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CadianCommander wrote:Valks are attached to Guard regiments, but not owned or operated by Guard.

Luna Pintus: With a few notable exceptions of course.

*A tall golden haired warrior prances over to the recruitment ground, homing in on the possessed guardsman*

"Oh, what in the warp be that foul stench!" *tosses hair back and looks up and down the parade ground* "Oh...Emperor grant me strength. I do believe I have landed on catachan and am now in the presence of a regiment of filthy brutes!"

*He casually shoves a chainsword through SVEN the daemon*

"Ahem Ahem!" *He approaches the catachan commander whilst pulling dark chunks of flesh from the whirring chainsword then salutes in an extremely pompous and elaborate fashion*

"I am Lord Peeves De Tunderbalz of Pavonis. I own a large estate and own many servitors and servo skulls, as well as an assorted collection of rare fragrances and collectable miniatures from a tabletop wargame called Peacemallet 80,000. And I'm a master swordsman. And am quite excellent.
Oh. And I crash-landed my exquisite vessel just an hour ago. There is that."

*A trickle of sweat perspires from peeves' handsome brow as he lifts a silk handkerchief to his head, he wipes it off with a flick of his wrist.*

"It seems one is stranded due to a gravity well and has stumbled across your barbaric conglomeration of savages whom
claim to fight in the name of our God Emperor am I correct? If that be so, then I offer my services, for a time, in return for safe passage off this cursed death world ... Sir"


Peeves De Tunderbalz reporting for active duty SIR.

89-Pvt Stumbo: I already don't like him, I say we kick his pompous out of here right now, anyone else with me?

P.S. We already killed the daemon, so your just sticking your sword in a dead body, nice job.

all ranks added in.

Lads, give our new esteemed guest a catachan shower.

89-Pvt Stumbo: Alright sir, if you say so. . . I still don't like it

all i am saying is we have to get him used to catachan. i think an intensive 48 hour, give him a commisarial welcome

*Bows gracefully - making sure to smirk at pvt stumbo*

I am at your command until you and the Emperor see it fit to dismiss me. I would rather like a hot soapy shower with candles however, if that could be arranged?

hlaine.larkin wrote:all i am saying is we have to get him used to catachan. i think an intensive 48 hour, give him a commisarial welcome

A commissar welcome you say?
*Primes handgrenade*

Where do you think you are? This is a death world, none of us have bathed for months, what makes you think that you could? You could go have a bath in one of the acid pools, and I could light some fires around the banks of it as a substitute for candles, does that work for ya?

Lyzin Locrian wrote:Where do you think you are? This is a death world, none of us have bathed for months, what makes you think that you could? You could go have a bath in one of the acid pools, and I could light some fires around the banks of it as a substitute for candles, does that work for ya?

This is a catachan shower.

the posh ones always die first, try to fit on or you may find yourself a corpse.

Ugh! this is an affront to my very being!
Although ... I'm sure it has been awhile since the God Emperor on his golden throne had a splash. Imitating the reek of rancid meat must be your way of worshiping him.

I am touched.

As for your kind offer of an acid bath ... I politely decline. Don't bother with the fire either ... I'm sure anyone of you would catch fire with the merest whif of a flame. Then who would provide me transit off this ghastly 'death world'.

*kicks a servitor out of mindlock and sends it out on water patrol, which subsequently gets eaten by a man eating plant*

"...."

oh no no. you don't get it. you just signed up, there is no leaving until you are a proven catachan.

the acid bath wasn't a question, it won't burn your skin off, just slight burns. the catachans won't accept anyone who isn't a catachan unless they prove they are just as tough

Oh dear. It seems I'm in abit of a pickle then.

Allright. You say I have to prove myself as a catachan do you? Well it would be awfully rude for the guest of honour to not partake in his hosts customs.
'However backwards...', he says under his breath.

*drops his pack, chainsword, plasma pistol, hunting knife, missile launcher, master-crafted power weapon, first aid kit, force field generator, chess set, hair wax, lazer-cosmet kit, gravity ball stick, smoke sticks, takes a long run up towards the acid bath, then stops suddenly.*

*drops in a ham sandwich and watches it float to the top and fizzle gently but not disintegrate*

ah, well. It seems you are indeed telling the truth sir!
Tally ho then.

