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What the hell, first Polonius then Luna? Is no one safe....

There is a lot of assuming that (1) Kanluwen is to blame and (2) if Luna simply ignores him there is no problem. The first point is not fair and the second one has been explicitly rejected by Luna so there is no reason to keep posting it. There is some kind of miscommunication between two prolific and knowledgeable posters with strong personalities. The solution is that a difference of opinion is okay and that debate between strongly held opinions is profitable in and of itself and not simply because one side can convert the other and so "win" (hurrdurr). It's as simple as that, as I think Luna has already noted. Commenting on the thread being inappropriate or otherwise "bad news" is counter-productive.

If the community members refuse to responsibly deal with the community's problems then we deserve to be treated like children who don't really care about this site or anyone on it. Let the mods clamp it down and we'll be content to never have to grow up. But threads like these can work if they're not bogged down with a lot of self-fulfilling prophesying and school yard partisanship. And that's a 4000th post I'll stand by.

Tacobake wrote:What the hell, first Polonius then Luna? Is no one safe....

What happened to Pol?

H.B.M.C. wrote:

Tacobake wrote:What the hell, first Polonius then Luna? Is no one safe....

What happened to Pol?

Yeah, that one surprised me too.

Manchu wrote:There is a lot of assuming that (1) Kanluwen is to blame and (2) if Luna simply ignores him there is no problem. The first point is not fair and the second one has been explicitly rejected by Luna so there is no reason to keep posting it.

While it may be something that she is unwilling to do, that in no way changes the fact that if she simply ignored him then it would end the issue. Whether that be by using the actual 'ignore' feature or literally ignoring him. The good of dealing with one another clearly does not seem to exceed the bad of it. When someone offers you a viable solution and you refuse to take it, well you have no one to blame but yourself if things go bad. I've been there and I think many others have as well.

Also, please answer Shuma, because I want to know what that acronym stands for as well. We're all curious and stuff.

Personally I don't put anyone on Ignore becuase:

1) No one has annoyed me that much.
2) Best not to burn bridges.
3) I don't even understand how the damn thing works. What, do their posts just not appear on the thread? That's kind of anti-social.

Now personally, I think that you (Luna) should have PMed Kan to let him know that you didn't want any hard feelings between eachother and come back as BFF's (A precursor to BBFF perhaps, Shuma?). Honestly I don't think this should have been put on a thread of it's own, before the situation had been resolved. That said, there's nothing really antagonistic in your posts in this thread so far. So you should be safe from banning for know, though I expect this thread will be locked sooner or later. I advise you to send a sincere PM Kanluwen. Right now, if he reads this thread he might get the picture that you're going behind his back to scrounge up sympathy.

Also, what's this about Polonius?

Like i keep saying , its not that i refuse to "simply put kan on ignore"

Its , most of the time it starts off fine and polite which then i feel like im been rude if i dont respond to a valid question / point. But okok , i'll just assume it'll turn bad and just ignore from the very beginning >.<

LunaHound wrote:Like i keep saying , its not that i refuse to "simply put kan on ignore"

Its , most of the time it starts off fine and polite which then i feel like im been rude if i dont respond to a valid question / point. But okok , i'll just assume it'll turn bad and just ignore from the very beginning >.<

So you feel like your being rude by not answering a perfectly valid question for Kan, but when I ask what my BBFF is you just ignore it entirely. Double standard.

Ignore show's that a post has been made by the member, just not the content. You have the option to click and see the whole post. I can't see a lot of posts in this very thread.

H.B.M.C. wrote:Oh yeah, this is going real well.

Luna, honey, this isn't going to end well for you, no matter how good intentioned you may have been when writing it. I'd say 'quit while you're ahead', but you're no longer ahead. So, instead, I'll just say eject, and come back in a few days.

x2

this is like watching the building up to a train derailing.

I don't get it. It is a silly little forum. If you don't get on with him ignore him and vis versa. You are both quite stubborn and not at all willing tp concede but if you didn't reply it would end. You just have a big bullseye on you if you respond. I think you are wrong about the ignore list - use it that is what is for.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Part of growing up is realizing some people are just dicks and should be ignored. There are several people over the years who have ended up on my gak list and am I am sure I am on one or two people's ignore list. It is a stupid forum - getting yourself banned because of someone else is a bit dumb and a tad immature - unless you are certain someone DESERVES to be told they are dicks, then it is totally acceptable.

