The Night Before 986996.M41 (aka Dakka Christmas thread)

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**Kid_Kyoto**

With Thanksgiving over we are now entering the blessed season of Kwanzaa when people around the world turn their thoughts to Mother Africa and young children write letters to Father Kwanzaa extolling their virtues and demanding presents in return.

As is our tradition here at Dakka Dakka I would like to call everyone to gather around the flamer for a reading of the time honored poem The Night Before 986996.M41

This poem was lost for many light years until the Great Usenet Archeological Dig of 1998 recovered it so that we may enjoy it today.

The Night Before 986996.M41

by Patrick Marstall (MarstallP@bah.com)

'Twas the night before 986996.M41, and all through the station
All there was clear, there was no abomination.

My helmet was set on the desk to my right,
On the chance that I was to need it that night.

The guardsmen were ensconced, asleep in their beds,
All the tanks too were safe, secure in the sheds.

Marines in the barracks, some manning the wall,
Assured me that the bastion never would fall.

When out in the yard there arose such discord
I grabbed up my bolter and unsheathed my sword.

Away to the window, I ran to take aim
As the marines around me all did the same.

My bionic eye turned the night into day
Allowed me to see, and to seek out my prey.

When what did my loyalist ocular show,
But an ancient conveyance, knee-deep in the snow.

The vehicle was pulled by horned quadrupeds
And a fiery red nimbus glowed from the sled.

The driver was mighty, his eyes full of scorn,
Dressed all in crimson like a servant of Khorne.

I gestured for other to shoot without pause,
For I was now certain this was Santa Claus.

"Fire Marines! Fire Guardsmen! Fire Ogryn and Ratlings!
Fire bolters! Fire lasguns! Fire mortars and gatlings!"

"You in the courtyard and you men on the walls!
Now blast away! Blast away! Blast away all!"

But all through this maelstrom the evil one flew,
Past plasma and bolt shells and frag that we threw!

And then, to my horror, I heard on the roof
The vile cavorting of each decadent hoof.

Screaming my orders, I spun quickly around,
As down the chimney shaft it came with a bound.

I saw its eyes glow, its vast stomach gurgle,
Bloated and fat, like a deamon of Nurgle.

Blinded by anger, I attacked with a scream -
Charged into battle with my brave space marines.

As we thundered towards him, closing the rift,
He reached in his satchel and pulled out a gift.

Then it tossed the vile boxes - I fell in a stoop,
As they arced through the air at me and my troops.

The wrapped missiles fell short, and plopped at our feet,
Our morale was quite strong, we did not retreat.

But the marines paused - our charge was disrupted,
They picked up the gifts and were quickly corrupted.

For each box contained a chaotic present -
The marines (damn their souls), found them quite pleasant.

A bolter, a flamer, a new power fist,
The Claus gave to all, and he checked off a list.

It moved through the station and left in its wake,
The sound of bright laughter and the stench of fruitcake.

The others succumbed, but it failed in its goal,
For to me it gave only a small pile of coal.

The station was lost, I could only instruct
The bastion computer to set self-destruct.

I failed to kill him, for I saw as I fled,
The target escaping, quite safe in his sled.

I heard it cry out as the base burst into light,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

**Tibbsy**

That poem was awesome!

**Mr. Burning**

The driver was mighty, his eyes full of scorn,
Dressed all in crimson like a servant of Khorne.

The only thing you need at Christmas, the gift of blood and skulls.

**master of ordinance**

Exalted

Damn i love this but let it serve as a warning-Battlebrothers take up your arms and be warned for on this fell eve does stalk the helldaemon known only as Santa Claws

**notprop**

For shame K_K!

Youre just like GW pumping out the same old tired toot to newcomers with no thought for the vets.

I demand new festive poetry, you only have a few weeks old chap best get penning!

**Da Boss**

I have to say, the self destruct ending is sheer genius.

**Igloo**

This is awesome.

**Kid_Kyoto**

notprop wrote:
For shame K_K!

Youre just like GW pumping out the same old tired toot to newcomers with no thought for the vets.

I demand new festive poetry, you only have a few weeks old chap best get penning!

TRADITION!

And il have some stuff soon...

**Avatar 720**

notprop wrote:
For shame K_K!

Youre just like GW pumping out the same old tired toot to newcomers with no thought for the vets.

I demand new festive poetry, you only have a few weeks old chap best get penning!

Jingle Bells!
notprop smells!
Lalala La Laaaa!

**Zambro**

Pretty awesome

**Kid_Kyoto**

OK strictly speaking it's not 'new' but I only wrote it a year ago so let us all celebrate with one of the traditional Kwanzaa songs of the 41st Millennium:

Battlehymn of the Adeptus Astres

(Sung to the tune of... oh just guess)

Space Marines!
Space Marines!
Fighting every day!
Oh what fun it is to find
Some Xenos we can slay!

HEY!

Flying through the stars
In our armoured Battle Barge
Listen to the Sarge
His sword is rather large!
Hack! Hack! Hack!

Orks are big and mean!
Space Elfs weak but clean!
Necrons are a machine!
Assaults makes fishmen scream!

HEY!

Space Marines!
Space Marines!
Fighting every day!
Oh what fun it is to find
Some Daemons we can slay!

HEY!

Khorne is red and yells!
Nurgle's green and smells!
Tzeentch's blue casts spells!
Slannesh's pink and uses gells!
Hump! Hump! Hump!

