Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

LazzurusMan wrote:I haven't had allot of chance to talk to her, so I'm fine with her making close friends to talk to.

I'm going to say this just to stop anyone saying things, I Intend to marry her, so I know things are going to be fine, and that there is no need to find anyone else.

Until this situation reoccurs with the best man, eh? Terrible of me, I know. But, yeah - it's a bad situation to be in. I've got personal experience with the whole 'dating someone, feelings for someone else' situation - I was the culprit - and it ended with one person in tears and two strained relationships. Baaaaad times with the drama llama. Man, did High School suck.

Well we're both sure about all this, we've got through it, he just needs to get over it now

lol your girl only been to the club twice and already started a "intimate relationship" with a fellow gamer. Yeah boy you better watch her more closely, imagine going out to a dance club with her lol

Mad4Minis wrote:
A perfect example of etiquette in relationships. When you are in a committed relationship you simply DO NOT form close friendships with people of the opposite sex. Casual "see you next game" stuff is fine. Giving them your phone number, adding them to your social networks, etc is just out. You just dont do it. If you feel the need to, perhaps you should not be in a relationship at the time.


Trust me, Ive been down that road before...only ends badly.

...really? Honestly, if you aren't secure enough to have friendships with other people of the same/opposite/Slaaneshi sex, how committed is your relationship to begin with?

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:

Mad4Minis wrote:
A perfect example of etiquette in relationships. When you are in a committed relationship you simply DO NOT form close friendships with people of the opposite sex. Casual "see you next game" stuff is fine. Giving them your phone number, adding them to your social networks, etc is just out. You just dont do it. If you feel the need to, perhaps you should not be in a relationship at the time.


Trust me, Ive been down that road before...only ends badly.

...really? Honestly, if you aren't secure enough to have friendships with other people of the same/opposite/Slaaneshi sex, how committed is your relationship to begin with?

Well said, Cannerus!

SonsofVulkan wrote:lol your girl only been to the club twice and already started a "intimate relationship" with a fellow gamer. Yeah boy you better watch her more closely, imagine going out to a dance club with her lol

Nowhere does it say intimate relationship, they were friends, nothing more.

LazzurusMan wrote:

SonsofVulkan wrote:lol your girl only been to the club twice and already started a "intimate relationship" with a fellow gamer. Yeah boy you better watch her more closely, imagine going out to a dance club with her lol

Nowhere does it say intimate relationship, they were friends, nothing more.

VampyreWyche wrote:Hi, I'm the "other half" basically, I started talking to someone from the club and we both started having feelings for one another. I stupidly decided to tell him...

Now, 'feelings' is pretty vague. After all, the average human is capable of feeling a range of emotions. Who am I to say that the 'feelings' mentioned above are those associated with amorous intent?

Also, shouldn't this be in OT?

It was about a wargames club originaly, now we're discusing my personal life :/


Automatically Appended Next Post:
I don't mind btw, I'm getting some good opinions

LazzurusMan wrote:It was about a wargames club originaly, now we're discusing my personal life :/

Public forum negates personal life. And my Cannerus senses are tingling here that you're not as safe in your relationship as you think. I don't really know people who arbitrarily have feelings for others after meeting them twice to the point that someone would ask them to end a 6 year relationship. I'm admitting I don't have very many details, but this all just sounds really fishy.

On the off chance, everyone keep their troll shields up. Something seems off.

LazzurusMan wrote:It was about a wargames club originaly, now we're discusing my personal life :/

Just you wait - in another two pages it'll be all Ward-hate and cat pictures. Cause this is internets.

But, hey - how's that old saying go? 'That which does not kill us makes us stronger'? (Nietzsche, by the way. Awesome guy). I'll take a stab and say the same applies to relationships.

...Ugh. That's enough optimism for today. I need to go kick some puppies now.

That quote is true, we've come out of it stronger


And I understand it sounds fishy...I've had my worries :/

You asked for it!