Being churlish and asinine on Dakka is Kanluwen's raison detre. Do your bit to stop the rot by putting him on ignore.

Neconilis wrote:When someone offers you a viable solution and you refuse to take it, well you have no one to blame but yourself if things go bad. I've been there and I think many others have as well.

No doubt we've all found a fellow dakkatron we cannot seem to get along with but I doubt that this has led to multiple thread locks in many cases. I support Luna's rejection of the Ignore Button option because it's not really as much a solution for her as it is a solution for others, mods especially. It's the equivalent of pretending that there is no problem. The point, as already stated, is that Luna considers Kanluwen's opinion to be worth hearing out. And, given that Kanluwen does not seem to have put Luna on ignore (until now maybe?), he seems to feel/have felt the same way. That's the common ground they can start from in order to come to a real solution/reconciliation and figure out how it goes wrong from that point. The Ignore Button erases that common ground. Now, no one can force people to reconcile. The parties concerned have to be willing to do so. If either person lets the Ignore Button do the work then this is over. But, if you give them the benefit of the doubt rather than just assuming they live to troll each other, you cannot fault either party for not exercising that option.

ShumaGorath wrote:

LunaHound wrote:Like i keep saying , its not that i refuse to "simply put kan on ignore"

Its , most of the time it starts off fine and polite which then i feel like im been rude if i dont respond to a valid question / point. But okok , i'll just assume it'll turn bad and just ignore from the very beginning >.<

So you feel like your being rude by not answering a perfectly valid question for Kan, but when I ask what my BBFF is you just ignore it entirely. Double standard.

I live in hope that one day we all will know the answer.

I think you all have Google on Ignore then...

http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/BBFF

I personally think she meant #4.

Manchu wrote:

Neconilis wrote:When someone offers you a viable solution and you refuse to take it, well you have no one to blame but yourself if things go bad. I've been there and I think many others have as well.

No doubt we've all found a fellow dakkatron we cannot seem to get along with but I doubt that this has led to multiple thread locks in many cases. I support Luna's rejection of the Ignore Button option because it's not really a solution for her as it is a solution for others, mods especially. It's the equivalent of pretending that there is no problem. The point, as already stated, is that Luna considers Kanluwen's opinion to be worth hearing out. And, given that Kanluwen does not seem to have put Luna on ignore (until now maybe?), he seems to feel/have felt the same way. That's the common ground they can start from in order to come to a real solution/reconciliation and figure out how it goes wrong form that point. The Ignore Button erases that common ground. Now, no one can force people to reconcile. The parties concerned have to be willing to do so. If either person lets the Ignore Button do the work than this is over. But, if you give them the benefit of the doubt rather than just assuming they live to troll each other, you cannot fault either party for not exercising that option.

My point being is it seems they've both tried to work things out in the past with repeated failures. There comes a time when you simply have to admit that a desired outcome will in all likelihood not occur and that you need to accept it and move on. I'm all for trying to work things out, but there are times people need to accept that it simply isn't possible. Or as someone above me said far more succinctly, some people are just dicks. It's crude, but it's true.

Quite frankly, the ignore button has improved my Dakka experience tremendously. I currently ignore two people: the most bitter and the most bat-gak. And no, HBMC, you're neither.

I implore you attempt this solution.

Nurgleboy77 wrote:I think you all have Google on Ignore then...

http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/BBFF

I personally think she meant #4.

Aww, taking all our fun away... Though for what it's worth I'm hoping it was four too.

Nurgleboy77 wrote:I think you all have Google on Ignore then...

http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/BBFF

I personally think she meant #4.

I think its best to hear which one she meant from her. I posted that site in my very first confused response to the acronym. She has ignored my questions ever since.

I havnt replied because im confused to whether to reply or not. I dont want to reply and just be told you dont believe it again...

And quite frankly i find it sort of rude to see that same question pop up in this thread >.>

ShumaGorath wrote:

Nurgleboy77 wrote:I think you all have Google on Ignore then...

http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/BBFF

I personally think she meant #4.

