Missile Defense Ordered to Stop Looking at Porn on the Job

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**Easy E**

Well, insert your inappropriate pun below....

Most of the time, no doubt, our nation’s missile defense staff is hard at work—ooh, poor word choice.

Most of the time, no doubt, our nation’s missile defense personnel are working diligently to protect us from whoever might be plotting to fire missiles at us. But sometimes, well, they get a little off-task.

In a July 27 memo obtained by Bloomberg News, Missile Defense Agency Executive Director John James Jr. warned his team about inappropriate use of the agency’s computer network. “Specifically, there have been instances of employees and contractors accessing websites, or transmitting messages, containing pornographic or sexually explicit images,” James wrote, according to Bloomberg News. “These actions are not only unprofessional, they reflect time taken away from designated duties, are in clear violation of federal and DoD and regulations, consume network resources and can compromise the security of the network though the introduction of malware or malicious code.””

An agency spokesman told Bloomberg the memo was prompted by “a few people downloading material from some websites that were known to have had virus and malware issues.”

Good to know it’s only a few. Because, for missile defense staff, porn-surfing is more than just a distraction from the job of figuring out how to intercept and neutralize any ballistic explosives that might otherwise kill large numbers of Americans. (Not that there are a lot of people firing missiles at us on a daily basis, but hey, you never know.) It’s also, as James noted, a great way of contracting malware or exposing the agency’s computer systems to infiltration by hackers, including from countries such as Russia. Not as dangerous as surfing church websites, perhaps—but still, pretty risky.

Cryptically, Bloomberg's report closes by noting that an agency spokesman "denied the memo was intended to intimidate agency employees from reading the IG report." The IG report is a report by the Office of the Inspector General on its investigation of the agency's chief, Lt. Gen. Patrick J. O'Reilly, whom employees have called, among other things, "without a doubt, the worst leader I've ever worked for." The report, according to Foreign Policy, found that O'Reilly's brow-beating had crushed staff morale, and it recommended that Pentagon brass take "corrective action" against him. The Washington Post notes that the Missile Defense Agency ranked 223rd out of 224 small government agencies in a 2011 "Best Places to Work" survey.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/future_tense/2012/08/02/missile_defense_chief_orders_staff_to_stop_watching_porn_at_work.html

**Jihadin**

Nothing new.

**d-usa**

So instead of looking at porn they want them to have more hands on time with their missiles?

**LordofHats**

d-usa wrote:So instead of looking at porn they want them to have more hands on time with their missiles?

omg. I was drinking some water, and now its all over my keyboard cause my elbow knocked the glass over when I read this XD

**Jihadin**

So instead of looking at porn they want them to have more hands on time with their missiles

Its on government computers and its serious issue becuase of the "bugs" that one picks up by surfing those sites can jack up a computer so it has to be "remirrored". The computer is down for like 48 hrs.

**d-usa**

Don't ruin military porn and masturbation jokes with logic.

**Melissia**

Basically, we need to give them some legitimate pron dvds that we have virus checked beforehand.

An incredibly legitimate expenditure of government funds, I must say.

**rubiksnoob**

Blast off.

**streamdragon**

Jihadin wrote:
So instead of looking at porn they want them to have more hands on time with their missiles

Its on government computers and its serious issue becuase of the "bugs" that one picks up by surfing those sites can jack up a computer so it has to be "remirrored". The computer is down for like 48 hrs.

"Reimaged" is the term you want, but yes, it is probably a bad thing for missle defense systems to be down a couple boxes. Honestly Im surprised there was just a memo as in most agencies surfing porn is grounds for immediate termination.

**d-usa**

Private, are you done polishing the warhead yet?

Almost...*heavy breathing*...sir....

**Melissia**

Well it's gotta be boring, waiting for nothing to happen.

**rubiksnoob**

"We gotta beat those red bastards!"

**streamdragon**

That's what smart phones are for!

Seriously though, first the Predator drones next missle defense?

**Jihadin**

Thanks Steam for the correction. Why surf when you can bring in a external hard drive and "trade"

**d-usa**

Melissia wrote:Well it's gotta be boring, waiting for nothing to happen.

That's what she said...

**Avatar 720**

d-usa wrote:
Melissia wrote:Well it's gotta be boring, waiting for nothing to happen.

That's what she said...

From behind, yawns sound like pleasure moans; how was I to know I was taking too long?

**streamdragon**

Jihadin wrote:Thanks Steam for the correction. Why surf when you can bring in a external hard drive and "trade"

Not really any safer. USAF is pretty sure it was an external hard drive that infected the Predator drone fleet a few months back. Safer to just bring in their own laptop or a tablet or something.

Also, at least for the agencies I have worked for, government PC + personal removable media = here's your walking papers.

**Jihadin**

Dang I forgot the thumb drives leading up to that.

**Platuan4th**

streamdragon wrote:Safer to just bring in their own laptop or a tablet or something.

You're not allowed to bring anything with storage capacity into certain areas. They have a little box outside to drop your phones, ereaders, ipads, etc. into before you enter. My wife's taken to leaving all that in her car since it's not allowed in her cubicle.

**kronk**

I want my nuclear missile defense operators to be calm and relaxed when the gak starts hitting the fan.

**Jihadin**

I want my nuclear missile defense operators to be calm and relaxed when the gak starts hitting the fan.

Thats going to be gone when a detection is picked up of a launch

**d-usa**

kronk wrote:I want my nuclear missile defense operators to be calm and relaxed when the gak starts hitting the fan.

Why would they be aiming at the fan?

**kronk**

Because they hate the cleaning crew.

**streamdragon**

Platuan4th wrote:
streamdragon wrote:Safer to just bring in their own laptop or a tablet or something.

You're not allowed to bring anything with storage capacity into certain areas. They have a little box outside to drop your phones, ereaders, ipads, etc. into before you enter. My wife's taken to leaving all that in her car since it's not allowed in her cubicle.

Figured that would be the case in many top security areas. I'm sadly not a DoD contractor (yet...) so I'm not completely familiar with the rules and regs. I also only work under a Secret instead if a TS so theres that also.

Then again, I would think those areas have much stricter filtering software on their systems. Sounds like theres a sys admin that needs a swift kick in the backside!

**Melissia**

Most businesses won't lke you taking flash drives either.

**Medium of Death**

The first thing I thought of.

**Jihadin**

Then again, I would think those areas have much stricter filtering software on their systems. Sounds like theres a sys admin that needs a swift kick in the backside!

By the time the SYS Admin aware of the issue its already to late. The damage is done. As for the filter sysem "Joe" always find a way around it. Its a challenge

**AlmightyWalrus**

Jihadin wrote:
Then again, I would think those areas have much stricter filtering software on their systems. Sounds like theres a sys admin that needs a swift kick in the backside!

By the time the SYS Admin aware of the issue its already to late. The damage is done. As for the filter sysem "Joe" always find a way around it. Its a challenge

Reminds me of a dude in Sweden who brought his halberd to his workplace at a nuclear power plant and demanded he be let in, since halberds weren't on the list of banned items. They changed the entire system shortly after, which was what Halberd-man wanted in the first place.

**juraigamer**

So we do this before making our representatives stop looking at porn when they should be representing everyone? I appreciate the ammo for jokes but really.

**CT GAMER**

Platuan4th wrote:They have a little box .

The best kind...