Thanks...I needed a laugh XD

Cat's, amusing humanity since the build-a-mummy kit in Egyptian times!

infinite_array wrote:Now, 'feelings' is pretty vague. After all, the average human is capable of feeling a range of emotions. Who am I to say that the 'feelings' mentioned above are those associated with amorous intent?

by feelings okay i meant more than friendship.. him more with me than i did with him, and i will never love this other guy as much as i do my boyfriend (i have loved him for SIX years) I doubt I will ever love anyone as much as I love him.

"I Intend to marry her"
Does she know this? Has she said yes, or is she not ready for this most serious of commitments. And if so, is a date set (or is this a pie-in-the-sky engagement).
Side issue: Lady says she was at the club twice, yet develops strong feelings towards the other party. After 2 visits? Or was their some extra-curricular activity outside the gaming environment that led to the bond forming?
And if this occurs while in a State of Engagement, what does that portend for the State of Marriage?
(NOTE: My 1st marriage ended due to her feelings for a co-worker being acted upon...I KNOW from whence I speak).

So, in short; the lady got close to someone in the local social group. The lady tells 3rd party of these feelings (and admits after-the-fact of the utter stupidity of this action...has she learned rom this or will this be a common occurence?). 3rd party places lady in the most childish of situations...stay with him or excommunication from the game-group. Lady rejects him (and rightly so if he is going to be such an adolescent dolt) and in his butt-hurt nerd-rage makes you a target as well.

The 30 minute drive to another gameing group would be well worth the time and effort. That, or start your own group with folks who are a bit more adult in their manners and relationships.

We are not currently engaged, yet she knows I intend to ask.
She was talking to him allot through social networks, I couldn't talk to her so she talked to someone else that could...unfortunately it led to this.

LazzurusMan wrote:We are not currently engaged, yet she knows I intend to ask.

gak or get off. Ask her properly man!!

I'm only 17 tbh XD

And I'm saving up for the ring atm

LazzurusMan wrote:I'm only 17 tbh XD

And I'm saving up for the ring atm

...not to be mean (since, clearly, this disclaimer completely releases me from any responsibility ), but this will be irrelevant in less than a year. I bid you good day.

What will be irrelevant and why???

I'm getting confused now XD

dkellyj wrote:"I Intend to marry her"
Does she know this? Has she said yes, or is she not ready for this most serious of commitments. And if so, is a date set (or is this a pie-in-the-sky engagement).
Side issue: Lady says she was at the club twice, yet develops strong feelings towards the other party. After 2 visits? Or was their some extra-curricular activity outside the gaming environment that led to the bond forming?
And if this occurs while in a State of Engagement, what does that portend for the State of Marriage?
(NOTE: My 1st marriage ended due to her feelings for a co-worker being acted upon...I KNOW from whence I speak).

So, in short; the lady got close to someone in the local social group. The lady tells 3rd party of these feelings (and admits after-the-fact of the utter stupidity of this action...has she learned rom this or will this be a common occurence?). 3rd party places lady in the most childish of situations...stay with him or excommunication from the game-group. Lady rejects him (and rightly so if he is going to be such an adolescent dolt) and in his butt-hurt nerd-rage makes you a target as well.

The 30 minute drive to another gameing group would be well worth the time and effort. That, or start your own group with folks who are a bit more adult in their manners and relationships.

Lady does know his intentions, haven't said yes as he hasn't asked yet. But intends to. Therefore a date isn't set, but I would ideally like to finish my degree and get Teaching qualification and a job first. And I am also very ill with a lot of things wrong with me, most days I need to talk to someone in order to see the point of doing everyday things. My boyfriend knows this, and he couldn't talk, this other guy could. And just by talking we got to know things about each other. I would NEVER cheat on anyone, I have had that happen to me and the other girl was my best friend. I wouldn't ever do that to anyone, least of all if that person was my Husband. And yes I have learned from this. I have trouble trusting people as I have been hurt way too much in the past, yet I fall in love easily. I have major trust issues due to being hurt and lied to all my life. And living around people that constantly put me down. So I hate myself more than enough, and would never ever dream of cheating on anyone. They are just feelings, i have goteen used to hiding them over the years I had 4 years of hiding my feelings for my boyfriend after all.