Chainswords whirr and slash!
Thunder Hammers smash!
Howling Griffons clash!
Rainbow Warriors smoke hash!

OH!

Space Marines!
Space Marines!
Fighting every day!
Oh what fun it is to find
Some Traitors we can slay!

HEY!

Death Guard smell very bad!
Night Lords are quite sad!
Word Bearers wage jihad!
Black Legion hates their dad!
Sob! Sob! Sob!

Emp's Children love their sex!
Thousand Sons cast their hex!
World Eaters chop your necks!
Cultists have no Codex!
Ha! Ha! Ha!

Space Marines!
Space Marines!
Fighting every day!
Oh what fun it is to find
Some Xenos we can slay!

**Rotgut**

Amazing.

**notprop**

Avatar 720 wrote:
notprop wrote:
For shame K_K!

Youre just like GW pumping out the same old tired toot to newcomers with no thought for the vets.

I demand new festive poetry, you only have a few weeks old chap best get penning!

Jingle Bells!
notprop smells!
....Avatar720 ran away!
Meangreenstompa lost his whiskers in the milky way - hey!

There finished it for you Shakespeare!

Hang on a minute I don't smell....that bad anyway.

**tyrant of loserville**

genius

**shingouki**

Awesome poetry skills.

**Snrub**

Great poem KK.

**Avatar 720**

notprop wrote:
Avatar 720 wrote:
notprop wrote:
For shame K_K!

Youre just like GW pumping out the same old tired toot to newcomers with no thought for the vets.

I demand new festive poetry, you only have a few weeks old chap best get penning!

Jingle Bells!
notprop smells!
....Avatar720 ran away!
Meangreenstompa lost his whiskers in the milky way - hey!

There finished it for you Shakespeare!

Hang on a minute I don't smell....that bad anyway.

It's the smell of burning skulls and crossbones, it hangs around for a long time and get in the fibres of your clothes.

My contribution is also a year old, but ah well:

Angron, the red-hued Primarch
had a very violent pose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it shows.

All of the other Primarchs
used to run from all the flames.
They never let poor Angron
join in any Primarch games.

Then one grimdark Christmas Eve
the Blood God came to say:
"Angron with your love to fight,
won't you guide my slaughter tonight?"

Then all the loyalists loathed him
as they shouted out with glee,
’Angron the red-hued Primarch,
you'll go down for heresy!’

Now to go off and bastardise another Christmas classic!

**swampyturtle**

This thread reminded me to update my profile for decemeber.

Well played K_K

Exalted and +1

**shrike**

Loving the poems!
*stands up, removes monocle* More, I say! More!

**Avatar 720**

A new one I managed to half-arse at 1am:

Corpses roasting on an open pyre
Tyr’nids nipping at your throat
Witches being cleansed in holy fire
And Orks dressed up in old thin clothes

Ev'rybody here’s a xeno and all of them are foes
Help to make this one good fight
Tiny grots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to last the night

They know that slaughter’s on the way
With loaded guns and stuff with which to slay
And ev'ry sorry mutha’s gonna die
For to see their race’s flags held high

And so I'm offering this simple phrase
From Codex Astartes: Chapter Two
Although it's been said many times, many ways,
"For Him we come to kill you."

**Quintinus**

Avatar 720 wrote:
A new one I managed to half-arse at 1am:

And so I'm offering this simple phrase
From Codex Astartes: Chapter Two
Although it's been said many times, many ways,
"For Him we come to kill you."

Haha, I really liked this one. I think it'd also be cool if it went,

And so I chant this simple litany
From Codex Astartes Section 3
Although it's screamed many times, many ways,
"With my bolter I cleanse thee"

**Kid_Kyoto**

As the nights grow longer and the year comes to an end Space Marines often gather by the fire to sing of days gone by with this beloved old song...

Lest old Tyr-ran-ids be forgot and never brought to mind
Lest old Tyr-ran-ids be forgot watch for Old One Eye

For Old One Eye my dear
For Old One Eye...

Lock and load your bolters dear
Here comes Old One Eye

**notprop**

To the tune of Whams "Last Christmas";

Last Christmas I gave you my heart,
The very next day you gave it away,
This year to save me from tears,
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

[cut to scene of George Michael having his head stoved in with chain axe by a mutated Andrew Ridley - Chosen Champion of Khorne]

**thenoobbomb**

notprop wrote:
To the tune of Whams "Last Christmas";

Last Christmas I gave you my heart,
The very next day you gave it away,
This year to save me from tears,
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

[cut to scene of George Michael having his head stoved in with chain axe by a mutated Andrew Ridley - Chosen Champion of Khorne]

Praise you, good sir.
If I ever hear that song, this will spring in my mind.
Thanks

**MrMerlin**

Awesome poems, Kk!

**BrookM**

The original is still the best, as always, thanks KK!

**Rayvon**

Top thread, cheered me up, thanks

**wolfmerc**

Ahh

these songs and poems are all fun and great, but what are we doing sitting around here looking at music!? There are xenos to kill, heretics to purge!

anyway... great works! have a happy dakka christmas everyone.

**Commander Cain**

This makes me feel more festive than any of those old 21st century poems! Great job K_K!

**Micah da ork**

Amazing. You guys are awesome. I love all the poems and lyrics. They were very fun to read through.