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Quo Vadis

More Christian Fan Fic on the big screen in Super Panavision, complete with an Overture as well.

This is a traditional Hollywood Epic, Historical Drama, Christian propaganda, and Disaster movie all in one. The Rome burning scenes are pretty evocative, and the Bull Fight in the arena is tense.

I enjoyed it. Peter Ustinoff as Nero is Amazing. He far outshines any of the leads and chews scenery with glee. I can see why he was a staple in these things, he is great! The guy playing Patronus, the leads wealthy uncle is also pretty solid. Old movies have the best dialogue. Everyone else.... is fine.

Is cold dark months. So it’s Bond O’Clock in Grotsnik’s Grotto.

And man, Casino Royale was the last one to have a decent theme song. Excellent tune, excellent lyrics, fantastic vocals. Bit of life to it, unlike to the milksop drivel that was to follow.

Especially you, Sam Smith. Not to mention Billie Eilish slurring her words on No Way To Die.

Black Cab

Nick Frost stars in this horror, available on Shudder for streaming.

And it’s pretty damned good. Being Nick Frost lead, you might expect this to be a comedy, however dark, but it’s played straight and is genuinely atmospheric.

Given it’s a brand new release, I’ll say no more other than “you must want to check this one out, I for one am loving it”

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Black Cab

Nick Frost stars in this horror, available on Shudder for streaming.

And it’s pretty damned good. Being Nick Frost lead, you might expect this to be a comedy, however dark, but it’s played straight and is genuinely atmospheric.

Given it’s a brand new release, I’ll say no more other than “you must want to check this one out, I for one am loving it”

He seems like a guy who'd work well in a drama/genre film that isn't comedy. Good for him.

His performance is genuinely excellent in this movie. And the movie itself deserves his performance.

Harry Potter and the Philsopher’s Stone

Despite 21 when it first came out, I’ve a real nostalgia for these films.

Whilst not a massive fan of the later ones, the first three, maybe four are a load of fun, and certainly very well made.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
His performance is genuinely excellent in this movie. And the movie itself deserves his performance.

Did you see Fighting with my Family? I think he plays the Knight patriarch in that one, right? I haven't seen it, but he seems like a talented guy.

Ad Harry Potter: There are several generations now to whom HP is a very precious thing, especially the films. A friend of mine really likes them as well, despite being in roughly the same age bracket you mentioned.

The HP films are kinda cinematic comfort food.

Chamber of Secrets is probably my favourite. Our main young card have settled into their roles. Whilst they were good in the first, here the rougher edges are rounded off. Especially Hermione who is considerably less annoying (I get that’s a core part of the character, but the over enunciation was horribly Stage School. A place where you send your kids so they can learn to portray no emotion otherwise known to Man Nor Beast)

And yeah, Fighting With My Family is a solid film. Mr Frost definitely has range as an actor.

Couple plane movies:

Aquaman 2 - So, where the first movie was bad but had enough heart to make it fun, this one felt like everyone was there out of obligation. It had way more good ideas than I expected, but everything from the performances to even the editing had this "lets get this over with" feel that had me quite bored.

Godzilla x Kong - Probably my least favorite of the Monarch films. The plane screen and audio did it no favors, but the villain was just a huge letdown for me. The earlier films spent a lot more time building up their threats, where this one felt preoccupied trying to sell the hollow earth thing without actually doing anything with it.

In good news, Lego Movie still holds up.

The Mummy

The good one.

What a damned near flawless slice of adventure nonsense. Beautiful, charismatic leads portraying characters with depth. An excellent villain putting CGI to fair use. The sets are immaculate and the plot compelling.

Sequel is pretty solid too (not you, Dragon Emperor).

I really, really do not understand how you can make a movie of this calibre, then utter dross like the “DaRk UnIvErSe” reboot, which features a reprehensible and deeply unlikeable barsteward as its lead character, entirely sidelining the supernatural villain we were here to see.

 LunarSol wrote:
Godzilla x Kong - Probably my least favorite of the Monarch films. The plane screen and audio did it no favors, but the villain was just a huge letdown for me. The earlier films spent a lot more time building up their threats, where this one felt preoccupied trying to sell the hollow earth thing without actually doing anything with it.

I agree in general but it has to get some points for this:

Personally, I adored Godzilla curled up in the Coliseum. What a clever and cute idea, and it really drives home the idea that humanity is helpless against these kaiju.

Their only response? Starting to sell Godzilla merch and godzilla tours.

My only whinge about that movie is once we get into it, there are scenes where it’s all Kaiju, no hoomans and no hooman architecture and that, so we instantly lose the sense of scale.

Try the Heisei Gamera Trilogy films (Guardian of the Universe, Attack of Legion and Revenge of Iris) if you haven't already, as they do a pretty good job of integrating both the humans and kaiju and keeping them interesting. Just note that halfway through Attack of Legion you may think that a giant flying turtle is fighting a Tyranid Mawloc...

My Old Ass

A young girl is visited by her older self, and gets some advice.