LazzurusMan wrote:I'm only 17 tbh XD

And I'm saving up for the ring atm

We've... we've been trolled. I'm so ashamed. Can we get a thread lock now?

Trolled?

I'm serious


Automatically Appended Next Post:
But maybe moving to OT would be a good idea :/

LazzurusMan wrote:
But maybe moving to OT would be a good idea :/

That would be the worst idea.



Sounds like your GF should have kept her mouth shut and said i'm sorry but i'm with X.

Mad4Minis wrote:

VampyreWyche wrote:Hi, I'm the "other half" basically, I started talking to someone from the club and we both started having feelings for one another. I stupidly decided to tell him, and he told me (plus all his family and friends) between the two of them they made me choose, I chose the guy I was with and had loved for 6 years, I upset the other guy.

With people at club.. some of them are this other guys family (hence why I'm not welcome anymore) and all the reast (i think) are friends with both guys.. hardly know me so it don't matter. I think they are just looking out for a friend, and I'm the one in the wrong so I accept I'm not welcome there.. but as of now (i thnk) I'm the only one who has been basically told they are unwelcome. They are all lovely people, they just dont like seeing people they care about hurt.

Hope This helps with any advice.

A perfect example of etiquette in relationships. When you are in a committed relationship you simply DO NOT form close friendships with people of the opposite sex. Casual "see you next game" stuff is fine. Giving them your phone number, adding them to your social networks, etc is just out. You just dont do it. If you feel the need to, perhaps you should not be in a relationship at the time.


Trust me, Ive been down that road before...only ends badly.

I have to echo this point as well. Being married myself and having had dealt with this issue, because I am a bit of a flirt apparently, it is respectful to your partner. But that is me and how we deal with it.

OTH, if it works for you two and you are both OK about this, then fine...Really, this isn't what the OT is about, though.

My thought - Shut-it-down, its over. Don't consider going back because it will never be like how it was, or even close. This is the price for playing it loose.

Nothing will destroy a most gaming groups faster then sex/sexual tension.
My Own Example - I was in a RPG group where there was four guys and one girl. The guy who was DMing was engaged to the girl but she was attracted to myself and one other guy. *Some varied adult content*...the group broke up, her and the DM broke up and she married the other guy. The one other guy in the group was married so he wasn't an option for her.

infinite_array wrote:

LazzurusMan wrote:I'm only 17 tbh XD

And I'm saving up for the ring atm

We've... we've been trolled. I'm so ashamed. Can we get a thread lock now?

And I'm slightly offended btw...just because I'm 17 doesn't mean I can't think about these sorts of things and mean it :/

ERP...teenage kids...well that makes things mucho-different. You two are in the heat of puppy-love...a love for which you are certain no man has ever felt so strongly towards any woman.
But thats fine. At least your trying to be an adult in this situation.
But what this calls out for is a act of such childish wanton in-your-face activity that next week we will be getting 3rd parties Dakka thread of anguish and butt-hurt.

I reccomend you set up a game with anyone else in the store EXCEPT the 3rd party guy (even better if its someone taking your side who would not mind being in on the show...even tossing the game to you to make the show better). But make sure its at a time when 3rd party guy will be their. Then show up with GF in tow...not as a player, just as a casual observer and supportive GF. GF atire MUST be in something showy. Cleavage and leg and skin-hugging. Makes the boys eyes pop out and wander over her "huge tracts of land." Then, everytime you make that saving throw or pass a critical leadership, have little miss plant a kiss on your mouth or remark how stellar you are in congrats. Make sure when she does that you give her butt an appreciative rub (ensuring 3rd party sees this). Let the sexual tension fly and rub it in his face. After the game, on your way out have her drop a comment loud enough for all to hear that the only thing better than your gaming ability is your bedroom abilities.
Watch the nerd-rage fly and have a good laugh all the way home...then go find another group or make your own with people who will be more mature in their social relationships.

infinite_array wrote:We've... we've been trolled. I'm so ashamed. Can we get a thread lock now?

Did I not call it?

Are you sparkly in sunlight