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G'day dakkaites, due to the recent increase in the "new to 40k, help me pick an army!" type threads I've been seeing, I figure the veterans among us would do well to inform these eager recruits about the unforseen joys and peeved that come with each army. Yes, yes, playstyle and tactics are important but you know for every army there'll be one cool benefit you'll never expect or one thing you just can't stand, and that's what sticks with you.

I'll get the ball rolling with the armies I've played over the years.

Space wolves:

pros: nobody can complain at you for bringing your dog with you to your FLGS if you're playing these guys.
You get actually interesting looking space marine models to paint.
Every kit you buy for the same price as a box of marines will leave you planning what to do with a veritable mountain of bitz.
Nobody will ever be able to complain at you for using one of your special characters.

Cons:
you'll find yourself clutching your models and screaming "No! Mine are fluffy and different and unique!" at every grinning guy standing behind a wall of rhinos packed with longfangs.
Hope you like thinking about how well beards fit into power armor helmets. The hours spent lying awake, the nightmares of your brave warriors suffocating with clogged ventilation ducts...
Have fun navigating a codex created by pasting the words "fang" "wolf" and "claw" up on a wall and throwing darts at them.

Necrons:
Pros:
You will learn how to perfectly hit every note, huff of breath and grunt in the chorus of James Brown's "Get Up".
You will be able to use repainted 10$ war of the worlds action figures as most of your vehicles.
The joy of dipping a brush in silver paint and flailing it around then actually being impressed by the end result is a heady natural high.

Cons (Crons):
there's nothing quite as saddening as joyfully painting a super cool looking model with fun sounding rules and having someone refuse to play you because you're a WAAC power gamer.
You will look at your giant monolith, then at your battlefoam case, then back at your monolith, and a single tear will roll down your cheek.
The perpetual hunt for that one little green plastic rod that came loose will never end.

Orks:
Pros:
playing Orks really strengthens your abdominal bellowing muscles.
Supplying your bewildered opponent with a squig model in a gentlemanly fashion will never get old.
With the inclusion of gretchins in your force, you have the single most humiliating way to kill expensive units at your disposal.
Since pretty much every model can be assembled in an ambiguous enough manner to function as any other model, and every vehicle can be said to be "stolen" orks have the best cash to plastic ratio in all of 40k. And you need it, hoo boy do you need it.

Cons:
prepare to be forever haunted with flashbacks when served pie.
People will give you funny looks when youre spray painting your car red with a funny grin on your face.
You have the only special rule in the game that can result in a noise violation fine from your local mall.
Get ready to paint. And paint. And paint. And paint...

Space Marines:

Pros: Small Army Size, cool looking models, the joy of creating your own chapter.
Cons: Power Armour is surprisingly hard to paint well. Our Terminators will never be as cool as Grey Knights.

Necrons:

Pros: Easy to paint, creepy feeling to the infantry.
Cons: Can be frustrating to glue together (it took me longer to assemble 5 Immortals than it did a squad of fire warriors with gun drones).

Tau

Pros: Fire Warrior Kit is extremely dynamic (what you can do with the base kit can look just as good as the end result of conversion for most other armies)
Cons: Crisis Suits get old fast.

Orks:

Pros: Surprisingly easy and fun to paint.
Cons: Way too many models.

IG

+You will roll so many dice a turn it's silly
+My tanks are tractors, your argument is invalid.
+Killing anything with lasguns is always good for a laugh

-You will need a massive case for even the smallest of armies.
-Deployment can take up to half an hour if you're not prepared for it.
-Painting guardsmen is one of the most soul crushingly boring things you will ever do.

Guard

Pros:
- You loose 30 models, and instead of quaking with fear, you sneer and send in 60 more.
- Nobody spams AV14 like you do. No one. Ditto for artillery.
- Whenever you kill something, your opponent has to live with the shame that it was killed by GUARDSMEN. Losing a thousand year old space marine hero to a lasgun? THE SHAME!!!

