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Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut





Scotland

This thread has been created so SilverMK2, Bobakos and myself can discuss/develop our Fiction for Warone's 'Collections of Trazyn' project. For anyone else; Post if you want but i don't want too much outside influence.

The story so far:

Planet: Verhoeven
Designation: Death world; Extreme Temperatures. -100 degrees average, -200 on dark side.
Orbit: 97 years
Day/Night cycle: 56.4 hours
Industry: Water mining and Promethium extraction from the newly discovered 'Fire ice' phenomenom. It has 1 semi-automated water 'bottling plant' and a second that has been repurposed to process the Fire ice.
Cities: 1; Capitol. name needed Comprising 1 STC hab dome and numerous ancillary subterrainean structures.
Population: 130,000 (Five years previously the firgure was closer to 50,000)
PDF: A cohort of 500 men. Enough or too much?
Arbites Presence: Bobakos

The colony of verhoeven was founded 500 years ago to supply the more populace forge and Hiveworlds in the Hartknell system with water. Which has been more or less been completely used up or polluted on said planets. Many of the stars in the Hartknell system also give out alot of exotic particles and Radiation, contaminating much of the water. Verhoeven's distance from it's own star shelters it's Frozen seas from much of it.

Factions:

SilverMK2: The Church of the Divine Emperor.

Perkustin: The Church of the Emperor Divine

Bobakos: Adeptus Arbites + 'True' loyalist imperials.

MYSTERIOUS 4th FACTION We dont talk about the mysterious 4th faction outside of pms maybe? Depends how secretive we want to be

BOILING POINTS: Here's a quick list i've come up with, need a few more i think + Development of a few.
-Ice mining and the more intensive Fire ice extraction is incredibly gruelling, dull work. This and the confining nature of the world has led to the majority of the population being tremendously religious, Mainly because there's nothing better to do! Any fractures in the religious hierachy could have dire consequences.
-Since the discovery of the fire ice, the population has exploded. Most of the immigrants come from nearby Hiveworlds and are very different from the 'native' ice mining clans. They did not attempt to integrate and as the immigrant population steadily increased relationships became strained.
-Although the STC hab dome is a design marvel and had much surplus room, the bloated population has made conditions cramped, with many shanty towns and refuse piles popping up. The Natives blame the slovenly immigrant Hivers and the immigrants protest that the Native clans own a disproportianate share of the habitable space.
-The promethium in Fire ice is a military Grade fuel and since Verhoeven is now supplying military supplies the Departo Munitorium has muscled in. They have instigated their own Labour laws which supersed the old ones put in place by the planetary government. These new laws are incredibly Draconian, basically amounting to slave labour. The working population's only solace now comes through prayer and hearing readings by the many preachers.
-The Arbites presence is increased but.... Bobakos
-Maintenance of the dome and the mining equipment has become less meticulous as of late. The many recent industrial accidents have been a source of great mourning in the population.

Righto so we need a few more 'boiling points' (I like to think of this as a believeable civil war/social collapse, akin to say the fall of the Weimar Republic that lead to Hitler). Also it would be good to think about characters/narrative style. I am probably going to have a main character to witness events within my own church and their motivations. Next....

TIMELINE:
A list of Major events that we can use as focal points for our shared story. I gave the example of the capture of the space port and Silver developed the idea. Think we need to think more abot that.

This message was edited 5 times. Last update was at 2012/05/05 20:06:28


Mary Sue wrote: Perkustin is even more awesome than me!



 
   
Made in gb
Avatar of the Bloody-Handed God






Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

I think a PDF of 500 is more than enough to cover a single city. Especially given that it has only really been in the last few years that the population has exploded

I don't know whether it would be worth having the "immigrants" and the natives parted also along religious lines as well? With most of the natives in one church, and the newcomers in the other?

As for boiling points, I mentioned a few via PM about the 4th faction sowing discord amoungst the other factions with violence and "false stories".