I think its best to hear which one she meant from her. I posted that site in my very first confused response to the acronym. She has ignored my questions ever since.

I believe you have your answer then, Shummy.

Neconilis wrote:My point being is it seems they've both tried to work things out in the past with repeated failures. There comes a time when you simply have to admit that a desired outcome will in all likelihood not occur and that you need to accept it and move on. I'm all for trying to work things out, but there are times people need to accept that it simply isn't possible. Or as someone above me said far more succinctly, some people are just dicks. It's crude, but it's true.

I see what you're saying and there is no arguing against this extremely reductive point. In fact, I've already made it: you cannot force people to reconcile. But I don't think that anyone should criticize people for being willing to try and do so. I see these "just ignore him/her" posts and I see an accusation behind it: "the reason you don't ignore him/her is because you want to troll him/her and/or get attention for creating drama." (Actually, these very arguments have been explicitly made already.) IMO, this is a complete misunderstanding of this thread and even points out the reason why there are so many communication problems on internet fora: it's not that person X cannot understand person Y or even that person X does not want to understand person Y. It's that person X already believes (s)he knows what person Y thinks and so doesn't bother to listen in the first place. That is the problem with the "just ignore him/her" argument and it is the same problem behind the miscommunication between Kanluwen and Luna or between me and many of the people I've rubbed the wrong way here or you and yours, etc, etc. I'll contrast my experience to Val42nd's: if I used the Ignore Button I would have missed out on some good advice and some good laughs because I would never have had to grow up a bit, get over myself, and learn to communicate with people that I didn't immediately hit it of with here on the (nearly) faceless interwebz.

Actually the whole thing is really accurate , so i agree with it all.

But i think i need to know from kanluwen , a 100% honest answer from him , here or PM both ok with me.

What exactly do i do that made him behave that way , or for this to happen:

It's that person X already believes he knows what person Y thinks and so doesn't bother to listen in the first place.

Just to clarify, person Y almost always assumes (s)he already knows what person X thinks, too. The point is that actual dialog is not what's going on. X and Y aren't even arguing with each other. Each one is just arguing with whatever idea they have cooked up about the other person's opinions inside their own heads. So if the problem is a lack of dialog the solution cannot possibly also be a lack of dialog. That may end up being the outcome but it is not a solution.

Manchu wrote:Just to clarify, person Y almost always assumes (s)he already knows what person X thinks, too. The point is that actual dialog is not what's going on. X and Y aren't even arguing with each other. Each one is just arguing with whatever idea they have cooked up about the other person's opinions inside their own heads. So if the problem is a lack of dialog the solution cannot possibly also be a lack of dialog. That may end up being the outcome but it is not a solution.

Luckily the incident between X and Y is still easily accountable , so its still possible to figure out exactly what
X and Y misinterpret.

Nurgleboy77 wrote:

ShumaGorath wrote:

Nurgleboy77 wrote:I think you all have Google on Ignore then...

http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/BBFF

I personally think she meant #4.

I think its best to hear which one she meant from her. I posted that site in my very first confused response to the acronym. She has ignored my questions ever since.

I believe you have your answer then, Shummy.

I personally think (nay, hope) it is in reference to Belgian Biodiversity Forum on Forests.

As to OP; Luna, as many have pointed out, this isn't going to end well no matter what your intentions. Yes, you do have a right to discuss matters and defend yourself when you feel someone is trying to provoke a reaction but sometimes you just have to accept you will never get on with everyone, especially on an internet forum where provoking anger seems to be the modus operandi.

I thought this would be a trainwreck, but now it seems more like a penultimate episode of a Batman serial.

"Will Batman ever discover what BBFF means?"
"What happened to polonius?"
"Why does everyone think Robin is homosexual?"

TUNE IN NEXT TIME!


But seriously, what happened to pol?

If I put every MOD on ignore would it make my life easier?

No, really, guys - what happened to Polonius?

H.B.M.C. wrote:No, really, guys - what happened to Polonius?

He seemed to be talking about abortion a great deal in the OT forums, I'd be shocked if that wasn't somehow related.

Cryonicleech wrote:Luna, with all due respect, I don't think this is the right place to be doing this...