Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

Don't stick your dick in crazy.

There's a girl I know that's cute as hell and stacked, but gets incredibly mean/ugly when she drinks. It's worse when it's jagermeister (spelling?). She also takes bipolar medication, but tends to not take them during the week so she can triple dose on the weekends while she drinks heavily.

She's currently out on bail after trying to set fire to her most recent exboyfriend's home with him, his baby, and his baby mama inside. I have a few other stories about her, but I'll refrain to keep this PG13.

No chick, no matter how hot, is worth that.

That indian curry may have been nice but be prepared to suffer the next day
***To many indian take aways in my life have my backside the next day. Or just inflicted a severe case of the runs.

Always have a plan. You will rarely follow it but its a good basis.
***Life

If someone threatens a member of your family threaten them back. If they inflict a severe threat then take action.
***Chavs made a mistake in threatening my little brother

Some people are to stupid to live.
***3 chavs averaging 10-11 years old and about 4ft-4ft10" threatened to tourture my little brother. Whilst he was walking between myself(6ft+ skinny but wiry) and my friend(5ft 8"-10" built like a gorilla). whilst we were both carrying our work knives. And in the full knoledge that all 3 of us hated them and both myself and my friend know how to kill with our bare hands. They have yet to make that mistake again.

Dont say you are good at something when you are not.
***Seen to many people say stuff like this to real experts and subsequently be cut down to size.

Parents Tutors Teachers etc all have plans for you and ideas how you should run your life. Feth them.
***Life

Be yourself. Beieve what you believe.
***Life

Never let any members of your family see the naked girls/poledancers you have painted as crew art on your vehicles.
***Bitter and embarrasing experience.

Never discuss matters of a sexual nature with your girlfriend/lover/mistress/dominatrix when theres a chance of your family hearing. This does include what sex/bondage/fetish toys/wear to buy.
***my mother over heard a conversation with my now (sadly)ex girlfriend about what corset she should bye.......

Religious fanatics are an extremely viable threat. Especialy christian ones.
***I used to have a dad. Thank you christian feth wipes.

Never offend a witch. Especialy when shes your ex.
***Least said the better.

Never let others impose there religion on you.
***When i was in beavers it was run by 2 religious fanatics who dominated the other staff. The biggest shock i gave them was standing up in the middle of church on sunday and saying "i dont believe in god". My time at beavers was subsuquently made hell and i was told i must "repent and find the light". I subsuquently gave my main bully a black eye and knocked him clean out. I am a Wiccan/Chaosist FYI.

In a relationship there is one who loves more. In a breakup there is one who hurts more.
***Bitter experience

Others may say they know what is best for you but they rarely do. Its best to let you find out for yourself most times.
***My ex and i where perfect. Her friends didnt think so. For 3 months they told her this. continously. behind my back.

Have a code of honour. Stick to it but not to rigedly
***Experience

 kronk wrote:
Don't stick your dick in crazy.

There's a girl I know that's cute as hell and stacked, but gets incredibly mean/ugly when she drinks. It's worse when it's jagermeister (spelling?). She also takes bipolar medication, but tends to not take them during the week so she can triple dose on the weekends while she drinks heavily.
.

Isnt the Cardinal rule of any medication is to not drink when taking it?

Cardinal and this girl didn't often collide in the same sentence unless you include the word sin...

1. Your the only sane and safe person on the road regardless of what your doing.
2. There is no "Time Out" in a firefight.
3. Being respectful to others will take you a long way.

chaos0xomega wrote:

 AustonT wrote:
Chicks who look 18 and say they are 20 are 16.

This.

Dont think with your crotch - this goes for men and women.

This too. More importantly, think with your head, not your heart, that can get you in as much trouble as thinking with your crotch.

I've also learned this (which also explains how I learned the above lessons): If you love somebody, set her free, if she comes back to you, then its true, if she suddenly leaves you again for a woman that she just met and barely knows claiming that she just realized that she is a lesbian and she is so disappointed because she was so happy with you and felt so strongly for you, and gives you absolutely no opportunity to try to figure out how its possible that she really is a lesbian and she really was so happy with you and felt so strongly for you, then there is a good chance that she has a personality disorder, but don't try telling her that (even though she herself may have suggested it a couple months earlier) and asking if you can speak to her therapist, because then you're the bad guy.

Is it okay to ask if you can watch?

 liquidjoshi wrote:
Everyone, even your enemies, can be used to your advantage, if you are creative. Remember this.
That one's from high school politics.

I LOLed

I've learned the following from my short stay in life thus far:

1: People are incredibly stupid and ignorant. You still have to listen and consider what is said though. Even a broken clock is correct twice a day.
2: Everything is painfully simple. The only times things are "complicated' is when someone is lying or you don't know enough. It is usually a combination of both.
3: Be decent to everyone. You never know when the town drunk/idiot will be your only chance to solve a problem.
4: ???
5: Profit.
6: There is a fine line between assertive and aggressive.
7: Never take anyone on their word, the common person has few qualms about telling half-truths, lying or misdirecting you. If you must, do so with extreme caution and redundant backup plans for various situations that may arise.
8: Tact is your greatest weapon/quality/strength. If you have everything but lack tact, you'll quickly have nothing save a canoe and a very smelly creek.
9: Worry about you own problems.
10: Always know where your towel is.

EDIT: 11: Recognize when you are being manipulated. If you don't, you'll simply be some idiot's pawn.