Cons:
- You'll get arthritis and bad eyes from having to paint hundreds of models if you're an infantry commander, and you're going to have to spend a fortune to buy and keep stocked an airbrush if you're going mech.
- You have to take out, deploy, move, roll hundreds of dice, and then have to pack everything back up again every time you play.
- When you lose because you were unlucky, people assume its because guardsmen are weak after all...

Dark Eldar

Pros:
+ Space drows, enough said... Actually, future space drows.
+ Better boob plate than SoB.
+ Also Lelith.

Cons:
- Power from pain, your pain literally.
- Power from pain, your wallet's pain, because of all your vehicles and how easy they break.
- Tiny twisty models are terrifyingly hard to paint.

Elysian Drop Troops


+Flyers man, flyers. Wings get wins.
-People will refuse to play against even a single. Mostly "woe is me" casuals, but still.
+Blood Angel DoA? Deep strike is a lot cooler when you can lose 3 squads to mishaps and say "Whatever; that was like 100 points."
-Deep strike kills guardsmen. Hard.
+You get to spend thousands of dollars on a 2000 point army!
-You have to spend thousands of dollars. On a 2000 point army.
+Deep striking Plasmavets is crazy good.
-There isn't a con to associate with that one. It's THAT good.
+I walk away from every match covered in slammin-hot girls. They love them some Aircav.
-I walk away from every match COVERED in slammin-hot girls. Exhausting, I tell you. Carrying a storage-bin full of flyers/guardsmen AND dragging around 200lbs combined weight of 4 women. Life is hard.



-TheCaptain

Necrons

Pros:
+ The most annoying part of the hobby aka painting made super easy!
+ You are one of the cool bunch aka non-Imperial armies

Cons:
- The new fluff. Protip: IT NEVAR HAPPENED.

chaos daemons
pros:
-your making rapists!
- your making space pimps!

cons:
-your making rapists!
- your making space pimps!

CSM:
+ With bloodthristy sadists running around wearing bunny ears, a Khorne force is second only to the Alpha Legion in terms of disguise.
+ Everyone is actually an Alpha Legionnaire; even you!
+ With cultists incoming, you will soon have a valid excuse to yell "We captchoored eet fore Kaosss!" when playing with objectives.
+ Mutter about your enemies hiding in mehtal bawkses, and how you will take away their mehtal bawkses.
+ A violent twitch can be passed off as simply getting into the role of a Chaos general.
+ More 'horny' jokes than you shake a daemonhammer at.
+ Using a Nurgle force is the perfect excuse to accompany your sudden decision to not wash yourself.
+ Steal your foe's army case before the game and blame it on Tzeentch favouring your army.
+ Justify your sexual deviousness by playing a Slaaneshi force.
+ Base your Slaanesh force around fluff pulled from Fifty Shades of Grey for an easy army background.
+ A lump of green stuff and a bitz box makes for cheap and easy Obliterators.

- Face it, you're a race of depressed and insane Space Marines.
- Your own leaders like to stand around stabbing themselves in the face with their fancy new daemon weapons.
- No matter what your alignment, you're not good enough to summon specific types of daemon.
- If you don't look where you're putting your hand, you will get stabbed by your Land Raider.
- Removing your army from its case requires you to pluck each model from the foam layer above it.
- Every time you pull a vehicle with spikes on it from your case, it will be missing another spike.
- Librarians can open a rift of energy above enemy units to obliterate them. Chaos Sorcerers can fart on enemies for a 50% chance of doing anything.

 TheCaptain wrote:
Elysian Drop Troops


+Flyers man, flyers. Wings get wins.
-People will refuse to play against even a single. Mostly "woe is me" casuals, but still.
+Blood Angel DoA? Deep strike is a lot cooler when you can lose 3 squads to mishaps and say "Whatever; that was like 100 points."
-Deep strike kills guardsmen. Hard.
+You get to spend thousands of dollars on a 2000 point army!
-You have to spend thousands of dollars. On a 2000 point army.
+Deep striking Plasmavets is crazy good.
-There isn't a con to associate with that one. It's THAT good.
+I walk away from every match covered in slammin-hot girls. They love them some Aircav.
-I walk away from every match COVERED in slammin-hot girls. Exhausting, I tell you. Carrying a storage-bin full of flyers/guardsmen AND dragging around 200lbs combined weight of 4 women. Life is hard.



