Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

I'm after oppinions. Long story short, My boyfriends best friend tryed it on with me. I was polite and declined. about and hour after he followed me out for a smoke and said some pretty graphic things to me, (all very flattering but still Way out of line).
He's been best friends with my man since they were 9, thats almost 20 years
So what do you think, should i just hope he got the point and never mention it or should i tell my man what happend?

Hmm, go all out. You seem a quite open gal (not that way, I'm being respectful), and if you've know the guy for 20 years, you should know when he had a horny evening or that he really meant it. Maybe you should announce it with them together, or to your man alone but not in a way that you make him feel like you need revenge or action to be taken, except if it really freaked you out and made you uncomfortable and don't want to leave an opening for it to happen again.

Then again...I'm a 16-year old guy, total stranger, on a forum made originally for Warhammer...

Thanks Turbo.
I am really looking for the stranger oppinion, i don't want to speak to my friends about it because they are all friends with him too, and i don't want them to act differently towards him, I'm hopeing it was just a daft mistake after all.

Well don't you have a happy relationship? Do you want to have it at the expense of your boyfriend's mates?

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

I'm sorry cheese i dont understand. How is my relationship at there expense?
I just want to know if it's worth them falling out over what i'm half sure was just a silly mistake on his part. I don't want to be the reason my man and his best friend fall out.

Say nothing.

You have nothing to confess. It can only cause jealousy and trouble for you to speak up.

If it happens a second time you might need to take action.

Roze wrote:I'm sorry cheese i dont understand. How is my relationship at there expense?
I just want to know if it's worth them falling out over what i'm half sure was just a silly mistake on his part. I don't want to be the reason my man and his best friend fall out.

Sorry for being unclear. That's what I'm saying. If you tell your boyfriend about his friend's advances, then they could fall out and it'd ultimately be your fault. I suggest telling him (boyfriend's friend) firmly that you don't want an intimate relationship with him and let the whole thing be forgotten.

thanks guys, I think thats exactly what i'll do. I don't intend to bring it up again, if he mentions it i'll be very VERY clear that it's never going to happen and that i hope he can just forget about it.

Thanks.
XX

Tell you Boyfriend. Seriously.

Worst case scenario? Guy does it again, you rebuff him again, and he starts claiming you came onto him.

Nip it in the bud. Ensure you boyfriend knows it's not a big deal just now, as it was a one off, but that if it happens again, you'd like him to have a word.

Avoid all suspicion!

Oh fluff. See thats what i was worried about. If my boyfriend finds out about this and i havn't said anything it will look like i was being sneaky! If i do say something he's bound to fall out with his friend! i'm still very confused.

Roze wrote:I'm after oppinions. Long story short, My boyfriends best friend tryed it on with me. I was polite and declined. about and hour after he followed me out for a smoke and said some pretty graphic things to me, (all very flattering but still Way out of line).
He's been best friends with my man since they were 9, thats almost 20 years
So what do you think, should i just hope he got the point and never mention it or should i tell my man what happend?

stick with nail, insert in skull. Your mileage may vary (translation tell your boy toy in joking manner in case the other guy gets weird, then it really is stick with nail time).

The paranoid agrees with Grotsnik that there is a concern the one who is scorned will talk and act like you came onto him.

At the end of the day, if a supposed "best friend" is willing to hit on his best friend's girlfriend then he isn't that good of a best friend. If my best friend ever did that he'd be out the door on his ass. Tell your bf, its then up to him on how much he value's his friendship.

Kilkrazy wrote:Say nothing.

You have nothing to confess. It can only cause jealousy and trouble for you to speak up.

If it happens a second time you might need to take action.

Agreed, but if it happens twice, tell your boyfriend.

You could have kept it secret, before you exposed it to the internet. Now, the only question is how your boyfriend will hear of it and when. If you approach this issue from that perspective, then you may find it an easier decision.

Remember, everything that happens as a result of this 'gentleman' hitting on you is a consequence of his actions.

Drunk, that is his true feeling coming out. He does it again tell your BF.

Roze wrote:Oh fluff. See thats what i was worried about. If my boyfriend finds out about this and i havn't said anything it will look like i was being sneaky! If i do say something he's bound to fall out with his friend! i'm still very confused.

Him falling out with his friend is not in fact you fault, nor your problem.

Important thing is to make out to your Bloke that right now, it's not a major thing for you, as it was a one off drunken thing which you are willing to paper over and laugh off. Then, should it happen again, you are in much better standing.

hmmm...was he drunk?