I was planning on following a single person in The Church of the Divine Emperor to give a personal account of what was happening during the civil war, interspaced with the odd "book quote" type chapter heading that suggests it has been written about the events after they have concluded - just to put things in a slightly wider context, while still ensuring that the main character in my section is buffered from what is actually going on and why.

   
Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut





Scotland

I like these ideas, and yeah the top secret faction is another boiling point.

I think it makes alot of sense to have the religious divide correspond to the existing immigrant/native divide. Would mean a slight evening of the numbers say 60/40?

Forget to mention the blockade, maybe it is causing panic? Especially amongst the PDF and Arbites who might have heard stories about what usually happens when one of these is put in place.

I was gonna say it has meant food supplies are running low but if i'm honest i dont really like a story where things are too desperate and hopeless. Starving people is a bit grim for my tastes. Maybe they have had to resort to eating Vat grown protein mulch since the blockade? A minor thing that has damaged morale in the last few weeks.

I think these chapter headings sound very interesting. Will try it out on the first thing i write.

For the first event how about a large religios ceremony. This ceremony was meant to play out as a sort of mock debate between two bishops, during which one of the players goes off script and brings up the nature of the emperor's divinity, they begin squablling, it gets violent. The Arch-Cardinal (or somesuch, basically Religious Supremo) tries to bring order and is accidently killed in the process.

A riot breaks out

The two ambitious Bishops escape with their respective coteries of followers.

If you like this idea we can go into more detail so we can have all the resources to write a story each.

Mary Sue wrote: Perkustin is even more awesome than me!



 
   
Made in gb
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Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

The numbers don't have to be that even - the locals would know the station a lot better and probably have a lot of the advantage even if they have much smaller numbers, though a 60/40 split would probably be better.

RE the food - maybe just limited rations, rather than starvation? Their supply has just not grown as fast as their population, so it is lagging behind. This in common with the new labour laws would certainly give much harsher conditions while not having anyone starve.

As I think I mentioned in the PM discussion, I think the first event that gets everyone "on edge" would have to come from the 4th faction, since they are the ones pushing for things to happen - which is why I suggested some kind of actual, or "planted" murder/attack on the church factions, where they each blame the other/think they were attacked first.

That would be a logical starting point for all the troubles. Though the meeting of the churches can certainly be an early escalation to the whole process.

   
Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut





Scotland

That makes more sense, Should it be the obvious? The murder of the Space Pope? Perhaps the Hiver church leader and Miner Church leader were held in an uneasy truce by the space pope?

I actually love this idea, murder mystery element? Bobakos could even go a bit CSI seeing as the arbites are (afaik) Space Cops.

Oh and i was thinking about the 'end goal' of each faction. Perhaps our '4th column' has told each side that the imperium on the whole believes in the divine emperor/the emperor divine thus are heretics.

Mary Sue wrote: Perkustin is even more awesome than me!



 
   
Made in gb
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Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

I think just some lowly reglar joes would fit the bill. Difficult to confirm if it ever happened (if you want to go down that route), but plenty enough to throw a lit lo stick into a fire-ice seam

And the 4th faction are weakening the other 3 for eventual domination. Also perhaps hoping to recruit some members from the more... bloodthirsty/depraved survivors?

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/05/05 20:24:06


   
Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut





Scotland

I could work with that, would need to know a bit more in terms of what you had in mind.

SilverMK2 wrote:Also perhaps hoping to recruit some members from the more... bloodthirsty/depraved survivors?

Heh heh heh Good... Good... Your journey to the darkside is almost complete...

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/05/05 20:30:17


Mary Sue wrote: Perkustin is even more awesome than me!



 
   
Made in gb
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Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

Perkustin wrote:I could work with that, would need to know a bit more in terms of what you had in mind.


To which bit do you refer sorry?

   
Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut





Scotland

Who gets Murdered... Lol.

Mary Sue wrote: Perkustin is even more awesome than me!



 
   
Made in gb
Avatar of the Bloody-Handed God






Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

Oh, I was planning on it just being a "known fact" passed on through word of mouth within each group that "there had been an attack" on some followers of each church. There is a lot of bad feeling between the two groups anyway, and as each group accuses the other of committing an act of brutal murder on the other, each group sees that they were obviously attacked first, and the attack on the other church was a justified retaliation.