I have to say, I was recommended to this movie for it being very funny. However, at this point in my life I did not find it funny. I found it a bit more melancholy than I expected.

The twist is not a surprise at all.

*****************

You may not realize this, but it is Christmas time. Therefore, it is also time for a bunch of Christmas movies. Are you ready for some mini-reviews!

Christmas at Plumhill Manor

Take a Hallmark movie format, add in some English accents, and away you go! Nothing really unexpected to see here.

Sure, they are cliche but they do a few things right. First, they know their formula and deliver on it every time. Two, they are very professionally done and workman-like. Three, they have workman-like, solid, writing.

Six-Degrees of Christmas

What is interesting about this movie is that the woman does not leave the big city to go to the country. She stays in the big city the whole time!

The main idea of the movie is that you buy a gift, and then keep passing it around after a few days to the next person. This is the foundation of the Rom-Com set-up.

Red One
Have you seen any Action-Comedies starring the Rock? You have? This is pretty much a Action-Comedy starring the Rock that is Christmas themed. It also has Chris Evans, Lucy Lui, and JK Simmons.

Honestly, it is by the numbers but cute. All the characters have actual character arcs and story beats. There is a deep dive into Christmas lore and leaning into Polar cliches. Here I need to point out that Penguins are not native to the North Pole.

It was entertaining enough, but no need to see it in theatres. This is NOT an instant classic.

Objection!!!

It’s not December yet.

I move that the claim it’s Christmas time is struck from the record.

But was My Old Ass good? I’m somewhat interested based on the trailer, but trailers deceive.

Guest House Paradiso

Basically Bottom (A wacky 90's British sitcom for those who haven't heard of it) the movie.
And that was my problem with it, as much of a fan of Rik and Ade's antics as I am, I think trying to stretch the material out that much was just asking too much of it. I was so bored and tuned out at the end I can't remember about the last third of the film and I only watched it yesterday.

Would've made a good follow up series, but it didn't work as a movie for me.

Godzilla and Kong: The New Empire

Haven't quite finished this one yet, but I think I've seen enough to comment.
It's entertaining but fairly poor. Biggest issue is that it pretty much drops you straight into the middle of things, with very little call back to the previous movies, and having not recently binge-watched the franchise, I have very little idea of who any one is or what's going.
Also:-

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
But was My Old Ass good? I’m somewhat interested based on the trailer, but trailers deceive.

It made me feeling things.... which is rare for a movie now-a-days. Therefore, I will positive that it was effective. However, I am not sure what I felt was what the movie was going for.

I honestly do not know if I would call it good, but the writing is a level above what studios have been churning out lately, such as Red One. Kid of reminded me of Juno or Young Adult so if that is your thing.....


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Objection!!!

It’s not December yet.

I move that the claim it’s Christmas time is struck from the record.

Hey, I am lucky my wife made it past Halloween before she started in on these things.

Thanks, Easy E.

I’ll keep it on my watch list, but it’s getting bumped a bit lower than Maxxxine, I Saw the TV Glow and Franky Freako. Still above Beau is Afraid, though.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
All this talk of Christmas movies makes me wish there were some good Hannukah movies. I know, I know, Eight Crazy Nights has its fans, but still.

I actually saw one last year. It wasn't good..... but it was explicitly a Hanukkah themed Rom-Com via Hallmark style film. I wish I recalled the name.

 Ahtman wrote:

 LunarSol wrote:
Godzilla x Kong - Probably my least favorite of the Monarch films. The plane screen and audio did it no favors, but the villain was just a huge letdown for me. The earlier films spent a lot more time building up their threats, where this one felt preoccupied trying to sell the hollow earth thing without actually doing anything with it.

I agree in general but it has to get some points for this:

Spoiler:

Monkey suplex! And of course using the little ape as a mace was funny.

Cool moment, but that fight has zero stakes so it's kind of just tedious that it's happening in the first place.

 LunarSol wrote:

 Ahtman wrote:

 LunarSol wrote:
Godzilla x Kong - Probably my least favorite of the Monarch films. The plane screen and audio did it no favors, but the villain was just a huge letdown for me. The earlier films spent a lot more time building up their threats, where this one felt preoccupied trying to sell the hollow earth thing without actually doing anything with it.

I agree in general but it has to get some points for this:

Spoiler:

Monkey suplex! And of course using the little ape as a mace was funny.

Cool moment, but that fight has zero stakes so it's kind of just tedious that it's happening in the first place.

I am aware it is a modern Showa era Godzilla film; it isn't like my comment said it was anything more than a "cool moment".

 aku-chan wrote:
Guest House Paradiso

Basically Bottom (A wacky 90's British sitcom for those who haven't heard of it) the movie.
And that was my problem with it, as much of a fan of Rik and Ade's antics as I am, I think trying to stretch the material out that much was just asking too much of it. I was so bored and tuned out at the end I can't remember about the last third of the film and I only watched it yesterday.

Would've made a good follow up series, but it didn't work as a movie for me.

