoALabaer wrote: Wargamers hate two things: the state of the game and change.
Okay, sorry. I should not have said this. I apologize.
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
I overanalyze a lot, obsess? not so much - the timespan between those events and that post were a few weeks, and really only triggered by (amongst other things) the actions of a friend (not a stranger) that *definitely* made a pass at me.
As for ships in the night, its possible, though I think its more likely due to the fact that my social habits and social circles aren't really conducive towards meeting new people with whom there is romantic potential on a regular basis, therefore the number of events featuring 'random strangers' is high due to circumstance. Meanwhile, I really am absolutely clueless and more likely to assume that any potential romantic interest is being friendly than actually interested in anything more, so the 'missed connection' scenario is very very common due to the fact that I meet people who I take some interest in and might (after the fact) recognize some potential with, but then never ever see again, ever.
I mean, I *could* be wrong, but the number of times I've met one of these girls through a mutual friend, and then after the fact was told "she was really into you" is embarrassingly high. Sadder still is that part of me does recognize the interest pretty quickly, but due to internal monologue I usually dismiss it.
Mostly I read this thread as it is interesting but the seeming high amount of interest you seem to recieve with no effort on your behalf that you dismiss/dodge always prompts me to comment. Take a leaf out of PoppaGs book and go for it and end up a eunuch. I dunno man, it just seems you have regular stories of women being interested and it all ends up the same.
Manchu - "But so what? The Bible also says the flood destroyed the world. You only need an allegorical boat to tackle an allegorical flood."
Shespits "Anything i see with YOLO has half naked eleventeen year olds Girls. And of course booze and drugs and more half naked elventeen yearolds Girls. O how i wish to YOLO again!"
Rubiksnoob "Next you'll say driving a stick with a Scandinavian supermodel on your lap while ripping a bong impairs your driving. And you know what, I'M NOT GOING TO STOP, YOU FILTHY COMMUNIST"
No need to apologize. I can see why it would be an ego boost... just not in this situation.
Mostly I read this thread as it is interesting but the seeming high amount of interest you seem to recieve with no effort on your behalf that you dismiss/dodge always prompts me to comment. Take a leaf out of PoppaGs book and go for it and end up a eunuch. I dunno man, it just seems you have regular stories of women being interested and it all ends up the same.
Ah, well that might also be because I don't often bother posting the various failures that result from actual attempts ;P There have been a couple of incidents as of late in which I'm lead to believe that certain women have a seeming utter hatred of me for reasons I'm not quite certain of, but thats neither here nor there, lol.
Indeed, its a bit of a running joke among certain friends that I seem to attract interest when I just 'play it cool' but have absolutely no luck in situations where I make an active attempt at anything.
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/11/12 06:08:01
CoALabaer wrote: Wargamers hate two things: the state of the game and change.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: During that month, there was a week of holiday for student, during which there was no climbing, so I asked the woman I go have lunch with if she wanted to go outdoor climbing with me instead, but she said she was not available. I saw her again after the holidays last week but on Tuesday she told me she brought something to eat directly at her lab, and on Friday she did not come climbing. I am going to assume she is just busy with work…
Still had left her lunch in the office. Not so sure it is because she is too busy anymore .
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
I think I'm going to break up with her. I just, I don't want to have to hold her hand or hug her or kiss her or whatever. I don't like touching people. ans she's made it pretty obvious she wants me to.
the shrouded lord wrote: I think I'm going to break up with her. I just, I don't want to have to hold her hand or hug her or kiss her or whatever. I don't like touching people. ans she's made it pretty obvious she wants me to.
Do you think you could warm to physical contact and learn to like it?
If not, then breaking up is probably the best option for the sakes of both of you. I imagine there are sites and forums where you can meet girls that have the same kinds of phobias.
the shrouded lord wrote: I think I'm going to break up with her. I just, I don't want to have to hold her hand or hug her or kiss her or whatever. I don't like touching people. ans she's made it pretty obvious she wants me to.
The drinking age is like 9 in Aus right? Just have a tipple and soldier through. Just put in the hours, pump out a few kids, get a hobby or two and before you know it you'll be dead anyways. And that's the story of life.
the shrouded lord wrote: I think I'm going to break up with her. I just, I don't want to have to hold her hand or hug her or kiss her or whatever. I don't like touching people. ans she's made it pretty obvious she wants me to.
I can see not wanting to hold hands and what not. But you don't want to kiss her? Don't want to touch her naughty bits? Are you not attracted to her?
some people have a phobia of physical contact. It was something I struggled with when I was younger, in large part due to the fact that physical closeness lead to me feeling emotionally vulnerable, etc.
That all ended after a pretty concerted effort by a close friend to break down that barrier by hugging me every chance she got...
perhaps ironically, some years later she ended up breaking my heart in a pretty brutal way after putting me into a very emotionally vulnerable state.
I question though what the point of dating the girl is if you have no physical desires, I mean sex is out of the question, and if you peel away that layer of physical intimacy youre basically left with a close friendship, something that will probably be more readily achievable with another male than a female.
Then again, asexuality is evidently a thing.
CoALabaer wrote: Wargamers hate two things: the state of the game and change.
I think that's a good decision mate. Just explain things to her and that you'd like to take things slowly one step at a time. Keep us updated mate. Once you get wet you never forget.