It is immaterial whether the attacks actually happened, of if agents of the 4th faction just spread the rumours in order to further their plans...

   
Made in ca
Rough Rider with Boomstick




Guelph Ontario

Hello hello. Now, I'm not muscling in on anyone here, but a one shot I'm writing for the Collection references Verhoeven. It involves an IG troopship that was to deliver an occupation force to the planet, but it was shot down over one of Harknell's desert moons closer to the sun.

So the short won't affect any stories you guys plan to tell, but an entire regiment that was supposed to arrive never makes it there, if you feel like referencing between stories.

Think of something clever to say. 
   
Made in gb
Avatar of the Bloody-Handed God






Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

That's cool - thanks for the information.

Adds a nice link between peices. Might be handy for our PDF writer to be gearing up to get a whole lot of help only for it never to arrive

   
Made in gr
Steadfast Grey Hunter





Can't tell you. It's a secret...

Sorry for the late reply guys. RL has taken a toll over the last 4 days. Anyway, back to our subject.

Perkustin wrote:Bobakos could even go a bit CSI seeing as the arbites are (afaik) Space Cops.

I like this!

Small summary of what the Arbites situation was/is:

The Arbites presence initially (before the fire ice was discovered) was big enough to control the population. After all, who would start a ruckus over some water? At some point, (I would suggest 70-80 years after the planets colonization?) fire-ice was discovered. That resulted to the exponential growth of the population, over a period of 2 years. Of course, the population growth resulted to the need of an increased Arbites presence. Since it tool to long to recruit and train potential Arbites they resulted to the plain and old solution of getting almost anyone and dropping their standards by a lot. After a while a new Arbites chief (? I cant for the death of me remember the highest rank in the Arbites) was assigned by the Planetary Governor to re-shape the force. In the meanwhile the churches which gained power by the disarray, refused to back down from it and infighting between them begun which led to civil war.

Ok, this is a synopsis of what I am thinking at the moment. I thought of either taking the perspective of an Arbitae officer, or taking the perspective of the Chief. Since from what I have I understood you guys seem more inclined on writing from the fodder point of view I was thinking of writing something down from the higher ups. The chief has a challenging job to do , quell the rebellion before it gets out of hand, and settle the corruption that has taken hold of the Arbites.

On a final note, I was thinking of getting some members of the Arbites into our 4th group. While some belong to one church and some to the other. That would make things even more interesting

Thoughts?

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/05/07 05:18:39


Don't grow up!!!

It's a TRAP!!! 
   
Made in gb
Avatar of the Bloody-Handed God






Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

A top down view of events is fine with me - I'd go with an officer rather than the chief as I think you will have more scope to fudge things if you need to, and also include a bit more action.

Members of the churches would almost certainly be part of the force if you drew from the locals, but I'd make them small factions, certainly not more than 10-20% of the police force.

I would have thought the 4th faction would only have a handful, maybe 2 or 3 people infiltrated into the police and they would probably keep their cover for as long as possible to influence how the police responded, feed them information and report back to the 4th faction.

   
Made in gr
Steadfast Grey Hunter





Can't tell you. It's a secret...

I was under the impression that the Arbites always recruited from the local population.

Anyway I never intended of getting the churches more that 10% from the total Arbites force. (5% each church? )

As far as the 4th group, yes 3-4 people are more that enough especially if they are at key positions (which was my intention).

Not the chief huh? Hmm how about a high ranking officer that chief brought with him then? The chief and his staff are outsiders, possibly ex-Guard or ex-Navy or something. At least this is what I was thinking.

Don't grow up!!!

It's a TRAP!!! 
   
Made in gb
Avatar of the Bloody-Handed God






Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

"True" Adeptus Arbites are recruited and trained centrally - http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Arbites#.T6eAmlIbLIU although it is often the case that local police forces are given the name "Arbites" as well.