-TheCaptain

So, how are them 50 pound anorexic chicks treatin you?

Well, or they could be midget women.

Dark Angels:
PROS
You will be receiving a new codex soon
Bikes, and more bikes, oh and cheap terminators
You are dealing with a largely honor based chapter
Not a very popular army currently.
Your primarch knocked out the wolves primarch

Cons:
after the new codex comes out you will hear cries of "Thats OP, or saying you are FOTM"
Everything you can do everyone does for cheaper
Will become popular soon

Death Korps:

Pro:
Fancy coats
Don't have to paint any skin ever
Cheap artillery
Rare as hell
Grenadiers!
Gas mask!
Lasgun is supposed to more powerful than the run of the mill one.

Cons:
Forgeworld, some people will bitch about it
Forgeworld $$$
Tubes for hellguns
Lasgun is supposed to more powerful than the run of the mill one. BUT NOPE.

 TheCaptain wrote:
Elysian Drop Troops


+Flyers man, flyers. Wings get wins.
-People will refuse to play against even a single. Mostly "woe is me" casuals, but still.
+Blood Angel DoA? Deep strike is a lot cooler when you can lose 3 squads to mishaps and say "Whatever; that was like 100 points."
-Deep strike kills guardsmen. Hard.
+You get to spend thousands of dollars on a 2000 point army!
-You have to spend thousands of dollars. On a 2000 point army.
+Deep striking Plasmavets is crazy good.
-There isn't a con to associate with that one. It's THAT good.
+I walk away from every match covered in slammin-hot girls. They love them some Aircav.
-I walk away from every match COVERED in slammin-hot girls. Exhausting, I tell you. Carrying a storage-bin full of flyers/guardsmen AND dragging around 200lbs combined weight of 4 women. Life is hard.



-TheCaptain

4 of these would be so fun. Imagine all the stories you could hear for the twentieth time?

Lol.

"I play air cav, it's pretty cool"

"Oh? My son was a pilot you know. He killed 8 filthy japs in the war."

"... uh... okay, grandma."

"Grandma? Yes, I am. I had a son too. He was a pilot you know in the war. He killed 8 filthy, savage, inhuman-"

"yeah, grandma, that's really interesting, but I don't care about your son."

"My son? Yes, he was a pilot, you know..."

"Just let me deploy, okay?"

Space Marines.
Pros, Lot of models, Dont have to wonder if you will get a codex with edition,
Cons
Everyone and their mom plays them, and if you arent a great painter people will assume you are a newp
Nothing sucks more then building the rhino chassi over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again
Tau
GUNS!!!!!!!!!! Our tanks make your tank lok like pea shooters.
Cons: Building so many crisis suits man

MrMoustaffa wrote:

 TheCaptain wrote:
Elysian Drop Troops


+Flyers man, flyers. Wings get wins.
-People will refuse to play against even a single. Mostly "woe is me" casuals, but still.
+Blood Angel DoA? Deep strike is a lot cooler when you can lose 3 squads to mishaps and say "Whatever; that was like 100 points."
-Deep strike kills guardsmen. Hard.
+You get to spend thousands of dollars on a 2000 point army!
-You have to spend thousands of dollars. On a 2000 point army.
+Deep striking Plasmavets is crazy good.
-There isn't a con to associate with that one. It's THAT good.
+I walk away from every match covered in slammin-hot girls. They love them some Aircav.
-I walk away from every match COVERED in slammin-hot girls. Exhausting, I tell you. Carrying a storage-bin full of flyers/guardsmen AND dragging around 200lbs combined weight of 4 women. Life is hard.



-TheCaptain

So, how are them 50 pound anorexic chicks treatin you?

Ailaros wrote:Well, or they could be midget women.

50 pounds is completely healthy weight for a woman!
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
It's a pretty 50/50 spread between eating and growth disorders.

A chuckle is never far away

Eldar

Pros
-lots of bright colored models give your opponent seizures.. You win!! Also when you puke skittles all over your models, nobody notices
-that unit that wasn't very good last edition is great this edition.
-SPACE LEGOLAS!!!111!1!
-very diverse model selection.

