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"AM are bunch of half human-half robot monkeys who keep tech working by punching it with a wrench And their tech is so sophisticated that you could never get it wrapped it out" thing a LITTLE to seriously. It also goes "Tau tech is so awesome I wish I was Tau and not some stupid Human" thing.
Ok, I just tried reading the sample to my Fiancée (who is a keen writer herself), when I got to a part that read, "the glory spreads from my head to my fangs to my chest to my c**k", she booted me off the PC and proceeded to write the following (spoilered for NSFW themes although naughty language is censored).
Spoiler:
The air was thick as my battle brothers and I stood defiantly, watching and waiting for the foul Xenos to approach. Their pace was slow at first, then their eyes set upon us-- realising there was blood to be spilled, they charged. I looked to my left to my right to my left and eyed up my comrade Alucard. He stood mightily with his long purple and white hair flowing gallantly in the wind; some would say he was a beautiful man, I would say he stirred deep feelings within me, from my mind, to my eyes, and to my righteous and mighty c**k. Then the moment is upon us, my brothers and I burst into a run, I firmly grip my splinter-cannon, rearing the barrel upwards towards the foul Orks. The fight is met-- blood and flesh tear and splatter out towards me as I fire. Brother Alucard fights righteously, swinging his power-sack of candles at the enemies' crushing their skulls into a fine talcum powder.
“The righteous shall prevail, in the name of the Emperor! Who is our God, by the way!” Alucard roars as he tears an Ork in two with his mighty and masculine arms. My eyes bulge widely, as I witness the one thing I never believed I would, Brother Alucard had fallen. Above him stood an Ork BattleWagon, it's eyes narrowed in fury and the thrill of battle, it's slow, heavy legs slammed down onto his chest-plate, cracking his armour to reveal a perfectly hairless and toned chest. I drop my power-scimitar in horror, my lips pull back into a feral snarl. They must pay.
My mind traces back to brother Alucard's manly and enticing chest, I feel his strength flowing into me, into one very special part of me. I grab my manhood tightly by the shaft; its fangs burgeoning for my enemies' blood. I swing my power-boner fiercely at the BattleWagon, it hits it in the side of it's disgusting metal-plated head.
“Feel the righteous fury of my girth, foul Xeno!” I scream as my devastating hit makes it stumble. My mind went blank as I brought down my power-boner, again and again, blow after crushing blow, until the beast was nothing more than a fine paste.
wib wrote:Ok, I just tried reading the sample to my Fiancée (who is a keen writer herself), when I got to a part that read, "the glory spreads from my head to my fangs to my chest to my c**k", she booted me off the PC and proceeded to write the following (spoilered for NSFW themes although naughty language is censored).
Spoiler:
The air was thick as my battle brothers and I stood defiantly, watching and waiting for the foul Xenos to approach. Their pace was slow at first, then their eyes set upon us-- realising there was blood to be spilled, they charged. I looked to my left to my right to my left and eyed up my comrade Alucard. He stood mightily with his long purple and white hair flowing gallantly in the wind; some would say he was a beautiful man, I would say he stirred deep feelings within me, from my mind, to my eyes, and to my righteous and mighty c**k. Then the moment is upon us, my brothers and I burst into a run, I firmly grip my splinter-cannon, rearing the barrel upwards towards the foul Orks. The fight is met-- blood and flesh tear and splatter out towards me as I fire. Brother Alucard fights righteously, swinging his power-sack of candles at the enemies' crushing their skulls into a fine talcum powder.
“The righteous shall prevail, in the name of the Emperor! Who is our God, by the way!” Alucard roars as he tears an Ork in two with his mighty and masculine arms. My eyes bulge widely, as I witness the one thing I never believed I would, Brother Alucard had fallen. Above him stood an Ork BattleWagon, it's eyes narrowed in fury and the thrill of battle, it's slow, heavy legs slammed down onto his chest-plate, cracking his armour to reveal a perfectly hairless and toned chest. I drop my power-scimitar in horror, my lips pull back into a feral snarl. They must pay.
My mind traces back to brother Alucard's manly and enticing chest, I feel his strength flowing into me, into one very special part of me. I grab my manhood tightly by the shaft; its fangs burgeoning for my enemies' blood. I swing my power-boner fiercely at the BattleWagon, it hits it in the side of it's disgusting metal-plated head.
“Feel the righteous fury of my girth, foul Xeno!” I scream as my devastating hit makes it stumble. My mind went blank as I brought down my power-boner, again and again, blow after crushing blow, until the beast was nothing more than a fine paste.
Just like my braaaaaaaaain.
'Who Dares Wins' has taken it's first victim.
Words cannot comprehend how hard this made me laugh. +1.
He must have taken a writing class from C.S. Goto with the marine with an autocannon that becomes a heavy bolter and then back to the autocannon again. Also I was not aware that Space Marines are professional and get it done luckily almost every paragraph drove that point home.
This thing reads like a cross between a bad Hollywood action movie and a supermarket check out line romance novel.
She does this from time to time, usually spurred on by really bad fan-fiction. When she wrote it we hadn't even got to the sex scene in 'Who Dares Wins', so god knows how much worse it would have been if we had.
wib wrote:Ok, I just tried reading the sample to my Fiancée (who is a keen writer herself), when I got to a part that read, "the glory spreads from my head to my fangs to my chest to my c**k", she booted me off the PC and proceeded to write the following (spoilered for NSFW themes although naughty language is censored).
Spoiler:
The air was thick as my battle brothers and I stood defiantly, watching and waiting for the foul Xenos to approach. Their pace was slow at first, then their eyes set upon us-- realising there was blood to be spilled, they charged. I looked to my left to my right to my left and eyed up my comrade Alucard. He stood mightily with his long purple and white hair flowing gallantly in the wind; some would say he was a beautiful man, I would say he stirred deep feelings within me, from my mind, to my eyes, and to my righteous and mighty c**k. Then the moment is upon us, my brothers and I burst into a run, I firmly grip my splinter-cannon, rearing the barrel upwards towards the foul Orks. The fight is met-- blood and flesh tear and splatter out towards me as I fire. Brother Alucard fights righteously, swinging his power-sack of candles at the enemies' crushing their skulls into a fine talcum powder.
“The righteous shall prevail, in the name of the Emperor! Who is our God, by the way!” Alucard roars as he tears an Ork in two with his mighty and masculine arms. My eyes bulge widely, as I witness the one thing I never believed I would, Brother Alucard had fallen. Above him stood an Ork BattleWagon, it's eyes narrowed in fury and the thrill of battle, it's slow, heavy legs slammed down onto his chest-plate, cracking his armour to reveal a perfectly hairless and toned chest. I drop my power-scimitar in horror, my lips pull back into a feral snarl. They must pay.
My mind traces back to brother Alucard's manly and enticing chest, I feel his strength flowing into me, into one very special part of me. I grab my manhood tightly by the shaft; its fangs burgeoning for my enemies' blood. I swing my power-boner fiercely at the BattleWagon, it hits it in the side of it's disgusting metal-plated head.
“Feel the righteous fury of my girth, foul Xeno!” I scream as my devastating hit makes it stumble. My mind went blank as I brought down my power-boner, again and again, blow after crushing blow, until the beast was nothing more than a fine paste.
Just like my braaaaaaaaain.
'Who Dares Wins' has taken it's first victim.
Words cannot comprehend how hard this made me laugh. +1.