It could be that there are only a handful of Adeptus Arbites on the planet (a single squad for a population this small but producing important resources?), with the rest being made up of police officers recruited from the system, and a handful of locals being drafted in to help when the population exploded.

The Chief could certainly be local (ex-guard/navy sounds good), but the Adeptus Arbites would only nominally be under his command, ultimately they would report to the Adeptus Arbites system commander and so on up the chain of the Adeptus Arbites command, rather than to local police forces.

It could certainly be the case that most of the "local" police force is rotated in from the core worlds (especially the hive worlds where there will be millions of them).

Might also be interesting from your point of view to have power plays between the local PDF as well (since they would primarily be used to provide protection against external threats but also be used to enforce Imperial control in the event of an uprising/internal event as well. They'd mostly be in charge of anti-air batteries, joint guarding of heat-locks to the surface with the local police, maybe guarding important structures (such as fuel, water and food stores (might be an expanded role since food has become scarce), government buildings, etc), but may be being pulled (or pushing their way) into territories normally occupied by the police force.

If you really wanted to write as the Chief, go ahead, but I think you will be able to do more writing as an officer than as the chief as you don't need to explain everything and have all the information about events that are unfolding to act at that level, while writing as the chief will mean having to explain and justify things and I think will be difficult to do on a project like this.

Maybe one of his 2nd or 3rd in commands? Someone high enough to get a better overview of the whole story, but still able to get left in the dark and get stuck into the action (can still be an ex-guard/navy type if that is who you want to write for).

With 500+ policemen, there is plenty of scope to pick a rank near the top

   
Made in gr
Steadfast Grey Hunter





Can't tell you. It's a secret...

SilverMK2 wrote:
Maybe one of his 2nd or 3rd in commands? Someone high enough to get a better overview of the whole story, but still able to get left in the dark and get stuck into the action (can still be an ex-guard/navy type if that is who you want to write for).


Yes, that sound very good. I think im all settled. Ill read a little bit more about Arbites so I can see their training, discipline etc. Also the idea of PDF and Arbites clashing is a very good one, I think I will keep it

Okies, first things, first. How are we going to do this? Are we going to write during a specific period (Pre-Civil War,Civil War, Post-Civil War) or just some short stories period irrelevant?

Don't grow up!!!

It's a TRAP!!! 
   
Made in gb
Avatar of the Bloody-Handed God






Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

Personally I was thinking of writing from the first "spark" of the civil unrest (the reported murder of church followers) and taking it through the various focal points (which have yet to really be decided, so please chime in with any ideas - don't have to be in any order ).

   
Made in gr
Steadfast Grey Hunter





Can't tell you. It's a secret...

Actually not bad. This is the point that I wanted to start with as well. First spark goes very nice with me. So..we killing the Space Pope?

Don't grow up!!!

It's a TRAP!!! 
   
Made in gb
Avatar of the Bloody-Handed God






Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

I don't think the Tau are in this war


   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut






Eternal Plague

Let your imaginations run wild!

Such as it is, this is looking good.

You "could" have outside influence to "nudge" the civil war towards a direction you want.

But I digress...your story...your rules.

purplefood and I will be adding in a piece that will tie in the stories you write to a greater overarching plot. It won't interfere with any of your work. It will however take the conclusion of your events and make them part of something larger.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/05/07 10:02:06


   
Made in gb
Avatar of the Bloody-Handed God






Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

Do you want a PM wit the outline of what we have so far WarOne?

Will give you a better idea of the factions and how we are trying to play things so you can see if it fits in with the overall story you want to tell. Would also be happy to have outside links to other stories (such as the PDF reinforcements that never showed up as mentioned above).

   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut






Eternal Plague

SilverMK2 wrote:Do you want a PM wit the outline of what we have so far WarOne?

Will give you a better idea of the factions and how we are trying to play things so you can see if it fits in with the overall story you want to tell. Would also be happy to have outside links to other stories (such as the PDF reinforcements that never showed up as mentioned above).


