Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you:
No adverts like this in the forums anymore.
Times and dates in your local timezone.
Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance.
Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely.
Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net.
If you are already a member then feel free to login now.
Hokay. Now if you're an alien visitor (we'll call them visitors, but we as humans know they mean to conquer or enslave us) you MUST be tuning in on our media to learn what we're all about. With enough study, what will you learn?
1. KILL!-We're violent. VERY violent. STUPID violent! We kill each other by the 100's just to assure who controls the most dead dinosaurs.
2. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT-Remember that violence? We're good at it! Tune into history channel.
3. WE CANNOT WAIT TO KILL ALIENS!-How much Sci-Fi programming is dedicated to killing/fighting/stopping E.T. ? LOTS!
4. "CALLING DR. JOSEF MENGELE..."- Wait till our doctors get ahold of you!
5. GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE!- We want their technology! If there's anything we want as much as being able to kill something new, this is it.
6. KIM KARDASHIAN X-RAYED HER BUTT FOR IMPLANTS- If anything will tell you that humans will never amount to anything, the fact that some humans find this interesting will prove it. Nothing to see here filthy Xenos...move along.
7. AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!- Lot's of us have superpowers! (how do they know that Spidey and Batman are fictional movies rather than documentaries?)
8. SEGREGATED BATHROOMS- Racism is rampant down here. There are those of us that HATE skin color different from our own or slanted eyes even though the physiology is the same. How do you think we'll react to someTHING from another PLANET?
9.SWING AWAY MERILL- There's lots of water down here.
10. DONT MESS WITH THE SHAT!- Captain Kirk lives here. He's never trusted aliens...and he never will. He's never forgiven them...for the death of his son.
Basically, think of it like this. You're in a gang, a street gang. They want you and a couple other gang members to go observe the gang who's turf is across town. Once you and your two companions go, this is what you discover....
They've almost ruined this side of town by keeping it messy and building a bunch of huts made out of cow dung and local vegetation.
They outnumber you....by lots.
Your weapons are superior (you have automatic weapons), but they've got TONS more than you. (they have flintlocks)
They know about your weapons...and they want them...and will do anything necessary to get them.
They're violent/paranoid cannibals that will rape, beat, and rip you apart before you can learn the language to say "I come in peace!"
For entertainment they tell stories around their campfires about other gangs that come around their turf. These stories generally result in the total obliteration of the rival gang.
So, learning this you go back to your superiors. What is the point of contact?
Friendship?- Ummm....why?
Invade?- Empty your territory to take control of the entirety of theirs? (planetary invasion isnt really an option...Asimov said so)
Enslave?- What is it about this "gang" that tells you they'll tolerate slavery happily? I think they'd be more trouble that they're worth.
Resources?- Pretty much the only reason, but can't we go across town to another spot, one with less sentient and (more importantly) violent life?
Basically, what I'm saying is this.
YOU FRIGGIN' STUPID ALIENS!
You know what's going to happen when you come down here. Sure, try to make friends, we'll accommodate you until you even look at us crossways. (so long as you give us that phaser technology) Burp at dinner without saying "scuse me." and we'll take you into custody, strip your ship, dissect you and totally dig in ready for you attack using whatever we can learn from your tech that you've brought down and your pysical weaknesses. There's billions of us down here and we've all got guns...the only thing we need is a common enemy for our guys to run at in order for them to get 72 vigins after pulling a pin. We're aching for a fight, so go ahead...keep flying over London. Keep thinking about whatever sinister plans you got in store for us. If you think those plans are going to work, you're wrong like a man thong, Donkey Kong. I mean, have you seen ANY of Will Smith's movies? How many aliens has he killed anyway?
We're ready.
This message was edited 5 times. Last update was at 2011/06/29 12:30:52
Don't forget, once we kick you off our planet, we're going to start building the space fleet to come take YOUR stuff. Because...thats...what...we..do!
-"Wait a minute.....who is that Frazz is talking to in the gallery? Hmmm something is going on here.....Oh.... it seems there is some dispute over video taping of some sort......Frazz is really upset now..........wait a minute......whats he go there.......is it? Can it be?....Frazz has just unleashed his hidden weiner dog from his mini bag, while quoting shakespeares "Let slip the dogs the war!!" GG
-"Don't mind Frazzled. He's just Dakka's crazy old dude locked in the attic. He's harmless. Mostly."
-TBone the Magnificent 1999-2014, Long Live the King!
