Under 'Allies Of Convenience' of page 112 it says this...
This means that, for example, Allies of Convenience units:
. Can't benefit from the Warlord Trait of an allied character.
. Cannot be joined by allied Independent Characters.
As I understand it, my Tau Commander could not join an allied Chaos Lord, but the Chaos Lord could join the Tau commander or any Tau unit because the only restriction is of the Independent Character from the Primary Detachment of joining allies, not the other way round.