Hmm...at this point purps and I are trying to figure out the overarching storyline to work with. Once groups come up with finished constructed stories, I think that is when we'll add in the filler to merge everything together.

So far we have the ubiquitous Inquisitor directing the systemwide purge and a corpulent, tyrannical Sector Governor nominally in charge of him. Plus we have a mysterious third figure working with said Sector Governor and in charge of the Inquisitor.

But we'll not tamper with your story. I'd rather wait until it is a finished product before we jump in and make it come together as part of a larger body of work.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/05/07 10:14:33


   
Made in gb
Avatar of the Bloody-Handed God






Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

Fair enough

   
Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut





Scotland

Bobakos wrote:Sorry for the late reply guys. RL has taken a toll over the last 4 days. Anyway, back to our subject.

Perkustin wrote:Bobakos could even go a bit CSI seeing as the arbites are (afaik) Space Cops.

I like this!

Small summary of what the Arbites situation was/is:

The Arbites presence initially (before the fire ice was discovered) was big enough to control the population. After all, who would start a ruckus over some water? At some point, (I would suggest 70-80 years after the planets colonization?) fire-ice was discovered. That resulted to the exponential growth of the population, over a period of 2 years. Of course, the population growth resulted to the need of an increased Arbites presence. Since it tool to long to recruit and train potential Arbites they resulted to the plain and old solution of getting almost anyone and dropping their standards by a lot. After a while a new Arbites chief (? I cant for the death of me remember the highest rank in the Arbites) was assigned by the Planetary Governor to re-shape the force. In the meanwhile the churches which gained power by the disarray, refused to back down from it and infighting between them begun which led to civil war.

Ok, this is a synopsis of what I am thinking at the moment. I thought of either taking the perspective of an Arbitae officer, or taking the perspective of the Chief. Since from what I have I understood you guys seem more inclined on writing from the fodder point of view I was thinking of writing something down from the higher ups. The chief has a challenging job to do , quell the rebellion before it gets out of hand, and settle the corruption that has taken hold of the Arbites.

On a final note, I was thinking of getting some members of the Arbites into our 4th group. While some belong to one church and some to the other. That would make things even more interesting

Thoughts?


Really digging these ideas Bobakos!

What silver and i agreed was a series of events that we all write about from our chosen perspectives. The first event is the murder of some civilians that has been made to look like it was done by religious Fanatics.

So without trying to take the lead too much: EVENT ONE: 'MULTIPLE HOMICIDE'
I think some quick brainstorming is needed to flesh out the murders a bit and make sure we have some shared background to work from.

Mary Sue wrote: Perkustin is even more awesome than me!



 
   
Made in gr
Steadfast Grey Hunter





Can't tell you. It's a secret...

Glad you liked them Perkustin

I suggest to keep the ritualistic murder out, since it is going to stand out too much.

I assume we are dealing with 2 groups from the 2 churches. I also assume they are all killed.

OR

Do we kill a group from one church, let the public know about it (you know leak it to the media or whatever information system they got there ) and after a couple of days kill a group from the other church?

As such it looks like retaliation (believable) and all warp can get loose?

Plus,

Murder is a case for the Arbites (as such my domain ) lets see what the detectives can find out

Don't grow up!!!

It's a TRAP!!! 
   
Made in gb
Avatar of the Bloody-Handed God






Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

I'd say a murder of a work party from each church (again, it might be that no one is actually killed and it is just misinformation from 4).

I'd say an hour or so following the information going out, there should be low level fights between the churches, and a very angry citizenry. Late on on day 1 there is massive attendance at services in all churches where the other side is blasted but calls for calm while the emps servents (arbites look into matter). Overnight more fighting, leading to hospital visits for a few people. 2nd day, more confrontatin between groups, hear that some little kids in 'their church' were killed when fighting got out of hand - large scale violence, police called in to deal with shouting mobs, more fighting, several people killed. Day 3 industry shuts down in protest at food stopages by admins to show workers not to fight. Isolated attacks on admin buildinds. More mobs and flashes of violence as many workers come out of mines to streets. Day 4 food stopped again, fighting outside of food storage, some people shot by pdf, large scale riots and martial law declared. Clashes betwen churches grow as well as against pdf and police. Preachers on street calling for justice for dead workers and families and for food to be supplied and better working conditions - blame placed on other church for all problems caused. Pdf take hold of church buildings, full scale war breaks out.