2011/06/29 12:30:13
Subject: Re:Don't F@#$ with us! Damn dirty aliens!
And we still lack the ability to move beyond our star system.
Anything with the tech to fly here will deal with us on it's terms. If we're lucky, they will take a look, feel fairly repulsed and fly on. If not... They may decide to enact the lyrics of this song on us.
Some say it was a warning
Some say it was a sign
I was standing right there
When it came down from the sky
The way it spoke to us
You felt it from inside
Said it was up to us
Up to us to decide
You've become a virus
killing off his host
We've been watching you with all of our eyes
And what you seem to value most
So much potential
Or so we used to say
Your greed, self importance, and your arrogance
You piss it all away
We heard her cry
We've come to intervene
You will change your ways and you will make amends
Or we will wipe this place clean
Your time is tick-tick-ticking away
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/06/29 12:32:01
2011/06/29 12:53:28
Subject: Re:Don't F@#$ with us! Damn dirty aliens!
They don't have wiener dogs in alien town. The Bugs will never know what hit them. Even Darth Vader knows not to mess with BADGER DOGS!
-"Wait a minute.....who is that Frazz is talking to in the gallery? Hmmm something is going on here.....Oh.... it seems there is some dispute over video taping of some sort......Frazz is really upset now..........wait a minute......whats he go there.......is it? Can it be?....Frazz has just unleashed his hidden weiner dog from his mini bag, while quoting shakespeares "Let slip the dogs the war!!" GG
-"Don't mind Frazzled. He's just Dakka's crazy old dude locked in the attic. He's harmless. Mostly."
-TBone the Magnificent 1999-2014, Long Live the King!
2011/06/29 14:01:14
Subject: Re:Don't F@#$ with us! Damn dirty aliens!
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
ok.if aliens are dumb,they will attack us.
if there smart,they will take the 1-10% of us that are worth anything and then leave and never come back.
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
2011/06/29 19:42:45
Subject: Re:Don't F@#$ with us! Damn dirty aliens!
I just realised, what's worse than Captain Kirk (the great god Shatner) living on this planet?
TWO Kirks living on this planet! Do not forget about PineKirk.
Here's a fact that is pretty cool about aliens....
You know, they have no rights. So, if you see an alien walking down the street, you can just walk up to him and jack his sh!t. Slap him in the head and just walk off with his tricorder and lightsaber.
I mean, what's he gonna do? Call the cops? Even if he COULD dial 911 on his comlink or telepathy device...they would probably take him into custody rather than track you down.
Stupid Aliens. I friggin hate 'em.
Coming down here all "Take me to your leader!" like. FEMALEDOG, dont tell me what to do. I'll make a pair of boots out of you, Predator. PREDATOR, they've got balls coming to THIS planet and calling themselves Predators. How long have we been top of the friggin food chain in this solar system? "You steppin inta MY house DAWG!"
Man I'm getting pissed off....I'm tired of these guys. 4 realz YO!
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
Deadshane1 wrote:You know, aliens will probably never attack us.
I just realised, what's worse than Captain Kirk (the great god Shatner) living on this planet?
TWO Kirks living on this planet! Do not forget about PineKirk.
Here's a fact that is pretty cool about aliens....
You know, they have no rights. So, if you see an alien walking down the street, you can just walk up to him and jack his sh!t. Slap him in the head and just walk off with his tricorder and lightsaber.
I mean, what's he gonna do? Call the cops? Even if he COULD dial 911 on his comlink or telepathy device...they would probably take him into custody rather than track you down.
Stupid Aliens. I friggin hate 'em.
Coming down here all "Take me to your leader!" like. FEMALEDOG, dont tell me what to do. I'll make a pair of boots out of you, Predator. PREDATOR, they've got balls coming to THIS planet and calling themselves Predators. How long have we been top of the friggin food chain in this solar system? "You steppin inta MY house DAWG!"
Man I'm getting pissed off....I'm tired of these guys. 4 realz YO!
im recruiting you into the alien hunters. down with xenos,up with their technology being ares!
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
With respect Shane, I think you forgot one point from your initial list...
11. WE ARE DISEASED...Humans are crawling with bacteria that aliens have no immunity to, just look at how well the alien invasion in War of the Worlds went.
I am both selfish and chaotic. I value self-gratification and control; I want to have things my way, preferably now. At best, I'm entertaining and surprising; at worst, I'm hedonistic and violent.
