October 15, 2013 (LifeSiteNews.com) - I am compelled to write this article, "Real Women Don't Like Lust", in response to the various media (movies, magazines, music, television and print) continually promoting and falsely characterizing women as sex objects and as insatiable wild lusty types while in reality all the emphasis on 'sex' and 'sexy' and 'sex lives' separated from real meaning and purpose is having the exact opposite effect- driving couples further apart and in the long run making women feel kind of pukey about it all.

I've become so frustrated by these dishonest, inaccurate and harmful portrayals of truly beautiful and life-bearing woman and the obnoxious emphasis on the errant notion of a 'sex life' that I came up with the following to express my thoughts:

There should be no such thing as a sex life.
There is "married life" and within it, the many expressions of love
which includes the physical renewal of the wedding vows.

Personally, I am just sick to death of ‘sexy’. When a person looks ‘sexy’, doesn’t it means they look ready for sex? I thought only prostitutes were supposed to look like that. Ladies, how about some new adjectives? How about…. BEAUTIFUL? How about…. LOVELY? How about ELEGANT?

I received the testimony below from a woman who has experienced that very aversion that happens to women over time in this culture. She enthusiastically relates what a difference moral family planning (a.k.a.- the practice of chastity in marriage) has made in the intimate area of their marriage and in her attitude toward the renewal of their wedding vows:

NFP. Although our marriage was difficult, my husband was willing to join me in my advocacy of NFP during our first 17 years of our marriage, when we were happy to welcome more children, and we had no real reason to avoid another pregnancy. However, after 8 children and being in my 40’s, with children aging from teens to toddler, and a husband who was unwilling to pitch in with significant help, I felt overwhelmed and unable to handle another baby, at least for a time.

I conferred with him about our serious situation, and as he didn’t seem to care much I decided to use NFP for the first time to postpone pregnancy.

But when it came time to abstain, my husband was NOT happy! He came into the faith late, and therefore had never had to exercise much discipline in that area; not as a teen, not in single life, and not in married life. In our culture, from the time boys begin to feel any urges at all, they are encouraged to release them; they are certainly not told they need to conquer them. We were both born and raised in that culture.

When we first looked at actually using NFP to avoid pregnancy, we had mistakenly assumed there would be two week stretches without intimacy and he staunchly refused to consider such a sacrifice. This led to months of upheaval, as I was panicked every month, and he was sick of my emotional swings. I was angry with him that he couldn’t contain himself for my sake. He was mad because I was not…enthusiastically participating in our intimate life. I know this is connected with a feeling of rejection, so he likely felt that way too.

Finally he said he was going to get a vasectomy as he felt this would solve the ‘problem’. I was devastated! Not only for the fact that he would be committing a grave moral evil, but, admittedly, because there would be no reason for me to say ‘no’ to sex, at any time.

I’d done enough reflecting on sexuality that I knew the effects of objectification, and I knew that I would end up feeling used for gratification if we were trying to avoid pregnancy without having to abstain.

It was during this reflection that I recognized that, in spite of contraception, this divide still exists between men and women in our culture. It is considered comical, and quite normal, for a woman to feign a headache in order to avoid making love to her husband, as evidenced in TV, movies and magazines.
We had to go get some NFP training, I pleaded insistingly. He agreed to go to a class.

The relationship part had a huge impact on me. I remember the instructor saying that lust can never be satisfied, and that pretty much summed up what I felt was happening, and would continue to happen in our marriage, if we didn’t use NFP.

Reluctantly, my husband agreed to give it a shot. I won’t bore you with all of the details, (although for men this would be the most important info) but this experience has proven to my husband, more categorically than anything else, that God knows what He’s talking about!

We have had more intimacy, and more enthusiastic intimacy that we had in the first 17 years of our marriage. He is stunned to see me invite him to union, which was a constant source of strain in our marriage before. He didn’t feel loved, and neither did I.

The best way I can define it is this: during the stretches of abstinence I see him giving; giving me peace of mind, giving me love in the countless other kindnesses that I know are not just a prelude to sex. During our infertile times, I am so in love with him for his generosity that I desperately want to be near him. I am thrilled to have that closeness with him, and I want to give him all that I can.

NFP has been a tremendous blessing, in ways that I never imagined, and on a level of depth of heart and soul that I didn’t even know existed between two people.

Living in this culture I don’t think people think there is another way and it is difficult to admit, “I’m sick of it all!!” But, there really is another way as evidenced by the above testimony- a way that is much more fulfilling, satisfying and loving. And it has everything to do with love and nothing to do with the counterfeit the media promotes as love- icky old lust.

For a time a woman may participate and engage in the marriage act where lust is predominant, but after a time, especially after infatuation has faded… well… everyone knows what “I have a headache” is referring to AND everyone knows that the one saying it is… THE WOMAN.

Why is it that the woman is the one getting the headaches??

There should be no such thing as a sex life.
There is "married life" and within it, the many expressions of love
which includes the physical renewal of the wedding vows.

 Breotan wrote:
- What if one doesn't want to get married?

Married life, i.e., no sex.

- What about de facto couples who desire to spend the rest of their lives together but don't wish to get married?

Married life, i.e., no sex.

- Does that mean they can't have sex because they didn't say some silly words to each other?

No. It means they can't have sex because the author seems to have hit menopause, doesn't want to be touched, and thinks all women should feel the same way she does regardless of their age.

 PredaKhaine wrote:
Wedding cake is the best contraception known to man.

