Your Daily Rage* Inducing News

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**Ahtman**

Michael Bay will fix the implausibility of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by turning them into aliens

“When you see this movie, kids are going to believe, one day, that these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie,” Bay said, as the rules of sentence structure jackknifed and exploded. “These turtles are from an alien race and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny, and completely lovable.” And while that will likely rile fans of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and people who can read words, at least we can take comfort that Michael Bay intends to get rid of their always-murky “mutant” origin story, and finally give these teenage ninja turtles some grounding in science.

*If not rage, a serious case of "lolwut", either way, consult a doctor.

**purplefood**

So how does he fix the Giant humanoid ninja rat?
That can speak english...

**Frazzled**

purplefood wrote:So how does he fix the Giant humanoid ninja rat?
That can speak english...

With a bad accent mind you.

Automatically Appended Next Post:

while that will likely rile fans of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and people who can read words

It so very rare to see the initial post both make and win the thread at the same time.

**mega_bassist**

I really wish Michael Bay would stop raping my childhood memories.

**Hlaine Larkin mk2**

purplefood wrote:So how does he fix the Giant humanoid ninja rat?
That can speak english...

And an obsession with Italian and Japanese culture

Seriously though; Michael Bay should stomping on childhood memories

**Frazzled**

mega_bassist wrote:I really wish Michael Bay would stop raping my childhood memories.

He's like the Dark Lord of the underworld, if the Dark Lord of the underworld was both shallow, and a loser.

**purplefood**

Frazzled wrote:
mega_bassist wrote:I really wish Michael Bay would stop raping my childhood memories.

He's like the Dark Lord of the underworld, if the Dark Lord of the underworld was both shallow, and a loser.

Slightly Murky Leader of the Beneath Land?

**Frazzled**

purplefood wrote:
Frazzled wrote:
mega_bassist wrote:I really wish Michael Bay would stop raping my childhood memories.

He's like the Dark Lord of the underworld, if the Dark Lord of the underworld was both shallow, and a loser.

Slightly Murky Leader of the Beneath Land?

There you go.

**thenoobbomb**

Michael Bay?
Isnt that the guy that made a transformer that looked like an icecreamcar?
Oh god..

**hotsauceman1**

How is micheal bay going to work in his love affair with the military and shove the turtle to the sideline?

**purplefood**

thenoobbomb wrote:Michael Bay?
Isnt that the guy that made a transformer that looked like an icecreamcar?
Oh god..

No that's a different Michael Bay...

**Easy E**

I recently saw the original TMNT. The movie is no great shakes, but the Ninja Turtle suits are still amazing and hold up great! Jim Henson and his team rocked it!

So, the new turtles will probably be CGI, and hence crap.

**Hlaine Larkin mk2**

Easy E wrote:I recently saw the original TMNT. The movie is no great shakes, but the Ninja Turtle suits are still amazing and hold up great! Jim Henson and his team rocked it!

So, the new turtles will probably be CGI, and hence crap.

I know: i have the first two films on VCR

**LordofHats**

Hey now. At the very least, the movie will be filled with non-sensicle fight scenes, explosions, and a ton of plot holes

We can at least watch it and then laugh at how horrible Hollywood has become that such a man still has work.

**Easy E**

Hopefully, it will also involve a loving shot of Krang's dangleberries on his artificial body.

I love you Constructicons!

**CT GAMER**

So Who is slated to play April?

**George Spiggott**

Ahtman wrote:michael bay will fix...

This seems like an unlikely premise already.

**Ouze**

CT GAMER wrote:So Who is slated to play April?

I read a rumor on the internets that Kim Kardashian was slated.

**Monster Rain**

I'm just going to pretend I didn't see this thread, lest I bite my computer screen in half.

**SagesStone**

“When you see this movie, kids are going to believe, one day, that these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie,” Bay said, as the rules of sentence structure jackknifed and exploded. “These turtles are from an alien race and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny, and completely lovable.” And while that will likely rile fans of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and people who can read words, at least we can take comfort that Michael Bay intends to get rid of their always-murky “mutant” origin story, and finally give these teenage ninja turtles some grounding in science.

What is this? It isn't April 1st yet.

**FabricatorGeneralMike**

purplefood wrote:So how does he fix the Giant humanoid ninja rat?
That can speak english...

and the talking ALIEN brain that lives inside a robot?

He nuked TFs now TMNT sighs. I don't think there is a big enough faceplam picy out there for this one. Even Picard and Rikers double facepalm isn't enough.

**SagesStone**

All of them are aliens and actually use some sort of brain wave to make you think they're speaking english?

Executive Producer

**FabricatorGeneralMike**

n0t_u wrote:All of them are aliens and actually use some sort of brain wave to make you think they're speaking english?

Executive Producer

I should of known Ancient Aliens did it. I shall go flog myself for not knowing this. =o[

**sebster**

When Bay says the Turtles are going to be 'tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable', I figure that means they're going to be like Transformers, where they'll feel really racist, but when you think about more it isn't racism so much as just really lame. The kind of lameness you when people write stories for an audience they think is really stupid, and that they also maybe kind of hate.

Still, every Transformers movie made a giant pile of cash, so maybe basically we are just really stupid, and Bay is right to patronise us.

**ifStatement**

mega_bassist wrote:I really wish Michael Bay would stop raping my childhood memories.

You know I was never into transformers as a kid but the Turtles were my favourite cartoon and after hearing
this news I can emphasise. This movie is just going to suck.

**Ouze**

sebster wrote:Still, every Transformers movie made a giant pile of cash, so maybe basically we are just really stupid, and Bay is right to patronise us.

This makes me sad in two different ways.

In other news, I just read* a rumor that Shia Lebouf is in talks to play each of the turtles, the way Eddie Murphy played multiple characters in his movies.

*made up

**Blackskullandy**

Ouze wrote:
sebster wrote:Still, every Transformers movie made a giant pile of cash, so maybe basically we are just really stupid, and Bay is right to patronise us.

This makes me sad in two different ways.

In other news, I just read* a rumor that Shia Lebouf is in talks to play each of the turtles, the way Eddie Murphy played multiple characters in his movies.

*made up

Well, those kind of shenannigans pretty much signalled the start of the downward spiral that Eddie Murphy's career has become, so maybe there's a silver lining?

**Monster Rain**

Blackskullandy wrote:Well, those kind of shenannigans pretty much signalled the start of the downward spiral that Eddie Murphy's career has become, so maybe there's a silver lining?

Ah, no.

You have seen Coming to America, right?

**Castiel**

Maybe we should put George Lucas and Micheal Bay in a pit and make them fight to the death? Then shoot the winner. That way the things that are good will remain safe.

**Manchu**

For the Ninja Turtles franchise, even Michel Bay's vision could only be a step up.