Walking to work now so cc welcome.

   
Made in gr
Steadfast Grey Hunter





Can't tell you. It's a secret...

SilverMK2 wrote:I'd say a murder of a work party from each church (again, it might be that no one is actually killed and it is just misinformation from 4).


I'd say murder them

Which else is the easiest way of starting a war between 2 parties with an uneasy truce? You kill people from Church-A and plant evidence that Church-B did it. Eventually some1 will be dumb enough to start something. If not, you let the situation build up, and if nobody did something you do by killing/attacking people from Church-B.


Hope this makes sense...it did in my head at least..

Don't grow up!!!

It's a TRAP!!! 
   
Made in gb
Avatar of the Bloody-Handed God






Inside your mind, corrupting the pathways

I wrote this at lunch while at work... a first draft of the first section of my contribution.

“In the depths under the city lay uncounted miles of tunnels, each carved by the men and
women of PLANET NAME, chasing deposits of pure ice and elusive veins of the newly
discovered fire-ice, promethium heavy ice laid down aeons ago in some unknown age of the
world. Someone with the vision to penetrate the miles of ice and rock would be able to see
faint sparks, trails of lights and beams of heat as the people of this harsh and unforgiving
world eked out an existence, and fighting over the profitable mines increased as immigrants
from the inner worlds flocked from the hives to find their fortune. Lagging behind the
population explosion and struggling to manage the meagre resources at their disposal, the
ADMINISTRATION NAME cracked down, turning the already harsh working conditions into
a daily struggle for survival. Harsh sanctions on those failing to meet their ever increasing
quotas mean those who fall behind stay behind, indentured forever into essential slave
labour, fighting to pay off ever mounting debts.

It was not just shortages of food, power and space that the hivers brought with them, but a
different culture; exemplified by their version of the Imperial Cult, RELIGION NAME, which
clashed at all times with the religion of those who descended from those originally settled on
PLANET NAME, fostering tension and animosity amid the overcrowded, over worked and
under-fed masses.

But it is not just the harsh life on the frontiers of the system and the pressures of integration
and religious differences that have brought the people living on PLANET NAME to the brink of
revolt, a shadowy force operates from within the ranks of the hierarchy, manipulating events
to bring about events that would rip this little world apart…”

From Vol 2: The SYSTEM NAME incident, the PLANET NAME connection “Spark in the Fire-
Ice” – Inquisitorial historian grade I NAME OF SCRIBE.

___

The laser cutter bucked in Jacob’s hands as the power feed fluctuated. He scowled behind
the thick mask which shielded his head from the blasting intensity of the steam released from
the fire-ice face. Those damn newcomers. The power never used to fail before they came;
drawing off more than the fusion plants could produce. The slab like muscles of his back and
arms fought the spluttering machine, thick armoured power cables clanking against the solid
ice of the floor. Just as suddenly as it had started, the power flow returned to normal.

Jacob swore in the local dialect as he carved a line through the fire-ice, vaporising whatever
meagre profits he would make on this cut. Damn newcomers! He re-steadied his footing
and hold on the heavy tool and resumed cutting, skilfully steering the cutting beam through
the ice holding the previous fire-ice, carefully moderating the speed and power at which he
cut to avoid overheating the surrounding ice and causing a melt-flow. The cut finished he
stepped back and motioned forward the men behind him, each equally as muscled as Jacob
and wearing the same thick protective leathers covering them from head to foot, stepped
forwards, huge iron pry-bars in their hands to wrestle the cut ice from the face.