 PredaKhaine wrote:
I didn't know we'd got married

 PredaKhaine wrote:
I think this one quote sums up the lady from the op

"Finally he said he was going to get a vasectomy as he felt this would solve the ‘problem’. I was devastated! Not only for the fact that he would be committing a grave moral evil, but, admittedly, because there would be no reason for me to say ‘no’ to sex, at any time."

 PredaKhaine wrote:
Why is a vasectomy 'a grave moral evil'?

 PredaKhaine wrote:
What does NFP mean? She mentions moral family planning, but not NFP.

Natural family planning (NFP) comprises the family planning methods approved by the Roman Catholic Church for both achieving and avoiding pregnancy. In accordance with the Church's teachings regarding sexual behavior in keeping with its philosophy of the dignity of the human person, NFP excludes the use of other methods of birth control, which it refers to as "artificial contraception."

Periodic abstinence is the only method deemed moral by the Church for avoiding pregnancy. When used to avoid pregnancy, NFP limits sexual intercourse to naturally infertile periods; portions of the menstrual cycle, during pregnancy, and after menopause. Various methods may be used to identify whether a woman is likely to be fertile; this information may be used in attempts to either avoid or achieve pregnancy.
. . .
Methods[edit]

There are three main types of NFP: the symptoms-based methods, the calendar-based methods, and the breastfeeding or lactational amenorrhea method. Symptoms-based methods rely on biological signs of fertility, while calendar-based methods estimate the likelihood of fertility based on the length of past menstrual cycles.

Clinical studies by the Guttmacher Institute found that periodic abstinence resulted in a 25.3 percent failure under typical conditions, though it did not differentiate between symptom-based and calendar-based methods.[33]

Symptoms-based[edit]
Main article: Fertility awareness
Some methods of NFP track biological signs of fertility. When used outside of the Catholic concept of NFP, these methods are often referred to simply as fertility awareness-based methods rather than NFP.[34] The three primary signs of a woman's fertility are her basal body temperature, her cervical mucus, and her cervical position.[35] Computerized fertility monitors may track basal body temperatures, hormonal levels in urine, changes in electrical resistance of a woman's saliva or a mixture of these symptoms.[36]

From these symptoms, a woman can learn to assess her fertility without use of a computerized device. Some systems use only cervical mucus to determine fertility. Two well-known mucus-only methods are the Billings ovulation method and the Creighton Model FertilityCare System. If two or more signs are tracked, the method is referred to as a symptothermal method. Two popular symptothermal systems are taught by the Couple to Couple League and the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) taught by Toni Weschler.[37] A study completed in Germany in 2007 found that the symptothermal method has a method effectiveness of 99.6%.[38]

In Canada, the symptothermal method is taught by SERENA Canada which is an inter-denominational organization which has been developing the Symptothermal Method as a part of NFP since 1955. They are also not specifically affiliated with the Roman Catholic Church. It is also taught by Justisse Healthworks for Women, a pro-choice feminist organization that allows and supports women to combine other methods of birth control with their fertility awareness practice. A study by the World Health Organization involving 869 fertile women from Australia, India, Ireland, the Philippines, and El Salvador found that 93% could accurately interpret their body's signals regardless of education and culture.[39] In a 36-month study of 5,752 women, the method was 99.86% effective.[40]

Calendar-based[edit]
Main article: Calendar-based methods
Calendar-based methods determine fertility based on a record of the length of previous menstrual cycles. They include the Rhythm Method and the Standard Days Method. The Standard Days method was developed and proven by the researchers at the Institute for Reproductive Health of Georgetown University. CycleBeads, unaffiliated with religious teachings, is a visual tool based on the Standard Days method. According to the Institute of Reproductive Health, when used as birth control, CB has a 95% effectiveness rating. Computer programs are available to help track fertility on a calendar.[41]

Lactational amenorrhea[edit]
Main article: Lactational amenorrhea method
The lactational amenorrhea method (LAM) is a method of avoiding pregnancy based on the natural postpartum infertility that occurs when a woman is amenorrheic and fully breastfeeding. The rules of the method help a woman identify and possibly lengthen her infertile period. A strict version of LAM is known as ecological breastfeeding.[42]

 PredaKhaine wrote:
TBH, the way she used NFP throughout I though it meant

No fething. Period.

 Easy E wrote:
I think you need an intervention for our your own safety and sanity!

 Easy E wrote:
Kalashinkov- What kind of dark places of the internet are you trolling lately? I think you need an intervention for your own safety and sanity!

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:

 Easy E wrote:
Kalashinkov- What kind of dark places of the internet are you trolling lately? I think you need an intervention for your own safety and sanity!

The gak that turns up on my Facebook feed man... I tell you...

I'm going back to 4chan, at least they're a moral group of individuals.

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:

 Easy E wrote:
Kalashinkov- What kind of dark places of the internet are you trolling lately? I think you need an intervention for your own safety and sanity!

The gak that turns up on my Facebook feed man... I tell you...

I'm going back to 4chan, at least they're a moral group of individuals.

KalashnikovMarine wrote:

 Easy E wrote:
Kalashinkov- What kind of dark places of the internet are you trolling lately? I think you need an intervention for your own safety and sanity!

The gak that turns up on my Facebook feed man... I tell you...

I'm going back to 4chan, at least they're a moral group of individuals.

Snrub wrote:

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:

 Easy E wrote:
Kalashinkov- What kind of dark places of the internet are you trolling lately? I think you need an intervention for your own safety and sanity!

The gak that turns up on my Facebook feed man... I tell you...

I'm going back to 4chan, at least they're a moral group of individuals.

Come to /tg/. Best 4chan board going.

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:

Why is it that the woman is the one getting the headaches??