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
ShumaGorath wrote:This thread is racist as hell.
you think this is bad,go look at the avatar (movie) thread. were talking about putin the blue people in zoos
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
FITZZ wrote: With respect Shane, I think you forgot one point from your initial list...
11. WE ARE DISEASED...Humans are crawling with bacteria that aliens have no immunity to, just look at how well the alien invasion in War of the Worlds went.
However, surely since all those bacteria have specifically evolved to take down Terran life forms, they would have little to no affect on something which was completely different from us? Likewise with any diseases the aliens carry.
Having said that however, I do find myself agreeing with many if not all of the points in the OP.
"I swear 'Grimdark' is the 'Cowbell' of 40k" - Lexx
Hello is this thing on *taps mic* greetings aliens! We now you have set up a listening post in our water tower. You have hree days to evacuate before we level it with an artillery bombardment followed by nuking. that is all...
Yeah my great-grandfather believes there are aliens in the local watertower.
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
corpsesarefun wrote:I can't see anything other than the sky in that video, am I supposed to be wearing 3d glasses or something?
you dont see the glowing dots? well look again!
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
2011/06/30 10:41:27
Subject: Re:Don't F@#$ with us! Damn dirty aliens!
Dakka rule number 1 is obviously not in effect when talking about E.T. This thread isnt locked and I've received no warnings. Why....?
EARTH HATES ALIENS CAUSE THEY SUCK!
As I said, aliens have no rights on Terra. I will punch every Grey in the face!
Am I rascist? Helz yea! Against interplanetary hobos who come off all "We come in peace." then turn around abducting our human brothers for anal probing and ruining Farmer Joe's income this year by marking his farm with some giant galactic gang signs. Man, screw that noise.
If I see an alien today, I'm totally shooting him in the face. I'm not kidding.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Skycrawler wrote:
Yeah my great-grandfather believes there are aliens in the local watertower.
Where is this watchtower...I may swing by after work.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/06/30 10:45:11
You can eat my dog,
You can eat my truck,
But you eat my flag and you're out of luck!
She's 'awaven proud around the world,
From Dallas to Ft. Worth,
Let me say it again...
Don't mess with Earth!
...Don't-mess-with-Earth.
You know you're really doing something when you can make strangers hate you over the Internet. - Mauleed
Just remember folks. Panic. Panic all the time. It's the only way to survive, other than just being mindful, of course-but geez, that's so friggin' boring. - Aegis Grimm
Hallowed is the All Pie The Before Times: A Place That Celebrates The World That Was
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
Platuan4th wrote:You can eat my dog,
You can eat my truck,
But you eat my flag and you're out of luck!
She's 'awaven proud around the world,
From Dallas to Ft. Worth,
Let me say it again...
Don't mess with Earth!
...Don't-mess-with-Earth.
hell yeah kill them all,if they come in peace than give us everything you have and then let us scan you then go away.
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
The Daily Mail would have a complete fit about this...
Dakka Bingo! By Ouze "You are the best at flying things"-Kanluwen
"Further proof that Purple is a fething brilliant super villain " -KingCracker
"Purp.. Im pretty sure I have a gun than can reach you...."-Nicorex
"That's not really an apocalypse. That's just Europe."-Grakmar
"almost as good as winning free cake at the tea drinking contest for an Englishman." -Reds8n
Seal up your lips and give no words but mum.
Equip, Reload. Do violence.
Watch for Gerry.
2011/07/01 02:26:01
Subject: Re:Don't F@#$ with us! Damn dirty aliens!
ph34r's Forgeworld Phobos blog, current WIP: Iron Warriors and Skaven Tau +From Iron Cometh Strength+ +From Strength Cometh Will+ +From Will Cometh Faith+ +From Faith Cometh Honor+ +From Honor Cometh Iron+
The Polito form is dead, insect. Are you afraid? What is it you fear? The end of your trivial existence?
When the history of my glory is written, your species shall only be a footnote to my magnificence.
Now, there is a clear reason for the Aliens nicking off in short order in the first video....
They are over Britain, and no doubt, their scans revealed a hidden yearning for the glory days of the Empire. They know what a piss ant little country on the arse end of nowhere is capable of when it's bored, and has invented a need for Tea and Curry..... And I bet they have Tea and Curry what turns your mind inside out....mmmm......
g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f 
down with xenos,up with their technology being ares!
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
