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Ok so long story short, a buddy of mine is getting married this October. He is more a good friend of my brothers, but he and I are still friendly I guess. Anyways, mainly Im supposed to be in his wedding, but I dont think I want to be. His fiance has completely unreasonable requests (mainly wanting me to buy a tux that is insanely expensive and wont bend on anything else) all she does is bitch and complain about him and his friends, yet when it comes to her family, she does anything for them.
Literally theres a football game on the wedding day I guess, and shes actually going to have a tv going so they can watch it. I think mainly my problem is with his soon to be wide, I just cant STAND this woman at all. I need you help dakka, do I sound like Im in the wrong? I dont want to hurt my friend, tho honestly I dont think I will. But again my problem is, Im a bit cold towards other peoples feeling, so I dont know if Im wrong or not.

I'd just explain to him that while he's a mate and that's cool, you can't stand his wife-to-be and turn down the invite.

I was at a wedding last weekend. Mainly because my wife was a witness. I'm not a friend of the bride, but of the groom. The bride and I do not get on (she has many 'issues' and I've told her to seek help on more than one occasion. Unsurprisingly, one of her shrinks agreed with me).

Piece. Of. Piss.

RSVP in the positive, don't buy the Tux, and arrange for something work related you cannot possibly get out of to turn up.

Biggedy biggedy bong, you're out of the dark and into the light.

You are absolutely NOT in the wrong. You should not be required to buy a tuxedo for the wedding. Most guys never buy a tuxedo in their lives because even a half-way decent one is so expensive. This is why there are so many Tuxedo rental places. When I got married I covered the rental fees for my best man and groomsmen. It's simply bad form to expect the men to all go and buy tuxedos and sounds like a case of this b!tch trying to play the "haves and have-nots" game and be condescending towards her future husband's friends.

So, flat out tell your buddy that you really appreciate the invite and you would like to be in his wedding party but you just can't afford to buy a tuxedo. If he really wants you in the wedding he'll find a way help you out.

On the topic of the b!tch, well my buddies and I had the same thing happen to one of our mutual friends. Most of us do not like his wife. We did not like her then, we did not think he should marry her, and we do not like her now. But the choice was simple and the outcome clear, tell him your feelings and lose a friend, or shut up about it and hope he's happy.

Swordbreaker wrote:You are absolutely NOT in the wrong. You should not be required to buy a tuxedo for the wedding. Most guys never buy a tuxedo in their lives because even a half-way decent one is so expensive. This is why there are so many Tuxedo rental places. When I got married I covered the rental fees for my best man and groomsmen. It's simply bad form to expect the men to all go and buy tuxedos and sounds like a case of this b!tch trying to play the "haves and have-nots" game and be condescending towards her future husband's friends.

So, flat out tell your buddy that you really appreciate the invite and you would like to be in his wedding party but you just can't afford to buy a tuxedo. If he really wants you in the wedding he'll find a way help you out.

On the topic of the b!tch, well my buddies and I had the same thing happen to one of our mutual friends. Most of us do not like his wife. We did not like her then, we did not think he should marry her, and we do not like her now. But the choice was simple and the outcome clear, tell him your feelings and lose a friend, or shut up about it and hope he's happy.

QFT, forget her feelings and explain the situation. If she REALLY needs you to buy a tux (who the hell buys a tux, James Bond mb?) tell her to slog off. After hearing about the football game thing, I could care less how the bitch feels.

No no no Im not worrying about her feelings. Those dont concern me in the least. Like I said before, Im a rather cold person towards others feelings. Always have been, so I dont realize it when I actually hurt someones feelings. So I was just making sure not to hurt HIS feelings. Hes a good guy and a good friend, so I dont want to hurt his feelings if I say hey man, I dont want to stand up with you.
Thanks for all the input tho, I think its helped me make a decision on this whole thing.

Swordbreaker wrote:You should not be required to buy a tuxedo for the wedding. Most guys never buy a tuxedo in their lives because even a half-way decent one is so expensive.

Most guys never buy a tux in their life because the tux rental business has convinced them that what you say is the truth. In actual fact, if you buy a tux and wear it twice, you've saved money over renting twice. When I got married, I bought both my, and my best man's tux. I know I've worn mine again.

Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:Piece. Of. Piss.

RSVP in the positive, don't buy the Tux, and arrange for something work related you cannot possibly get out of to turn up.

Biggedy biggedy bong, you're out of the dark and into the light.

Yup, lie to a friend and leave him in the lurch on one of the biggest days of his life. Don't even consider this advice.

KingCracker wrote:Ok so long story short, a buddy of mine is getting married this October. He is more a good friend of my brothers, but he and I are still friendly I guess. Anyways, mainly Im supposed to be in his wedding, but I dont think I want to be. His fiance has completely unreasonable requests (mainly wanting me to buy a tux that is insanely expensive and wont bend on anything else) all she does is bitch and complain about him and his friends, yet when it comes to her family, she does anything for them.
Literally theres a football game on the wedding day I guess, and shes actually going to have a tv going so they can watch it. I think mainly my problem is with his soon to be wide, I just cant STAND this woman at all. I need you help dakka, do I sound like Im in the wrong? I dont want to hurt my friend, tho honestly I dont think I will. But again my problem is, Im a bit cold towards other peoples feeling, so I dont know if Im wrong or not.