A crack reverberated around the tunnel as the pry-bars broke loose a huge shaft of fire-ice
broke away from the face. The two men strained to shift it free as Jacob rested further up
the tunnel. With a final grunt of effort they worked the block free, heaving it into sled. Jacob
nodded to them “Nice pry” he grunted. One of the two men nodded in return “Nice cut” he
said, and waved at the nick in the ice caused when the power failed “damn power feed –
damn newcomers”. They all grunted agreement at this.

With the sled full they marked their position on a crude map, and carved their crew’s mark
on the wall of the tunnel before beginning the long slog back up to the nearest loading hub,
the going becoming easier as they reached the older sections of tunnel that had been worn
smooth by months of their crew’s passage to and from the ever distant working face. Once
they would have had a small powered tractor to help draw the heavy load but scarcity of
spare parts and power packs now meant they had to shift it by muscle power alone.By the
time they reached the main tunnels each of the three men’s clothing was covered in thick

patches of ice as their sweat froze as it perfused the material.

The three men passed a mine guards who checked their work tags to ensure they were
mining in the right place and carried on up the shaft towards the hub, grumbling at the need
for such men, frequent utterances of “damn newcomers!” punctuating their complaints. Every
so often they would pass crew marks cut into the ice, denoting those who had worked on this
shaft or the smaller tunnels which branched off it at irregular intervals.

As they drew near the hub Jacob’s ears caught the sound of raised voices. He looked across
at the others; they’d heard it too. Each of them shifted their pry-bars into easy reach and
Jacob unhitched the small ice pick at his side, ready for use. They topped the final rise and
pulled the sled into the station. The sound of arguing came from the weighing station and
rang throughout the small cavern.

Jacob spotted a member of another work gang he had seamed with before on the edge of the
small and milling crowed and called over to him. “Isaac! Hey, Isaac!”

Isaac turned, his serious features lifting somewhat in recognition. “Jacob! Have you heard the
news?” he rumbled as Jacob walked over, leaving his crew with the sled piled high with fire-
ice cores. Jacob shook his head “What news? What is all this about? Have they increased the
quotas again?”

Isaac shook his head, pulling him away from the crowd. “No my brother, it is much worse;
some of those bastards in NAME OF OTHER CHURCH attacked a group of our workers in
the mines this morning and slaughtered them like heretics before the light of the Emperor.”

Jacob recoiled, forming the Aquila across his chest “They did what?!”

Isaac shook his head sadly “and that is not the worst part; they claim that someone from
our side did the same thing to one of their crews first! Those damn filthy liars! None of the
brothers would ever do such a thing!”

Jacob nodded his head muttering agreement “Damn newcomers”, trying desperately to wrap
his head around what he had been told. It didn’t seem possible that anyone in HIS CHURCH
would do this… he’d heard the preachers drone on about how the OTHER RELIGION were
not following the true path of the Emperor, but he didn’t think any of them would do such a
thing either. No matter that they had taken over most of the surface dome, pushing him and
his family and those of his Brothers and Sisters to the fringes and made life near intolerable.

His great brow furrowed “Are we sure?”

Isaac shrugged, his massive shoulders made even larger by his protective clothing “All we
know is what we were told by the runner from one of the up-seam hubs. The shouting began
soon after, from what I was told when I arrived a couple of hours ago.” He gestured towards
the small crowd. “They’ve been trying to decide what to do. Most are sat on the beam,
but some have fallen into the seam of going and demanding answers, and some into the
seam of waiting for more information to be passed along from up-seam.” He paused before
continuing “Of course, we sent runners out to pass on what we’ve been told. I guess the
original messenger did the same, since no one has seen him since he gave the initial word.”

   
Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut





Scotland

Good start, some of it's a little rough round the edges (i can give more detailed points if required) but i already have a good picture of Jacob and a great insight into the miner/'native' culture on Verhoeven. BTW are you not happy with the name for the planet? It isnt in your story. I also see now what you meant with the chapter headings.

Just as well i wasnt planning on doing a miner as my protoganist. Will attempt an Introduction to my story within the next couple days; Thursday/friday are looking likely.

This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2012/05/15 20:09:50


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