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And although I am sure millions of you here despise Facebook, I need to decide which quote to go with;

1) Lord Flashheart: Thanks, bridesmaid, like the beard. Gives me something to hang onto! And Melchie! Still worshipping God? Last thing I heard he started worshipping me! A-HAHAHAHAHA! Nursie! I like it firm and fruity! Am I glad to see you or did I just put a canoe in my pocket?

2) Bishop of Bath and Wells: You fiend! Never have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the church?!

3) Melchett: I DON'T CARE IF HE'S BEEN ROGERING THE DUKE OF YORK WITH A PRIZE-WINNING LEEK! HE SHOT MY PIGEON!!!

4) George: I'm a complete duffer at this sort of thing. In the School Debating Society, I was voted Boy-Least-Likely-to-Complete-a-Coherent... erm...

5) Melchett: Well, I hope so, Blackadder. You know, if there's one thing I've learned from being in the army, it's never ignore a pooh-pooh! I knew a major: got pooh-poohed; made the mistake of ignoring the pooh-pooh -- he pooh-poohed it! Fatal error, because it turned out all along that the soldier who pooh-poohed him had been pooh-poohing a lot of other officers, who pooh-poohed their pooh-poohs! In the end, we had to disband the regiment! Morale totally destroyed... by pooh-pooh!

I think I am leaning towards Melchett's pooh-pooh line, but the Bishop of Bath and Wells line is so much shorter, and I work at a Catholic school...

Use this.







Failing that, number 3.

2) Bishop of Bath and Wells: You fiend! Never have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the church?!

This one most definetly. Both amusing and true

Lord General Sir Hogmany Melchett's quotes from the pigeon trial are the best

Dual and Duality is the best epsiode for me Edit:followed closely by Potato


And the unoffical motto of the imperial guard
The Duke of Wellington: "There's only one way to win a campaign: shout, shout and shout again!"

Lord Flasheart: All right men, let's do-oo-oo it! The first thing to remember is: always treat your kite like you treat your woman!

Lieutenant George: How, how do you mean, Sir? Do you mean, do you mean take her home at weekends to meet your mother?

Lord Flasheart: No, I mean get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back.

I went with the old classic:
'The colour of Gold, Percy, is gold, hence the name 'Gold'. What you have discovered, if it has a name, is some, green...

Mr Pants: (Laughing) You've really worked out your banter, haven't you?
Blackadder: No, not really. This is a different thing; it's spontaneous and it's called wit.

***

Lady Whiteadder: Chairs! You have chairs in your House?
Blackadder: Yes, well...
[she slaps him twice]
Lady Whiteadder: Wicked Child! Chairs are the work of Belezabub! At our house Nathaneal sits on a spike!
Blackadder: And yourself?
Lady Whiteadder: I sit on Nathaneal! Two spikes would be an extravagance.

***

Blackadder: The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil's own satanic herd!

I vote for Melchett's pooh pooh line. I use it regularly in everyday life! Unfortunately no one in this country has seen Blackadder so I get some odd looks...

I like this line from Prince George: "You know, Blackadder, for me socks are like sex. Tons of it about and I never seem to get any."

The story of my life.

Bishop of Bath and Wells: You see, I am a colossal pervert. No form of sexual depravity is too low for me. Animal, vegetable or mineral -- I'll do anything to anything.

Edmund: Fine words for a Bishop. It's nice to hear the Church speaking out for a change on social issues.


-----


Rum: Aaaaaaahrrrrr Aaaaaaahrrrrr Aaaaaaaaaaahrrrrr. Me laddy.

Blackadder: Ah-haah-ah, indeed. So, Rum, I wish to hire you and your ship. Can we shake on it? [holds out hand]

Rum: aah-ahhh! [strokes his hand] You have a woman's hand, milord! I'll wager these dainty pinkies never weighed anchor in a storm.

Blackadder: Well, you're right there.

Rum: Ha ha ha. -Aah! Your skin milord. I'll wager it ne'er felt the lash of a cat ['o' nine tails], been rubbed with salt, and then flayed off by a pirate chief to make fine stockings for his best cabin boy.

Blackadder: How canny, I don't know how you do it, but you're right again.

Rum: Why should I let a stupid cockerel like you aboard me boat?

Blackadder: Perhaps for the money in my purse [holding it up]

Rum: Ha. -Aah! You have a woman's purse! [takes it from him and examines it daintily] I'll wager that purse has never been used as a rowing-boat. I'll wager it's never had sixteen shipwrecked mariners tossing in it.

Blackadder: Yes, right again, Rum. I must say when it comes to tales of courage I'm going to have to keep my mouth shut.

Rum: Oh! You have a woman's mouth, milord! I'll wager that mouth never had to chew through the side of a ship to escape the dreadful spindly killer fish.

Blackadder: I must say, when I came to see you, I had no idea I was going to have to eat your ship as well as hire it. And since you're clearly as mad as a mongoose I'll bid you farewell [gets up]

Rum: Aaah, courtiers to the Queen, you're nothing but lapdogs to a slip of a girl.

Blackadder: Better a "lapdog to a slip of a girl", than a... Git.

Rum: So you do have some spunk in you! Don't worry, laddie, I'll come, I'll come [holds out his hand]

Blackadder: Well, let us set sail as soon as we can. [they shake] I will fetch my first mate, and then I'll return as fast as my legs will carry me.

Rum: Ah! [pointing] You have a woman's legs, my lord! I'll wager those are legs that have never been sliced clean off by a falling sail, and swept into the sea before your very eyes.

Blackadder: [crossly] Well, neither have yours.

Rum: That's where you're wrong [throws aside table showing his lack of legs]

Blackadder: Oh my God!

General Melchet: Now, Field Marshal Hague has formulated a brilliant new tactical plan to ensure final victory in the field.
Blackadder: Ah, would this brilliant plan involve us climbing out of our trenches and walking very slowly towards the enemy, sir?
Darling: How could you possibly know that Blackadder? It's classified information!
Blackadder: It's the same plan that we used last time, and the seventeen times before that.
General Melchet: Ex... ex... ex... actly! And that is what is so brilliant about it! It will catch the watchful Hun totally off guard. Doing precisely what we've done eighteen times before is exactly the last thing they'll expect us to do this time! There is, however, one small problem.
Blackadder: That everyone always gets slaughtered in the first ten seconds?
General Melchet: That's right. And Field Marshal Hague is worried that this may be depressing the men a tad. So, he's looking to find a way to cheer them up.
Blackadder: Well, his resignation and suicide would seem the obvious.
--Blackadder Goes Forth