Seriously, if they invited you to be a part of their wedding, then they want to include you in a very important ceremony in their lives. If you cannot afford the tux, tell them that you'd be honoured to be in their wedding, but that you cannot afford to buy a tux. They'll figure something out.

Redbeard wrote:

Swordbreaker wrote:You should not be required to buy a tuxedo for the wedding. Most guys never buy a tuxedo in their lives because even a half-way decent one is so expensive.

Most guys never buy a tux in their life because the tux rental business has convinced them that what you say is the truth. In actual fact, if you buy a tux and wear it twice, you've saved money over renting twice. When I got married, I bought both my, and my best man's tux. I know I've worn mine again.

Most men... change shape over the course of their lifetime. Unless you are the guy that is hated by buddies for looking 21 for his whole life, I doubt your tux will last that long.

A nice suit is one thing, but walking around looking like James bond at every gathering you go to will end up getting a bit old. Besides most of the Tux's a store will try to sell you are of low quality. They make a lot more of of renting the nice ones right?

Dude, don't worry about the future wife of your friend, stand up for your friend. Making her happy will make him happy. I can vouch for Redbeard, esp. since I was his best man and have a Tux in my closet, it not all that expensive to buy a tux. But if it is out of your means, talk to the couple about it and something can be worked out.

And can I tell you how awesome it is to goto a formal event in a tux as opposed to a suit? Two thumbs up.

KingCracker wrote:Ok so long story short, a buddy of mine is getting married this October. He is more a good friend of my brothers, but he and I are still friendly I guess. Anyways, mainly Im supposed to be in his wedding, but I dont think I want to be. His fiance has completely unreasonable requests (mainly wanting me to buy a tux that is insanely expensive and wont bend on anything else) all she does is bitch and complain about him and his friends, yet when it comes to her family, she does anything for them.
Literally theres a football game on the wedding day I guess, and shes actually going to have a tv going so they can watch it. I think mainly my problem is with his soon to be wide, I just cant STAND this woman at all. I need you help dakka, do I sound like Im in the wrong? I dont want to hurt my friend, tho honestly I dont think I will. But again my problem is, Im a bit cold towards other peoples feeling, so I dont know if Im wrong or not.

The only reason you should renting a tux is if 1) you like to really dress up which is cool and may be standard for your locale; or 2) if you are part of the actual wedding party (one of the groomsmen). If you are a groomsman its expected you have a matching tux with the groom. If not, you are under no obligation.

If you were a real friend you and your cohorts would kidnap the groom on the wedding day, through him into the trunk and head for Mexico. You call all change your names to Pablo and sell hats to the steenking gringoes on the beach. I am just putting that out there...

If your not a vital part of the cermony (Bestman, Groomsman, Father of the Bride etc) then simply RSVP in the negative. Donn’t make it clear that you have issues with the bride, but don’t lie if the groom insists on making an issue out of your non attendence (he shouldn’t).

If you do decide to go then under no curcumstances buy the tux, no one apart from the groom, best man etc should be obliged to wear anything other than a run of the mill suit.

Just go. It's one afternoon. Wear your suit rather than a tux. Have some free alcohol (reconsider this advice if there will be no open bar) and dance with some girls all worked up by the romance of the day (reconsider this advice if neither party has attractive female family members or friends).

My friends don't really like my GF-soon-to-be-wife, and I don't think she likes them either.

They are invited to the wedding and I think they are all coming.

I would rather they were nice than sullen about it. If they didn't want to come, that would upset me, but I could live with it.

I would not tell your friend outright that you don't like his wife/etc... I don't like hearing it from my friends, and I don't like being stuck in the middle of the dislike. Turn up, support your friend and be happy that he is marrying someone that makes him happy... even if you and her do not like each other.

In regards the clothing, just ask the groom if he would mind letting you rent the tux, as has been suggested above.

Well Ive decided that Im going to go through with it all. Im a groomsmen so Ill be standing there in the monkey suit. I realized I was letting my severe annoyance with his wife hinder my decision for standing up with my friend. Hes ALWAYS been there for me and my brothers when ever I needed him, so in the very least I can deal with this for a day. Thanks for all the advice tho!

Yea if you're a groomsman then you generally have to wear a tux. The groom should be coordinating the trim color pattern. Again these are usually rented.

OT but I am not a fan fo the Tuxedo dinner jacket. I much prefer double breasted "Iamthefreekingconqueroroftheworld" suits myself.

First, don't be worried about his feelings. I've known enough women like this in my life. She's not going to give a crap about his in the future so why should you (a very minor amount of sarcasm). Really if she's going to be a bridezilla then she's got all sorts of issues.

Second, rent a tux. She's not going to know the difference if you do it right. If you can't swing it talk to you buddy.

Third, a football game on during the ceremony or before/afterwards, really? If it's Chiefs/Raiders or New England/Miami then that is probably alright, but if it is a college game then forget it. Sounds like her family are college football fan nuts. If that is the case then just forget going. He's probably going to have an Ohio State Grooms cake (if he even gets one).

Good luck regardless of what happens.

Frazzled wrote:Yea if you're a groomsman then you generally have to wear a tux. The groom should be coordinating the trim color pattern. Again these are usually rented.

OT but I am not a fan fo the Tuxedo dinner jacket. I much prefer double breasted "Iamthefreekingconqueroroftheworld" suits myself.

I agree with you on that, the double breasted thing looks the gak. I think Id wear that everyday lol

Back before the shackles came on, I did...

And that's a mark of a true friend.

My advice is to act like you're having the time of your life, no matter how much you're not. If you have a frown in the photos, your friend will hear from his bride about how YOU ruined her wedding pictures. If you act like you're having the time of your life, the wedding could still be a disaster - but it won't be your fault.

But, I agree with Frazzled. if you're a real friend, don't let him get married.

Well the fact Im such a good friend is WHY Im letting him get married. His wife pays all the bills, her dad paid for half their house, and he gets to play video games most his days. I mean now he has a full time job but still, he doesnt HAVE too lol. Sides he was there in my wedding, so I need to suck it up. Weddings really are fun tho, weather they are just that good, or something INSANE happens to ruin it. Im going to have a ball either way

Wait, why is she marrying this guy again?

I think you have made the right call on attending the weedding. Personal issues with the bride aside it is technically impossible to not have a good time at a wedding; wine , women and song what else do you need?

Re personal issues DO NOT under any circumstances get into a situation where your feelings for the bride (or lack of) are voiced or come out, no bitching behind her back, clearing the air chats or anything. You can only look bad on her wedding day if you end up in an arguement with her. I'm sure you wouldn't start anything but if she started acting oddly, as emotional women are wont to do, then I would just suck it up and take it on the chin.

Being somewhat used to buying evening wear (rugby club dinners are not kind on soft fabrics!), if you never expect to wear one again rent, otherwise buy one. I've bought everything from Hugo Boss down to Moss Bros and there isn't really any discernable difference from something that costs £650 or £100, just a little bit of detailing or lining which will not be seen when worn. I'd get a nice shirt though as this will be noticed and being comfortable is important. Whoever suggested a double breasted jacket, sorry but you either end up looking like the hired help/security if you are anything bigger than average (6' 4" so I know!) or you look like something from the 80's if you are smaller, either way not good!

Buy black as well; i've seen Saved by the Bell so I know you Yanks can be tempted by peculiar coloured tuxs!

You guys have security at weddings? Wow you're hardcore over there. We just have battleships, er mother in laws to keep everyone in line.

Frazzled wrote:Wait, why is she marrying this guy again?

He'd make Dirk Diggler blush

This guy is getting into a bad situation. If she's paying the bills, daddy has paid for a big chunk of the house, and he's living a life of ease then what kind of foundation does he have for the marriage. She can always play the "I've done it all" card or he will feel entitled to her father. That's just jacked up. I don't have a problem with somebody marrying into money, but geez this guy is asking for it.

Aren't the guys that marry these kinds of women usually pretty similar though? I doubt the guy is thinking too much about what he is doing, or he has thought so much that he simply confused himself into not caring... interesting dilemma really.

Marrying into money... meh... how much money? Heh.

Frazzled wrote:You guys have security at weddings? Wow you're hardcore over there. We just have battleships, er mother in laws to keep everyone in line.

Not usually but its not a wedding wthout a good punch up, it gives the respective families something in common for the years to come!

We also have the Mother in Law ruling the roost over here, i'm sure it is common the world over. Just throw a few charming lines her way, ask her if she fancys a dance and your set up for the rest of the evening. If shes not trying to sent you up with all of her young single relatives then your doing something wrong! If you do this at your own wedding you are doing something wrong, you have been warned!

Does she have a sister? Who doesn't want to get married, just keep me in a life of mild luxury (I'm not greedy, but a new 40k army once or twice a year would be nice)?

The problem with buying a tux - there's a number of styles and cuts, and if yours doesn't match what the bride wants for the next wedding you're asked to attend - you still have to rent.

Tell her to buy the stupid tux if it's that important to her and especially if you can't afford it. So get your free tux, go to the wedding, get rip-roarin drunk at the open bar and get busy with one of the bride's maids. then, sell your new tux on ebay the day after the wedding, and buy something nice with the cash and thank her for the reverse wedding gift.

Insert : Typical tough guy advice

I think you've made the right decision, but yeah, try to negotiate over the tux if you don't want to or can't buy it. Bride and groom ought to want YOU there on the day, outfits should be secondary. But some women do get quite... particular... about arrangements at weddings. Even I, not the girliest of girls, got het up over my wedding day. It happens, it is one day, you can grin and bear it for one day so she can have great photos.