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
So my ex came crawling back to me first with the "I miss you" crap and then within a few days it turned into "I love you so much", "Baby, I miss you", etc. Yeah...this after breaking up with me with no explanation other than she couldn't trust me because I had "cheated" on her once and after she just torched this poor guy who was apparently smitten with her.
After she broke up with me this guy dropped a couple of grand to go visit Alaska with her, she told him she was still in love with me, I ended up getting in a fight with him and ended up dropping him (fight got stopped before it could get nasty) and didn't know she had done that at the time, the poor guy apparently was saving up for an engagement ring because he wanted to marry her and then she goes off and breaks up with him because she can't get over me...
Be careful who you get involved with guys. I'm sorely tempted to get back with her because she's hot, but under no circumstances am I dropping a lot of money on here or even considering getting married.
The only way we can ever solve anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy
trexmeyer wrote: So my ex came crawling back to me first with the "I miss you" crap and then within a few days it turned into "I love you so much", "Baby, I miss you", etc. Yeah...this after breaking up with me with no explanation other than she couldn't trust me because I had "cheated" on her once and after she just torched this poor guy who was apparently smitten with her.
After she broke up with me this guy dropped a couple of grand to go visit Alaska with her, she told him she was still in love with me, I ended up getting in a fight with him and ended up dropping him (fight got stopped before it could get nasty) and didn't know she had done that at the time, the poor guy apparently was saving up for an engagement ring because he wanted to marry her and then she goes off and breaks up with him because she can't get over me...
Be careful who you get involved with guys. I'm sorely tempted to get back with her because she's hot, but under no circumstances am I dropping a lot of money on here or even considering getting married.
Yeah think with your big head not your little one
This girl sounds like nothing bur trouble.
Make Dolls Great Again
Clover/Trump 2016
For the United Shelves of America!
I told her I wasn't getting back with her under any circumstances and she lost her gak. Proceeded to harass me for an hour or so and then block me on Facebook after I ignored her calls and texts.
Sad thing is I like another girl, but that girl likes a different guy and she's a world of trouble as well. She's an alcoholic and is turning into a damn basehead. Going no contact and back into the world of eat lift game work sleep repeat.
The only way we can ever solve anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy
She's started using cocaine in the last couple of weeks. Thankfully the most I ever did with her was cuddle and kiss because that girl is truly fethed up right now. I just hope she can get some help. I'm very tempted to reach out to her parents because they know about the alcoholism and are worried, but don't know about the drug use. She's only 20 and could easily throw a good chunk of her life away if this doesn't stop.
The only way we can ever solve anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy
if you go to her parents prepare for one of two outcomes (possibly both):
1. Her total and utt3rly complete hatred. I dont mean hate, I mean HATE. You dont know hate until youve staged an intervention against an abuser who doesnt want to quit or a suicidal nut who doesnt want to be stopped.
2. Her parents to respond extremely negatively towards you - turns out people dont like hearing that their kids are fethed up nor enjoy the implication that theyre gakky parenting lead to that.
Good luck
CoALabaer wrote: Wargamers hate two things: the state of the game and change.
chaos0xomega wrote: if you go to her parents prepare for one of two outcomes (possibly both):
1. Her total and utt3rly complete hatred. I dont mean hate, I mean HATE. You dont know hate until youve staged an intervention against an abuser who doesnt want to quit or a suicidal nut who doesnt want to be stopped.
2. Her parents to respond extremely negatively towards you - turns out people dont like hearing that their kids are fethed up nor enjoy the implication that theyre gakky parenting lead to that.
Good luck
I went to her dad and left him a message about her going to rehab, immediately drinking as soon as she got out, and then the cocaine use. He read it this morning and she called me, but I didn't answer. I expect her to hate me forever. I really don't care. Somebody needed to say something.
The only way we can ever solve anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy
chaos0xomega wrote: if you go to her parents prepare for one of two outcomes (possibly both):
1. Her total and utt3rly complete hatred. I dont mean hate, I mean HATE. You dont know hate until youve staged an intervention against an abuser who doesnt want to quit or a suicidal nut who doesnt want to be stopped.
2. Her parents to respond extremely negatively towards you - turns out people dont like hearing that their kids are fethed up nor enjoy the implication that theyre gakky parenting lead to that.
Good luck
I went to her dad and left him a message about her going to rehab, immediately drinking as soon as she got out, and then the cocaine use. He read it this morning and she called me, but I didn't answer. I expect her to hate me forever. I really don't care. Somebody needed to say something.
Wait, how do you know he read it if she called you and you didnt speak to her?
CoALabaer wrote: Wargamers hate two things: the state of the game and change.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: During that month, there was a week of holiday for student, during which there was no climbing, so I asked the woman I go have lunch with if she wanted to go outdoor climbing with me instead, but she said she was not available. I saw her again after the holidays last week but on Tuesday she told me she brought something to eat directly at her lab, and on Friday she did not come climbing. I am going to assume she is just busy with work…
Still had left her lunch in the office. Not so sure it is because she is too busy anymore .
Still not sure whether I am annoying her and she is just being polite and I should stop or if she is just really too busy with the article and I am being paranoid...
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
. Even if you are not interested in her, having a girl compliments you and generally trying to get with you can only increase your self-confidence, no? Try to get some good out of it rather than focus on the bad.