Godzilla and Kong: The New Empire

Haven't quite finished this one yet, but I think I've seen enough to comment.
It's entertaining but fairly poor. Biggest issue is that it pretty much drops you straight into the middle of things, with very little call back to the previous movies, and having not recently binge-watched the franchise, I have very little idea of who any one is or what's going.
Also:-

Spoiler:

Lanky Kong makes for a really poor villain, he's just more agile and has a whip. Not sure what makes him worthy of ancient prophecies, but I suppose I'll find out in the end.

Finished Godzilla and Kong, if anything that last half hour actually made things make less sense.

Death Wish 2

Charles Bronson is back! And he’s got his arse in his hands! Though not without justification after some street punks mug him, pinch his wallet, murder his housekeeper, kidnap and cause the death of his daughter.

Naturally, Bronson goes on a revenge killing spree in the first of four sequels to the original.

It’s pretty brutal, even given its age. Worth a watch if revenge thrillers are your thing.

Death Wish 3

Man is this guy unlucky and bad news to know.

This time, it’s his friend who gets killed, leading to pretty much all out war, the sort Judge Dredd would have wrapped up in four progs flat. The action is bigger! The explosions more numerous! And it even stars Bill S Preston, Esquire! Not sure if before Bill S Preston became a vampire, but this is another film he doesn’t survive. Also, Marina Sirtis is in it, and we get a glimpse of her Upper Rude Bits.

This is actually kinda fun. It’s so ridiculously overblown, it kinda fails to shock because it’s all just so, so silly. For instance, the big bad guy doesn’t just get blowed up off a bazooka, but a bazooka pulled from nowhere, and in a sitting room, with two other people in it. Who are entirely uninjured. Because that’s precisely how Mystery But Convenient Bazookas work, right?

Death Wish 4

Isn’t very good. Tried to be all serious, much to its detriment.

The Veil (2024)

Advertised in one preview as a “Lovecraftian horror”, which after viewing I’m not sure fits. One reviewer called it a “cosmic mindf**k’ and it probably fits better.

A man in the 70’s-80’s is driving late at night, and strange lights bathe everything in a green light. A distraught, dishevelled woman appears on the road and tries to get in, fearing some shadowy being out of sight. The man in a panic, flees. Fastfoward to present day and that man is a retiring priest, doubting his faith and haunted by his decision. Then one night the green lights return…

Had some creepy moments and a few jumpscares, along with a timejumping mystery. 7/10.

Onwards to “Daddy’s Head” which got good reviews on a few sites that I peruse. We’ll see!

Daddy’s Head(2024)

Warning:

Decent horror flick. I think the opening credits showed that it was a Shudder production, which is more on the miss side of “hit-or-miss”. This was alright. Not a masterpiece, but its got some freaky moments and crazy visuals.

A man dies, leaving his wife and a son from a previous marriage alone in a house in the woods. The natural mourning/healing period is interrupted by strange lights and smoke from the forest. After a few nights of strange sights and sounds, the family dog alerts the pair to a strange creature hiding under a table. Its chased away, but injures the dog, also taking a photo of the deceased man from a picture frame. The creature returns, with a familiar face(see movie title). Horror movie ensues. Kind of felt like The Babadook at times, but with a much less annoying kid. 8/10.

I grade horror movies rather favorably (unless they are complete ass), so YMMV.

Onwards to The Substance, Oddity and Smile 2. Its always spooky season in this household!

Say cheeeeeeeeeeeeese!

It’s Hard Ticket To Hawaii

Terrible script! Random nudity! Two lasses who are (not very good) Ninja’s for absolutely no reason. Who run about in safari suits with hot pants! A contaminated snake!

See this film? This film is the sort of film that anyone who makes a three or four hour, ego stroking video ranting about a two hour film, when that film was at worst merely mediocre, shall be forced to watch, Clockwork “Not The Ludwig Van, Sir” Style, on a loop, until they actually understand what a bad film actually is.

Nobody can act. Nobody could write effective dialogue. There is not a modicum of skill nor care to be found. But I’m willing to suggest there was at least a surfeit of Bolivian Marching Powder involved.

Are you making a dig at RedLetterMedia for their long video about The Phantom Menace? Because I have some good news for you about their having to watch awful movies…

I used to watch all those Andy Sedaris films when I was a young man. I have too much nostalgia to hate them.

Just anyone that confuses mediocrity, or worse, mildly disappointing, with cinematic drivel.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Just anyone that confuses mediocrity, or worse, mildly disappointing, with cinematic drivel.

Definitely not the RLM lads considering how much genuine joy they have got out of the movies of Roger Corman, Albert Pyun etc.

They recognise people who try and who squeeze every penny they have out of a budget onto the screen. Like, they actually loved the infamous Roger Corman directed Fantastic Four film from the 90s that was just made to retain the rights and wasn't widely released. The effects were bad, but creatively done within a shoestring budget of 1 million dollars to try and make a superhero movie in 1994. Like puppetry and editing to hide the transition from human limb to puppet for Mr. Fantastics elasticity. Though the CGI in the finale with Johnny Blaze is hilariously awful.