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We don't participate in this 'elf on shelf' crapola.

I don't even know what a shelf elf is.

Nor do I think I want to.


We don't even have the tree up yet. No xmas lights, no tinsel, nothing. OTOH, a friend has gone the whole hog, with lights and shizz outside his house, and no fewer than 9 trees inside the house. He overcompensates for us.

I wanna get a Cthulhu plushie and start "Christmasthulhu", who is a spy for Krampus. Because he knows evil, he can sense when the children are bad.

"Son, if you are bad, Christmasthulhu will sneak into your dresser and fill all your underwear with sand. So be good........"

GO ELF TEAM BRAVO GO... TACTICAL CHEER INSERTION!

A google image search for Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf renders images that are both funny and not safe for work.

A halfling in the baffling was too niche, architecturally speaking.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 kronk wrote:
A google image search for Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf renders images that are both funny and not safe for work.

There's one involving a dog and peanut butter that made me scream with... Laughter.

The fairy in the eyrie never took off and The Toad in the abode idea was squashed...

*pains self*

Surely we must be running out?

The gay in the hay?

 Alfndrate wrote:

 SilverMK2 wrote:

 Easy E wrote:
No, it is just a creepy doll that you move around the house to make kids feel like they are being spied on an watched by Santa's Gestapo.

Ah, OK

To be fair, a true parent would move the elf around while the kid is doing things without their knowledge, and then also leave scraps of notes around about said child, with things like, "Recommendation: Naughty List"

Even better would be to give them a "magic ring" that "allows them to read the elfish language" (sort of like the TARDIS universal translator )

Medium of Death wrote:The fairy in the eyrie never took off and The Toad in the abode idea was squashed...

*pains self*

Surely we must be running out?

Troll on the pole?

Daytime strippers are people too.

The Met on the internet?

Poor guy just wants some privacy...

 Ensis Ferrae wrote:

 Alfndrate wrote:

 SilverMK2 wrote:

 Easy E wrote:
No, it is just a creepy doll that you move around the house to make kids feel like they are being spied on an watched by Santa's Gestapo.

Ah, OK

To be fair, a true parent would move the elf around while the kid is doing things without their knowledge, and then also leave scraps of notes around about said child, with things like, "Recommendation: Naughty List"

Even better would be to give them a "magic ring" that "allows them to read the elfish language" (sort of like the TARDIS universal translator )

The only true way to do it is to write it out in Tolkien's elvish, and hand the kid a finnish to English dictionary and tell them to get crackin' (or, ya know give them the Elvish dictionary that someone has done).

I think I'm going to market the "Ogre that's staying over" and have them torment children..

 easysauce wrote:
GO ELF TEAM BRAVO GO... TACTICAL CHEER INSERTION!

Spoiler: