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name: the forsaken knights (originaly the immortal knights)
pure geneseed
succeser of: ultramarines
founded:38 millennium
organisation:
1st company: terminator, led by captain merric
2nd company: veteran, led by captain markus
6th company: tactical, led by captain
7th company: assault, led by captain
the three masters of the chapter
the master of the burden ( immortal knights chapter master) bears a large piece of marble with the names of all those who dyed during the battle of mortalis)
the shrouded lord (current chapter master)
untitled (Leonidas)
traits: tan skin, rarely remove helmets, creating suspicion umong the ordo hereticus
story:

the forsaken knights are created as one of those chapters to protect/guard the EOT
brother leonidas is appointed the crux terminates
Lucian is appointed crux terminates
the friends are placed in the same terminator squad
the squad is stranded in the judgement of carrion
leonid as three years later rescue arrives
only three battle-brothers remain
leonidas accuses Lucian of heresy to the chapter master
leonidas is sentenced to a century of prison (chapter custom/tradition)
leonidas is released, appointed under command of Lucian himself(who is now captain of the 4th company)
the entirety of the chapter is deployed against daemons on the planet merlieth
the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 8th, 9th and tenth companies open fire on the loyalists, led by Lucian himself. Leonidas is mortally wounded (later placed in dreadnought armour)
the shrouded lord (then sergeant of a terminator squad) battles Lucian in hand-to-hand combat, while the titan (crucio immortalis)(the only titan of the immortal knights) is destroyed
the heretics retreat, leaving barely 200 loyalists. the loyalists are told by astropath that Lucian's fleet, bolstered by daemons of khorne and nurgle, has destroyed chapter planet)
all remaining loyalists rename themselves the forsaken knights, the shrouded lord is appointed chapter master.

I plan on writing a vid diary thing of Leonidas on the judgement of carrion. what do you guys think?

Titans aren't owned by Space Marine Chapters, they are the sole domain of the Legio Titanica of the Adeptus Mechanicus.

A Space Marine Chapter can ask the AdMech to pretty please bring one (or more) of the God-Machines to a warzone somewhere, but the AdMech can say "No" (actually, they would say "0"... as in "TitanSupportIsTrue= 0").

Hasn't the Judgement of Carrion been used, like, thirty-seven times in various 40K fluff stories and games so far? Maybe pick a different Space Hulk.

Other than that, sounds good, though you need a reason for Leonidas to accuse Lucien of heresy when they get out of the Hulk. Otherwise, he just sounds like a loon (a loon that happens to be right, as it turns out, but this is 40K fiction, so of course he does).

 Psienesis wrote:
Titans aren't owned by Space Marine Chapters, they are the sole domain of the Legio Titanica of the Adeptus Mechanicus.

A Space Marine Chapter can ask the AdMech to pretty please bring one (or more) of the God-Machines to a warzone somewhere, but the AdMech can say "No" (actually, they would say "0"... as in "TitanSupportIsTrue= 0").

True, No SM have titans. If you want something sutably large and important perhaps a thunderhawk, strike cruiser or battle barge was lost.

Edited
name: the forsaken knights (originaly the immortal knights)
pure geneseed
succeser of: ultramarines
founded:38 millennium
organisation:
1st company: terminator, led by captain merric
2nd company: veteran, led by captain markus
6th company: tactical, led by captain
7th company: assault, led by captain
the three masters of the chapter
the master of the burden ( immortal knights chapter master) bears a large piece of marble with the names of all those who dyed during the battle of mortalis)
the shrouded lord (current chapter master)
untitled (Leonidas)
traits: tan skin, rarely remove helmets, creating suspicion umong the ordo hereticus
story:

the forsaken knights are created as one of those chapters to protect/guard the EOT
Leonidas is initiated into the chapter
Lucian is initiated into the chapter
They serve in the same squad, quickly becoming friends, many a time they save each other on the battle field
Lucian reveals that he dreams of power, planting suspicion of his brother in leonidas' mind, re refuses the doubt rising in him.
brother leonidas is appointed the crux terminates
Lucian is appointed crux terminates
the friends are placed in the same terminator squad
the squad is stranded in the judgement of carrion
Leonidas witnesses Lucian murder sergeant corvane.
three years later rescue arrives
only three battle-brothers remain
leonidas accuses Lucian of heresy to the chapter master
leonidas is sentenced to a century of prison (chapter custom/tradition)
leonidas is released, appointed under command of Lucian himself(who is now captain of the 4th company)
the entirety of the chapter is deployed against daemons on the planet merlieth
the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 8th, 9th and tenth companies open fire on the loyalists, led by Lucian himself. Leonidas is mortally wounded (later placed in dreadnought armour)
the shrouded lord (then sergeant of a terminator squad) battles Lucian in hand-to-hand combat, while the titan (crucio immortalis)(the only titan of the immortal knights) is destroyed
the heretics retreat, leaving barely 200 loyalists. the loyalists are told by astropath that Lucian's fleet, bolstered by daemons of khorne and nurgle, has destroyed chapter planet)
all remaining loyalists rename themselves the forsaken knights, the shrouded lord is appointed chapter master.

another edit:
name: the forsaken knights (originaly the immortal knights)
pure geneseed
succeser of: ultramarines
founded:36 millennium
organisation:
1st company: terminator, led by captain merric, 57 marines
2nd company: veteran, led by captain markus , 86 marines
6th company: tactical, led by captain _______, 56 marines
7th company: assault, led by captain _______, 62
the three masters of the chapter
the master of the burden ( immortal knights chapter master) bears a large piece of marble with the names of all those who dyed during the battle of mortalis)
the shrouded lord (current chapter master)
the master of suspicion, leonidas
traits: tan skin, rarely remove helmets, creating suspicion umong the ordo hereticus
story:

the forsaken knights are created as one of those chapters to protect/guard the EOT
Leonidas is initiated into the chapter
Lucian is initiated into the chapter
They serve in the same squad, quickly becoming friends, many a time they save each other on the battle field
Lucian reveals that he dreams of power, planting suspicion of his brother in leonidas' mind, re refuses the doubt rising in him.
brother leonidas is appointed the crux terminates
Lucian is appointed crux terminates
the friends are placed in the same terminator squad
the squad is stranded in the judgement of carrion
Leonidas witnesses Lucian murder sergeant corvane.
three years later rescue arrives
only three battle-brothers remain
leonidas accuses Lucian of heresy to the chapter master
leonidas is sentenced to a century of prison (chapter custom/tradition)
leonidas is released, appointed under command of Lucian himself(who is now captain of the 4th company)
the entirety of the chapter is deployed against daemons on the planet merlieth
the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 8th, 9th and tenth companies open fire on the loyalists, led by Lucian himself. Leonidas is mortally wounded (later placed in dreadnought armour)
the shrouded lord (then sergeant of a terminator squad) battles Lucian in hand-to-hand combat, while the titan (crucio immortalis)(the only titan in service of the immortal knights is destroyed
the heretics retreat, leaving just over 200 loyalists. the loyalists are told by astropath that Lucian's fleet, bolstered by daemons of khorne and nurgle, has destroyed chapter planet
all remaining loyalists rename themselves the forsaken knights, the shrouded lord is appointed chapter master.


your thoughts?


Automatically Appended Next Post:
nothing?

 the shrouded lord wrote:

another edit:
name: the forsaken knights (originaly the immortal knights)
pure geneseed
succeser of: ultramarines
founded:36 millennium
organisation:
1st company: terminator, led by captain merric, 57 marines
2nd company: veteran, led by captain markus , 86 marines
6th company: tactical, led by captain _______, 56 marines
7th company: assault, led by captain _______, 62
the three masters of the chapter
the master of the burden ( immortal knights chapter master) bears a large piece of marble with the names of all those who dyed during the battle of mortalis)
the shrouded lord (current chapter master)
the master of suspicion, leonidas
traits: tan skin, rarely remove helmets, creating suspicion umong the ordo hereticus
story:

the forsaken knights are created as one of those chapters to protect/guard the EOT
Leonidas is initiated into the chapter
Lucian is initiated into the chapter
They serve in the same squad, quickly becoming friends, many a time they save each other on the battle field
Lucian reveals that he dreams of power, planting suspicion of his brother in leonidas' mind, re refuses the doubt rising in him.
brother leonidas is appointed the crux terminates
Lucian is appointed crux terminates
the friends are placed in the same terminator squad
the squad is stranded in the judgement of carrion
Leonidas witnesses Lucian murder sergeant corvane.
three years later rescue arrives
only three battle-brothers remain
leonidas accuses Lucian of heresy to the chapter master
leonidas is sentenced to a century of prison (chapter custom/tradition)
leonidas is released, appointed under command of Lucian himself(who is now captain of the 4th company)
the entirety of the chapter is deployed against daemons on the planet merlieth
the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 8th, 9th and tenth companies open fire on the loyalists, led by Lucian himself. Leonidas is mortally wounded (later placed in dreadnought armour)
the shrouded lord (then sergeant of a terminator squad) battles Lucian in hand-to-hand combat, while the titan (crucio immortalis)(the only titan in service of the immortal knights is destroyed
the heretics retreat, leaving just over 200 loyalists. the loyalists are told by astropath that Lucian's fleet, bolstered by daemons of khorne and nurgle, has destroyed chapter planet
all remaining loyalists rename themselves the forsaken knights, the shrouded lord is appointed chapter master.

I wouldnt go down to number of marines. Remember that there are going to be some gravely wounded marines, perhaps 2-5 who are too old to really fight, and a bunch of scouts/men in the process of becoming marines. Perhaps the chapter has 150-200 fighting men, but at any given point, a marine might die, might be maimed. At the same time, a scout might be promoted to marine, or a previously maimed marine might get enough bionics working to functioin

@ exergy: your right, I don't know why I didn't think of that.
funnily my friend collects chaos and he has named his lord Lucian. so this could make for interesting campains
also, Is the dakka fiction forum not popular? or is it my writing? or both?

There is a fiction forum? I use Dakka daily and hadn't noticed so i wouln't blame your writing.

I really like the chapter fluff, although as others have mentioned, Titans do not belong to marine chapters.

I would be interested to know the resons for Lucian's heresy and why he was able to command such a large potrion of the chapter.

Do you have some minis painted up?

@stargarm: lol. the reason for Lucian's heresy is quite simple, during said three years he was tortured by the whisperings of the chaos gods, his slight psychic ability (not enough to acutely use in battle) making it twice as hard for him then the rest of the squad. eventually he gos slightly insane and deals with khorne to take away the pain, khorne in turn tricked Lucian into believing that the forsaken knights (namely Leonidas) would be better fighting for chaos and would be allowed to live.
yes I have painted minis as the 1st company is one of the ones left I have lots of terminators (at the moment ten), I also have some tactical squads, two dreads, bikes, 5 sternguard, a captain. I should note that I refuse to buy vehicles that look like door stops (all the sm ones except the dread). about the titan, Its now a titan in service of the forsaken knights for the purging of that world, and its destruction was sorely felt. also do you think I should have Leonidas as an iron-clad or venerable dread?
if your interested, my fic is here: http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/554482.page