I found myself in a similar situation many years ago,while we were all out having drinks,a very good friend (and drummer for my band at the time) made a pass at my (at the time) girlfriend.
She told me about it when we got home,stating she didn't want a confrontation at the club,of course I was just a bit angry and confronted my friend the following day.
He appologized,stating he was very drunk and being stupid,I warned him that I wouldn't tolerate this sort of thing...but did eventuly forgive him as did my (then) girlfriend.
Personaly,I belive it's best to be up front and honest,if your boyfriend and his friend have a solid history,and his friend isn't in the habit of hitting on you,but was simply drunk and being stupid,then get it out in he open and let by gones be by gones.

So no stick with nail in it? Frazzled sad.

Frazzled wrote:So no stick with nail in it? Frazzled sad.

I find a good old Cricket bat to be more effective. Its alot more fun.

Kilkrazy wrote:Say nothing.

You have nothing to confess. It can only cause jealousy and trouble for you to speak up.

If it happens a second time you might need to take action.

I have to agree with KilKrazy. I don't see why you should tell your BF and create potentially more trouble, I'd leave it as it is (he's almost certainly gonna regret it and the like and probably be shy around you tbh). You SHOULDN'T be held responsible in anyway, if you do what KK said then your probably acting in everyone's best interests and you have nothing to blame for as you were the 'receiver' not 'instigator'. But yeah, I wouldn't do anything about it (and try not 2 think about it too much either, you'll likely only get more worked up...) but I would definitely act if he tried it a 2nd time, but hopefully he got the picture, I just wouldn't trust him if he's drunk...

I knew someone in a similar situation a while back, he told his best friend for many years that he loved her (etc. (though not sexual or graphical, or under the influence)), this love was unrequited and it made things VERY awkward for them both, considering they were childhood friends and she almost saw him as a brother... However it was wen we were 'young adults', but even so I'd try to be aware of potential 'Fallout'...

In summary: Do what KilKrazy said!

Good Luck, Dave.

Frazzled wrote:So no stick with nail in it? Frazzled sad.

Well,I'd say if his buddy makes a move on her again ( after the aring of events) cry havoc and let the naily sticks fly.

I'm actually going to see the guy 2moro, it's just me meeting him to hand over some cash but i think i'll tell him that it was bang out of order and that if it happens again i'll tell my BF toot sweet. Hopefuly he'll see i don't want them to fall out and he'll never do anything so bloody silly again

How solid is your relationship?

If you love your man then tell him, tell him quickly and be done with it. If he finds out another way and you 'kept it' from him, it will breed doubt in his mind, it may also give the wrong impression to the guy who tried his luck since he may misconstrue you keeping quiet about it as you being interested and weighing up your options.

If a 'mate' of mine tried it on with my missus, I would want to know at once. Friends are friends but between a man and his woman, no secrets about that sort of thing, failure to disclose leads to speculation, speculation leads to distrust...

Tell your man immediately.

Plus, there is every chance the guy in question has behaved this way before.

Honesty, as always is the best policy.

MeanGreenStompa wrote:How solid is your relationship?

If you love your man then tell him, tell him quickly and be done with it. If he finds out another way and you 'kept it' from him, it will breed doubt in his mind, it may also give the wrong impression to the guy who tried his luck since he may misconstrue you keeping quiet about it as you being interested and weighing up your options.

If a 'mate' of mine tried it on with my missus, I would want to know at once. Friends are friends but between a man and his woman, no secrets about that sort of thing, failure to disclose leads to speculation, speculation leads to distrust...

Tell your man immediately.

Yep, thats my argument.

MGS has this one pretty wrapped up.

Regardless of probably getting pretty pissed (angry), your BF really needs to know about this. Even if the guy was just a bit pissed (drunk), and couldn't tell his ass from his head; your BF still needs to know.

Saying that you are not involved in this is a bit silly, but it is very true. Whatever the hell is going through that cat's head (was going, etc...) has very little to actually do with you. Seeing as these guys have known each other a very long time, some amount of 'understanding' (not sure how I would slice that one though...) is bound to be left between them.

Remember, this is about them, not you.

MenGreenStompa wrote:failure to disclose leads to speculation, speculation leads to distrust...

Distrust leads to Doubting the Emperor, Doubting the Emperor leads to Heresy, Heresy leads to Death!

MeanGreenStompa wrote:How solid is your relationship?

If you love your man then tell him, tell him quickly and be done with it. If he finds out another way and you 'kept it' from him, it will breed doubt in his mind, it may also give the wrong impression to the guy who tried his luck since he may misconstrue you keeping quiet about it as you being interested and weighing up your options.

If a 'mate' of mine tried it on with my missus, I would want to know at once. Friends are friends but between a man and his woman, no secrets about that sort of thing, failure to disclose leads to speculation, speculation leads to distrust...

Tell your man immediately.

Aptly put, I'm in agreement

Yeah - I would definitely want to know if one of my mates was a total douche-bag. I mean seriously, trying it on with his best mate's girlfriend?

Cock.