*steps back several paces and runs towards the acid pool*

CANNONBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!!!


Automatically Appended Next Post:
*Screams loudly in a high pitched voice. Realising himself, he promptly starts grunting loudly in a gruff, manly voice so as to cover his femenine squeal*

This bloody well burns old boy! I say! ohhh! oooo! owwch! ieeeee! quite refreshing, yes, quite refreshing! ieeeee!

Now someone confiscate those items he dropped, get him a lasgun and send him to school with the Maa.

Now it's my stuff!

*gives first aid stuff to Nate, the medic*
*gives plasma pistol to the commissar*
*gives lazer cosmet to the cadet commissar*
*gives smokes to Varrick*
*gives force field generator to our marshall*

The rest is for sale...

no trying to kill the commissar by giving him a plasma pistol. sell the force field and sell it for amasac for the troops, say it was from our new friend, look after each other lads

yes indeed, lord commissar, the plasma pistol was fom our new friend, he said you would love it.
He said something about firing ten shots in a row gives a special effect...
You should try it!

May I become Autocannon loader? Autocannon loader Derickkk, that is...

loner wrote:yes indeed, lord commissar, the plasma pistol was fom our new friend, he said you would love it.
He said something about firing ten shots in a row gives a special effect...
You should try it!

good job you arn't in a cadian regiment, they'd have you shot for that

and i will add you Derickkk,

hlaine.larkin wrote:

loner wrote:yes indeed, lord commissar, the plasma pistol was fom our new friend, he said you would love it.
He said something about firing ten shots in a row gives a special effect...
You should try it!

good job you arn't in a cadian regiment, they'd have you shot for that

and i will add you Derickkk,

I dunno, I always wanted to say hi to Creed.

I can introduce you to him.


Derickkk, i have had to add you as a loader and support for meltagunners.

well that was no problem at all! barely felt a thing!

*stares at reflection in the acid pool*

MY HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR!!!!

*runs back across the deadly field of plant vipers, razor grass and toxin sacs to where his posessions were left and finds only a dirty vest, a red bandana with what looks like to be a skidmark on it, some damp combat fatigues, a pair of adamantium capped boots and an antique lasgun*

MY STUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFF!!!!

Those imbreds. pff.

at least i have my chainsword.... *chops off the end of the lasgun to make it more weildly* ... and now i have a laspistol ... Something tells me that if in close combat, this combination of weaponry might give me the opportunity to get in one more attack than usual .... hmmm.

*walks back to the barracks dressed like a genuine catachan*

Wait a minute! Can the foreigner play "Stiften"? It's a Catachan cardgame.

And here's your gravity ball, no one wants it...
And here's knife, you'll need that one to survive out here.

Commissar, this man just cut his lasrifle in half. this is sacriligious to the god emperor and his adeptus mechanicus. send him to the brig.

Sir, wait, I believe that this man hasn't just cut his lasgun in half.
He dropped it... On his chainsword... Thereby it was an accident and he is responsible for the replacement of a new lasgun, which can be kept from his salary, but he doesn't have to be send to the brig.

hlaine.larkin wrote:
Derickkk, i have had to add you as a loader and support for meltagunners.

That's ok . So what do you mean by support exactly?

*opens the gravity ball, in which is conceled, a dimentional compressor then flicks a hidden switch that in turn, teleports me into a suit of terminator armor. I then pull out a wraithsword, a hydra flak cannon and a storm shield*

oh i though that was gone forever! thakyou old chap!

I am sure to be of infinitely more use to this fine regiment wearing my spiffing tactical dreadnought armour!

okay trooper, i will take your word for it.

don't let him do it again, let him know how we work here.

as fir support, i mean when the guy dies, pick it up and shoot at tanks!

i must say commander. it will be extremely difficult for me to move to the brig in my current state. it seems that this suit of terminator armor lacks fibre-bundle muscles and hydraulics. ahem. this is akward.

Armor is for pansies, we Catachans got muscles!