Cons
-everyone questions your sexuality.
-that unit you loaded up on last edition because it was awesome sucks hard now.
-when you deploy it looks like rainbow bright took a dump on the table.


Carcharodons

Pros
-you get to hum the jaws theme as you move your models.
-fluffwise, when they attack, they don't mess around. They kill planets.
-gives you an eexcuse for that tribal tattoo you got when you were really drunk.
-you get to paint blood on everything.

Cons
-fluffy model=forgeworld=expensive
-basic paint scheme is rather plain.
-using them as justification for a tribal tattoo might make you less cool than you were when it was just a drunken mistake.

Squats

Pros: None

Cons: See pros

Space Wolves

+ Chaotic Space Marines, but not CSM
- Thunderwolf Cavalry just doesn't sound as cool as Thunderdaemon Raiders

+ Many different ways of painting them.
- As long as they're some shade of bluish grey or greyish blue.

+ Interesting fluff that doesn't make much sense.
- Interesting fluff that doesn't make much sense.

Dark Eldar.
Pros: CHAINS AND WHIPS
COns : your whole army is made of rapists and cannibals :/

Yoink.

Dark Eldar Slaanesh Daemons.
Pros: CHAINS AND WHIPS, infact with the chariot we now have cooler whips
Get to paint pink and purple without raising an eyebrow.
Crab claws open doors.
Can force the enemy to dance and possibly leave their friends behind.

COns : your whole army is made of rapists and cannibals :/
One of our few vehicles could be considered one as well.

Grey Knights

Pros
-They're Grey Knights
-Their Chapter-Master carved his bros name into a daemon-princes heart
-Everyone is better than your best soldier. You know why? BECAUSE
-Light on the wallet
-Paladins.

Cons
-None

CSM

Pros:
- BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
- New codex very soon
- Fairly easy to paint
- Access to the most shenanigans-y lists in the game (thousand sons in 5 man squads = TONS of spawns popping up )
- Defilers
- Can convert vanilla marines with little to no work

Cons:
- Far less options that vanilla marines (no drop pods, land raider variants, no assault termies, etc)
- Lackluster codex and fluff (for now)
- No daemons
- Very few upgrade options for Lords
- No flyers, or really any anti-air (for now)
- No real special rules (such as ATSKNF, Combat tactics, etc.)

Eldar

Pros:
- Some super nice models
- Amazing army synergy
- Unlike any other army in terms of play style
- Fast skimmers
- Great fluff
- Lower model count

Cons:
- Difficult to paint
- No models for seers on jetbikes
- People laugh at them. A lot.
- Difficult to master, and hard to win with until you do
- Got totally typed with the psyker powers
- Expensive, both points wise and money wise

Orks

Pros:
- WAAAGH!
- Super fun special rules (Ramshackle, Shokk attack gun, etc.)
- Easy to paint
- More boyz than you know what to do with
- Very versatile
- Fun fluff

Cons:
- SO many guys to paint and transport
- Templates and pie plates = no more boys
- You will burn through the green paint
- Difficult to move around the board without moving through difficult terrain (depending on the density)
- Took a hit in 6th edition
- Flyer rules are in a White Dwarf. Don't have the magazine? You're out of luck.

Necrons:
Pros
*They are made from a living metal that regenerates itself if damaged. So, you can kill them, but there's a good chance that they'll get right back up!
*Mindless androids led by insane commanders. Doesn't get any better than that, really.
*Utilizes weapons that make use of wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey-stuff.
*Lightning guns!

Cons
*SLOWWWWWWWWW!
*Their minds will slowly go to the point where they are too insane to even function.
*They made the C'Tan SLAVES?! Star gods are now playthings to mere mortals?! Preposterous!
*Whaddya mean they now fight each other?! That's stupid!
*Whaddya mean they can't travel FTL without the Webway?! That's ! They're supposed to be the undisputed masters of science, I'm sure they could find SOME way of achieving that!
*As with the above three statements, you need to follow your own fluff sometimes. Curse you, Matt Ward...