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Let everyone know your bad jokes. Heres one of mine: stephen hawking walks into a bar.

You are a bad man.

Bad jokes. I like it

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

...

There are two men in a boat, pete and repeat. If pete falls out who is left in the boat?

Repeat?

There are two men in a boat, pete and repeat. If pete falls out who is left in the boat?

A dyslectic walks into a bear

A horse walks into a bar..
Why the long face?

Why wouldn't the lobster share his toys?
Because he was shellfish

Damnit.. all my bad jokes are racist >_>

A Pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel firmly affixed to his crotch.
The bartender stares for a moment and ask " What the hell is that wheel for?"

The Pirate scowls and answers " Argh,it's driving me nuts."

What do you call a man in a swimming pool with no arms, and no legs?

Bob

What do you call a man on a porch with no arms and no legs?

Matt

Q: Did you know Helen Keller had a pool?

A:

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?......
.. Dr. Dre .

FITZZ wrote:What's brown and rhymes with snoop?......
.. Dr. Dre .

I have used that one for many a year and apparently will continue to for a while

space wolves

damn my best bad joke only works in Finnish

corpsesarefun wrote:

FITZZ wrote:What's brown and rhymes with snoop?......
.. Dr. Dre .

I have used that one for many a year and apparently will continue to for a while

Apparently so...

A man goes to the Doctor for a check up.
Half way through his exam the Doctor looks at him and says "You should think about abstaining from masturbating."
The man looks at the Doctor " Why is that?" the man ask.
" Because I really need to finish this exam." the Doctor replies.

Ok here's another....

Whats red and really bad for your teeth?.....
....A brick.

What cheese do you use to hide a horse.

Mascaponi.

Pahahahaha... shoot me now.

A Rabbi and a Priest walk into a bar,the Rabbi looks at the Priest and says "What is this,some kind of joke?"....

....Bu-Dum-tish!

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What do you call a deaf man?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.

A woman decides to take a bath, so she fills the bath, gets undressed and gets in. A minute later, the doorbell rings; she ignores it, hoping whoever it was will go away. It rings again and, annoyed, she decides to get out and poke her head around the bathroom door. "Who is it?" she asks. "The blind man." Comes the reply. She decides that since the man is blind, she won't bother getting dressed again, and goes downstairs to answer the door. The man stares at her and says "Nice tits, now where do you want the blinds?"

I loved the Far Side...

Q. Whats the first sign of madness?

A. Suggs walking up your driveway

Q. Why were the bakers hands brown?

A. Because he neaded a poo

What has 10000 legs and can't walk?



They only get less forum appropriate from there.

What do you call a guy with a shovel in his head?
- Doug

What do you call a guy without a shovel in his head?
- Douglas

WarOne wrote:

I loved the Far Side...

Gary Larson is fantastic....but...not sure if his work qualifies as "bad jokes."

I got a stiff neck... I swallowed a viagra and it stopped midway.

Why was the chicken happy?


Everything was eggcellent.

Police have responded to a string of crimes where people would be robbed whilst on the toilet. A statement given earlier today that the victims of these crimes were caught with their trousers down, but Police remain confident that the attacker will be flushed out.

A robber has been caught attempting to steal a dog from a nearby kennel. Police say that he was barking to have tried it.

Reports of attacks by fleas have come in from all over the country. Police are itching to get to the bottom of it.

A killer fish has been found dead on a beach. Police say that he was a slippery customer who must've found himself out of his depth.

WarOne wrote:

I loved the Far Side...

Holy crap, I was seconds away from posting this exact same picture.

This will do:

There once was a Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White bike, and being the hero type person he was, wanted to marry the Chapter Master's daughter.

So he went up to the palace and the guard naturally enquired "Who goes there?", to which he replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?" asked the guard, with a not unconsiderable amount of awe in his voice.

"Yes, I'm *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter," replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage."

The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III."

On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast.

On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass"

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes,*the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".

On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later.

On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike.

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace".

On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."

Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.
On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike, can I marry your daughter now?"

"Sure."

GalacticDefender wrote: That Joke

I will now proceed to kill you so hard that you will die from it. Please, do not take this personal.

GalacticDefender wrote:

WarOne wrote:

I loved the Far Side...

Holy crap, I was seconds away from posting this exact same picture.

This will do:

There once was a Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White bike, and being the hero type person he was, wanted to marry the Chapter Master's daughter.

So he went up to the palace and the guard naturally enquired "Who goes there?", to which he replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?" asked the guard, with a not unconsiderable amount of awe in his voice.

"Yes, I'm *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter," replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage."

The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III."

On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast.

On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass"

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes,*the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".

On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later.

On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike.

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace".

On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."

Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.
On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."

"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"

"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike, can I marry your daughter now?"

"Sure."

Slarg, why don't you like this joke

Also, I am going to write up the B&W space marine wedding to the daughter soon enough. In fact, I started in another thread. Time to go look

Why did the idiot bring a ladder to the party?



What do you call a man with no arms and no legs under a pile of leaves?




Do you like fish sticks?



Do you like the way fish sticks taste in your mouth?



Then you must be a gay fish.