This is my first attempt at a battle report, so let me know if its entertaining or not. I played 5,000 points or so against Maxus. After I write this, he's gonna come and post “clarifying” a few points. (By that I mean talk about how awesome he is, when we all know he's a weedy git.)
The game was a pretty straightforward apocalypse game, with five objectives. My main objective was to kill his Broodlord, His was to kill my Badmoons Meganob. We also had three objectives on the board, representing tellyportas. We were both very troop heavy, so we went with the fifth edition take and hold rules, namely that troops could only hold, and any model could contest.
I've been playing a ladder campaign with maxus leading up to this game. I haven't been doing very well so far, with only one win to three losses. This game represents a full rout for my army, with my main base being completely overran. The tellyportas were going to be used to get the last of the Orks out and back to my Rok. Once there, My plan is to re-group and figure out a new strategy for attacking the Tyranids.
To aid in this, I brought a Blasta Bomma to personally lift my Badmoons boss to safety. (A lot of teef can buy you anything.) Once the Bomma was available, we had some quick and dirty rules for it to land, and pick him up. This gave me the option of getting him and his retinue to safety before Maxus could kill him.
This not only gave us the cool mission “get to the plane,” which would affect both my deployment and first turn actions, but it also lessened the impact the Bomma would have on the game. I figured it at 900 points, but I had both the Bomma and a Skullhamma' while Maxus had no super heavies. Anyone who has played
apoc knows this is terrible balance, so we wanted to make sure the game was still fun and balanced. We also incorporated a few ideas that would insure we had fun for the entire time we played, and it would stay fun.
We set our game time to start at two in the afternoon, and would go until seven. We got to the shop at one, and started getting set up to play. We had everything ready by two, so we pleged our times. I bet thirteen minutes, to Maxus fourteen and a half. I scrambled to get all my troops out in time. (My reserves are famous for just not showing up.)
I got everything out there in nine minutes. I only made one mistake, I forgot to leave a place for the plane to land. As it was coming in on turn two, I would have two turns of movement to make room.
Next up, the Tyranids got deployed.
I can see he's gonna have a ton of Genestealers, the bane of my existence. I can fight gaunts till the cows come home, and can usually deal with tons of 'fexes and gargantuan creatures by the bucketload. Genestealers however, are gonna give me a run for my points.
My first move is to have my Badmoons take the hill. The rest of the orks kinda made them, it was their fault my boyz were in this mess. See, my Badmoonz became obsessed with hunting down the biggest creatures they could find. Lead by the Nob Fungroat, the “Big Toof Huntas” accidentally brought the full force of the Broodlord down on there heads, trying to capture a carnifex alive. When this worked (sort of) the Nids just followed the pheromone trail left by the fex all the way back to my Ork outpost. Oops.
My skullhamma roars into action, missing with just about everything but the main cannon. On top of that, the rest of my Orks missed. Bad round for shootin'.
no hand to hand yet, so the Nids are up. There opening volley is pretty devastating, wiping out an entire unit of kannons, leaving some less-that-able grots milling around.
In general his shooting phase went very well, and my Orks got punished. Still no hand to hand. Just as my orks are redying the charge, The massive Blasta Bomma roars overhead, unleashing a hail of bullets and rokkits. Almost everything misses or is ineffective.
Because Its gonna pick up my Badmoons Warboss, I'm not able to launch bomms this round, except one of the Grot bomms. My pilot starts eying targets to hit on the way out.
Finally my Orks see some hand to hand, and clear out the front-line scrubs. My 'hamma disgorges its contents, and they wipe out a massive unit of gaunts.
I shore up my front line, and prepare for a good WAAAGH! There's no way he can win at this point, my army is at the cusp of victory.
All of the sudden, the ground vomits forth all manner of bad news. Three lictors and fourty stealers (twenty lead by a Broodlord) come out of small holes in the solid bedrock. I knew he didn't have all his eggs on the board, I just had no idea soooo many 'stealers were hidden in the terrain.
naturally, they come out right next to my Badmoons Warboss.
The bugs that were coming for my battlewagon have a tasty lunch of oily sidewalls. I was worried my boyz would be trapped in the wreckage, but luckily the unit in front of the wagon also got charged, giving me a place to put my Goffs.
The broodlord tears apart my Meganobs. The carnage is so bad, theres not much left to even salvage. The first point of the day goes to the Nids.
The fighting is across the entire front line at this point. He got the upper hand with his reinforcements, but I had a few of my own.
In general, Its a bad day to be a Badmoon.
My deffskulls sweep the right flank, ready to hold at all costs.
My Goffs get popped out of there armor, gather themselves under the banner of a Warboss, and prepare to charge.
They are all that stand to hold the left flank, and they are outnumbered in every conceivable way.
The Deffskulls hold their own, and regroup to charge.
My lines are thin, and the center is only being held by the 'hamma. Reinforcements should win the day for me.
At this point, we were both pretty tired, and I didn't get anymore pictures that came out. I'm still new to using my camera outside of a lightbox, and must have hit a button of some sort, causing the pictures to cut out. (either that, or I don't want you to see my destruction.)
The rest of the game is pretty straightforward. Back on offense, I have an awesome turn with the Orks, but its not enough.
The Bomma reigns terror down on the Nids, doing heavy damage all across his front line. My Deffskulls continue to hammer the right flank, And my Goff Meganob (whose rules were suspiciously similar to Ghazghkull) killed the Broodlord, earning me my first point.
I think I would have had a chance at this point, if not for MY REINFORCEMENTS, DAMN THEM! They both showed up on the wrong side of the board. (had some tricked out Kommandos and three koptas with bomms.) They were NOWHERE I could use them, easily two feet from any enemy. With draws occuring across most of the battlefield, we called it at seven, which was the end of turn three.
The final score was Nids: 2, Orks: 1
Even if the game had gone on, we both had enough remnants to keep the objectives contested, except one that Maxus firmly held. There was no way in even four turns I could have gotten it, and I'm not sure if I could have held the other too.
This was a total success on the part of playing it. We had both worked on miniatures the week before, easily adding 1,000 to 2,000 points to our armies. This has also added some inspiration for what to do for our next campaign, along with some custom terrain.
You can always tell a huge event was successful if people are left wanting more. When we were relaxing with pizza and beer after the game, all we could talk about was what we wanted to do next.
I also think I have a better idea of what pictures to take, and how to write a better battle report. This was new, but pretty fun. Thanks for reading, hope it wasn't boring.
Dakka Dakka Dakka 
hey der care to give me some expolsiv