This was an important one the first time I ever got shot at. It was coyote hunting in the Sonoran desert, long story short, found the wrong kind of coyote and had to leg it. The lesson is:

Incoming fire has the right of way.

 master of ordinance wrote:

Parents Tutors Teachers etc all have plans for you and ideas how you should run your life. Feth them.
***Life

I agree with this, and will add: Learn how to tell someone to feth off.

Have a 5 post limit on any thread in off topic that has anything at all to do with politics and/or religion (i.e 99% of them).

 kronk wrote:
Don't stick your dick in crazy.

There's a girl I know that's cute as hell and stacked, but gets incredibly mean/ugly when she drinks. It's worse when it's jagermeister (spelling?). She also takes bipolar medication, but tends to not take them during the week so she can triple dose on the weekends while she drinks heavily.

She's currently out on bail after trying to set fire to her most recent exboyfriend's home with him, his baby, and his baby mama inside. I have a few other stories about her, but I'll refrain to keep this PG13.

No chick, no matter how hot, is worth that.

Sounds like a charming woman...

Heh. As I say, don't stick your ___ in crazy. I certainly wouldn't.

 kronk wrote:
Heh. As I say, don't stick your ___ in crazy. I certainly wouldn't.

I've already shoved my fingers in crazy when my ears were itchy or I had to pick some food out of the corner of my mouth because it got stuck there or when I wanted to see how it felt in my backsi- well, you get the general idea: I'm crazy.

Be a good person, and what I mean by that is; if you see some guy getting bullied/beaten up, you go over there and kick the living crap out of the people doing it. Or giving a homeless person a dollar and trying really hard not to think what they're going to do with it later. Helping an elderly person cross the road, or letting them have your seat on the bus. Jumping in to one of your friends fights. You know, stuff like that.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 master of ordinance wrote:
That indian curry may have been nice but be prepared to suffer the next day
***To many indian take aways in my life have my backside the next day. Or just inflicted a severe case of the runs.

Always have a plan. You will rarely follow it but its a good basis.
***Life

If someone threatens a member of your family threaten them back. If they inflict a severe threat then take action.
***Chavs made a mistake in threatening my little brother

Some people are to stupid to live.
***3 chavs averaging 10-11 years old and about 4ft-4ft10" threatened to tourture my little brother. Whilst he was walking between myself(6ft+ skinny but wiry) and my friend(5ft 8"-10" built like a gorilla). whilst we were both carrying our work knives. And in the full knoledge that all 3 of us hated them and both myself and my friend know how to kill with our bare hands. They have yet to make that mistake again.

Dont say you are good at something when you are not.
***Seen to many people say stuff like this to real experts and subsequently be cut down to size.

Parents Tutors Teachers etc all have plans for you and ideas how you should run your life. Feth them.
***Life

Be yourself. Beieve what you believe.
***Life

Never let any members of your family see the naked girls/poledancers you have painted as crew art on your vehicles.
***Bitter and embarrasing experience.

Never discuss matters of a sexual nature with your girlfriend/lover/mistress/dominatrix when theres a chance of your family hearing. This does include what sex/bondage/fetish toys/wear to buy.
***my mother over heard a conversation with my now (sadly)ex girlfriend about what corset she should bye.......

Religious fanatics are an extremely viable threat. Especialy christian ones.
***I used to have a dad. Thank you christian feth wipes.

Never offend a witch. Especialy when shes your ex.
***Least said the better.

Never let others impose there religion on you.
***When i was in beavers it was run by 2 religious fanatics who dominated the other staff. The biggest shock i gave them was standing up in the middle of church on sunday and saying "i dont believe in god". My time at beavers was subsuquently made hell and i was told i must "repent and find the light". I subsuquently gave my main bully a black eye and knocked him clean out. I am a Wiccan/Chaosist FYI.

In a relationship there is one who loves more. In a breakup there is one who hurts more.
***Bitter experience

Others may say they know what is best for you but they rarely do. Its best to let you find out for yourself most times.
***My ex and i where perfect. Her friends didnt think so. For 3 months they told her this. continously. behind my back.

Have a code of honour. Stick to it but not to rigedly
***Experience

I like you!

Really? He sounds like a fantasist...

Well this thread has gone downhill all it's just a bunch of people posting overly cliched posts.

 Albatross wrote:
Really? He sounds like a fantasist...

He sounds rude to me. Seriously, who goes to church and then stands up in the middle of service to say they don't believe in God?

 Coolyo294 wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
Really? He sounds like a fantasist...

He sounds rude to me. Seriously, who goes to church and then stands up in the middle of service to say they don't believe in God?

The real question is 'who fantasises about that?'

Food is often a substitute for sleep.
A shower is often a substitute for sleep.
Food is never a substitute for a shower!

Always take up a good opportunity that life gives you.

When life gives you lemons, throw them at old people.

 Avatar 720 wrote:
When life gives you lemons, throw them at old people.

When life gives you lemons, use them to burn down someone's house.

When life gives you lemons, make orangeade, realise it gave you the wrong citrus fruit, fall into a spiralling depression because of it and ultimately end it all by jumping off a tall building, lobbing your useless lemons at people below as you fall.

 Coolyo294 wrote:
When life gives you lemons, use them to burn down someone's house.

Cave, you so crazy.

When life gives you lemons, add salt and tequila.

If you're skating on thin ice, you may as well tap-dance.

When life gives you lemons, thank it profusely for the free stuff and then sell them to someone else.

Great Life Lessons You Have Learned...

Money is toilet paper.
Religion is BS.
Fame is worthless.

You don't need a parachute to skydive, only to skydive twice.

Guys, we missed the golden rule.

Haters gonna' hate.