King of the Hill

Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you:

No adverts like this in the forums anymore.
Times and dates in your local timezone.
Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance.
Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely.
Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net.

If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

**Decio**

The SPCA discover your policies and disband/ pamper all of your turtles and tortoises. They are removed from battle by a better caetaker.

Because the naughty list is no longer meaningful, I send pumpkin-headed Grey Knights to purge-retake the hill

My hill.

**CuddlySquig**

I hold a mirror in front of the Grey Knights. They see their reflections and freak out, realizing that they now know about themselves and kill themselves so that the existence of the Grey Knights is kept a secret.

I plant a garden of squigs and soon the hill is alive with them with me as their leader.

My hill.

**snurl**

Your squigs turn out to be voracious jack o lanterns.
You never saw them coming for you.
My hill.

**Dr. Temujin**

I spray your jack 'o lanterns with a time serum. They quickly rot away due to time being accelerated for them.
My Hill.

**CuddlySquig**

I rupture your time serum hose, opening a hole in time to post #3. I push p_gray99 and liquidjoshi off the hill, talk to the hill and make friends with it. Then I convince the hill to grow an arm and punch you from the hill.

My hill.

**snurl**

I offer the hill a lucrative contract to pose for picture postcards. The hill agrees, shakes you off, and my hill is off to Hollywood.

**Decio**

A fleet of IG Valkyries knocks out your escorts and an Inquisitor brainwashes the hill to my service. He converts himself into a program and downloads himself into DakkaDakka as a forum moderator.

**Dr. Temujin**

But then the hill becomes self-aware and completely destroys the Dakka website, and then the internet as a whole. The world falls into chaos, countries collapse, families are torn apart, and the world trembles at the complete anarchy.
All is peaceful. Humans are reduced to hunter-gatherer societies once more. Then, my great-great-great-great-great-great-great ancestor remembers through genetic memory about the hill fight, and he/she claims the biggest hill in the world.
My Hill. With a very elaborate, complicated process.

**Decio**

Hundreds of years later, my ancestor once again takes part in a Spanish expedition. This time, he hears about these old-natives on this hill. Mistaking it for El Dorado, the expedition shoots the fight out of your ancestor's tribe. However, due to a growth in humanitarianism, not all of your ancestors die and are merely shipped back to Spain/ Scotland/ Germany to be high-class merchants with cool stuff.
My hill, with good business relations.

**snurl**

Pirates capture your merchant vessels and force thier crews to divulge the location of so much wealth. They mount an expedition as privateers and plunder the hill. The view there is so nice they decide to build a pirate stronghold there.

**Yojiro**

I find the hill, discarded by the pirates thousands of years later.

My hill.

**Decio**

During the 54th Millenium (so many years have passed) a Mechanicum explorator fleet lands on the hill and searches for relics. Yojiro is flattened by an overweight servitor with a servo-arm and is frozen in statis as a relic of his time.

My hill, complete with defence lasers, mechanicus stuff, and skitarii

**CuddlySquig**

The orks (who have destroyed all opposition by then and have been spreading to other galaxies to destroy the civilizations found there for the past 10 thousand years) attack the hill. The first wave die under defense laser fire, the second wave are cut down by skitarii bullets. The third wave slaughters the defenders in a chaotic scrum (orks, just can't beat em).
They also happen to be MY orks. As my waaaagh celebrates, I mount your head on my boss pole and am master of the hill.
My hill.

**Decio**

My head congratulates you, then spends the next 20 years fighting battles from atop the pole. When your orks realize that my head CAN fight and my head is higher than yours, I duel you from the top of your boss pole. The orks laugh as you swing your weapon at the pole, which is mounted unfortunately on your back. Blindly, you flail. My Tech-head lol's, and shoots you through the top of your head with a one-shot sleep serum. You fall into a really nice sleep. I dial Johnny's Pizza Service on accident- then I call some more Mechanicus. They land, deliver the pizza for Johnny, and herd all of the orks into a ship. From there, they are delivered to a space hulk nearby. No one is around.

My hill, sorta. My head is due for upgrades.

**Dr. Temujin**

While you are all fighting, Necrons on this Tomb World (who woke up at a VERY late start) begin to awake from the commotion. Then, I, the Presiding Overlord of said Tomb World, lead my forces up onto the surface. Withering gauss fire vaporizes Techpriest and Ork alike, and I claim...
My hill, as well as the entire planet.

**p_gray99**

However, the entire planet happened to be a bomb rigged by the tau a few thousand years ago, and I blow it up and create a hill on its moon. My hill.

**Yojiro**

That's no moon... It's a space station. My Space Station.

**p_gray99**

Wow, so many places here have been rigged by the tau. My hill on a different planet while that space station blows up.

**Decio**

After being rebuilt from scratch by the Mechanicum, I use my logic engines to thwart the attempts of the water and fire caste on your side to convince you, in fact, that the hill you created was copyrighted by the intelligence given to the previous hill by a Dr. Temujin, and your hill is blasted to dust and your tau are forced to work on repairing the space station for Yojiro, and I of course take stewardship until Yojiro is informed.

My hill, mostly

**Dr. Temujin**

Of course, since that hill was originally mine via the copyright information, it's really...
My Hill.

**CuddlySquig**

Your copyright expires. I wake up from my nice sleep and get back onto the hill with my orks.

My hill (and my orks)

**Decio**

You realize that the hill has been reconstructed and still has sentience. As you ponder the dirt fists that are socking your vehicles, my logic engine servitors and retinue come down and refresh the copyright, with just a 'few' changes. the HILL IS ALIVE. it eats you. nonomnom.

My hill. And my copyright. MwAHAHAHAH!

**flamero**

The adeptus mechanicus comes, reprograms hill, and a fortress is built, guarded by massive amounts of armor and auto defense mechinisims.

My hill, and the copyright too

**Decio**

^ what. I am Mechanicus and had exact same defences previously.

My superior authority and bosses allows me to use you as an aide. (by the way, welcome to Dakka!) i host a talk show called 'Meet flamero' and while I do that flamero's previous defences are upgraded to be mine. Copyrighted yet again.

Adeptus Mechanicus Hill. Also mine.

**snurl**

I tempt the hill with a tasty snack. It shrugs off your defenses and comes after the treat. While it munches I reclaim my hill. Again.

**p_gray99**

The dark eldar arrive, kill you, kill the hill and give the dead hill to me. My hill.

**Tadashi**

The Deathwatch arrive and kill you all. The Emperor's Hill.

**Decio**

The Mechanicus responds with the same routine, but this time it begins with an orbital bombardment of cyclonic torpedoes.
After kiling most sentient life, the Mechanicus deploys (for the 4th time, eh). I take the hill's remains into statis and give it to Trazyn for safekeeping. Have fun.

My hill, safely hidden away.

**CuddlySquig**

I take off my Trazyn mask and sneak back to my space fleet, which is still sticky from being vomited out by the hill. I place the hill's remains inside my safekeeping vault aboard my orkish flagship.

My hill,

**flamero**

The Imperial Navy searches everywhere for the hill, but gets tired. Just as they are about to give up, the hill is found A massive battle is fought, and many die. The hill is removed from the ork ship, built into a massive super-frigate, and soars the galaxy

A ship, Now mine.